Redemption

Call me shallow but somehow, it's been a month since I last entertained the thought of anything deeper than troubleshooting John D. Edwards in AS400. The last time I must have thought of anything about politics or societal ills, I was half-asleep and wondering about why I can not treat a probationary employee the same way I do a regular employee in terms of certification. Does the labor law cover that? And what can I do if the probationary employee needs to file for a bereavement leave. Oh well...

It has been somewhat painful though. Looking at how the world has been unjust. Earlier I rode a cab - the driver was really nice and quite good. It has been a few days since I last rode with a driver that understood why I need to take a cab from Manila to Ortigas. He mentioned that he had a lot of mistakes as a kid.
I asked why...
"Nabuntis po ng maaga eh..." (I got someone pregnant pretty early)
"Ah, so ilan na po ang anak niyo?" (So how many kids do you now?)
"Anim. Natigil na nga yung panganay eh, nagttrabaho na lang sa Marikina..." (I have 6 kids now. My eldest child just stopped schooling, he's currently working in Marikina)
I stopped for a moment and thought maybe I should stop this talk. I wasn't going to reeled in this whole charade so I can give him a bigger tip. "Ah, buti na lang may trabaho..."(It's good that he is at least working.)
He looked at me funny. "Eh ma'am, hindi man lang nakatapos ng high school." (He never even finished high school.)

That was not so bad, in terms of all the stories I have heard before. Working for a public hospital and being an intern there for almost 700 hours didn't really scathe my belief in humanity, in justice in this world and the ability of the human race to bounce back. It is being human that drives someone to be resilient, to be real and to face the reality no matter how surreal it has become, to own up to one's mistakes and be humble enough to accept that life, in itself is far better than choosing death...

"Hindi na bale, matanda na ako. Mamatay na din ako..." (It doesn't matter, I'm old. I'll die soon.)

I stopped and looked at him. I made sure that I gave him a 50Php tip that wasn't really mandatory. Nonetheless, how can life drain so much of this man, whom I gauged was around 40... How can he stop to believe that death was so much better than living life and fighting every step?

Taxi Cab

I was waiting for a cab earlier today after getting down from the MRT. My head was throbbing really hard because it was incredibly hot and I really shouldn't have worn my blue dress shirt. I was in the corner of Ortigas Avenue and ADB when this elderly woman approached me and asked me where Medical City was...

"Alam ko po, sa may Ugong pa yun eh. Pwede po kayong sumakay ng jeep papunta dun." (From what I know, it's near Ugong. You can ride a jeep to get there)
The elderly woman just nodded. She looked old and frail. It seems like walking to Robinson's could be a problem.
"Ay miss, sakay na lang po kayo ng Taxi." (Miss, you can ride a cab) And I offered her my one and only ride to Ortigas Building. I know it was going to be at least 15 minutes until I get another cab.

I walked from where I was to ADB, and felt really sore. My feet were hurting cos of the heeled shoes I was wearing and for some weird reason, my tummy felt incredibly full. (Yes, yes, I have forgone all types of diet and ate some bagels earlier, and I really should have taken the Imodium my brother kept asking me to take.)

When I got to the office, I was sweating and puffing. But man, that really felt good. Maybe I was meant to be a doormat. Take that, Myles! Haha!

MRT Ride

Rode the train to work today.

Had a fun time watching two lesbian chicks make out in the femme carriage. The fun part was that Blue was carrying a phone and had Backstreet Boy songs blaring so loudly while making out with Pink.

To the tune of "Quit Playing Games with My Heart", yup they were making out alright.

Along came a bunch of mommies.

"Hay, Diyos me! Immoral". (OMG! That's immoral!)

I didn't honestly know what was more immoral. Making out in a public place, making out as lesbians, or listening to the Backstreet Boys when they've disbanded EONS ago...

Flirt Me

I just graduated from training today! I am officially a helpdesk analyst! Whoever said that I can't change careers must have been crazy cos I just proved to myself that I am not THAT dumb. I see logic and I can so do this!

Ok, going back home is still such a challenge. It's still a crazy hour's ride to get to the office but OMG, I love this job! When Matt gets back from Budapest, I am so treating him to dinner! Well, okay, I owe him dinner. Haha! Did I mention he's vegan?! I guess all that belief in me wasn't such a waste. I do have talent and I can fix computers and troubleshoot!

Apart from that, what is with today that everybody seems like they're flirting with me? After the assessment, there was one agent who kept on looking at me. The sup, JD, mentioned that he has been staring at me like that since day one. Nice. Men are starting to take notice. It just feels like lately, I'm so losyang. Haha. That's a word. Losyang! Losyang na si Meg.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being boy-crazy. It's just that somehow, I do need external validation that I am pretty and that I am pretty desirable. I go home every night to an empty bed and almost no food. I'm pretty miserable... nothing wrong with believing that men do intend to get into my pants and do intend to make me sorry that I ever spoke with them. While I have no intentions whatsoever of actually sleeping with any of them...I intend to use this newfound power and turn it to something useful, like someone carrying my laptop until I get a cab, or actually waiting for me to get a cab. Hah! I'm such a user!

One little snag though, Jeoff has been pretty unable (or unwilling) to talk with me again. Oh well, he is in FL now, training, but come on! if I sent him a text message and he chooses to ignore it. I sent him an email which he also chose to ignore. I swear, sometimes... Oh well. What can I do?

Anyhow, the excitement of today was pretty great for me. Today I learned and proved to myself and to everyone that I am not obsessed with Jeoff. I am not going through a quarter-life crisis. I am not dumb. AND men still want me. I had a very bruised ego when I started in Merlin. Bad assessments, bad motive, bad KPI matching. Now, I think I'm learning how to fit in. Hopefully, nicely.

Cos I Had a Bad Day

I should be really studying right now. The online portal is taking too long to load and I'm a little strapped for time. I have a killer migraine and I could seriously go for a big old seared tuna fillet right about now. And yet I am here, on this site, killing a good 20 or so minutes only to vent and state what I have to say.

Next week, I will be attending the certification training for HDI (Helpdesk Institute, UK). I'm pretty excited and yet I am scared shitless. What happens if I am not analytical enough to actually fight this thing? Oh well... we'll see. There's an exam right after and if I am not going to be certified, I might as well chicken out now.

People say that everything happens for a reason. You land a job because you're capable. Why does it feel like Matt (my Brit boss who sort of looks like Hugh Grant, only younger and with better teeth) believed in me way too much?

Today at work, I almost fell asleep cos I'm nursing a very bad migraine which eventually went away at around 10:35PM. About 25 minutes prior to the end of my shift. I think it's my laptop. I have to make sure that laptop stays disconnected from a power source because I swear, it's messing with my eyes. I was also almost late getting to work because there were no cabs in Megamall! I hate riding the MRT to work! Going home, five cabs passed me by without even uttering a word. All I needed to say was where I was headed and they all just roll their windows back up and drive as fast as they can. I think I wished they all never get good passengers today. I wished they never get passengers at all.

I got home and I've never been more tired. I switched the telly on and woah... the digital box is dead. Greeeaaaaatttt!!!! The only thing that's working is the internet, and I had to ping Blogger twice cos it wasn't responding the first two times I accessed it.

I went to the kitchen and saw that all my crazy brother (whom I love, don't get me wrong) left me was a little piece of veggie omelet. I was really hoping for a nice seared fish with lemon sauce,but well, he really can't cook. What was I expecting. Podium was closed and all I can buy was either a cheeseburger from McDonald's or a little can of sisig from Select. I would go for the omelet.

Okay, that was my bitch brew for the day. For some reason...I am really hoping that tomorrow won't be so bad. If only I could get some studying done!