Flooded

Storms have come in and the last one was Ondoy - it's this terrorizing and traumatizing super storm that swept the whole of Manila in rains, winds, and flood. Hundreds have died and millions had to deal with damaged properties. It's a heartbreaking scene, looking at pictures of people whose homes have been ravaged and whose family members have left them due to this tragedy.

Let's not forget...

Yellow Ribbon

It's one of the saddest, most affecting news of our time. Former President Cory Aquino, democracy fighter, mother of Noynoy, Kris, Pinky and Ballsy, advocate of peace, yellow lady, died a few days due to colon cancer. I grew up with Tita Cory being the president of the Philippines. I grew up watching documentary after documentary of every coup attempt there was to oust a woman president. I grew up believing, because this frail-looking woman became president, that I too, can become someone powerful and influential someday.

The theme I posted here was the proverbial them song of her regime - the yellow ribbon that became the symbol of EDSA, the culmination of the power of the masses that rose against the military rule, the tie that bound the Catholic Church, the new government and the ordinary people, under the foot of an Immaculate Conception statue in the long, winding road of EDSA.

This news has totally overshadowed the GMA state visit to the Obamas'. When GMA delivered her self-serving SONA, GMA primarily boasted of her invitation to the White House - being the first ASEAN leader to be invited to the White House. Tsk tsk... And while she claims that her need to sympathize with the Aquino family is not driven by her political motives, it seems to be so. It always is, and it always will be.

A few hours ago, I watched a long and winded TV telecast featuring Gen. Biazon and his cohorts De Villa and a few other military men who have stood with Tita Cory at the time of the 9 coup attempts. Tina Monzon-Palma who, once being with the TV network GMA-7, came to be a bit too harsh in dealing with Biazon - and interrogated him regarding the take-over of the media stations n the country. Other coup attempts include RAM and the other militant groups. Rehashing the past won't bring Tita Cory back. However, memories tend to haunt us and make us realize that today was not any different from yesterday. We still have coup attempts, we still have mass disorder and anarchy among the masses and even the military. We have never learned our lesson as a country. Sadly, the death of one person does not a chapter conclude. We need to believe in ourselves as a country and fight for what is right.

It goes back to the yellow ribbon. Do we as a country really understand the significance of a yellow ribbon? It's not to be used to mourn Tita Cory's death or to celebrate her life. It's not an FB profile picture to show the world that you are well-versed with the new...It is the bond that ties every Filipino to each other--rich or poor, old or young, educated or otherwise.. we fight for democracy, for goodwill, for peace, for great intentions, for equality, for human rights, for order and for the life that each and everyone has right now...

That Franklin Hat

I can't believe that this overpriced hat is going to the Smithsonian! I mean, come on! Was it that big of a deal that she sang something in the Obama Inauguration and for some reason, was wearing a gray wool hat with an amazingly huge bow?

It was a big fashion risk but not really something that should land in the history books. Oh well... Next up, Obama's napkin in the Inaugural Ball...

The "Salamat" List

This year has been a great succession of pain, suffering, mental anguish and on the flipside, joy, success, happiness and love, yes, love... Not just for my man, but for a lot of people who have touched my life in one way or another.

One of those people is Indie and she's the one who tagged me.

The things I am grateful for...
1. Family. They are important to me...

• My mom and dad who has given me guidance and carried me and my burdens throughout. They gave me the foundation I have now, and I am glad that while I wasn't able to choose my parents, they are fabulous ones.
• My brother who despite being such an extremely radical emo kid, can be fun to hang with. I know we have our differences but I am ultimately your sister and thus, love has to be part of that equation.
• Jeoff whom I consider family already. I feel at home with him and I think I need no elaboration when I say that things I feel are beyond logic or reason. I am just grateful to have him in my life.
• Tito Doy and Tita Baby who are just wonderful people and have raised an amazing son. I know I should never presume that they will be family but then I sincerely believe that a person's family is an extension of who they are. Because I love their son, that automatically makes me love them.

2. Friends. Pardon the listing of all the people I have in my life, but it makes sense that I do this...

• Irish and Pao, who got married just this year who showed me that love does conquer all, even the idea of strangers meeting on a commuter bus. Irish has been a sister to me - she held my hand and prayed for me even though we know that we don't know how to pray anymore through the darkest and most horrifying moments of my life.
• Cym and Rix, who decided to have a baby and are doing so wonderfully as parents and as hubby and wife.
• Chloe who shares my single yet unavailable but unmarried girl-woes and shops with me although she totally hates my stodgy corporate style.
• Jack and Winch who have somewhat astounded me with the changes they have undergone over the years. Excellent job, boys! I hope the next change would be a bunch of ladies trailing after you. Haha!
• Indie who has remained a grounding and humbling factor in my life and is my source of wisdom. It's amazing to find people who are comfortable with who you are and what you believe in without judging you.
• Glenna who despite leaving for New Zealand has influenced me as a person, a professional and as a significant other.
• Myles who somewhat reminds me that people are always going to need people, no matter what happens. She also reminds me to be prepared for anything - and everything.
  
• Aileen and Arnel - my new "couple friend" who have taught me that marriage isn't happily ever after but is something that takes work and takes patience. They inspire me to be more practical and sensible in dealing with love.
  
• My new work friends... Yong who despite being the ultimate PC geek is also one heck of a great friend. I'm learning how to be more assertive because of him. Yogi is one of my most special friends ever. I am starting to love the idea of Will and Grace because of him. Thanks for the tips, sweetie! I luuuurve them! Ela who is sort of in the same boat as I am - she has to weather all the bad and the good and the ugly of being in a long-distance relationship, and I am just here sweetie. Rye who is great to hang with... I hope you stick to Ria and all the best to the two of you. Finally, Sheila, who is the living proof that married life isn't that amazing but it doesn't mean you can't have fun with it. It's good for me to see th different facets of how life is.
  
• Shaui whom I love and respect as a woman and as a fellow lover. While I don't see you much, you know I love you and I understand how everything works now. You're right. I ought to love myself first before anything else.
  
• Vicki whom I never really talked with in ITI, and yet is someone I totally miss as a friend. I know how amazing you are and honestly, I am blessed to see the evolution you went through. You are now a mom and a wonderful one at that.
• Tin whom I miss so much. I miss the moments where we can be ourselves and completely let ourselves go. I miss being able to drink Coke and finish one whole chicken and Sky Flakes with you! Or, the ability to eat 1 kilo of baked tahong! Gawd! I miss our food trips!
  

3. My job as Training and Development Coordinator for Merlin. Alright, I had to state the entire position. I am still as giddy as a little kid in becoming their coordinator. I said it! I am proud of my accomplishments. I am happy that I am one of the two practicing SDI-certified trainers in the entire Philippines. (The other one works for a consulting company and doesn't practice much and will have to go through my approval.) I am thoroughly amazed at what I was able to finish and present in 9 months' time. I am now technically coordinating for three sites - Manila, UK and Budapest and I participate greatly in recruitment in all three sites. I am grateful that I was given an opportunity and I was given that much return. I thank Matt and Charles for that chance. I am also grateful that I had that stint with ITI. Despite what people say, I learned so much about myself in ITI. It was an amazing experience to grasp people who are millions of miles away, and the ability to interact with people - something not normally given to me because I am not a talker - has propelled me to think about what would make me happy and what satiate my needs as a professional.

Huh, such a long list! But wait, there's actually more...

4. I am grateful for good health throughout the year. Yes, I get sick every now and then, but I didn't really had to go through any health scare. I learned I had asthma this year though. Pretty tough for a smoker but it gave me more push to at least cut back on the smoking.
5. My flexible schedule which allows me to be late most of the time without getting a memo or a pay cut.
6. Sun Cellular's 50 cents per minute IDD program. It technically started two years ago, but wow, because of the recession and the dollar rate plunging, I am actually paying less!
7. BLUE Cerium that has never failed me yet
8. CD-R King's cheapo Class A PC and iPod accessories.
9. My jurassic Nokia phone not giving up on me despite being dropped, whacked and squeezed so much.
10. Nivea's Silhouette Cream. Haha, 'nuff said.
11. Starbucks' Hungarian Sausage, Egg and Cheese on Ciabatta and Iced Caffe Latte. For some reason, and Jeoff knows this, I tend to never tire of something that I eat. I can actually eat something for a whole year and never get tired of it. Yes, weird I know...
12. My new-found ability to relax by watching TV - hours and hours of it will actually put me to sleep instead of keeping me up.
13. My recent never-ending quest for Zen moments in and out of the office. Ergo, being able to enjoy my bath, my cup of coffee in the early afternoon and my ability to stay in the office pantry to relax and have a chitchat with people to unwind.
14. Being paid quite well for a job that I really want to be doing, and having such an edge in the company.
15. Not necessarily being religious but being able to pray again, thanks to Irish.
16. The ability to afford a lot of the things I have never been able to afford before. A digicam, a nice new corporate wardrobe, a lot of flat shoes which I love, a bunch of face creams which I am obsessed with.
17. The ability to read novels again. Yes I am busy at work, but I think I have finally striked gold because I am able to balance work and life.
18. A great birthday with my family and friends. Jeoff celebrating his 30th year with his family as well.
19. Being with the man I love for almost 3 years now - or 4... Haha, we stopped counting.
20. An amazing and wonderful year over all...


Things I learned about life and myself...
1. I am capable of standing up and brushing myself off after mistakes I have made, whether critical or otherwise.
2. People can be pretty brutal. Sometimes, it's ingrained in their system. Sometimes, all you can do to protect yourself from these people is to avoid them completely.
3. Romance is nothing. Reality is everything.
4. Sense of humor is necessary. I need someone who can laugh at me when I overthink things.
5. Self-mockery isn't my defense mechanism. I like self-mockery because I like to make fun of people without offending anyone. Thus I make fun of myself. I think my defense mechanism is crawling under a rock.
6. I absolutely abhor people with a sense of entitlement over everything.
7. There are always options. (First principle of Buddhism, rephrased to my style... It actually reads "Violence is not an option".)
8. Make your accomplishments seem effortless. (From "48 Laws of Power", which I totally hate, but made sense to a point.)
9. Love is supposed to be a many splendored thing, but it takes a lot of hard work. I've said it before, and I will say it again.
10. I hate traffic and evil Meg rears her ugly head when she is stuck in traffic.
11. I can't tolerate someone who is incredibly negative and pessimistic. In short, should I get stuck with Daria, the Misery Chick, in an elevator, I would probably kill her, or maim her.
12. I love watching suspense drama.
13. I will never be able to shake off the insecurities I have. I always wish I was smarter, nicer, more beautiful, sexier and even more approachable. But then, everyone has insecurities. You either take it with a grain of salt or gouge your eyes out because you can't have it all. I choose the former.
14. Act. Don't react. (From "Xena, Warrior Princess".)
15. Loving myself was the most rewarding love of all. I used to think that I gave something my all, it would be a smart investment. Sadly, it was one of the worst business ventures I have had. It's great when you have a little savings account stashed away for a rainy day. (This, I totally got from Jeoff.)
16. It's okay to be happy. (If you were raised Catholic or an Orthodox Baptist, you'd catch my drift. Supposedly it's bad to feel sublime happiness. I don't really know why.)
17. I can be pretty artsy.
18. While I am mushy, I suck at explaining what I feel.
19. A zit bothers me. A cat prowling around the tin roof of my house bothers me. A group of people who enter before I even exit the lift are simply people who need to be bothered by their lack of elevator manners.

Finally...

20. Life is one huge gamble. You can win, lose or draw but you don't get judged based on the money on the table. It's the way you played the game...

Paralyzer

For lack of a better title. I opted for Finger Eleven's hit song, Paralyzer.
Yes...
I am perplexed.

House has a husband who has been with her for 8 years. Turns out that House' hubby was already married to someone else which totally invalidates their marriage. Funny how people who wished so hard that they were not married end up to be unmarried after all.

I want to say "Well, you asked for it..." and yet I can't.

For crying out loud, I am incredibly messianic. I was before and I still am. I still feel good about helping people out no matter what their problems are. There's no point in helping someone who doesn't want to be helped and would tear at me like a leopard at every chance.

I went offline - stealth - so no one in that office would see me.

It's so hard to be this way.

I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.
-Finger Eleven

Redemption

Call me shallow but somehow, it's been a month since I last entertained the thought of anything deeper than troubleshooting John D. Edwards in AS400. The last time I must have thought of anything about politics or societal ills, I was half-asleep and wondering about why I can not treat a probationary employee the same way I do a regular employee in terms of certification. Does the labor law cover that? And what can I do if the probationary employee needs to file for a bereavement leave. Oh well...

It has been somewhat painful though. Looking at how the world has been unjust. Earlier I rode a cab - the driver was really nice and quite good. It has been a few days since I last rode with a driver that understood why I need to take a cab from Manila to Ortigas. He mentioned that he had a lot of mistakes as a kid.
I asked why...
"Nabuntis po ng maaga eh..." (I got someone pregnant pretty early)
"Ah, so ilan na po ang anak niyo?" (So how many kids do you now?)
"Anim. Natigil na nga yung panganay eh, nagttrabaho na lang sa Marikina..." (I have 6 kids now. My eldest child just stopped schooling, he's currently working in Marikina)
I stopped for a moment and thought maybe I should stop this talk. I wasn't going to reeled in this whole charade so I can give him a bigger tip. "Ah, buti na lang may trabaho..."(It's good that he is at least working.)
He looked at me funny. "Eh ma'am, hindi man lang nakatapos ng high school." (He never even finished high school.)

That was not so bad, in terms of all the stories I have heard before. Working for a public hospital and being an intern there for almost 700 hours didn't really scathe my belief in humanity, in justice in this world and the ability of the human race to bounce back. It is being human that drives someone to be resilient, to be real and to face the reality no matter how surreal it has become, to own up to one's mistakes and be humble enough to accept that life, in itself is far better than choosing death...

"Hindi na bale, matanda na ako. Mamatay na din ako..." (It doesn't matter, I'm old. I'll die soon.)

I stopped and looked at him. I made sure that I gave him a 50Php tip that wasn't really mandatory. Nonetheless, how can life drain so much of this man, whom I gauged was around 40... How can he stop to believe that death was so much better than living life and fighting every step?

Pollyannic

I'm in the office. As usual, I have fairly minimal tasks that seem mundane at the moment. I'm done with everything else. I just have this one-hour class to teach later. I could very well be sipping a cappuccino and enjoying a bagel except that I'd rather stay in the confines of the office. Where I spend a whole lot less than actually going out and having a Starbucks moment.

I miss talking with a bunch of people. I'm stuck in the training room, waiting for my training participants. I surely wish that time would go by faster. Not because I am in a hurry to end the day, but primarily because it is my perception that the world - as a whole - has gone slower.

It isn't normal for me to be writing about my perceptions as a person, but since half the time I'm bothered by what I see, I better write it down.

In a day, I see an X number of people crossing the streets of Metro Manila. Some of them oblivious, some of them ecstatic, some of them morose... It's a sign of the times. It's a feeling of complete rhetoric. People draw from their own didactics how they view life. People draw from their own experience. And I have no part in their lives. Everybo,dy stars in their own telenovela and being intrusive enough to draw a surmised conclusion. The world goes on in its comfortable pace and I am trapped in it. Like I'm meant to be haunted by the fact that my mind, while having its own limitations, can indeed run faster than a Ferrari. It's a brain vomit that I can't control.

German playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once mentioned that thinking in itself is easy but acting on these thoughts is the hardest thing in the world. I think one of the reasons why people don't become serial killers is because they lack the ability to execute their own evil plans.

People are unbearably lazy about their own futures. I'm one of them. It sucks because half of the human race may be having this exact same problem and yet has no ability to put an end to their mindful babble and actually draw the blueprint for their life.



Aileen was once telling me that a friend of hers had an affair and the aggravated 3rd party (aka other woman) was so miffed at the instigating party (aka man who had an affair) that she hatched a 5-year revenge plan. The weird thing is, this other woman did exactly that. She is on her third year and to put things mildly, someone's Friendster account has been hacked, someone's reputation was almost trashed and there's another two years that they might have to look behind their shoulders. How can people scheme for something as (well, I'm not saying it's trivial...) impractical as that? If you get slapped once, to quote Glenna, wouldn't you just walk away? Why bother staying and making a bigger fool of yourself? Pag ayaw, ayaw! Leave and begone for tomorrow is another day to meet a man.

So if scheming and conniving can't be a word to describe who I am then what should I be? Oh wait, I think I know - Pollyanna.

Yong and Yogi once mentioned that they would really like to go to Singapore. Yong wanted to buy a house, and Yogi wanted to earn enough to invest on a bunch of apartments. I keep wondering why my mind doesn't go deeper than that. Everyday, my mind would race as to what on earth was that chemical that explodes with sugar (Oh right, Potassium permanganate!) and I'd be able to balance chemical equations in my head but my mind never reaches as far as 20 years from now. It always overrides itself...

I always think that the world should always revolve around me. Yet I live my life a day at a time, and somehow, it's weird. I feel frozen in time... I feel that I'm racing yet I feel that I'm frozen. Sounds weird eh? I guess I'm saying that I'm not starring in my own telenovela, not that I want to. I'm learning that I am more effective as someone who observes and not someone who needs all the limelight. In a 5-minute analysis of my life, I never have been too assertive, yet I've never really backed-out of anything. I'm always in the middle. I always think that somehow, things are going to be better if I just let it balance itself out, the way nature has always worked. I just know that drama was never intended for me. I was never a battered child or an abused wife. I was always in the middle - never too protected, never too exposed. I am a tad bit naive and yet I am smarter than the average dog.

Here's another quote I got by googling the word "thought"... “At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.”

Hmn... Apparently, we shouldn't be the center of the universe after all...

Waiting on the World to Change

Been a while since I updated this blog. Yeah, my long while being exactly 6 days...

Last Saturday, I had a great conversation with IndieTao. It's been a while since we last talked. We had a great time. Well, I had a great time. It's been a while since I've connected to someone completely in sync with who I am or where I am... She's what I consider a really great spiritual connection. Don't ask me why. It just is. I can't really explain it. It's just that people wear a mask every time there's an event or an occurrence. With her, I never have to wear a mask. I never really have to be the strong one. I can be who I am and not worry about getting into a bitch fit. From her, I gather some of my strangest, wildest yet most serene thoughts. And sitting outside of the Film Centre in UP with her made me realize how amazingly huge the world is, and how complicated things can be, and how awkward and odd life has become. Yet it gave me a sense of pride to know that I am dumbing it down one second, one minute at a time... That if I dissect it further, maybe it won't work. And if I sat down and let it take its course, it will be more than its weird amazing self and it will be something worth my while.

I have talked about injustice in this blog more than once. How the universe can conspire against you and how much the world can push you to break into pieces. IndieTao was right. She needs to see that people repent and people change...that love is real...that idealism isn't dead...that people see magic and purpose in life. And that is what I still believe in...

Sometimes, when humanity loses face and you lose sight of what should be, anger fills you. It consumes you until you're hardened and jaded by what is in this world. This world may not be all that it's cut out to be, and romantics will never have a chance. When romance has had its funeral and apathy takes its course, you've let the world win. You've brought yourself to the level of everyone else that had gone before you.

And so I mourn everyone who has stopped to smell the roses, only to be hurt by the treacherous thorns that lie underneath. I cry for those who have fought the battle to remain unscathed by pain but lie awake at night wishing death to those who have scorned them. I wish you have never let the world win over your heart. Because at the end of the day, you know that life was never fair. And the gamble was all yours.

Fight the great fight. You never let the world win over you.

Losing Faith

Life has its limits...

Lyrics | If I Ever Lose My Faith In You lyrics

It was last March when I last saw Jeoff. It has been a good year and four months. Yesterday, we just spoke and for some reason, I've never felt more comfortable with him. He has been laughing at my jokes more, been more interested somehow in most of what I say. He has been patiently calling me despite the fact that I am just dead weight on my bed. It has been honestly, great! I mean people at work have been asking me how we make it work and all I keep saying is that you really have to work on it because the patience, the amount of trust and sense of humor should be way up there to make it work. People in the office have caught me sneaking into the pantry, just to answer a call. We haven't fought about anything for the past few months. I'm hoping it's not just a stroke of luck. I'm hoping that we're finally learning to see how everything should be.

I was pretty honest. About the proposal, the job, my fears, my pains - I guess when it all boils down to it, when you get to talk about everything, there's some hope that things will go well.

I guess when God gives you a slightly sucky job, He gives you a greater perspective in life. I've been amazingly blessed with such an understanding boyfriend. I know, mushy crap I need to write. Someday, Jeoff's going to be thankful that I mentally note all of the kindness he has been showing me. Haha...Ok, so if he's reading this, you better be thankful! :D

For some reason, he remains to be the one I run to. Friends have failed me so much that it hurts to think that I should probably give up on trusting altogether. Somehow, he is still the one I long to speak with at the end of the day. Thank God I found my center.

What I Need

Vulnerability makes you do stupid things.

Song Lyrics

I was hoping for angels to appear out of the heavens when I made a decision earlier. I was hoping for the skies to open up and actually spew out golden stardusts and fine sprinkles of silver and blue and congratulate me for a job well done.

Turns out that the world doesn't stop when you do something good.

I was approached with a weird offer the other day. Something that has to do with me being "beddable". Haha! Funny word. Funny offer. What's even funnier was I was pretty close to doing it. I was extremely close to losing my senses in bed with another man. Why? Because I'm lonely? Because I'm desperate for something to hold. Because I'm a nympho? The answer is none of the above.

It's because I can't always get what I want.

I want words exchanged between me and Jeoff to be dripping with sweetness. I want him to feel an all-consuming need for me. I want the world to stop revolving when I call him. I want the earth to shake and for him to have to catch his breath when he sees me. I want him to feel that exhausting and mind-numbingly brilliant feeling of loving me.

I want to control him.

I told him about my indecent proposal. Sans the name of the guy, not that it matters... I asked him how much he trusts me.

The thing is when I think about it... It all happened so fast... I am still a little girl - the naive girl that never thought of herself as beautiful. All my life, someone else was pretty, someone else was hot... no one ever called me hot, or beautiful... or sexy? Or anything... I was always the smart, witty, funny and analytical girl no one ever asked to go to the prom with. I guess deep inside, I always knew only beauty queens and model-types will ever find true love. And people like me become doctors and lawyers - out to defend the damsels in distress when they finally file for divorce only to be with new knights in shining armors. The people left for us to enjoy would be those scarred by the beauty queens and model-types - slightly unscathed but eternally marked for life.

I talked with Jeoff earlier. I told him about the man. I asked him why he doesn't have that all consuming need for me. I asked him why he can't feel what I'm feeling...

I told him about my disappointment about the heavens not spewing out at least a couple of angels with a golden banner saying "Well Done". He said "The world doesn't stop just because you did something good. But the world stops when you do something bad."

And there it was...

I can't always get what I want.

But I get what I need.

Humanity Loses Face Again

I just finished watching History's Secrets, from Nat Geo. It was an episode of Adolf Hitler's supposed disappearance from Berlin when the Red Army invaded and imploded half of Germany to get him to surrender.

It was a jam-packed hour, detailing how Nazi aids and officials have taken the cowards' way out and swallowed vials and vials of cyanide to escape Stalin's retribution. It was even more embarrassing to find out that Hitler, despite all of the destructive orders and pain he brought upon everything he claims to hold dear, Germany, Berlin and Europe, he chooses to die in his own bunker, biting down on a vial of cyanide and shooting himself with his own gun, only to escape Stalin. Back then, criminals' bodies were impaled upon poles to be displayed promptly in front of people to serve as a reminder never to commit the same crimes. Mussolini's remains were hung for the general public to see, including his mistress' remains after being killed by Communists. Adolf Hitler never become something that can be hung, he had his officers char his remains before Stalin could have him.

A few hours ago, I found out that a male friend has still been looking for a doctor to abort his unborn child. That is incredibly painful for me, after we have specifically spoken that he should not abort the baby, nor will I support him. He went to another friend, a woman, who while being married and supposedly smart, thinks that a baby that is just a few months old can be considered a tadpole. She mentioned something like it doesn't matter cos it's just a bunch of cells, and that it would be better instead of having fights in the future. Referencing people who, if possible, would turn back time, just to avoid having children to avoid being miserable.

Her last message burned me. "I know you're into having babies..." and something that resembled that tghe only logical, rational and practical thing to do is to make sure that the bunch of cells would be removed to avoid having a miserable relationship.

I replied. "I'm not into having babies. I'm into doing what's right."

I refused to tell the man what would abort the baby. They can experiment all they want. I will not use that little shred of knowledge I have in curing people to kill an innocent child. I simply refuse to condone what he is doing and the female friend supposedly helping him.

Adolf Hitler was a megalomaniac, and he was able to acquire that power. He used it and destroyed something he claimed to love. It can be juxtaposed with the example of having so much power over your own body. Pro-choice, supposedly. When you exercise power over your own body and destroy someone else's life in the process, does it make it a choice? Or does it make it murder? While intent and fear plays a major part in making that somewhat awkward decision, did anyone ever consider that the baby is real, and already has life? It's not some fucking bunch of bloody cells!

While I have no moral ascendancy on this topic and can not throw the first stone, it pains me to know that humanity, in my eyes, has lost face again.

Day in and out, you hear of people killing other people for something as petty as a few bucks, a bottle of beer, a cellphone, a lottery ticket... Day in and out, you encounter people at the worst days of their lives and yet you try to live a life that is real and pure. Believing in the goodness of people's hearts... Trying so hard to grasp that humanity in its most powerful form is great, noble, altruistic and moral - at least, ethical... Holding on to the hope that somehow, people are virtuous, principled...

I'm quickly losing faith in humanity... but what hurts most, is that people I thought were rightful and would understand me were not the people I thought they were.