The "Salamat" List

This year has been a great succession of pain, suffering, mental anguish and on the flipside, joy, success, happiness and love, yes, love... Not just for my man, but for a lot of people who have touched my life in one way or another.

One of those people is Indie and she's the one who tagged me.

The things I am grateful for...
1. Family. They are important to me...

• My mom and dad who has given me guidance and carried me and my burdens throughout. They gave me the foundation I have now, and I am glad that while I wasn't able to choose my parents, they are fabulous ones.
• My brother who despite being such an extremely radical emo kid, can be fun to hang with. I know we have our differences but I am ultimately your sister and thus, love has to be part of that equation.
• Jeoff whom I consider family already. I feel at home with him and I think I need no elaboration when I say that things I feel are beyond logic or reason. I am just grateful to have him in my life.
• Tito Doy and Tita Baby who are just wonderful people and have raised an amazing son. I know I should never presume that they will be family but then I sincerely believe that a person's family is an extension of who they are. Because I love their son, that automatically makes me love them.

2. Friends. Pardon the listing of all the people I have in my life, but it makes sense that I do this...

• Irish and Pao, who got married just this year who showed me that love does conquer all, even the idea of strangers meeting on a commuter bus. Irish has been a sister to me - she held my hand and prayed for me even though we know that we don't know how to pray anymore through the darkest and most horrifying moments of my life.
• Cym and Rix, who decided to have a baby and are doing so wonderfully as parents and as hubby and wife.
• Chloe who shares my single yet unavailable but unmarried girl-woes and shops with me although she totally hates my stodgy corporate style.
• Jack and Winch who have somewhat astounded me with the changes they have undergone over the years. Excellent job, boys! I hope the next change would be a bunch of ladies trailing after you. Haha!
• Indie who has remained a grounding and humbling factor in my life and is my source of wisdom. It's amazing to find people who are comfortable with who you are and what you believe in without judging you.
• Glenna who despite leaving for New Zealand has influenced me as a person, a professional and as a significant other.
• Myles who somewhat reminds me that people are always going to need people, no matter what happens. She also reminds me to be prepared for anything - and everything.
  
• Aileen and Arnel - my new "couple friend" who have taught me that marriage isn't happily ever after but is something that takes work and takes patience. They inspire me to be more practical and sensible in dealing with love.
  
• My new work friends... Yong who despite being the ultimate PC geek is also one heck of a great friend. I'm learning how to be more assertive because of him. Yogi is one of my most special friends ever. I am starting to love the idea of Will and Grace because of him. Thanks for the tips, sweetie! I luuuurve them! Ela who is sort of in the same boat as I am - she has to weather all the bad and the good and the ugly of being in a long-distance relationship, and I am just here sweetie. Rye who is great to hang with... I hope you stick to Ria and all the best to the two of you. Finally, Sheila, who is the living proof that married life isn't that amazing but it doesn't mean you can't have fun with it. It's good for me to see th different facets of how life is.
  
• Shaui whom I love and respect as a woman and as a fellow lover. While I don't see you much, you know I love you and I understand how everything works now. You're right. I ought to love myself first before anything else.
  
• Vicki whom I never really talked with in ITI, and yet is someone I totally miss as a friend. I know how amazing you are and honestly, I am blessed to see the evolution you went through. You are now a mom and a wonderful one at that.
• Tin whom I miss so much. I miss the moments where we can be ourselves and completely let ourselves go. I miss being able to drink Coke and finish one whole chicken and Sky Flakes with you! Or, the ability to eat 1 kilo of baked tahong! Gawd! I miss our food trips!
  

3. My job as Training and Development Coordinator for Merlin. Alright, I had to state the entire position. I am still as giddy as a little kid in becoming their coordinator. I said it! I am proud of my accomplishments. I am happy that I am one of the two practicing SDI-certified trainers in the entire Philippines. (The other one works for a consulting company and doesn't practice much and will have to go through my approval.) I am thoroughly amazed at what I was able to finish and present in 9 months' time. I am now technically coordinating for three sites - Manila, UK and Budapest and I participate greatly in recruitment in all three sites. I am grateful that I was given an opportunity and I was given that much return. I thank Matt and Charles for that chance. I am also grateful that I had that stint with ITI. Despite what people say, I learned so much about myself in ITI. It was an amazing experience to grasp people who are millions of miles away, and the ability to interact with people - something not normally given to me because I am not a talker - has propelled me to think about what would make me happy and what satiate my needs as a professional.

Huh, such a long list! But wait, there's actually more...

4. I am grateful for good health throughout the year. Yes, I get sick every now and then, but I didn't really had to go through any health scare. I learned I had asthma this year though. Pretty tough for a smoker but it gave me more push to at least cut back on the smoking.
5. My flexible schedule which allows me to be late most of the time without getting a memo or a pay cut.
6. Sun Cellular's 50 cents per minute IDD program. It technically started two years ago, but wow, because of the recession and the dollar rate plunging, I am actually paying less!
7. BLUE Cerium that has never failed me yet
8. CD-R King's cheapo Class A PC and iPod accessories.
9. My jurassic Nokia phone not giving up on me despite being dropped, whacked and squeezed so much.
10. Nivea's Silhouette Cream. Haha, 'nuff said.
11. Starbucks' Hungarian Sausage, Egg and Cheese on Ciabatta and Iced Caffe Latte. For some reason, and Jeoff knows this, I tend to never tire of something that I eat. I can actually eat something for a whole year and never get tired of it. Yes, weird I know...
12. My new-found ability to relax by watching TV - hours and hours of it will actually put me to sleep instead of keeping me up.
13. My recent never-ending quest for Zen moments in and out of the office. Ergo, being able to enjoy my bath, my cup of coffee in the early afternoon and my ability to stay in the office pantry to relax and have a chitchat with people to unwind.
14. Being paid quite well for a job that I really want to be doing, and having such an edge in the company.
15. Not necessarily being religious but being able to pray again, thanks to Irish.
16. The ability to afford a lot of the things I have never been able to afford before. A digicam, a nice new corporate wardrobe, a lot of flat shoes which I love, a bunch of face creams which I am obsessed with.
17. The ability to read novels again. Yes I am busy at work, but I think I have finally striked gold because I am able to balance work and life.
18. A great birthday with my family and friends. Jeoff celebrating his 30th year with his family as well.
19. Being with the man I love for almost 3 years now - or 4... Haha, we stopped counting.
20. An amazing and wonderful year over all...


Things I learned about life and myself...
1. I am capable of standing up and brushing myself off after mistakes I have made, whether critical or otherwise.
2. People can be pretty brutal. Sometimes, it's ingrained in their system. Sometimes, all you can do to protect yourself from these people is to avoid them completely.
3. Romance is nothing. Reality is everything.
4. Sense of humor is necessary. I need someone who can laugh at me when I overthink things.
5. Self-mockery isn't my defense mechanism. I like self-mockery because I like to make fun of people without offending anyone. Thus I make fun of myself. I think my defense mechanism is crawling under a rock.
6. I absolutely abhor people with a sense of entitlement over everything.
7. There are always options. (First principle of Buddhism, rephrased to my style... It actually reads "Violence is not an option".)
8. Make your accomplishments seem effortless. (From "48 Laws of Power", which I totally hate, but made sense to a point.)
9. Love is supposed to be a many splendored thing, but it takes a lot of hard work. I've said it before, and I will say it again.
10. I hate traffic and evil Meg rears her ugly head when she is stuck in traffic.
11. I can't tolerate someone who is incredibly negative and pessimistic. In short, should I get stuck with Daria, the Misery Chick, in an elevator, I would probably kill her, or maim her.
12. I love watching suspense drama.
13. I will never be able to shake off the insecurities I have. I always wish I was smarter, nicer, more beautiful, sexier and even more approachable. But then, everyone has insecurities. You either take it with a grain of salt or gouge your eyes out because you can't have it all. I choose the former.
14. Act. Don't react. (From "Xena, Warrior Princess".)
15. Loving myself was the most rewarding love of all. I used to think that I gave something my all, it would be a smart investment. Sadly, it was one of the worst business ventures I have had. It's great when you have a little savings account stashed away for a rainy day. (This, I totally got from Jeoff.)
16. It's okay to be happy. (If you were raised Catholic or an Orthodox Baptist, you'd catch my drift. Supposedly it's bad to feel sublime happiness. I don't really know why.)
17. I can be pretty artsy.
18. While I am mushy, I suck at explaining what I feel.
19. A zit bothers me. A cat prowling around the tin roof of my house bothers me. A group of people who enter before I even exit the lift are simply people who need to be bothered by their lack of elevator manners.

Finally...

20. Life is one huge gamble. You can win, lose or draw but you don't get judged based on the money on the table. It's the way you played the game...

The Way He Loves Me

It's pretty baffling how one man can change the way you look at things, how one man can change the perspective you have in this lifetime. I know I probably sound like a schoolgirl gushing about her crush on this guy but dear God, I don't what I ever did in this lifetime to find someone so amazing and so wonderful. He makes me laugh and think and appreciate the things I have in this life. He sits down with me and I am calm in the midst of Makati traffic. I am humbled by this feeling and I can't imagine how and why I ever mistook this for something that won't work. I can feel his love and it radiates all over.

Again, I don't mean to sound incredibly mushy about how I feel. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. It's 2:30 in the morning, I just finished a lovely dinner with him some hours ago, and still, I can't stop thinking about how beautiful everything was and still is. And I honestly can't wait until I get to spend some time with him again.

I am not going to lie, I think a little part of me is scared as hell because he will leave for Canada again. I'm scared because I don't how to go back to not seeing him again for another year. I seriously wish I can make him stay or that I can go with him.

Still, it doesn't matter for now. I want to live with what is, not what will be or what was. I love everything and I can't thank God enough for sending me such a wonderful and amazing man. I am blessed to have him.

Unexaggerate the Hyperbole

There is an oxymoron right there.

I can't believe I'm blogging at home. And at 6 in the morning. I just can't shake the feeling that I have something to say and I'm dying to tell the world, well at least the few people who actually read my blog. LOL!

Jeoff picked me up from work today. Seeing him and touching him after a whole year, 9 months. 3 weeks and 5 days almost made me cry, except that this time around, it felt like he never really left. We were joking around and laughing and just merely talking for an hour or so over a cup of coffee. I can't believe how amazing it is to see someone you love whom you haven't seen for so long. The feeling was amazing. I'm in absolute ecstasy.

I can't believe how tall he is. I wore flats to work today and my neck hurts like crazy from craning to the side so I can lean on him. He smells so good and he felt so amazing to lean on and to embrace. It felt better when I kissed him. I felt home. Like I was ok again after almost two years of being apart... I was ok again after all the stress and trauma of everyday life. Travelling to Makati after our Metrowalk coffee was pretty amazing too. Despite being stuck in traffic, it was ust one of the most touching times ever. He would lean over and kiss me and I would be just holding his hand. Ergo the slightly aching shoulders. I am indeed getting old and yet, I am as giddy as a schoolgirl gushing about her crush.

We decided to go our separate ways for today. He will watch a movie with his cousin and I need a massage - badly. I also need to work on 10,000 slides or so for that training session in January which I will not be conducting, woohoo!

I ditched Matt's farewell party so I can be with the man I love. It's well worth it.

So here I am, sore and tired from today's work. Yet I feel like I'm glowing. I don't even know what the heck it is that I feel but it feels like I'm bubbling from something and I don't really know what it is. Happiness? Maybe. I think happiness isn't this crazy. LOL!

The Kill Point

It is something I watch all the time. In fact, I rush home every Tuesday morning just to get to watch this show. It's exciting and it's got quite a twist. And it stars my favorite sloth (Ice Age), John Leguizamo. It's showing on FoxCrime in regular hours (think 8PM on Tuesdays) but airs as well at around 4AM.

It's a story of 5 ex-marine/army soldiers who planned a bank heist. They just came back from Iraq and were never the same. They invaded the Three Rivers Bank in downtown Pittsburgh and what followed was 8 episodes of extreme and superb drama, action and a little comedy. Donnie Wahlberg who stars as Cali, the negotiator, is so obsessed with grammar. He has little quirks and quips and allows you to be glued to the TV set and yet seated on the edge of your seat. I only have raves for John Leguizamo. Not only can he be Chichi (To Wong Foo), Sid (Ice Age), Tybalt (Romeo + Juliet), but he can be a terrifying terrorist...

Indie's Post

There's a reason why people have friends.
You can count the so many times that you can bend over and be someone's intellectual slave. In a company, in a relationship and sometimes, just simply being acquainted with one person.
But your friend will always appreciate the intellectual quirks and quips that you dish out without being bored and/or being bemused and will digest it for you. In some extreme circumstances, you even find it treasured.

I love you, Indie. Thanks for being that person for me. :)

PS: December 27th, let's have dinner with the man of my dreams.
PPS: That pic reminds me of your MSN avatar back then. :)

I Have a Music Video! LOL!

I was surfing the net a few months ago. I stumbled upon this nice site called Singsnap. This is where people record songs and if you're brave enough, even your face as you sing. :)

Here's one attempt at being Vonda Shepard. You might recognize the song from Ally McBeal.

My attempt at self-mockery... and another one from The Steps. It was a song that Yogi and I were discussing the other day. Supposedly when you listen to the song, it's for mistresses, I still don't know what it is for, but now I know it's supposed to be a duet. Boy, the song was fast! Before, it was something to do while I was waiting for Jeoff to come online for our weekly Skype chat. Now, it's a regular thing. He was the first to hear me singing through this site. Yes, yes, I know I'm no Mariah Carey but hey, I like singing. Gives me something to do... LOL!

Pardon the little promotion, it's because I went out with Chloe the other night. Just some random dinner and a little drink, last Friday. We went to Pink Pepper in Rob Place Midtown and were asked to sing in front of the audience. LOL! It would have been fun except that we were both not dressed for the part and I had a very stuffy nose.

We both promised to go back and sing a few tunes with the band. It was a warm reception and they had mashed potatoes to die for! I love it! :) We actually spent almost PhP1,300.00 not because of the drinks but because of the delicious food we had. Everything was money well-spent. The band wasn't half-bad too. Everyone was pretty comfortable with the songs, and I knew every song they played. It was fairly amazing!

It's All About Chemistry

All about chemistry
Won't you show me everything you've learned
I'll memorize everything you do to me so I can
Teach it when it comes my turn

Semisonic
"Chemistry"
from the OST of "40 Days and 40 Nights"

Alright, not exactly the kind of song I wanted to place on my blog, nonetheless, it's absolutely part of the soundtrack of my life. It's been playing in my head the whole day. I've been wondering about what to do for the rest of the day. Last night, I wasn't really able to sleep. I watched some TV after my weekly webcam date with Jeoff. It's amazing how much I can think of in one day. It's been more amazing what my brain can do even without caffeine.

I was thinking of organizing everything in my head. I wanted a file folder with all the necessary information there. I started to think about how organizations are planned. It takes careful and methodical planning - with back-up plans and contingency measures. I thought about businesses. How much feasibility studies and how many people would be able to run a site. What are the areas of expertise you need to make sure that everything is done to a T and in the most accurate fashion. I thought about my usual Chemistry experiments and thought about the molecules running and reacting with each other. It's of the same principle in a much larger scale. It's all about those quarks working together to form one atom. And in a company, it's all about those people working together as a team.

It just made me realize how everything in this world can be so complicated and so simple at the same time. Simple because you know how it works. Complicated because you don't have all that energy to make it work.

And it made me think. If life was a huge enterprise, it would be a lot easier. You'd be able to compartmentalize everything. Budgeting for the bills goes to accounting. Friend issues go to HR for handling. Major decisions (marriage, breaking-up, having a very vicious vice, change of religion) go to the Board of Directors. New friends will be managed by Recruitment. Daily decisions go to the Operations Managers.

Alas, life isn't a company. And things are somewhat managed by you and only you. So you have to toughen up and face the world with what you have.

Enchanted

How does she know that you love her? It's funny cos the first time I saw this, I was with House. Me being Wilson, trying to be a good friend. It's showing on HBO as I type this entry. It's weird because I've never been a fan of either Amy Adams or McDreamy Patrick Dempsey but this film has made me realize a lot of the things I love about falling in love, about romance and reality. It's this film about a princess in an enchanted land who gets thrown into a well by an evil queen where she ends up in New York and in the home of a single dad and his daughter, Morgan.

When you think about it, romance is kind of like that. It is this enchanted and pristine princess that gets thrown in a well and ends up in the harsh reality of New York. In my case, it's the urban hub of Ortigas. Everyone has problems. Why sacrifice the good times for the bad? And so I end this entry with the one song that made me cry from this movie. Something that I feel everyday...

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye
And never knew
So close was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close
We're so close to reaching
That famous happy ending
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming
Though we know we are
So close
So close, and still
So far...

Twilighted

Alright, I am officially bored. Jeoff will not be hearing from me in a few days, I think he needs a few days to actually miss me. I think I've been suffocating him lately. He doesn't seem too happy with me right now. Oh well...

I'm still amazingly happy that my boss, Matt, aka Mr. Shia LeBeouf, was very happy with my performance. He said I did a bang-up a job. It was great! I had a great appraisal with him. It felt genuine and honestly, I was also pretty thankful that I accepted this job. No matter how horrid it got, I can proudly say that I did my best.

Anyhow, I was reading Starter Mom's entry about this vampire Edward, from Twilight. I watched the movie and failed to read the book. Now I got to go get me that book. I feel so bonded to this vamp, Edward. It seems like it's a sin to love too much nowadays. Courtesy of "House," I felt like I had to let go of some of the affection I feel for the one I love. Thanks to "my love", I also had to lessen the whole romance factor as well because he gets turned off. Okay...well,seems like the undead can be a whole lot more romantic than the live ones...

Twilight Quiz by QuizRocket.com fun quizzes!
You are Alice Cullen. Your ability to foresee danger and misfortune doesn't diminish your bubbly optimism. You are a force to be reckoned with -- anybody with enough sense knows, you never bet against Alice.
» » Christmas Trivia Quiz - Naughty or Nice? « «
Make a Quiz | Christmas Song Lyrics | Twilight Quizzes | Dumb MySpace Quizzes

Took that quiz to check which one I am. Seems like I'm the weird one - the one who can see the future with the kickass hairdo in the movie. Well, I like her. I think we're going to be friends. I can totally see it - me as a vampire, as if I'm not pale enough. It's funny how this one movie and the whole book series totally changed the way people see romance. It sucks because it shows you that even someone as cool as Edward can execute lines like "You are my life now..." that just brings tears in your eyes. It almost made me stand up and clap in the theatre.

Sometimes though, you sit by and you let the reality bring you in and draw you to your life. Again, Edward Cullen is amazingly handsome and greatly fierce but he's been 17 for such a long time and well, vampires do have that old world charm. Compared to someone you are with at this life, who is not undead (Ok, double negation...), his anguished soul and tortured feelings of isolation would beg and cry and scream for someone to love.

Ok, enough of this talk. I better just watch some Kill Point and go back to reality.

Replied

Something that Dave wrote on my Multiply Page... I posted it as a comment but thought it was better as an entire entry. I miss my NHO Peeps. :(

One time, when Joey Benin was left alone in the house for the first time because the rest of the family went to Hong-Kong, he wrote these lines:

All those years I've longed to hold you in my arms
I've been dreaming of you
Every night I've been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you will be mine now
I just can't believe that you are mine now

You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be with forevermore

Yes, romance is still alive. But in the case of Joey, he had to compose it and turn it into one of Side A's most memorable songs.

Romance have to be created. You have to write it, work on it, practice it. If you wait for romance to come one day riding in a white horse, you'll be disappointed. Besides the traffic and pollution in Manila would probably take its toll on the horse. Romance is not always in the taking, it's also alive in the giving.

The guy who cooks up a mix of his favorite love songs on a cd and gives it to his office mate. The girl who writes a note of love on a post it pad and sticks it to his screen. The husband who picks up a copy of his wife's favorite John Loyd movie for them to watch together.

John Maxwell has this 30 second rule. When you meet someone, use 30 seconds to add value to the life of that someone. He believes that at the base of leadership are relationships and relationships exists through effort.

Romance is the same. I agree with John Cage, while most of the world may not give us romance, we can give romance to the world.

That's so beautiful...

Is Romance Dead?

Let not my love be called idolatry,
Nor my beloved as an idol show,
Since all alike my songs and praises be
To one, of one, still such, and ever so.
Kind is my love to-day, to-morrow kind,
Still constant in a wondrous excellence;
Therefore my verse to constancy confined,
One thing expressing, leaves out difference.
Fair, kind, and true, is all my argument,
Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;
And in this change is my invention spent,
Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.
Fair, kind, and true, have often lived alone,
Which three till now, never kept seat in one.

William Shakespeare
Sonnet 105

We've heard a thousand songs, seen a million movies and memorized Shakespeare's sonnets. It's been a weird hundred of years! Even Vampires from the movie "Twilight" has shone their own light on the idea of romance. It's an on-going debate and a supreme mind-altering mindwar regarding the thought of romance. Speaking as a single (read: unmarried and no plans of getting married in the near future) woman in Manila's urban hub, I can honestly say that yes, romance is dead.

It's a particularly gloomy idea. I have to state that. You can say that chivalry is dead and you know that when men in buses enjoy being seated instead of letting an older, slightly chunkier lady occupy that seat they're warming up, you've driven your point across. Whereas for saying that romance is dead, you'd have to prove first that the ideals of love died a long time ago, that the idea that flowers and chocolates are only commercial assets that only take the stage during Valentines' and surf n' turf is indeed just a meal.

Don't get me wrong, I never said love is dead. I said romance is dead. I said so and I believe it to be so. Life has become a dreary, everyday routine. Everyday, you come to work tired because of lack of sleep out of thinking of some bills you haven't paid... you clock in, wishing for at least a little fantasy, yet you need to make coffee - a fresh batch for your bosses and you just wish for the 9-hour humdrum to just speed up, hence you click away on your farm on Facebook wishing for a chance to win X amount of dollars,that is not real money, so you can farm some more... you reach the 5 o'clock mark, unaware that life has indeed materialized over the last 9 hours while you sit on your comfy ergonomic chair inside your office, wasting time... you reach home at 6, and immediately call the love of your life and realize that he too, was bored and yet challenged and there would be no poetry from his lips tonight. No songs of love will be heard. No praises or lauds would be there to uplift you after a day of nonsense. It's all a matter of just saying that "I had a long day"...

The whole idea of romance stems from the ancient Greeks. When Aristophanes mentioned that humans once had connected and conjoined limbs. Each "creature" had two parts - that of a man and woman, and these limbs functioned perfectly. It almost tore up the heavens because there was no need for the gods anymore. Everyone had sufficient strength and happiness. Then the gods were furious and thus, punished the humans. They were separated. And up to this day, humans would always search for the missing part of themselves to be found in another being, another soul, so together they would have enough strength, enough happiness - sufficient to last a lifetime. Romance was all about expressing that need - that ideal - that extreme and utter yearning that shakes you to your very core as a human being needing another human being.

Yet when you look closely, the Greeks failed to state that duh, Hercules is not human. When he defeated the many monsters to be loved by his nation, he did so with superhuman strength. Neither are the Princes Charming that women have long dreamed about. No one can actually ride from the sunset on a white horse and a full-metal gear and rescue you from your frustrations with your bosses or your career (or lack thereof). Superman was all-alien when he landed in a field in Kansas, thus the ability to kill Lex Luthor with a single swoop and win his prize - a willing, able and beautiful Lois Lane. And if you argue that Jerry Maguire was human, I can wittingly argue that it is the testosterone-laden area of football management that prompted him to say all those amazing things to Renee Zellweger. It all exists in a plane that is superficial and non-existent. The films, the songs, the movies are all just horrible antics to get you to believe that romance is real and true. It's all meant to catalyze women into mushy, cheesy and die-hard romantics that they are eventhough they run Fortune 500 companies and help run nations by being presidents, queens and prime ministers.

So honestly, I want to know, before I theorize a million or so conspiracy theories in my mind, is romance really dead?

Craving

Alright, enough with the loving and the caring and the fact that love Jeoff. But I sincerely think that since this is my blog, I have every right to say what I need to...

Last Sunday, I didn't want to let him go. I'm supposed to be fuming mad because he made me wait for an hour on Skype, yet when I saw his face on my screen, my heart just melted. People tell me that I shouldn't let him get away with murder every now and then, but I don't know, I don't think it was murder. I make him wait too. It's not so bad...

I looked at him and his wonderful eyes. He sure has a boyish charm. I don't know what the heck he fed me such that I am so in love with him. But I guess, I miss him so much. I almost cried when he said he was sorry and that he misses me, just that his alarm didn't go off and thus, my waiting time grew from the normal 15 minutes to an hour and some.

I just miss him. I miss touching his face. I miss kissing him. I miss holding his hand. I miss looking into his dark eyes and seeing him smile.

I know, I know I'm being cheesy again. I can't help it. I've been burying myself in work and making sure that everyday, I'm way too tired to do anything else. But when I get home and reach my pillows, that strange sensation washes over me. I wish I was with him. I wish I can call him up and say my goodnight and hear that he loves me - truly, madly and deeply. I wish I can hold his hand and sleep next to him, hearing his heart beat and hearing him breathe.

It sucks to be away from the one you love. It sucks more if you can't be with the one that makes your days a little bit better.

Oh well...

20 more days!

Loving

It's funny how marriage changes things. It seems to do so in my posse, my click, my circle of friends, if you will.

Irish, my bestfriend, just got married.

I treat her like a sister, like an older, wiser sister though she's not older. It seems like her experience has brought me a guide. I tell her everything - the boyfriend woes, the career challenges, the daily ups and downs of being part of an interracial family - the list goes on.

I love her wedding, I simply do. I couldn't wait until she gets back from Macau to tell me all about her honeymoon, about her great time with her husband. I surely miss her.

It seems like the wedding I saw was straight out of a dream. It felt so amazing to see two people being united in front of the people they love and the people they care for. I can't believe how much I cried during the ceremony. It was so beautiful. It was just plain great. Someday, I hope that I will have the same ceremony - not the flowers or the Tiffany chairs, or the ball gowns or the arch - I just really want to see me sharing my life with the one I love.

We're grown up now. One has a kid, one has a boyfriend that is going to be a consulate, one is in Taiwan, working as a personal trainer, and one just got married. The clique that I had in high school is now all grown up... And I don't really know what I am yet. So I decided to make a list to remind me of who I was and who I have become...

• Corporate Training Coordinator
• daughter to Mom and Pop
  
• sister to my insufferable brother
  
• girlfriend to Jeoff for 3 years and running
• bestfriend to Cym, Irish, Chloe and Mary
• friend to people whom I have worked with in PeopleSupport, HTMT, iTi Consulting and now Merlin
• SDI-Certified Trainer - the only independent trainer in the entire Philippines who can handle an SDI course
• major micromanager
  
• events planner for Merlin
  
• magazine writer for "Moms and Babies" and "Health Today"
  
• erstwhile stylist and make-up artist for magazines
  
• big fan of Blue, my 1-year old "son" who now has a 73.5 GB of memory thanks to his "toys" and is amazingly white and creamy - just the wonderful color I want my laptop to be...
  
• avid reader of all books that I can get my hands on - now reading "Sophie's Choice"
  
• lover of all movies and TV series animated - The Simpsons, The Family Guy, American Dad, Sons of Butchers, Southpark, Spongebob, Fairly Odd Parents, anything by Nickelodeon...
  
• passionate about mysteries and investigator shows on TV - The Kill Point, Burn Notice, CSI, NCIS
• artsy-fartsy teenager back then and now still appreciating art
  
• hater of all things elitist

I have come a long way. I used to be a chubby kid who only wanted out of high school because no one appreciated the way I am. My friends used to be high school girls as well whom enjoy a great McDonald's sundae cone in the middle of the afternoon heat. Time does go by fast, and sets you off for an adventure.

I'm glad we're grown up...