Crashing Into Someone

I just spent the latter part of the day with friends, in a 24-hour spa. I was naked the whole afternoon... It's a pretty freaky and yet liberating experience. I spent some time in the jacuzzi with 5 or so other naked women and thankfully, my contacts were off, thus I wasn't able to look at others' boobs or booties, wondering if mine even hits the chart, haha! I just thought that somehow, I do still feel uneasy about being naked in front of other people whereas other women just took their towels off without any hesitation. My apprehensions about being naked will surely lessen someday, with more visits to that spa...

Spent the day with Chloe again, still worried about Jon. Crying, getting crazy about missing him. It's extremely sad, for her. She can't move on because they work together. She always has this crazy thought that she misses the guy so badly that she keeps regretting her decision to break up.

She asked me earlier how I coped with 6 break-ups and how I wormed my way back into normalcy. I told her that there's no such thing. Honestly, there is no way that you can ask for a normal, regular life right after a break-up. I was being asked questions like how I felt and what it was like with us being so apart and Jeoff breaking up with me over the phone. I told her the truth - that I felt so empty. It really tore me up inside that I kept thinking about pain and death and why God wouldn't strike me dead right where I was standing every time Jeoff would break up with me. There's this crushing pain in my heart, and then, there would be this amazingly huge gaping void in my being. I told her that anyone who has had their heart broken by the one the love the most knows what I feel. It can be likened to something dying inside you and there is nothing but a black hole that sucks out the life in you. And everyday becomes a struggle to fight the black hole so it won't take any more, but you know that everyday, something inside dies. It was so hard to explain. It doesn't really have words... I probably looked normal on the outside but it hit so hard when I get home. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and there was nothing that made me laugh... nothing made me happy. It was literally like my heart popped out and the pain was just so unbearable, my body can hardly contain it.

However, I fought for it.

I told her that if she really did love Jon, there would not be a decision to break up. There would be a decision to play it out and find the best option, like compromise or maybe even a cooling-off period if she really wanted some time to think. However, she made the ultimate decision to never fight for it thought she's weakening her resolve. 

It's crazy... I wish she'd get over that anxiety soon.

Good Girls Go Gaga

I don't really know why for some reason, I am loving this song. I don't intend to go bad anytime... nor do i have thoughtless friends. Just that it's stuck in my head for some reason...

I have come to a few realizations for my birthday and funny thing is, I don't really want to share them verbally. Better do it through my blog. Crazy...

   1. I don't process raw food...
   2. For some reason, I have come have aches and pains all over - I now use a bottle of wintergreen oil to get rid of back pains. Weird.
   3. I am crazy in love with nerds - Jeoff, Chuck and well, Superman - ultimate geek right? Lolz...
   4. I like Ube-flavored ice cream... Pretty crazy but I like it.
   5. I listen to Lady Gaga and I am not ashamed of it. Haha!
   6. I play Facebook games to escape reality - reality being deadlines, admin work and tons of crazy shit in the office.
   7. I am not meant to be in the political arena.
   8. I hate conniving and manipulative bitches who think they can get away with anything by raising their voices, flirting, showing cleavage and pretending they know all about Six Sigma Management Principles.
   9. Someday, justice will fall swift on people who owe me big time...
  10. I really want to get married, have kids and become a good wife and mother. I know no one sees me as that, considering how cutthroat I am but dear gawd, I'd bawl over for an opportunity to become Mrs. Jeoff Francisco now. I miss him.

Considering my top 10 list, I have to ask how people perceive me. I really have come to a point where I don't care. There are a lot of idiots out there and the only thing that matters to me is my family, who really should know me and who really should understand me. No one else needs to know who I am and what I am about except the people that matter. This is my bad phase I guess. I have been such a good girl for so long. People always need to be pleased but honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm turning 28. It's now or never...

Yellow Ribbon

It's one of the saddest, most affecting news of our time. Former President Cory Aquino, democracy fighter, mother of Noynoy, Kris, Pinky and Ballsy, advocate of peace, yellow lady, died a few days due to colon cancer. I grew up with Tita Cory being the president of the Philippines. I grew up watching documentary after documentary of every coup attempt there was to oust a woman president. I grew up believing, because this frail-looking woman became president, that I too, can become someone powerful and influential someday.

The theme I posted here was the proverbial them song of her regime - the yellow ribbon that became the symbol of EDSA, the culmination of the power of the masses that rose against the military rule, the tie that bound the Catholic Church, the new government and the ordinary people, under the foot of an Immaculate Conception statue in the long, winding road of EDSA.

This news has totally overshadowed the GMA state visit to the Obamas'. When GMA delivered her self-serving SONA, GMA primarily boasted of her invitation to the White House - being the first ASEAN leader to be invited to the White House. Tsk tsk... And while she claims that her need to sympathize with the Aquino family is not driven by her political motives, it seems to be so. It always is, and it always will be.

A few hours ago, I watched a long and winded TV telecast featuring Gen. Biazon and his cohorts De Villa and a few other military men who have stood with Tita Cory at the time of the 9 coup attempts. Tina Monzon-Palma who, once being with the TV network GMA-7, came to be a bit too harsh in dealing with Biazon - and interrogated him regarding the take-over of the media stations n the country. Other coup attempts include RAM and the other militant groups. Rehashing the past won't bring Tita Cory back. However, memories tend to haunt us and make us realize that today was not any different from yesterday. We still have coup attempts, we still have mass disorder and anarchy among the masses and even the military. We have never learned our lesson as a country. Sadly, the death of one person does not a chapter conclude. We need to believe in ourselves as a country and fight for what is right.

It goes back to the yellow ribbon. Do we as a country really understand the significance of a yellow ribbon? It's not to be used to mourn Tita Cory's death or to celebrate her life. It's not an FB profile picture to show the world that you are well-versed with the new...It is the bond that ties every Filipino to each other--rich or poor, old or young, educated or otherwise.. we fight for democracy, for goodwill, for peace, for great intentions, for equality, for human rights, for order and for the life that each and everyone has right now...