I'll Be There (Unplugged)

Got this from one of my online buddies on Multiply. It's incredibly weird. I just really wanted to take a break.

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
So Gently We Go by I Mother Earth

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Figured You Out by Nickelback

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Unstoppable by The Calling

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Can't Get Enough of You, Baby by Smash Mouth

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Landing in London by 3 Doors Down

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Kung Ayaw Mo, Huwag Mo by Rivermaya

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Maling Akala by Eraserheads

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chili Peppers

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Lose My Breath by Beyonce

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Angel by Sarah McLachlan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Ulan by Rivermaya

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Heaven Forbid by The Fray

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Wherever You Will Go by The Calling

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Unforgetful You by Jars of Clay

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Waiting (Save Your Life) by Omnisoul

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Ironic by Alanis Morisette

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I Wanna Go Home by Michael Buble

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Bent by Matchbox 20

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Laundromat by R Kelly

WHAT SONG WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?
I'll Be There (Unplugged) by Mariah Carey

Saturned

This is a painting of Saturn, devouring one of his sons. It was when he learned his future. It was destined by the Fates... he will die when one of his sons eventually kill him. Supposedly, to prevent from his son killing him, he ate each one at the time of their birth. Goya painted this horrific abstract of Saturn devouring his child. Head and arm torn off, blood spewing. It was an extremely graphic imagery of how Saturn was driven to the point of insanity out of the fear of being killed. He chose to prevent it. He chose to destroy that which he initially held dear.

Saturn is the one in the astrological charts that keeps on bumping into your lucky stars on bad horoscope days. It gives you depression, isolation. It governs the house of emotions by repressing happiness and increasing intense negativity.

I have been living, governed by Saturn for a long time.

Don't get me wrong. I am not blaming the damned star for whatever I'm going through. I just thought I'd start out with some weird icon that tends to define the state of mind I am in.

Just this week, I kind of learned exactly how much of a control freak I am. This is incredibly depressing, considering that I should have given up being the micromanaging bitch I am. Somehow, I can consider myself lucky because the man I gave my heart to didn't think I was too much of a scared control-freak to stick with me.

Like Saturn, fearing the future and imposing an incredibly horrible prevention plan became a cannibalistic and arduous task. It wreaked havoc with my mind and completely threw my relationship off with the man I hold dearly in my life. Metaphorically, I do tend to bite off and destroy something that seems to be working.

I guess it's something that people are so accustomed to doing.

Paranoia sets people off. It ticks them off and rubs them in the wrong places. It destroys the basic ability to trust in the goodness of a person's heart and intentions. And if you lose that hope, in humanity, in people, in the ones that you love, it's better to start living in a cave cos it's hard to get it back.

Pain damages your ability to feel. Supposedly, minor pain numbs you and desensitizes you. Your cells have a memory center somewhere in its mitochondrion (the powerhouse which houses the RNA and DNA centers of your cells). Your cells remember the pain and allows you to feel the pain prior to you actually feeling it. Somehow, allowing you to anticipate. For bigger and much major cuts and wounds, the theory is that the anticipation gets bigger. It is wider. The memory of the cells will be switching to maximum overdrive even prior to getting a stimulus.

Pain makes you do crazy things. But the fear of pain...? It makes you do something crazier.

It's almost impossible to live without fear but it's impossible to love in fear.

Humanity Loses Face Again

I just finished watching History's Secrets, from Nat Geo. It was an episode of Adolf Hitler's supposed disappearance from Berlin when the Red Army invaded and imploded half of Germany to get him to surrender.

It was a jam-packed hour, detailing how Nazi aids and officials have taken the cowards' way out and swallowed vials and vials of cyanide to escape Stalin's retribution. It was even more embarrassing to find out that Hitler, despite all of the destructive orders and pain he brought upon everything he claims to hold dear, Germany, Berlin and Europe, he chooses to die in his own bunker, biting down on a vial of cyanide and shooting himself with his own gun, only to escape Stalin. Back then, criminals' bodies were impaled upon poles to be displayed promptly in front of people to serve as a reminder never to commit the same crimes. Mussolini's remains were hung for the general public to see, including his mistress' remains after being killed by Communists. Adolf Hitler never become something that can be hung, he had his officers char his remains before Stalin could have him.

A few hours ago, I found out that a male friend has still been looking for a doctor to abort his unborn child. That is incredibly painful for me, after we have specifically spoken that he should not abort the baby, nor will I support him. He went to another friend, a woman, who while being married and supposedly smart, thinks that a baby that is just a few months old can be considered a tadpole. She mentioned something like it doesn't matter cos it's just a bunch of cells, and that it would be better instead of having fights in the future. Referencing people who, if possible, would turn back time, just to avoid having children to avoid being miserable.

Her last message burned me. "I know you're into having babies..." and something that resembled that tghe only logical, rational and practical thing to do is to make sure that the bunch of cells would be removed to avoid having a miserable relationship.

I replied. "I'm not into having babies. I'm into doing what's right."

I refused to tell the man what would abort the baby. They can experiment all they want. I will not use that little shred of knowledge I have in curing people to kill an innocent child. I simply refuse to condone what he is doing and the female friend supposedly helping him.

Adolf Hitler was a megalomaniac, and he was able to acquire that power. He used it and destroyed something he claimed to love. It can be juxtaposed with the example of having so much power over your own body. Pro-choice, supposedly. When you exercise power over your own body and destroy someone else's life in the process, does it make it a choice? Or does it make it murder? While intent and fear plays a major part in making that somewhat awkward decision, did anyone ever consider that the baby is real, and already has life? It's not some fucking bunch of bloody cells!

While I have no moral ascendancy on this topic and can not throw the first stone, it pains me to know that humanity, in my eyes, has lost face again.

Day in and out, you hear of people killing other people for something as petty as a few bucks, a bottle of beer, a cellphone, a lottery ticket... Day in and out, you encounter people at the worst days of their lives and yet you try to live a life that is real and pure. Believing in the goodness of people's hearts... Trying so hard to grasp that humanity in its most powerful form is great, noble, altruistic and moral - at least, ethical... Holding on to the hope that somehow, people are virtuous, principled...

I'm quickly losing faith in humanity... but what hurts most, is that people I thought were rightful and would understand me were not the people I thought they were.

Hard Candy

Candy is something we all love. Sweet, amazing flavors bursting in your mouth, satisfying the need for something sweet to fill your tastebuds.

Hard candy stays in your mouth longer. It absolutely stays there much longer than chocolate does. Or marshmallow. Or anything else that can be chewed...

I just had some realizations about my life today that can be likened to hard candy.

• While I am supposedly sweet, too much of me can cause cavities. :)
• I am incredibly nice such that people might assume that I am into them.
• I am incredibly hard sometimes though that people don't want a piece of me in their lives.
• I come in all colors, shapes and sizes (color: I used to be lighter, then I got a tan from when I went to Batangas with my PS-ELN team, now I'm back to a slightly lighter color. shape: I used to have a bulky shoulder when I was bigger. size: a waistline of 42 inches, to 39, to 36... then to a 34... then to a 35... and now, I don't even know what size I'm wearing!) LOL!
• I am overtly packaged in more ways than one. I don't intend to save the world or anything...
• I can bleed (you know when you don't eat hard candy and just leave it on your counter top?)
  
• I do get more brittle as time goes by... (what the hell is present progressive again?)
• I have no plural form. I am the only one. Don't believe me? Believe it!