7 Deadly Sins

Lust


Vanity


Greed


Pride


Envy


Wrath


Gluttony

Blogging Frenzy

I am so bored! Pero gwapo ung boyfriend ko! Mwah!

Personality Disordered

Big Five Word Test Results

Extroversion (30%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Accommodation (78%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (61%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (61%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Oh my Gosh! I am so not a martyr! I just like to help people out!

I think I agree with the Emotional Stability part. LOL!

Mirrors

I had a very long talk with A*ya earlier. It was a wonderful talk. She too, has a loved-one, waiting for her. They have been together for a year and it has been the most wonderful relationship she's ever had.

She asked me if I ever get emotional about being separated from my loved-one.

I thought for a moment and said "No...". I regretted it the moment I said it because I know it isn't true. The pain of being away from someone you love, something we can share... I just didn't know how I'll be perceived. I automatically followed it up with "Yes.. It hurts."

I can see her tearing up because she felt the same pain. Same agonizing pain that comes with every moment that you don't have the one you love beside you. It kills you but it makes you long for another day, so that you can be with the one you love. I sincerely felt her pain. While our situations may not be the same, I know she felt the hurt in my voice as I felt hers. We kept on talking about love and hurting and being away. I told her my story, about not being able to leave and she told me her situation too. I told her my ideas, my thoughts, how being apart would crush you but you have to be stronger. How you commit everyday to the person you love because love is a commitment. It's not something that fleets or flakes out at the first sign of danger.

To me, she was glowing. I can see love radiating from her eyes. She would talk about him in the brightest context. With laughter to match... Pictures to show... It was beautiful. I think it is one love story I would like to hear of... I hope they do end up being together. I hope they do have children someday. I see her smiling at every mention of his name. Or how he would be wither her child. Or how wonderfully sweet and mature he is.

I didn't have to look into a mirror to see what was going on with me. In her eyes, I saw me, and in my eyes, she saw herself. And there is no mirror more powerful than that.

Bronzed

找 不 到

Ah, three little words... All in Chinese. All in a language I haven't spoken since I had a learner that spoke only Mandarin and can't learn English without the help of the triumvirate of ESL learners - native language, foreign language and a translator.

I just realized something as I was trying to access a person's blog... Automatically, the page registered as this... 找 不 到 - it means indiscoverable, or can not be found. It seems funny because this person seems to be everywhere. Oh well, one last blog to frequent. Her blog address is now deleted from my list of frequented sites...

I just realized that as of late, that is what I have been... Indiscoverable...
Someone that used to be a shell of who I was. I have come to think of myself as undefined, unwritten, like a blank page that needs someone to write all over me, so I can learn and be better.

I have been craving for a mentor for a very long time. It seems like everywhere I go, it's a chance, a risk... knocking on people's doors and hoping that someone would let me in.

I haven't found that person. No one has touched me so much that I know it will be okay to stand on my own two feet.

But I also haven't found me.

I haven't really seen me for a very long time. Sometimes, it feels like I'm just an empty shell of what I used to be. I wanted to be a writer... a poet... a doctor... and now? All I want is a good job, a nice family and a good husband - someone who won't hurt me nor flake out on me...

I'm not saying I've lost my touch. I think if anything, I've actually matured. I have given myself enough years to live daydream by daydream and finally, now, I know what would complete me...
But I still yearn for something...

And I can't put my finger on it...

Imposition

Meg's disclaimer:
I am very mad right now, so people who intend to comment, post anything that would just be all about fluffy honesty and friendship rules shit, please back off this site. And about commenting, it has been disabled, so don't even try!

im·po·si·tion /ˌɪmpəˈzɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[im-puh-zish-uhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	the laying on of something as a burden or obligation.

2.	something imposed, as a burden or duty; an unusual or extraordinarily burdensome requirement or task.

3.	the act of imposing by or as if by authority.

4.	an instance of imposing upon a person: He did the favor but considered the request an imposition.

5.	the act of imposing fraudulently or deceptively on others; imposture.

Dictionary.com

Do you have friends that drag you along every little damned thing in their life hat the only relief you have is if you shoot yourself in front of him/her with a .38 pistol? Does it often happen to you that this friend would make you wait for hours on end just to stay a bit longer with people you care very little about? Does it also happen that this person would make any event in your life (say, you're getting married or getting a promotion) a problem for her?

I am quite honestly shocked and disappointed. People tend to be very selfish... When I told a few people that I was leaving the company, they were pretty okay with it. When I told the one person who would understand, or so I thought, because she has seen how miserable I have been the past few months, she just kept repeating, over and over again that I am leaving her alone.

I let it go and waiting for her to be back from vacation, I assumed she'd be okay about it now.

Lo and behold, she still thinks it's her problem.

I mean, come on! Does it seem like I am leaving you to launch a personal attack on you?! Does it seem like I'm really abandoning you? And IF I am abandoning you, it is my choice and my personal commitment to do so and it doesn't revolve around you.

Sometimes, paranoia can be seen as extreme confidence and arrogance. Think that the whole world hates you, and know that the whole world will...eventually. You always think that I am at your beck and call and will be there for you no matter what happens, as you claim to be there for me? All you did was tell me to stay away from the one I love and to make me late for all my appointments. I missed a few opportunities just to help you out with your issues and until the very end of my stay here, you still assume this to be YOUR issue?

The world doesn't revolve around you.

Cyanide and Happiness

My first attempt to embed a flash movie to entertain my readers. LOL!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cheaters

This is a show about people who cheat on their spouses and significant others.

My brother told me to watch it with him. Slightly funny... Because I saw the episode that showed a very pretty young woman that was worried because her boyfriend seems to always ditch her for his friends. Supposedly, he can't join her for lunch cos he has to meet up with the guys, headed by his friend "Joe". That was extremely funny because OMG! Everyone who cheats probably has a friend named "Joe".

So the girl gets the Cheaters' licensed PI's to stalk Mr. Cheating Bastard, who probably should burn in hell, and to find out through video evidence that the dude is cheating. The dude was indeed cheating, giving lavish gifts to the other girl. The dude was a broker and the girl was incredibly loyal, and kept crying as she was watching the footage. I mean, my heart just broke for the poor girl. It was incredibly painful for her to be watching the man she loves making out with another woman.

So comes the confrontation scene. She gets advised to wait around a downtown street and when the cheating dude comes up with the other woman, she lunges at him and slaps his across the jaw. The following scenes makes Jerry Springer seem like PeeWee Herman's show. They fight for a few minutes, the dude blaming the girl about not having sex with him and always being out and working all the time. I mean, come on, that was unbelievably evil of him. He denied it over and over again. And he, at the end of the show, claimed that he is of a different level of distinction and he is only giving the girl a few more weeks to realize that. Ugh! The nerve of some men.

I have just one little simple rule in life. If you feel like you are not happy anymore, you quit... Quit a relationship, quit a marriage, but never ever cheat!

Jeff Dunham

It's official! I love this guy!


Achmed The Dead Terorist (Jeff Dunham) - Click here for more amazing videos

Achmed, the dead terrorist. He's so funny, you'd fall off your chair just laughing!

Questions

Today, I was subjected to a lot of questions.

Mainly from my learners. Poor innocent learners that have no idea why I am leaving the company. I was asked so many questions, offered jobs that I had no idea how to do and also some quite err... indecent proposals? Haha! There comes a time in a woman's life that she would have to choose between an aging German guy who probably walks around with a cane and a slightly naughty upbeat woman who has lesbian tendencies. I chose none. Thanks very much though.

It was nice feeling wanted and appreciated at work.

I tend to be a pragmatist in dealing with loss and/or opportunities. Emotions don't seem to catalyze anything for me. I am always the one making choices, except for when I am feeling maternal. Or broken-hearted. Or both... But talking about emotions, I feel them curdling inside me, wanting to break free.

Why is it that now that everything is set, I feel so scared to touch the ground?

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Maybe it's because all of a sudden, I feel incompetent. I feel powerless. I am suddenly scared that I'll f*ck up and I would have no one else to blame but me.

I am hired to take the driver's seat. I am hired because I can change a company, because I make things happen, because I can train 150 people all at the same time at night and manage working tools and CRM softwares during my lunch hour and make it on time for a 9:30 AM client call. Because I am a micromanaging corporate b*tch and bosses love that. What the hell am I so scared of?

I am scared of all these changes. So terrified of something real that for the first time in my life, I might not know how to handle. Did I mention I was hired to take the driver's seat? That was what the Managing Director said. He said I was supposed to drive. The direction, I probably know. How, I have no idea. I only have my brain to work for me now.

If I was to strategically design a 2-year plan of action for this people using a RACI diagram, I'd be sure to include everyone - the more the merrier? The less of an A I am (that's accountable to you...silly!). If I was to create SWOT Analyses for every project then the weaknesses would always include "lack of time" or " inability by A to provide possible solutions and/or compromises". Every facilitator's guide in that office will contain only two terminal objectives:

1. To be able to learn all concepts
2. To be able to apply said concepts

None of those would be SMART objectives if I were to sum it up in a CSS code showdown among my helpdesk analysts.

I know everything I need to do. What am I so scared about?

I need to get the scaries off my head before I even start f*cking up my newfound career.

Missing You Like Candy

Been a long time since I last wrote here. I think the last time was a few months ago.

So what has happened?

Mandy Moore craze in Eastwood.
Mandy Moore is about to rock the world later tonight. All day and night long, I've been hearing Mandy Moore songs - from her break-out song "Candy" to the latest release.
Just to make you feel my pain from having to walk several meters to get food and hearing the blaring music... Mandy Moore also caused so much traffic in Eastwood that I almost had to get out of the cab prematurely to run to the office.

All that traffic, I hate Mandy Moore! Argh!

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Incubus and Maroon 5 visiting the Philippines
Incubus and Maroon 5 was just here. Did I get to watch any of their concerts? Did I get to see any of them? That's a resounding no...
Apart from the fact that I do work for a living, the damned tickets are so expensive. P5,000.00 to see Maroon 5? Err, I'd rather keep that for something else, like a new gadget or a semi-used MAC.

Almost landing a flight to Boracay for a staggering P10,000.00.
I almost agreed to the plan my friends had. They're planning to go to Boracay, and it was for a staggering and impractical amount of P10,000.00, only for the flight. We're not including hotel accommodations and whatnot because the resort might not be available. I am a little bit shocked, because it isn't that practical to begin with. Why not just reserve the P10,000.00 for something else? Like a flight to HK or something more enjoyable than staying in the beach with 10,000 other patrons?
The bad thing is that my friends think I'm not going because of the amount Oh let them think of what they want to think. It's too late to change their minds anyhow. I just don't agree with actually spending that much for something that expensive. Oh well, some people are just suckers for the beach and I'm sadly not one of those people. I would rather spend time with someone over a very good dinner and just have coffee. Oh well, but it is just so "manang" of me to do that.

Training and Development Coordinator for an Ortigas-based company
I have just tendered my 30 day's notice to iTi. I am now, officially, the Training and Development Coordinator for an IT company. Don't ask me what my responsibilities are. The Managing Director lost me at SDM. (Sound like Sadomasochism, but trust me, it's more IT-related than that.) Seriously, a year of training myself to use CRM softwares such as Salesforce is finally paying off. I'm now getting what I'm worth (I hope)! I have said goodbye to a few people in the company. Well there are only a few that need to know anyhow. No one needs to say goodbye and get me so teary-eyed. I am going to miss a few people though. But well, friends are friends, no matter where I am. So there.

Patience badly needed!
I noticed how I have been lately. I've been flaring up more and getting more and more negative about things. I don't like this person I'm turning into. I think my job is getting to me. And handling 10-12 different people within a day with different needs. I think the whole idea of losing it is turning up. Kidding aside, I think dealing with low-level learners makes me a bit more impatient. As I told Aleena earlier, I really need them to improve. And I can't stop at them learning how to use the past and the future tense. I need these learners to learn to love the language. It's darn hard... Sometimes, I really feel my brain starting to leak out of my nostrils. It's hard being an English trainer! It's even harder doing it over the phone. What's worse is that I feel so out of my element here. None of my learners seem to be improving. I never feel like I'm a good trainer or at least a trainer that's good enough to last. I guess that's why I'm yearning so badly to be back to what I know best, despite sacrificing my precious "me time" once more.

Jeoff
Ahh... the only thing in this world that keeps me sane...my breath of fresh air.
He once said that he's never for me when I need him. Actually, I think I would completely lose it if I wasn't with him. True, I have it better than other people but truth be told, maybe I need something to remind me that this is the case, and he does that so often.

Tests

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 78% Schizotypal |||||||||| 34% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 54% Dependent |||||| 30% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (22.8%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (77.2%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word pair test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to be Left Brain Dominant

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According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

That isn't very cool. LOL!

Killing Me Sweetly

My friend Kell showed me something mighty freaky the other day.

It was an article about Aspartame, the main ingredient of diet sodas, NutraSweet and Splenda. I am a chemist for crying out loud, and I failed to see the signs. I have been a religious drinker of almost everything that doesn't contain sugar. Why, you ask? Mainly because it was a "healthier" alternative to drinking something laden with teeth-rotting sugar. Boy was I wrong!

The webpage is titled "My Aspartame Experiment". Therein lies the chronicles of bad Aspartame pharmacokinetics on lab mice.

Aspartame is chemically N-(L-α-Aspartyl)-L-phenylalanine, 1-methyl ester. This means it is a methylated ester of the dipeptide bonds of 2 amino acids - L-aspartic acid and L-phenylalanine. The bad thing about it being methylated means upon being subjected to extreme media - whether in highly acidic or alkaline environment, it hydrolyses, cleaving off Methanol in its media. This means inside your body, your stomach, with all the gastric acids in it, you can release Methanol in your system, particularly in the small intestine.

Inside the body, in greatly acidic media, Aspartame breaks down into three main products - Methanol, Aspartic Acid and Phenylalanine.

Phenylalanine is unsafe for someone who is born with Phenylketonuria. This is a genetic condition which is really rare. If you're born with this genetic diseases, that means you do not have the ability to digest or metabolize Phenylalanine to Tyrosine, which is something the body can recognize and digest. A spike of Phenylalanine in your blood stream can cause seizures. The mechanism of action of this amino acid is that it competes with naturally-occurring larger molecules of amino acid to enter the blood-brain barrier thus, resulting in seizures in humans.

Aspartic Acid is an excitotoxin, which inflicts damage on nerve and brain cells. Although still debatable, it is shown that in rodents, such as lab mice, it causes extreme neurotoxicity.

Methanol, although carried by lambanog and other fruit juices (OJ's have the highest concentration), becomes formaldehyde, in the small intestine. Formaldehyde is classified as a carcinogen by the US EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). The European Union also decided to discontinue the use of Formaldehyde as an embalming fluid due to its cancer risk on Sept 2007. While thousands of data from Aspartame-producers claim that due to very little portions of Methanol are released, it is still not enough. Your body needs naturally-occurring Ethanol, to neutralize the effect of Methanol. Sadly though, diet sodas and coffee with your usual non-sugar sweeteners does not contain that. Only fruit juices, like OJ, have both naturally-occurring Ethanol and Methanol.

There have been countless data supporting Aspartame and its effects on the body, stating the health risk it poses on your brain, nerves and other pathologies. Do not be the next victim.