Family Traps

Family Portrait - P!nk

I don't even know why the hell I'm blogging about it. I guess I don't really have anywhere else where I can actually say what the hell I feel, so I better just go ahead and state what I need to state.

I'm friggin' tired of being an older sister.

Funny, you say...

Yup, I dunno if anyone has ever treated being part of a family as a job but I am on this job 24/7. I actually want to give up on it. The more I think about it, the more it allows me to rationalize and justify what I am feeling.

I am from a family of very-together parents, and a brother that is not so together in his brain. I actually have the complex of a middle child brought on by the fact that I am the middle kid. Yes folks... I had a elder brother, who died while he was a fetus inside my momma's tummy. I exhibit the classic symptoms of the middle child syndrome...

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.

Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

Source: http://www.essortment.com/all/whatismiddlec_rsoe.htm

I have always wondered why the hell I always feel that my parents never really loved me the same way my brother was loved. He gets off scot-free, while I suffer asking for penance for everything I have done, good or bad.

Case in point, last Sunday, the belligerent brat decided to bring his highly pretentious GF to the house for an overnight stay. With Mama being away for the weekend to go back to the province and visit her kin, I was in charge. He threw a fit when I simply asked "You're not sleeping in the same room, are you?". What ensued was a heated exchange of words. Followed by pretentious GF saying calmly "I think I'll just go home...". (Obviously, she wouldn't be caught in the middle of a family drama which she herself caused, let alone be subjected to the darts of fury I have to lash out against her.) He slammed the door shut, almost locking me in the house. Upon trying to pry our ancient metal door open, I kept thinking to myself if I was wrong, if I was too strict... I sent an SMS to my mom, who after 2 hours later confirmed that she did approve of the overnight stay of the pretentious GF in the house, but had assumed that it was for Saturday and not Sunday night. That really got to me.

If I was actually to bring a strange man into my home, into my room, when I was 21... would my mom have gotten

a. a shotgun
b. dinner for the man
c. happy that her daughter will finally get laid

That is a question that will haunt my mind forever.

What happened next was also detrimental to my mental health as Mama got back home and spoke nothing of the incident. Like it was something normal.

Tuesday night, I come home with my belligerent brat of a brother (Yes, I love alliterations!) with his friends on the couch, watching TV and smoking. This was at 2AM... Do I react? Nope. I march straight up to my room. I told my dad the next morning to please tell my friggin' brother that I would really love some quiet time to myself, stress and all from the office. My Mama then tells my brother to lay off the late night couch sessions. My brother then texts me very hurtful messages like "Stay out of my fucking business" and "You're such a bitch...". Maybe I am. I forward the messages to my Mama, thinking she'd castigate the little freak to which she says "Just ignore him..."

Ok...I totally get it. The little repugnant brat was just venting. I want to vent to by calling him names no respectable newspaper would be caught dead printing. But nope, I just have to ignore it. I am trying to but it just cuts right to you. You know, back then, I was thinking, I want to raise my kids the same way my parents raised me but come to think of it... nope.

Sure I never did drugs. I didn't sleep around. I couldn't f*cking kill a bird, let alone another human being, but damn, I couldn't love myself for what I am cos I feel like I am never good enough. I was never given much discipline so I tried to be rigid and disciplined for my sake. I always was honest because I thought that the only way people can be honest with me is if I actually pushed myself to be a good person, good enough to never lie. I became a recluse, fighting for a friggin' chance to be a director, engulfing myself with so much eff*ng work, it ain't funny no more so I can prove to myself that I still got it... Even in my relationship with my fiance, I need to hear that I am loved for me to know that I am loved. I need to be valued and appreciated cos I never felt appreciated. How's that for f*cking twisted?!

Last night, when I got into a cab, I whipped out my phone and started typing the plate number of the cab I was riding. It was 1:30AM... and I just realized, oh right, Jeoff's dad is en route to Toronto... His dad asked me to ALWAYS send him the cab info everytime I go home. (Pretty preposterous, right, since I'm a 27 year-old woman who has always been taking cabs... ) I sent the message to Jeoff instead. He replied, "...you should send it to your folks. " The thing is my folks never asked me to actually text them any kind of information as to where I am. Could it be that for some malignant reason, his dad actually loves me more than my own folks do?

Shabby Chic

I spent the whole day bonding my mom hunting bargain stuff...

I only had 2,000Php to spare. And I needed to buy my line of hair care products... Presenting L'Oreal Elseve Pearl Protein for my hair...


This lovely duo only costs P340.00. P175.00 for the conditioner and P165.00 for the shampoo. I love their liss control serum but I was given one by the L'Oreal people because I used to buy ALL my stuff from them. They have been exceptionally nice. I remember getting a mascara from them for my birthday. Wonder what they'll give me for this birthday! I simply can't wait until they relaunch their lip glosses. They always have fabulous ones. I am also a big fan of Revlon's lip glosses. I simply adore L'Oreal! They've reinvented themselves and came up with amazing hair care products! I also adore their hair color...

So back to me and my mommy hunting for shabby chic stuff. She was watching an Oprah episode saying that somehow, every woman needs a "crisp white top" and we were touring the mall for every little boutique and stall that had a crisp white top. We ended up at the bag area of the mall, and Secosana was having a 50% off sale...

This silver bag is only P390.00. It is a bargain steal! I took it from the sale rack and fell in love with it. It has a rounded bottom and is pretty handy. It's great for those MRT days when I feel drab and I need a splash of metallics ...

This is a super cool hobo bag, and it's weaved front is just pretty amazing. There are gold embellishments that look so cute on the bag and they're perfect for Casual Fridays, with my jeans and shirt and well, it could be great for Brown Mondays too, when I don't want to get up and I just put on a pair of khakis and a nice plaid brown top and brown shoes. P190.00 is not so bad for this hobo bag.

Speaking of shoes, I have three thousand pairs of brown slacks. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I only have two thousand (Haha!). It's just that brown is a very safe, very neutral color and you can put on any color - black, white, pink, brown (lighter browns are a whole lot safer to pair with dark brown/chocolate brown slacks), yellow and green. I wanted brown shoes to go with my brown slacks and ta-da! For P499.99, this is something you can use for the office and no one would know it's less that five hundred smackers.


Being chic doesn't mean you have to be incredibly expensive. It's like what Tyra Banks always says in her show, Tyra, you never have to be rich to look pretty darn good. Or at least shop.

My mom got herself a DIY hair color kit for less than P500.00 it's called Garnier Nutrisse. It's not like salon colorants that make her scalp itch. She got the Burgundy colorant. It looks fabulous on her! We also got her lip gloss and a foundation powder from L'Oreal. She got a cologne from Victoria's Secret and a curling iron.

Shabby chic hunt for Meg - P 1340.00.
Shabby chic hunt for Mom - P 3245.00.

I won the challenge and I feel great about my hair - the L'Oreal hair thing is still the best reward ever!

Taxi Cab

I was waiting for a cab earlier today after getting down from the MRT. My head was throbbing really hard because it was incredibly hot and I really shouldn't have worn my blue dress shirt. I was in the corner of Ortigas Avenue and ADB when this elderly woman approached me and asked me where Medical City was...

"Alam ko po, sa may Ugong pa yun eh. Pwede po kayong sumakay ng jeep papunta dun." (From what I know, it's near Ugong. You can ride a jeep to get there)
The elderly woman just nodded. She looked old and frail. It seems like walking to Robinson's could be a problem.
"Ay miss, sakay na lang po kayo ng Taxi." (Miss, you can ride a cab) And I offered her my one and only ride to Ortigas Building. I know it was going to be at least 15 minutes until I get another cab.

I walked from where I was to ADB, and felt really sore. My feet were hurting cos of the heeled shoes I was wearing and for some weird reason, my tummy felt incredibly full. (Yes, yes, I have forgone all types of diet and ate some bagels earlier, and I really should have taken the Imodium my brother kept asking me to take.)

When I got to the office, I was sweating and puffing. But man, that really felt good. Maybe I was meant to be a doormat. Take that, Myles! Haha!

MRT Ride

Rode the train to work today.

Had a fun time watching two lesbian chicks make out in the femme carriage. The fun part was that Blue was carrying a phone and had Backstreet Boy songs blaring so loudly while making out with Pink.

To the tune of "Quit Playing Games with My Heart", yup they were making out alright.

Along came a bunch of mommies.

"Hay, Diyos me! Immoral". (OMG! That's immoral!)

I didn't honestly know what was more immoral. Making out in a public place, making out as lesbians, or listening to the Backstreet Boys when they've disbanded EONS ago...

Humanity Loses Face Again

I just finished watching History's Secrets, from Nat Geo. It was an episode of Adolf Hitler's supposed disappearance from Berlin when the Red Army invaded and imploded half of Germany to get him to surrender.

It was a jam-packed hour, detailing how Nazi aids and officials have taken the cowards' way out and swallowed vials and vials of cyanide to escape Stalin's retribution. It was even more embarrassing to find out that Hitler, despite all of the destructive orders and pain he brought upon everything he claims to hold dear, Germany, Berlin and Europe, he chooses to die in his own bunker, biting down on a vial of cyanide and shooting himself with his own gun, only to escape Stalin. Back then, criminals' bodies were impaled upon poles to be displayed promptly in front of people to serve as a reminder never to commit the same crimes. Mussolini's remains were hung for the general public to see, including his mistress' remains after being killed by Communists. Adolf Hitler never become something that can be hung, he had his officers char his remains before Stalin could have him.

A few hours ago, I found out that a male friend has still been looking for a doctor to abort his unborn child. That is incredibly painful for me, after we have specifically spoken that he should not abort the baby, nor will I support him. He went to another friend, a woman, who while being married and supposedly smart, thinks that a baby that is just a few months old can be considered a tadpole. She mentioned something like it doesn't matter cos it's just a bunch of cells, and that it would be better instead of having fights in the future. Referencing people who, if possible, would turn back time, just to avoid having children to avoid being miserable.

Her last message burned me. "I know you're into having babies..." and something that resembled that tghe only logical, rational and practical thing to do is to make sure that the bunch of cells would be removed to avoid having a miserable relationship.

I replied. "I'm not into having babies. I'm into doing what's right."

I refused to tell the man what would abort the baby. They can experiment all they want. I will not use that little shred of knowledge I have in curing people to kill an innocent child. I simply refuse to condone what he is doing and the female friend supposedly helping him.

Adolf Hitler was a megalomaniac, and he was able to acquire that power. He used it and destroyed something he claimed to love. It can be juxtaposed with the example of having so much power over your own body. Pro-choice, supposedly. When you exercise power over your own body and destroy someone else's life in the process, does it make it a choice? Or does it make it murder? While intent and fear plays a major part in making that somewhat awkward decision, did anyone ever consider that the baby is real, and already has life? It's not some fucking bunch of bloody cells!

While I have no moral ascendancy on this topic and can not throw the first stone, it pains me to know that humanity, in my eyes, has lost face again.

Day in and out, you hear of people killing other people for something as petty as a few bucks, a bottle of beer, a cellphone, a lottery ticket... Day in and out, you encounter people at the worst days of their lives and yet you try to live a life that is real and pure. Believing in the goodness of people's hearts... Trying so hard to grasp that humanity in its most powerful form is great, noble, altruistic and moral - at least, ethical... Holding on to the hope that somehow, people are virtuous, principled...

I'm quickly losing faith in humanity... but what hurts most, is that people I thought were rightful and would understand me were not the people I thought they were.

Cheaters

This is a show about people who cheat on their spouses and significant others.

My brother told me to watch it with him. Slightly funny... Because I saw the episode that showed a very pretty young woman that was worried because her boyfriend seems to always ditch her for his friends. Supposedly, he can't join her for lunch cos he has to meet up with the guys, headed by his friend "Joe". That was extremely funny because OMG! Everyone who cheats probably has a friend named "Joe".

So the girl gets the Cheaters' licensed PI's to stalk Mr. Cheating Bastard, who probably should burn in hell, and to find out through video evidence that the dude is cheating. The dude was indeed cheating, giving lavish gifts to the other girl. The dude was a broker and the girl was incredibly loyal, and kept crying as she was watching the footage. I mean, my heart just broke for the poor girl. It was incredibly painful for her to be watching the man she loves making out with another woman.

So comes the confrontation scene. She gets advised to wait around a downtown street and when the cheating dude comes up with the other woman, she lunges at him and slaps his across the jaw. The following scenes makes Jerry Springer seem like PeeWee Herman's show. They fight for a few minutes, the dude blaming the girl about not having sex with him and always being out and working all the time. I mean, come on, that was unbelievably evil of him. He denied it over and over again. And he, at the end of the show, claimed that he is of a different level of distinction and he is only giving the girl a few more weeks to realize that. Ugh! The nerve of some men.

I have just one little simple rule in life. If you feel like you are not happy anymore, you quit... Quit a relationship, quit a marriage, but never ever cheat!

Desperate Housewives and Philippine Med Schools

Online Videos by Veoh.com

I'm glad she's pregnant. I'm glad it's with Mike. Woot woot for Susan!

I've been a loyal fan of this show.

But they shouldn't be racists.

Nothing so cute and witty and even desperate about being Filipino and having a medical license from the Philippines!

Sign the petition to ask for an apology from ABC and the writers and producers of Desperate Housewives.

To: ABC
To the producers of "Desperate Housewives" and ABC:

We are writing to express concern and hurt about a racially-discriminatory comment made in an episode of Desperate Housewives on 9/30/07. In a scene in which Susan was told by her gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause, she replied, "Can I just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines."

As members and allies of the Filipino American community, we are writing to inform know that this type of derogatory remark was discriminatory and hurtful, and such a comment was not necessary to maintain any humor in the show. Additionally, a statement that devalues Filipinos in healthcare is extremely unfounded, considering the overwhelming presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the medical field. Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United States, with many entering the U.S. (and successfully passing their U.S. licensing boards!) as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world. So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino Americans in health care is extremely disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant. Many of the hospitals in major metropolitan areas of the U.S. (and the world) would not be able to operate without its Filipino and Filipino American staff members.

As Filipino Americans and allies, we band together to ensure that this type of hateful message should not be allowed to continue on our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell (against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers, the show's actors, and ABC itself.

We demand a public apology to the Filipino American community, and we demand the episode be edited to remove the ignorant and racist remark. We will not allow hateful messages against our community (or any other oppressed community) to continue.


Sincerely,

The Undersigned

I am signature 26521. Click this link to sign the petition.

A Customer's Worst Nightmare

Yes... I have fallen prey to the snazzy advertising and the cheesy theme about connecting to loved-ones abroad. Aren't we all suckers for that whole crap about connecting to people you care for the most?! At one point or another, you only want to make your life easier, hence my need to have internet connection at home.

I have been a loyal consumer of this broadband company. In fact, I was one of the oldest customers of this brand. Ever since they started their campaign, I have been loyally paying my bills, lining-up to get decent customer service and yes, even commenting on their forums. I even have a friend who works for them!

Last week, I was aghast! No internet connection! Meaning, I won't have the chance to see and talk with Jeoff who's MILES away. Did I ever mention how much I was looking forward to talking with him?! Well, I was! I was looking forward to it very much! I mean, it's bad enough we're not together, let alone not seeing each other, but OMG, those people from the broadband company didn't make it easy.

On Saturday, I was tasked to troubleshoot the connection with this agent named "Jasper Atienza" over the phone. And I was very very patient. I know what it is like giving instructions over the phone since I used to work as an Internet Service Guide. Oh dear! Damned thing is I knew how to manipulate the situation too. I asked for an immediate house visit by their technician and I wanted it PRONTO! Since I was just a few blocks away and I have been with their company for a year, so and so... Poor "Jasper" had to say yes, because I bet his AHT (Average Handling Time) was increasing due to moi.

Fast forward a few hours after, I called again. Some lame ass agent answered the call and said that she is seeing a report. I called for a supervisor. Wanting a direct quote from a supervisor. After 15 minutes of being put on hold, some supervisor named "Mike Revilla". (Why I'm so lavishly adorning my blog with their names is because I'm SURE these aren't their real names!) He promised me a visit this Monday. So I assumed things were going well.

Lo and behold, Monday came and the people didn't visit me on the supposed time. I set an appointment from 9AM - 12NN. People know that this means BEFORE lunch and it means WITHIN the hours of 9 in the morning until 12 in the afternoon. I called up and some dude which I didn't bother getting the name of answered and got all panicky and crazy. I was really pissed...

It's one thing to let people know of an estimated resolution time. It's another when you don't get what you were promised or what you were told. The agent said that if I could wait one more hour.

It was 2PM. I was getting mighty pissed.

"If you don't get your tech people here within the day, I swear, I'm gonna tell all my friends and my family and everyone else I know never to sign up for your lame ass service again..." I hung up and sat down. I smoked a stick. Ugh! So infuriating!

The tech people came at around 7PM. Time when I got to work.

My dad was messaging me the whole time. They want this and that and I couldn't attend to these question because I was busy!


When I got home, I needed to reconfigure a whole set of internet connections that they didn't use and the reconfigure the one they used. (READ: How many LAN Cards can you have in one PC? Apparently we have three!) After 15 minutes, I was surfing omce more...

I feel kinda bad now that I yelled at the customer service dude last week. It wasn't his fault. But it does get really tiring and really disappointing when people tell you things and they don't deliver. Especially when they place blame on someone or something (THINK: It's raining really hard, We have a lot of customers scheduled, etc.). I'm not saying I always do a bang-up job when I'm the one promising something. It just means that I try. Sadly, those people I spoke with were not even trying. They were probably willing to agitate me so I'd hang the phone up and just redial and I'd fall into the crack of the almighty telephone router system.

So whoever reads this and you're working for a customer service company or you're a customer-please, be nicer.

The Twisted Net

The long and winding road of knowledge never ceases to amaze me.
In a span of a few minutes, I was able to edit a lot of things including an old resume template, my blogger template and an obsolete blog that I use to talk behind people's backs. Haha-I'm kidding about the last item.
All over the net, we get blogs from everyone - blogs about remembering, forgetting, understanding and some are just actual logs of a person's life. You can just imagine the wealth of knowledge you got in a teeny tiny box called a modem.
Sadly people abuse this knowledge and post really evil things. I was shocked by one blog that featured naked pictures of kids. I was randomly lurking (read: blog-hopping) when I chanced upon that site. I immediately clicked on "Report" and moved on to the next blog. That was not something I wanted to see or anyone else to see!
Child pornography is defined as any depiction of children in a sexual manner. It could be naked pictures of children, or children in sexual acts with grown men or also children. It is a form of sexual abuse and in all degrees - wrong, wrong, wrong! Morally, rationally and even mentally sickening!

In the Philippines, September 28th was declared "The National Day of Awareness and Unity against Child Pornography".

Help stop child pornography... Click on this link to report twisted images over the net.

I believe...

I believe that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe that you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've had.

I believe that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for our grief.

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe that people who don’t even know you can change your life in a matter of hours.

I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Why Do Men Cheat

Why Men Cheat
Blog Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Nov 30, 2006, 10:34 am PST
Men's Health Magazine
Yahoo Health

Of course, we all know that while men and women are both capable of cheating, it's often the guys who have the biggest problem keeping their belts firmly buckled. And we all know that no matter who it's with, why it's done, or where the after-hours canoodling takes place, cheating is-most of the time-the ultimate relationship death sentence. But instead of dwelling on what happens after the cheating takes place, one of the ways to perhaps prevent infidelity is by knowing a little bit about why men stray. I'm not offering them as excuses, merely explanations as to what happens in that brain (and other body parts) of his-in hopes that you might be able to prevent it. Here, the top reasons why men cheat:

To Fulfill His Biology: You know the old anthropological tale. A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy. It's a man's biology to want to wander. Does that mean he should, or that he can't help it? Of course not. But it does mean that a man is going to have strong-extremely strong-biological urges to knock on the doors of neighboring huts. I have had this argument/discussion/conversation with dozens of men and women: Are men predestined to cheat? My answer is no, they're not-despite their biology. But often times, they do have to fight it. Especially after a pitcher and two shots of Jack.

To Get the Attention: News flash: Sure, some guys cheat because, well, maybe the sexual frequency has slowed a bit, and maybe hot-and-heavy happens at home about as often as Rob Schneider gets nominated for an Oscar. But the truth is that plenty of men who are having regular sex with their partner are also having sex with someone else. Why? Because cheating isn't just about the sex. Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than what she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home. Part of the allure of the mysterious woman isn't just to find out what she looks like naked; it's that the woman showers the man with flirtations, with seduction, with advances that make him feel like he's worthy of more than just fixing dents in the drywall.

To Get Out: I know lots of guys who simply don't have the strength to end it. They may try ("I'm just not happy"), or they may take other tactics to drive a woman away. A lot of guys simply have trouble breaking off relationships because they don't want to be perceived as that bad guy, the jerk, the insensitive lout who ended something good. So they tiptoe around the issue in hopes that she'll get so frustrated that she'll back out first. Well, if that doesn't work, then a man knows that the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens.

To Change Up His Play List: Think about what's on your iPod. You have your favorite songs you play over and over, but every once in a while, you're in the mood to hear something you haven't played in a long time. You don't need to hear it but once every month or so, but still, you appreciate the changeup. Relationships need to be like good iPods lists. You're comfortable with your routine and you like your routine, but it's always nice to change things up. What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while. In order to keep the relationship strong, you've got to change the songs every once in a while. That goes for in the bedroom and out.

Source: Yahoo

This is an article I saw. Pretty darn good one too. But if you ask me why men cheat...I think it's because they're not aware that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

the compromise

i'm not a perfect person, well, nobody is...
i have made mistakes and i have made irrevocable damage time and again.
i have fought time, tide and crossed so many chasms
and yet i feel new
i feel new to everything that has been happening to me.
i have tried several times to push the envelope in so many ways and yet...
why does it still feel as if nothing i do is enough?
nothing i say is enough?
nothing i feel is strong enough to sustain my life?
the compromise is to stay strong everyday of your life when all you feel like doing is giving up....
the compromise is to fight tears that are falling every minute when you feel like breaking down....
the compromise is to hide what you feel day in and day out, hoping that someone can hold on to you for just a minute before you fall into your infernal hell...
the compromise is to fight the feelings that will never be good for you....
the same feelings that you thought would keep you alive-
the same feelings that are killing you now
the feelings that i have for you.