Month of March

Hey Now Now - Swirl 360

I can't believe I haven't updated this blog for the past few months. I still can't believe that for some reason, I've been overwhelmed and swamped with work. My weekends are now sacred, thanks to a healthy dose of overtime work being rendered so I can finish all my deliverables.

I am quite exhausted.

For some reason, I think highly of myself when I'm able to finish a lot of the tasks assigned to me. I love stretching myself to the limit primarily because it makes me feel that at the end of the day, I did something miraculous and I was able to erect the Tower of Babel on my own. Currently, I am at a lost because I am THE only training and development coordinator in Merlin with two sites under her belt. I am the only project manager with no team... and I am the lone wolf in the firm belief that training can have a feasibly good return on investment. Yes, I didn't need Six Sigma Training to prove that.

When Brit Boy comes back, I am sure to tell him how horrible it has been without him. I know I could actually lose my job but man, I am pretty sure they've seen how cost-effective I have been. For some reason, I kinda make it effortless, except that, my boss the current VP did this to me...

From: VP
Sent: 20 March 2009 00:34
To: Meg
Subject: FW: Meg's schedule

Here it is…
________________________________________
From: Brit Boy
Sent: 16 March 2009 17:22
To: VP; Boss1
Subject: RE: Meg's schedule

Hi VP,

I think this was a misunderstanding caused because Brenda is on holiday and Viktoria is standing in for her. I don’t think Meg was really needed on Friday as they were just doing the assessment but Viktoria didn’t know this.

We’ll make sure to be strict with trainees on their attendance in future. This had not been raised with me previously. I want to make sure that Meg knows that her work is valued. Things are pretty hectic in Campaign2 and no-one blames Meg for any confusion last week.

Thanks,
Brit Boy

________________________________________
From: VP
Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 1:08 PM
To: Boss 1; Brit Boy
Subject: Meg's schedule

Hi Bosses,

I just want to raise a concern from Meg about her training schedule. She confirmed with me last night that she has no schedule for Campaign2 today so she can handle the newhire training in Campaign1 but since she finished late yesterday she requested to come in at a late schedule.

This afternoon though or around 8am UK time, we received a call from Victoria of Campaign2 looking for Meg as there is a scheduled training which will start in an hour. I advised her that I’ll get in touch with Meg to confirm as she may not be aware of it but Victoria emphasized that there is a training and that’s basically the reason why they’ve asked those employees to come to work that time. She asked for an immediate return call from Meg and if she can do an assessment instead or ask questions from each of them.

I’ve talked to Meg about it and she has raised some concerns. First she wasn’t informed about the training today since the schedule she knows is for her to conduct the training within 3 days and she has completed that for the week. She actually expressed her disappointment on the schedule and was concerned that there might be an impression on her that she’s not doing her job but I told her that I’ll be explaining it to you as well to clarify the situation. Second, if there’s any urgent request for training or changes in schedule, it would help if an email will be sent in advance so she can prepare and ensure that she won’t miss out the schedule. Third, she has also given me feedback that sometimes the attendees are late and not prepared for their meeting despite her advance notice or email reminder, perhaps we can remind the Campaign2 team about it. Let me know as well if I can directly advise SDM of Campaign2 about it. Lastly, if there is an available timeline for Meg's task in Campaign2, would appreciate if we can have it so she can manage her time effectively. I have been getting feedback from other people that Meg is getting tired and burned out so I’d like her to take some time off on those dates that she won’t have training schedules with Campaign2.

Pls. let me know as well if there’s any assistance you need from me or if you have any feedback for Meg, Process Analyst and Bitchy QA so I can discuss it with them.

Many thanks,
VP

Ok, if that doesn't state that I don't know how to handle my time, I don't know what else to make of it. Furthermore, I did raise a concern but I didn't complain! Also, notice how she conveniently left me out of the email trail. Tsk tsk... Such is a manager...

God Save the Queen

This song was written by the Sex Pistols in the advent of anarchy in the UK. How apt. I found something that truly mirrors what I feel.

Been a while since I last updated my blog and it's ridiculous that I'll be writing about my queen. My boss, the SDM from hell.

Alright, so it all started when she was hired. Everything seems quite fine until the time that she took over completely from Brit Boy (see previous posts).

1. She asks for tons of reports that she fails to check or even review.
The funny thing about being her subordinate is I get to manage three sites while she only manages one - she manages it badly. I ain't saying I'm great and all. Nonetheless, I am unbelievably appalled by her lack of coordination and motivation when it comes to dealing with her employees. It's derogatory to everyone involved. She asked me for several reports which she fails to even view! Now she's about to make my performance appraisal. I shudder to think about what that performance appraisal will be like given that she doesn't understand shit about what I do. I made several templates for a campaign we have in Budapest that she failed to even look at. It's ridiculous! How can someone who choose to ignore what I do understand what I need and how freakin' hard my job is?! And she has the audacity to tell me she'll be doing my performance appraisal?! Oh Brit Boy will hear a lot from me come March.
2. She fails to inform me of basic issues that needs to be addressed during training or issues that need to be addressed by me.
It is almost impossible for me to fathom what kind of mind she has. I don't know if she mainly assumes that I know, or if she assumes that I can read her mind, or if she just chooses not to tell me.
First, she fails to inform me that this QA analyst will be part of an off-site Six Sigma training. It was the accountant who told me that I should coordinate with that training firm to have that QA Analyst join us. It's good that I had spoken with their sales person before and they understood the immediate changes that ad to take place. I still got the discount we first spoke about.
Another instance from my brilliant SDM is failing to tell me that one of our developed tools has an error - a bug if you will, and this causes some of our customers to be unable to access or log some of their requests. This should be addressed during training. We don't have set procedures for that particular bug but I seriously think that we should contact our developers and ask for a list of bugs in that particular development and maybe a workaround, that way our analysts aren't lost AND confused as to what to do. She came up with a comment like "Eh kasi usually busy sila..." Yeah, sure they're fucking busy but you're the goddamned SDM! For crying out loud. sometimes, this woman is unbearable!

3. There is no justice in my company.
So there's this German bi-lingual agent who has been wreaking havoc on the operations floor. Since I'm not from operations, I choose not to even meddle but how is it that this Nazi (Disclaimer: I'm sorry, I know that is incredibly racist to say, but he is an amazingly horrible person. People in the office call him bakulaw, gerbak [short for German Bakulaw], ass wipe and asshole - ALL while he is within an earshot, so if you can imagine how someone like that can be treated as such, then you must then understand that when I call him Nazi, I am in fact being nice and not being racist. The original Nazi was Austrian. He never was German...). He complains about every little policy in the handbook. Ok, supposedly that's great right? People who challenge the policy shouldn't be treated as such, and they could have great insight. This old man - he looks like Santa Claus without the beard - has checked himself to Medical City and refuses to pay for it saying that the HR department is responsible for paying for his extra charges - as in those not covered by our HMO! So the HR Manager was obviously pissed. He complained about the dress code, and wanted to impose an English-Only-Policy (EOP) on the floor. He reprimands everyone loudly and audibly so the entire floor can hear, such as a ticket that he feels was incorrectly done, or grammar being a bit off. He castigates people from a different department regarding break schedules, not doing anything and whatnot. The worst part is while Brit Boy is in Budapest, Nazi emailed him and complained about Philippine management. Supposedly, there is a lack of structure. I kinda agree. I mean with that kind of SDM at the helm. The problem is the SDM didn't even sanction that asshole. She followed the guy's every damned complaint! She suddenly instituted a policy where analysts are supposed to wear corporate clothing, leather shoes and all... no surfing, EOP or else, no eating on the floor. We're turning into Telus! The people are angry!!! They are pissed and they want to leave.
Quite honestly, since I've trained most of the analysts we have - I know that the reason they liked the company is because they are sick and tired of being in a call center. They liked being treated like actual helpdesk analysts because they are! Now, they're going to be treated like second-rate customer service agents without any regard to what they do as analysts simply because one ass wipe chose to speak ill of the analysts here? One dude has so much power?
The SDM is giving him so much power. The idiot SDM is giving him so much power and that smug overrated Nazi is now more powerful than ever through corporate blackmail.
Can you tell me if there's actual justice in this company? She's afraid of an entry-level bi-lingual analyst. Tsk tsk... I know it;s bad to wish that Nazi drops dead but seriously, I wish he does. He's old and smokes a lot with a Pinay wife who looks like she was raised in a girly bar, plus the fact that he chats with a lot of chimays on YM (cos YM isn't considered surfing). I hope he sleeps with one of those and he gets herpes, fast!
Also, there's this bitch, she's part of quality yet she sounds like the SDM.
Kindly peruse the emails below (Yes that's how she emails us...)
Email 1


Email 2
Email 3

Well, there's a tone of authority in her emails. Also, honestly who talks like that? Am I supposed to coach agents to the tune of a ragtime classic? Maybe I'm just being bitchy. But wow, this woman threw a fit last Friday cos she was moved to the back end of the office. Way far from the operations people and also way far from the people she likes hanging out with. In short, if she isn't the center of attention, she gets pissed off. She kept complaining about the security of what she does. Supposedly, it's confidential. As if! When was a QA analyst ever an issue in this company? It's like they don't even care about the QA!
She chose some dude over Yogi when obviously, Yogi is the better candidate to be a QA analyst. My theory? She wants to overpower the new dude and also, in case the new dude fucks up, she's indispensable again. She is actually the SDM's favorite direct report. Why you ask? Cos she's a brown-noser. She is now to attend Six Sigma Training with me. As if it matters to her? The reason? Supposedly Brit Boy insisted, according to Liar Liar SDM. She's about to transition to the Budapest team. The problem? I was the one who created their templates. Not her. What's the point of having her take Six Sigma when their scorecard is already done and they aren't changing it any time soon? At least Aileen from HR and Lucy from the UK knows all the sacrifice I made for that campaign. I hope the credit doesn't go to that bitch cos if it does, I swear...

So can you honestly tell me if I should still work for this company?
Had Brit Boy been my boss, it would have been easier. But now, the SDM, the Nazi and the bitch have joined forces. Tsk tsk, it's the end of an era. They have become the terrible trio. I hope some company would offer them a job so they can go away!

End quote for today... Something that came from a friend through an SMS.

Ganun talaga in the corporate world, if your boss is an idiot, you can expect co-workers to act like idiots too.

Motivation is not an easy thing...

The Corporate Landfill

It rips right through me,
How you lie right to me,
Betrayal, Betrayal,
Will this world make better sense?
Once you mean nothing to me...

This is not about my personal life. It's actually quite the contrary. It's about the corporate landfill I call my job. I just realized that some people would lie and manipulate and connive their way so they can emerge victorious. Take for instance this one analyst that we work with who has insistently lied and cheated just to get one step ahead of the people in the office. It's so sad and so demeaning. It is as if the corporate set-up that I've dreamed of has gone to pieces.

All I can say is that somehow, the law of karmic consequences will not allow this person to go unpunished.

Patience is a Virtue

It was just announced. The Evil Stepsister from the West aka The Telus Madame has just been recently promoted to General Manager. I wonder what she has been feeding Matt. If I feed the same thing to Matt, will I be the next Training and Development Manager?

Oh well... I shall be a coordinator forever... For the simple reason that I am happy working as a low-life peon in this company. If only they'll release me from the shackles of the bond that they placed upon my head...

I can't wait until my zen moment with Indie!!!

Of Series and Movies

I passed up the chance to leave for Batangas today. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-social at all. I intended to stay at home and just work on the tasks I was supposed to do today. I am guessing that somehow, I am turning into a workaholic freak that has no life. I sincerely live for the weekends. The charming aroma of my very own coffee brewing in my kitchen, armed with my laptop for blogging, and a whole season of "CSI" or "Chuck" on the DVD player is just amazing to me. This is weekend R&R for me. I don't want to be in a cramped mall, shopping for clothes that no one cares about anyhow. And yes, gym is not an option as well. I don't really intend to spend 900PhP per session on boxing. My shoulders have been hurting since I tried lifting the water bottle to refill the dispenser at home. Last time I'll be doing some heavy lifting! Haha!

I still have Gordon Ramsay's "Hell's Kitchen" Season 1 which I haven't seen competely. I remember checking if the DVD was playing. Thankfully, it was. I still have yet to finish "Felicity" and "One Tree Hill" which I love so much. I love series more. There's coninuity. It's so sad to see the ending credits in films. I was just watching "Music and Lyrics" earlier and I found out that when I started seeing the end credits roll, I started feeling a bit melancholic.

There is something so bittersweet about ending something that worked for you for a few minutes. And I guess I am indeed in love with Drew Barrymore. It's the combination of a feel good-movie and a feel-good song. I followed it with "Open Season" which had Gray Sinise's voice as the hunter Shaw. It seriously didn't seem like him at all!

Ok, poor rabbits... but it was pretty darn good. I knew animations were not my thing, especially ones that uses CGI but nonetheless, this was actually pretty good.

The only thing with movies is that it kinda ends quickly. It sucks cos I seriously want to have more exposure to the characters. In series, you tend to see how a character reacts to everything that happens. I guess that's why TV actors find it hard to find new roles and break away from what people already perceive them to be. It's just harder to break way from the things you've been used to doing too, I'm guessing.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. And I seriously want to break free of this mundane routine I dance to every day. I am guessing that when Matt finally gets back to work, we'll be able to work on the things I need to work on sans the other manager's bickering.

helter-skelter

Alright, so SDM actually threw me off this entire week. It was one hell of a tumultuous week. I had a very tiring week of training and some more thanks to her idiotic ideas.

She asked me to do a two-week training for our multilingual speakers. It was pretty bad. Supposedly, it was because she wanted me to attend SDI, since it was an in-house training to begin, with Chari at the helm, shouldn't there be a way to change it? The training plan had been four weeks all along, and she wanted someone to compress training... Now she is washing her hands off the incredibly stupid thing of compressing training after she promised me that the TLs will be taking care of the hands-on training of the newbies. She claims that it wasn't her idea to begin with. Argh! Talk about being incredibly two-faced! She even asked for Yong's help to assist in the hands-on training of the new starters I'm handling now. She probably thinks I'm incompetent when she's the one who still doesn't understand what the hell is her role in the company.

She fails to inform her TLs on time. Check out the email below:

From: SDM
Sent: 10 September 2008 19:49
To: Me
Cc: HR Manager; Director
Subject: RE: IELTS Assessment

Hi Meg,

I have already informed the TLs about this, though as discussed, we can only have JD and Rachelle join your review because of their schedule. JD will be coming in at 2-11pm starting next week until the end of September. Rota has been updated. We can deal with Sheila later on.

Kind regards,

SDM

When I got the email from Rachelle, one of the TLs...

From: Rachelle the TL
Sent: 12 September 2008 14:45
To: Me
Subject: RE: IELTS Assessment

Hi Meg,

I know we are going to take the IELTS exam but wasn’t aware of the of the training.

For September 15, I have a service review meeting with (bleep) at 2pm, so maybe I’ll be join around 2:30 pm. Depends on how long the call will be, hopefully not much issue so I can join earlier.

Thanks,

Rachelle

So there you are, she claims that she has done something only for me to realize that nothing has been done from her end. Her people aren't my people and I'm thankful that I have no direct reports to worry about. Thanks goodness that the director was copied and I was able to make sure that she can't manipulate me anymore. I keep asking her to document her "directives" from here on forward. That way, I can cover my ass in the future.

She also claims that I'm not professional enough because she thinks that I don't know how to multi-task. The effect of which can be catastrophic if I train more people in more hours than I am supposed to. This seems ridiculous but yes, teaching is a very difficult job. Throw in eager-beavers in class and the dumb blond wannabes with the older but supposedly technical gramps and grams, plus the classic apathetic "rockers" and you've got a misanthrope trainer in the making. Yes, I dedicate the eight working hours to my trainees. As if it matters. Training really was designed that way. She claims that I said something like I'm gonna need clones if the amount of work stands to be the same all the time. Ok, I said that to the HR Manager, who is a friend, and that comment was not addressed towards her.

Argh! Screw her. Mr. Director should kick her out! Bonus though, cos she keeps on messing up, the entire European division of the company we're supporting has started to complain about her. Let's see if she can still save her ass if she gets confronted with all the issues starting to plague the HD.

Helter-skelter... everything's coming down fast... everything's going down fast.

I swear, it's like the director hired Charles Manson as our boss or something. The difference is, Charles Manson still had some form of charisma. She doesn't really have that much charisma... I think everyone in the office has a point against her.

Bitch Brew

Dear God, I really hate that bitch!

Bitch brew of the week is that horrible SDM we have. I really, really, really, really want to resign now.

The Dilbert Chronicles

Alright, I'm watching Discovery Channel's Most Evil and I can't stop myself from launching into a full blown bitch fit. They have this whole episode on Revenge and Murder. I am not as morbid as to commit cold-blooded murder BUT I have had it up to my neck with this woman and I really can't stop myself from trashing her in my blog.

I was hired as part of a means to continue a principle, and it's primarily of teaching newly-hired people. I remember when I first took this job, I prayed for it so hardly. I am happy and while I am not an expert in what I'm supposed to be doing, I am doing my darnedest best.

She however, hasn't been quite that productive.

She was hired as the manager. She will, soon, be my boss. And for the love of all that is holy and mighty, the boss of everyone. Tonight, after I took a much needed one-day hiatus from work, Miss Priss got a barrage of emails from all the clients' application owners, demanding better service.

Let me give you a brief background of how things work in our office. We're the IT help center for a global company, which means that we have to provide service for everything under the sun - telco, applications, PC software and hardware... you name it, we support it. Even the creation of the accounts for each employee of the said company. She has been with the company for quite some time now. She was even sent to the UK for further training. Coming back from the UK, she should have been ready to "better" the help center. But instead of doing so, she sort of changed the way things were being run. She tried to completely destroy the culture within, instead of assimilating the culture that the company already had. I would have to say, somehow, people were pretty excited about how she would "change" everything for the better. I just knew it was trouble from the very start.

It had been on crazy, reactive idea after another.

What ultimately makes her worthy of a bitch brew (trust me, I am drinking coffee and smoking as I write this blog entry), you ask? Well, let's see... Apart from the fact that she might not be thinking straight because she keeps linking our corporate IT help center to her previous companies which were end-consumer call centers, she keeps on trying to change the entire structure without understanding how it works. Companies on a molecular level are beings on its own. No matter how small it is, it won't exist as a single-celled organism. You need the mitochondria - the powerhouse where RNA and DNA should be housed - this means you need information to be completely ingrained within the system, so it would function as one and that it would be able to act on its own based on the genetic code it was given. I don't know if the analogy is even comprehensible. I just know for a fact that you don't destroy something that actually works. Her RNA and DNA are completely mixed-up and by gawd, she sucks as the mitochondrion.

Case in point, proclaiming that the FTE for a specific queue is too much. That queue has had 100++ tickets since I came on board and sadly, even the most brilliant (supposedly) mind in the UK has had issues in dealing with the tickets in that queue. Open tickets have been rotting there for MONTHS and since she has known exactly when the UK agents will be laid-off, she should have already done something about out German speaker months ago and she should have placed someone else in charge of that queue. Now, we're down to two local analysts who can't do much because they were not trained properly to deal with that number of tickets. Last I checked, the queue has reached over 170++. Imagine all the application owners from Nove Mesto to Marshalltown complaining and almost lunging at her. There was even one very specific email I had the displeasure to see. It was from an IT manager from Austin and it said that they were very tired of hearing that things will be investigated on. Everything about the service has been reactive. I remember once that a certain application called our attention and mentioned that everyone has been mistaken in routing tickets to a certain higher level of support and all she mentioned during that said meeting was "I'll coach the rep...". Number one, they're not called "reps..." cause they ain't selling stuff. Number two, the "rep" didn't really need coaching. According to the procedure as agreed upon in the SLA covering the said division, we are only providing up to a certain level of support. Why did I know that? Uh, because I know how to read... Or I made it a point to read something before I head on to a conference call. And should I not necessarily understand something, I will ask about it. I am not afraid to ask "reps" questions because they know more than I do... I'd rather look like I'm lost than look like I'm stupid.

Wonder idea number two... She wanted me to take the Six Sigma certification course being offered. Supposedly, I can certify the other people in the company. From what I understand, and from what was written in the ad, I can't really do that. Only Six Sigma certified trainers are allowed to do that...

So let me ask you this question... If you were hired just now and you had the option to learn about the service and the people, would you actually teach yourself the ropes or at least ask people who know?

I guess the answer for her is not really.

When the shit hits the fan... I wish no one is there to catch it all. If she makes anyone take the fall, I'll go to the director himself.

And that's why Dilbert's principle is true.

27

It's been almost 27 years since I was born. I just wanted to take the time to view my life from a 26 year-old's perspective...

I've been so blessed.

• I have a wonderful family whom I love very much. We've had our differences but we've been pulling through. I know that whatever kind of trouble or problem I face, my dad, my mom and my brother will always be there for me.
• Great friends whom I will never, ever wish to change. I have been fortunate to find so many wonderful people in this lifetime and I only can wish that whatever strength they give me is also the strength they draw from me. I almost feel army strong because of them and I will never wish for my relationship with them to change. I have a few very good friends whom I have shown the most vulnerable side of me. If I have cried in front of you, chances are I trust you. And if I have been crying and trying to explain my side at the same time, it just means that I'll give you half of my liver. I love my friends very much. While there are only a few whom I completely and absolutely trust, I sincerely thank you. I consider one to be my sister. And I love her to bits. You know who you are. :) Thanks for being the person who trusts me and the person whom I trust...sincerely.
• My career that may need a few changes but still is a kick-ass one. I'm very fortunate that I'm at this point where I can make my own decisions as a training personnel. While it is absolutely true that I am, at this point, the most senior and most learned training coordinator in the entire company, I think, I don't really wish for any promotion. I'm happy being able to teach and being able to find solutions to people's looping and sometimes twisted questions.
• I have been blessed with enough funds to be able to enjoy life's simple pleasures. Being able to take a cab when needed...capability to drink a cup of overpriced coffee when I want to, being able to dye my hair Phoenix-red...having a complete line of expensive hair care products just because I want to...a laptop that's amazing...a great bag and shoe collection...having cable and internet connection and electricity...
• Knowledge that is not necessarily useful but is amusing. I think this is the reason why people think I'm smart...because I know Potassium Permanganate explodes with sugar. Haha! Seriously! I think people assume I know a lot of stuff, but I think I only know a few things. It takes years to master an idea and decades to have one of your own, well at least a billion-dollar one. :)
  
• Having a slightly normal, kind of offbeat sense of sarcasm, wit and sense of humor. I think it saves me from a lot of confrontations.
  
• Having someone who is able to see through my actions and words right into my heart, who knows how to forgive and love while proximity isn't on our side

I have been blessed. I don't want to ask for anything else. I only ask that the people whom I love will be blessed with excellent health and more time with me.

It's been a wonderful world. It still is. It will always be. God has always provided and God has always been kind and good.

Tired

I am so tired today! I have never been this tired since becoming part of Merlin. I honestly am being sort of spread too thinly. Earlier, I had this meeting with Matt, and I had so many action items for the month of August until September. On top of these things, I also have to worry about separate training sessions running at the same time while I am focused on the certification classes I will be giving. The boss has indeed made me a certified trainer. And I am to start working on providing certification classes come September and October. We might have to book a venue come October. I really hope people will be made aware of the Service Desk Institute. I actually sent an email blast on my own, as part of my drive to make people more aware of the ITIL principles we cover. It's a really good way to start becoming good, if not excellent, service desk analysts.

I also had to several language assessments for Budapest analysts. Oh God, I am soooo tired. Did I mention I was tired? I am, I am, I am, I am!!!! I wasn't even able to reply to Cara and Yanka, who's prolly asleep now. Yanka, should you be reading my blog tomorrow, I promise to wake up early and have coffee with you soon! Cara, yes, I agree, one Friday night, I promise to actually have a good cup of java and jolting with you. You girls are the smartest people I know and I kind of need something AWAY from the service desk industry right about now.

I came across a good realization today. Turkey sandwiches are actually good. I had to be in the office earlier than usual and for some reason, since I can't smoke much now, I had to get a cup of coffee. I also chanced upon Starbuck's Reduced Fat Turkey and Chicken Sandwich on Ciabatta. Man, it was amazingly good and healthy! There were tomatoes, lettuce bits and mushroom bits on the sandwich that made it sooooo amazing! I absolutely recommend it. I was expecting something tough and almost dry, but they made it so juicy and extremely good. I'm not on a diet but the sandwich I usually order, Hungarian Sausage, Egg and Cheese was not available. I had to settle for that sandwich but I am so glad I did. It was scrumptilicious! :)

I also realized that nothing beats good old MiniStop Chicken. It's still one of the best heart-stopping, lard-laden, crispy fried chicken I've ever had. I had it for my 7:00PM meal break. I call it my meal break only because for some reason, I don't know if it's lunch or dinner for me. I just know for a fact that around that time, my tummy's already rumbling and that my blood sugar won't carry me through the next few hours of product-specific coaching and accent neutralization classes.

My heart went haywire for a few seconds earlier when I realized I missed a conference call with my counterparts in Hungary because I extended one of my coaching sessions. Oi vay, good thing Recruitment's Emma was cool with it. She was even apologetic that she didn't check my calendar first.

It feels wonderful to be needed, and appreciated. Okay, it feels wonderful to be actually thanked for just doing your job. Even Matt said a heartfelt "thanks, Meg" (yes, he calls me Meg when Brits never refer to you by your nick, I can so push for a training director post - right Meg, dream on!) when I sent him the minutes of the meeting. The perfect moment for me was when he asked the Service Delivery Manager to get him coffee. He NEVER asks me to get him coffee. Maybe because I have evil eyes. Haha! Everyone I coached said "thanks" today. Even some of the analysts who I'm sure raised an eyebrow or two if I'm all that. Especially since I have never taken calls or established my power over hardware and software. These are my little triumphs and forgive me for having to flaunt them, but gawd, I love the fact that while I'm no Oracle expert, people actually expect me to have an answer.

Have I mentioned that I am tired? I'm heading to bed. It feels wonderful to be appreciated. I'll be appreciating my pillows soon too.

100%

Okay, I so should not be doing this, but what the heck... If I die of pneumonia, at least people will have something to remember me by. :)
This is the result sheet of my Service Desk Institute Exam. I got 100%. I'm pretty happy about this. I should be. Now, I can honestly tell my boss that I'm worth it.

Moments

There are certain things that do not belong to you yet you intend to enjoy anyhow.

A good song. A nice 2 AM wake-me-up call from a friend. A good early morning cartoon rush with a nice latte and a few smokes. A nice cushion that protects your back. A wonderful ability to move past things that shouldn't be...

These are my "moments". I haven't had them for a long time. The incredible "itch" to write, to reflect and to submerge myself in the tub of my languorous haze. While this is mainly word vomit, I assume, I am not going to apologize for whatever comes out of my thoughts. I'm in a trance today... I shouldn't be sorry at all...

I've been nursing a very bad cold. I've been sickly lately. I haven't been getting enough rest. I've been incredibly tired working for the company. This is new because I just took a certification exam. It's from the Service Desk Institute in the UK. It's slightly expensive but the company paid for it. I guess to impress my colleagues, I really did my best to perfect the exam. I memorized so many things that I was dazed at the end of my exam. I was literally talking with myself after. It covered a lot of service processes, like Business Continuity Management and Outsourcing for IT Companies. It was pretty good. I just did my part. I walked away with 100%. Sounds like I'm being arrogant but I really had to do that. I wanted to prove to everyone that I wasn't just a girl who speaks English. I wanted everyone to know that while I can't configure Java to propel rockets, I can be excellent when it comes to information. I guess I proved something to myself too... I'm a pretty good guesser. Hehe...

I just noticed that lately, my main priority has been my career. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because somehow I've been neglecting friends and Jeoff. Somehow, it's hard to talk with anyone outside of the office. I know, I know... Actually, it's my high school reunion tomorrow. And for some reason, I don't want to be there. High school was never fun. It was never something that I loved. I hated high school. My teachers all thought I wasn't "applying" myself because I was always doing well enough in academics, but never to a point where I got perfect scores. My classmates were all grade-conscious freaks who would call me at 9PM (while I was watching "The X Files", dreaming about David Duchovny) and ask me about what the assignment was. My friends were not from the section I was from. I was in like some form of honors class. And I swear to God, I hated everyone of my classmates. My classmates were cutthroat, vile people that would say something evil behind your back, and smile at you when you're in front of them. I remember when I was in senior year... It was about 10 years ago. Our school paper adviser was asking about who to give the editorial position to for the features page. Everyone voted for this guy who had no experience and zero talent for writing, just because he was popular. I was given the sports page. It was pretty embarrassing. I had to be in every game - volleyball, basketball, cheering, track and swimming. Later on, I realized that I could write stories even with just knowing the score... I never had to watch another ball being tossed from one court to another again. Whoever said that democracy is fair must have been an idiot. (Back off please, my blog, my opinions... ) There was also this girl who "semi-stalked" me. Her name is Jocelyn. She still kind of stalks me every now and then. She would be in EVERYTHING I do. As in literally, in my face kind of involvement in everything. I was part of a lot of geeky clubs - like the Book Lovers' Club and the Science Club and she joined them. I was part of the choir, and she joined as well. I was also part of the school paper. She joined that too. When I started wearing my hair down, she did that as well... She started giving me the "evil eye" when she learned that my family was close with her ultimate crush, Lester's family. It was funny, because Lester's dad is my dad's really close friend. So once, Lester and I were discussing some stuff in school and she would look at me really badly, like she wanted me to burn on the spot. I ran for student council and she shot my chances by telling everyone that I was so cocky that I told her that I'd win hands down. Oh well... She told my friends, my party, my advisers, my teachers and everyone else. I had a fight with my best friends because they believed her. On our senior year, she became the associate editor for the school paper's features page. I quit on our sophomore year because I was busy with something else but I was the next in line for associate editorship. When I finally came back come junior year, she said and I quote, "Why would I step down for something she never deserved?". This is the advantage of being close to her ex-best friend. She is pretty bad. She added me to her friends in Friendster, I have been ignoring her invites until I finally felt bad and decided to add her anyhow. Facebook as well. Nothing is sacred. It's like she constantly finds me and decides to mark her territory. What she doesn't know is that she has scarred me for life. I don't trust people that much anymore. Fast forward ten years, I still hate her guts. Oh and I don't care if she invented a cure for cancer. She will always be mean and hateful.

I had a pretty long talk with Jeoff earlier. As I said. I felt pretty bad. I feel bad because I keep saying that he hasn't been sweet and wonderful as I expect him to be. As if I can blame the guy for being too tired as he comes home. I am a trainer too. I should understand how talking for 8 straight hours and standing and pointing to Powerpoint slides will affect your talking skills. I cried for a few minutes. Telling him that maybe I shouldn't expect anything from him. Sometimes, I really hope he'd be able to open up to me. He keeps saying that in person, it won't be so bad and that he would be sweeter. I just wish that even though we're apart right now, it's still going to be the same. He should still be able to talk with me. He should still be able to tell me what's going on. Oh well... I should stop thinking about it I think that I have a good man and an honest man. I should stop wanting the perfect man. I should love him for what he does, even though I prefer him to do something else. He should be grateful that I love him so much... But I'm pretty grateful that he loves me too. Perhaps what gets to me is the fact that I feel so lonely. It's starting to really get to me. While it's true that career is the primary driving force right now, I sometimes just want to hold someone when I get home. Coming home to an empty bed at night is getting to be incredibly numbing...

Didn't I just say this was word vomit?

Worlds at War

Worlds clashing and banging against each other - it seems like that... And my head is smack right in the middle....



I have been experiencing some difficulty in this job. It's a bit weird. I completely am wondering if this is the right move. Training has been one heckuva disastrous ride. Every bump giving me a wonderful migraine attack. I just spoke with Pretty Boy earlier. He said something like "I've been impressed with how you've handled the amount of work given to you." My foot. I think I now understand the reason why God made you so irresistible... it's because you're a jerk.

I know, I know, very uncharacteristic of me to trash my boss on my blog, yet somewhat, hell, it's my blog.

I haven't been blogging for the past few days. It's mainly because I have been busy setting up training and actually training new people. For some reason, my boss has been incredibly busy in Hungary... I seriously need some structure. I need a boss that would hold my hand through the first stages and would tell me off if I'm doing something wrong. I need someone who won't ignore my 5 Point Plan. I need someone who can decide immediately. I can't deal with indecisiveness. Nor can I deal with micromanagers.

What complicates things is sometimes, the new manager is somewhat similar to my direct boss. She always complicated things with knee-jerk reactions. I need a company that won't push only when someone pulls.

Training has been a complete bust. Imagine losing 4 people under a span of a month. I must be some kind of an attrition monster. I'm so incredibly bothered. What if I'm not good enough for this company? Oh crap. I seriously don't have time for self-doubt.

How I live my life is incredibly simple. Every day of my life, I always - ALWAYS - try to look forward to something. Like last March, I looked forward to being in my new company. Last year, I looked forward to Jeoff coming home. Now, I am still looking forward to Jeoff coming home (Maybe more than ever!) And seriously, I look forward to every weekend.

Flirt Me

I just graduated from training today! I am officially a helpdesk analyst! Whoever said that I can't change careers must have been crazy cos I just proved to myself that I am not THAT dumb. I see logic and I can so do this!

Ok, going back home is still such a challenge. It's still a crazy hour's ride to get to the office but OMG, I love this job! When Matt gets back from Budapest, I am so treating him to dinner! Well, okay, I owe him dinner. Haha! Did I mention he's vegan?! I guess all that belief in me wasn't such a waste. I do have talent and I can fix computers and troubleshoot!

Apart from that, what is with today that everybody seems like they're flirting with me? After the assessment, there was one agent who kept on looking at me. The sup, JD, mentioned that he has been staring at me like that since day one. Nice. Men are starting to take notice. It just feels like lately, I'm so losyang. Haha. That's a word. Losyang! Losyang na si Meg.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being boy-crazy. It's just that somehow, I do need external validation that I am pretty and that I am pretty desirable. I go home every night to an empty bed and almost no food. I'm pretty miserable... nothing wrong with believing that men do intend to get into my pants and do intend to make me sorry that I ever spoke with them. While I have no intentions whatsoever of actually sleeping with any of them...I intend to use this newfound power and turn it to something useful, like someone carrying my laptop until I get a cab, or actually waiting for me to get a cab. Hah! I'm such a user!

One little snag though, Jeoff has been pretty unable (or unwilling) to talk with me again. Oh well, he is in FL now, training, but come on! if I sent him a text message and he chooses to ignore it. I sent him an email which he also chose to ignore. I swear, sometimes... Oh well. What can I do?

Anyhow, the excitement of today was pretty great for me. Today I learned and proved to myself and to everyone that I am not obsessed with Jeoff. I am not going through a quarter-life crisis. I am not dumb. AND men still want me. I had a very bruised ego when I started in Merlin. Bad assessments, bad motive, bad KPI matching. Now, I think I'm learning how to fit in. Hopefully, nicely.