Propinquity

I spent the other day with a guy I haven't seen for two years. His name is Jerome. He used to work with me in GoFluent and is so much younger than I am. It was spontaneous, have coffee and just hang cos he's studying for a client meeting. But of course, along the lines of talking, venting and bitch brewing about working, we had to talk about love, and life and breaking up and other things... 

He taught me the meaning of this word without so much as batting an eyelash. Propinquity. An age-old social science concept that makes me cringe because I hate subjectivity but nevertheless, astounds me. How many people in the world can you actually say you have propinquity with? 

There's just much to ponder. Why is it that people fall for someone whom they have something in common with? At the beginning of the relationship, you always tend to look for something in common, something that bonds you, something that unravels the person in front of you... 

Just yesterday, I spent time with Drei and Yogi. Drei himself being a victim of a long-term relationship break-up. That was propinquity. He loves documentaries, likes the Discovery shows, watches How I Met Your Mother religiously, drinks, smokes, born in August, intellectual, close to his immediate family, loves his friends and has common friends with me - PROPINQUITY. So what makes me not want to jump him? PROPINQUITY. Common friends, common issues, common baggage = more stress. 

The thought alone makes me want to question what the science of attraction is from the get-go. What is it that makes someone so irresistible that he/she/it would be the one? 

What exactly makes you want to fall for someone? And fight for it? 

The other day, the random man that I was in a flirtation (yeah, let's call it that, cos what the hell was it, right?!) with for 2 months has called it quits. He decided to date someone. He wants something serious which I can never (not now, maybe next year?) provide. I can give him all the coffee, ciggies, support, talking and even sexy times he wants but not what he may really want.  I decided to think that it's good for him because he is a good man, a very responsible and honest and wonderful (and oh my God, very sexy - damn!!) man. But my ego can't help but be offended by what happened. I was pretty close. Propinquity was there. Same thing - same baggage (his GF left him), same things we like (coffee and talk), same concerns (we haven't had sex for a while) and well, common fears (being the rebound person, among others). But he chose someone else, I guess someone with a clean slate with no onerous and ominous past. Should I have lied and said I was not in pain? Should I have lied and said I can be his everything? Should I have told him I loved him and made love to him even when I can't and couldn't? What is the basis of my propinquity with this man? If heartaches and break-ups were the only things we had in common (yeah, I think it was...in hindsight), why and how did we get pulled to each other? Was it just for physical reasons? (Yes, yes, in my mind, I am sexy too! PROPINQUITY!!! Damn it!). I think yeah... and along the lines, I misread and chose to ignore subtle signs that could make it work. 

I'm going to admit to only one thing and one thing alone... no matter what people say. I miss him, damned it. Fuck propinquity. 

Meeting Joe Black Again

Ooohhh... swoon!

Yup, I spent the evening playing with Jeoff's Resto City and Cafe World. I miss him so badly and watching the movie on a local movie channel just made me miss him even more... :(

He's on a family trip in Niagara. Supposedly someplace really romantic. I wonder if other long-distance couples ever feel this way. In fact, I wonder if Jeoff even feels this way. I really feel so bad whenever I see a romantic movie on my own. The kissing and heavy petting on screen makes me the kissing and heavy petting with him! Haha! I know, I know, too much info, but sadly, I would really love it if I can spend a whole month just being with someone I love.

We've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years now. It's crazy.

I am still swooning...

Bringing Sexy Back....

My Disclaimer: Have you read a Jessica Zafra essay? Well, this is one of them. Self-mockery, to my belief, is the best form of flattery. To people who are faint-hearted, easily insulted and lack the sense of humor I need for my audience may very well just stop reading from this period on. Thanks!



I can't sleep. I've been up since 4 in the morning, trying to get some shut-eye. I can't believe that I'm still not asleep... So I'm cuddling with my laptop, wondering what the heck to write about when I chanced upon a sexy picture of Rose Byrne and Brad Pitt from the movie Troy.



I just sort of realized that the media is full of sexy images. And a girl needs to do everything to sort of catch up. I guess this is the reason why Anne Hathaway had to take her clothes off, or why we make such icons out of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton, both of which had their own homemade videos to sell online.

So, if we look up to these icons, and men worship them, how's a normal everyday 20-something clod to compare? I mean, I am definitely no Paris Hilton, nor am I near Pamela Anderson. I am most definitely not a Selma Blair, a Sienna Miller or Mandy Moore. I am an Alex Borstein in a world of Drew Barrymores and Demi Moores. Am I making any sense? I guess what I'm saying is I'm a fat bloated woman in a world of women who took the 60-day fab-abs challenge and won! Makes you want to rethink fitting into a nice dress for work tonight eh?

The thing is, I never really see myself as someone who should be worried about the way she looks. I am perfectly happy with the way I look. I am surrounded by beautiful, smart and darn right sexy women who sort of experience the same insecurity as I do. Some think that their tummy is bigger than their boobs, some think that their boobs are too small, some think that their thighs are as huge as Meralco posts. Honestly, the list goes on and on and on and on and on... and women tend to be as petty as possible. I remember a friend actually telling me that she'll sell her soul to have abs like one of the models we worked with on a photo shoot. I was an apprentice stylist then, and when I was indeed dressing Miss Patches (people who actually style other people, I think you know what I mean...), she bluntly told me "Pangit ng skin ko noh?! Buti pa yung skin mo, ang puti-puti..."

So what am I about to say... Yeah, somehow, for some oddball reason, when you look at someone else, there's always something of them you wish you had. I want to have Rose Byrne's face. I want to have Demi Moore's figure. I want to have Mandy Moore's eyes. I want to have Hayden Panettiere's skin. I want to be as cool as Avril Lavigne. And of course, when all else fails, I want to have Pamela Anderson's body. So, what am I doing to achieve any of these things? Nothing.

I think there's just an endless plethora of things to work on as a person. I can have my teeth whitened and have a tummy tuck... I can probably go for an overhaul. But you know what, no... I believe that in some weird forsaken tribes in the Amazon, women like me, bring the sexy back to the tribe and I rule... :)