Paralyzer

For lack of a better title. I opted for Finger Eleven's hit song, Paralyzer.
Yes...
I am perplexed.

House has a husband who has been with her for 8 years. Turns out that House' hubby was already married to someone else which totally invalidates their marriage. Funny how people who wished so hard that they were not married end up to be unmarried after all.

I want to say "Well, you asked for it..." and yet I can't.

For crying out loud, I am incredibly messianic. I was before and I still am. I still feel good about helping people out no matter what their problems are. There's no point in helping someone who doesn't want to be helped and would tear at me like a leopard at every chance.

I went offline - stealth - so no one in that office would see me.

It's so hard to be this way.

I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.
-Finger Eleven

Award from Raika

Got this from Raika. It comes with a tag too... I had no idea that you can actually tag with an award...nonetheless, it's all good. :)

Here are the rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules.
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves. You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and also to read your blog.

10 Random facts/habits about me.

1. I am a coffee addict. I need at least 3 cups to be able to function well. I love the darker type of coffee, so less cream and less sugar is all good. My favorite drink is iced latte, with less milk if possible. I can also go for espresso.
2. I am a big fan of TV shows that have something to do with spies (Chuck, Alias, Burn Notice), investigators (all CSI shows, Mastermind, Discovery Crime Series, House - it's like CSI but instead of a criminal, they're looking for a disease, Cold Blood, Interpol Investigates, Pushing Daisies), army/navy majors (NCIS, The Kill Point), and simple people - lawyers, teeners, etc - stumbling upon crime and trying to right the wrong (Buffy, The Practice, Boston Legal, Judging Amy).
3. I consider my colored contact lenses as some type of mask. I like the fact that I can hide my emotions because my eyes are very expressive. When I was still teaching in front of a large crowd (150 people or so as an NHO Trainer in PeopleSupport, thanks very much!), I liked wearing the colored contact lenses because it makes me feel that I'm someone else because see fact 4...
4. I have several phobias:

• Speaking in front of a huge crowd...
• Falling from the Ortigas MRT station into the pavement and being squished by a bus - trust me, it ain't pretty...
• 1920's jazz music...
• Water - the type that doesn't have bodies of land around it. An island is fine, or something inside a pool. However, beaches where I can't see land or sand totally freak me out. It makes me feel like I'm drowning or something...
• Inhaling Sarin, Mustard Gas or Agent Orange. I heard that it can be an excruciating death.

5. I am a pretty good cook - especially pasta recipes.
6. My bags are usually huge purses. They contain almost everything. I have sanitizers for all parts of my body, even my feet. This is because I often wear sandals which don't do much to protect my feet from dirt.
7. I prefer working at night because of the fact that the traffic isn't bad. I love the fact that I can come to the office anytime I want and not get penalized for it. :)
8. Whenever I get asked for my opinion, I usually say "it's up to you" and then proceed to say "but if you ask me...". I know it's something my friends hate me for, but for some reason, I have a lag when it comes to speaking my mind. I usually have to weigh whether I will hurt the other person's feelings.
9. The evil side of Meg comes out in dire tardiness for a meeting and in deep, convoluted traffic. She hasn't come out for some time.
10. The creepiest things that have happened to me include the following:

• Being bitten by a centipede when I was 10.
• Seeing a scorpion which was as big as my index finger in our warehouse (in the auto parts shop) when I was 12.
• Drinking a soup of snake skin and freshly-ground locust insides with a dried twig-like catterpillar when I hit puberty. When I started menstruating, I would get clammy and pale-white so my dad brought me to all types of doctors until he stopped with the gynes and went to a Chinese herbalist. The concoction didn't taste so bad. Honestly! It tasted like ginger...
• I usually grind ice with my teeth everytime I drink cola or soda. Once, I started chewing on ice and felt a different kind of crunch. When I spit it out, I learned that I had just eaten half a spider.

By the way, depsite this supposed affinity with the above-mentioned kingdom animalia species, I still choose to avoid them.

I'm tagging whoever wants to join this crazy game. :)

Content - tion

For some reason, I have been quite silent. I somewhat love the serenity I feel now. It's not so bad. It just goes to show how a little perspective can make you feel a whole lot better.

I'm pretty thankful for everything that has been happening. I know it doesn't make for a good read, nonetheless, I intend for people to know that life is such an amazing thing. Not because I'm in love or because the world revolves around me. It's more because you always have that ability to see within yourself and see the people around you - in different aspects. I am fortunate that I can feel my worth to people, and I can value people because they're worth a lot to me.

I've always believed that women should never be contented. They should never be satisfied. I remember refusing massages because I like the fact that my muscles are taut and overworked. I like the fact that my fingers have gotten calloused, because of typing away to create a manual. I remember asking for so much more from the man I love because I thought before, I should never be satisfied with just one thing. I used to think that the world revolved about asking for more and feeding my desire to be the best. I used to be so ambitious that it scared the heck out of me - the things I was capable of doing, the things I wanted to be... Now, when I look back, somehow, it doesn't make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still driven as ever, but I would never, ever destroy anyone to pursue something that I want. I think I've had my share of karmic consequences already, thanks very much.

Why is it that women just have this natural tendency to want stress?

Is it because we know that life should always be stressful? Or because we never want to be idle? Or simply because we choose to be spread too thin that we forget what it's like to relax and let the tide flow?

We always want to do something about who we are.

I was always closed to the idea that someday, I'll enjoy just having a good afternoon in front of the TV. I needed to work all the time. For some reason, I understand life now. I understand that working is just one of those faculties people have to earn money. Life is to be enjoyed. It's too short to close to the wonders of love and truth and people and places...

It was Madonna who first tried reinventing herself. She did this so many times that I've lost count. Not bad for a one-time waitress.

She says it well...

How can life be what you want it to be?
You're frozen...when your heart's not open

No Fairytales

I will never let my children read fairy tales - ever! Especially when I have a daughter...

See, one of the things that fairy tales taught me was to hope for a prince in his shining silver armor, in his white horse to come and rescue me from everything that I am in. It seems that every woman in my age group still has that notion that someday, their princes will come.

Somehow, it's not good for the female psyche. It sucks that while most women have the ability to run Fortune 500 companies, or have the ability to perform as a hyphenate, they still have the notion that marriage is the finality of the race - IE: the finish line.

I saw my Tita the other day, and she stayed over for breakfast (french toast, wieners and fruit, thank you very much...), she asked me about my "marriage plans". I said I have a boyfriend and that we're very happy to which she prodded, "What, ayaw niya matali sa yo?" (Literal translation: "What, he doesn't want to be tied to you?")

The [roblem with "well-meaning relatives" is that they have the ability to make you feel less deserving than when you first started dating. When I was 24, I was being asked for a boyfriend. Now that I am 27, I am being asked for a husband. It's like no one wants to talk about how I single-handedly organized the training department of a young company and how I made sure that the training evaluation program was set in place. No one wants to talk about how I got off a car accident alive last year. No one wants to talk about how smooth my skin is thanks to the new Clean and Clear Refreshing Wash I use which is a steal at only Php 119.00. Everyone - well-meaning relatives or not, want to talk about how important marriage is, like I'll never get my happily ever after if I don't get married soon.

I smiled halfway through my delicious french toast (made with skimmed milk - thanks to how anal I am when it comes to cooking healthier food for my folks), and sat there - perplexed. I gave her the envelope she needed and proceeded to the dirty kitchen to smoke one good stick of cigarette.

While Cinderella might have been a non-smoker, the tar and coal and everything in that fireplace might have given her enough high for the days when she had to clean the fireplace. I thought about what my aunt said. And thought about why Jeoff doesn't want to marry me. It's just not time yet. I totally get that. It sucks because I see the logic in this whole waiting game. I just don't understand why sometimes, I'm gripped with fear that he will march off and leave.

Somehow, I get the idea. I understand that I'm not Rapunzel with the long hair, I'm not Snow White with the seven dwarves. I'm no Cinderella either. I'm just not a princess, and I'm not looking for a prince. I'm just a simple woman, who wants a simple man. But indeed, life is complicated. There's no happily ever after. There's work to be done after a relatonship comes alive - and you really have to do everything to make it happen.

The Ultimate List

I was asked by Tito Doy to create a list of 5 things I can't live without. For some reason, I have put it off for some time, and until I told Jeoff, I didn't really have 5 things.

Well, here's my crack at my important list:

1. Sense of Humor

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James

Isn't it a wonder that I love William James? He's a pragmatist - and pragmatists see the world in terms of what works best. And he's absolutely right. If common sense adds some color to a boring conversation, so can wit and humor. This is one of the things I can't let go of. I need someone who can take me seriously and someone who knows when to laugh at my silliness and stupidity without insulting me, and wounding my pride. As any pragmatist knows, you lead something in the way that is most practical and convenient for the world - only when in doubt do you call upon the ideal and the almost impossible. And honestly, I don't see the world at its best without being able to laugh at myself and laugh at the world...

2. Sense of Responsibility

“Responsibilities gravitate to the man who can shoulder them..."
Elbert Hubbard

Elbert Hubbard was an American philosopher who wrote of a Titanic passenger', Ida Straus, whose last few hours on earth consists of refusing to be saved while her husband remained in the half-sunken liner. While that story has been passed on for generations, his philosophies remained in one of the hand-crafted books. One of the philosophies would be to explain why responsibilities tend to gravitate to men who seem to be in control of their own destinies. Nonetheless, it always was something that women look for. They understand that to have a good mate, it is necessary for that mate to be a good provider, if not a good partner. Responsibility for me doesn't mean being the sole provider, it just means not running away from the things you are already doing. People tend to complain and fight what they don't like but at the end of the day, because they are responsible enough, they fight for the things that keep them up at night.

3. Affection

“The fact is that people are good, if only their fundamental wishes are satisfied, their wish for affection and security. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.”
Abraham Maslow

Maslow created the idea of a hierarchy of needs. It seems ridiculous. The basic need of a human being are the physiological ones. It's actually not just that - each little thing that a human being needs is chronicled here. The idea of loving and belonging to someone actually curtails any other level of self-actualization or esteem. Love a person fully and they tend to become more confident, more accepting and more creative. Psychoanalyzing my needs and projecting it as just one of the things people need definitely decreases my uniqueness factor, yet nonetheless, it is true. It won't be here unless it was proven otherwise. Affection raises my esteem about the person I'm with and the person I am with that person I'm with (Did y'all get that?!) Mainly because if I feel assured about something, it transcends every little thing that I do. The same way men supposedly wish to hear that they make their wives happy (According to both "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom), women also need to hear that they are the only ones that light up their husband's lives. They want to be treated like princesses - not through gifts and favors but by mere words and gestures. The acts of love and affection that a man gives the woman he loves are the treasures she cherishes and not the gifts or the years.

4. Intelligence

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid"
Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein failed in an entrance examination for ETH Zurich, because he lacked one school degree. Nonetheless, he is correct when he said these words. It is but natural for people to have their own talents and their own devices and when tested against these things they possess innately, they tend to crumble and pale in comparison to others. No one can write like Shakespeare or play tennis like Serena Williams. Everyone has their own level of intelligence to show and to nurture. That's why in love and life, you need someone who can understand your level of intelligence - someone to believe in your intelligence yet respects your stupidity and appreciates the gap between them.

5. Honesty

“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time”
Dave Van Ronk

Finally, the lost art - honesty... Yes, no matter how painful and how righteous it makes you, according to Dave Van Ronk, an influential New York folk singer who later was dubbed "Mayor of MacDougal Street" because of the last song he released. In a marriage, you need someone who can tell you when it's over. You don't want to keep on pushing or pulling when all that exists between you and your loved one is a thick brick wall that's harder to demolish than the Great Wall of China. People often say that what the other one doesn't know won't hurt him (or her), but honestly, if it eats at you the way parasites do, then better 'fess up. I was trained to lie at the tender age of 21 - when I became a sales agent. To be the top seller, I'd have to twist the truth a little - you know, the kind that has a ring of truth yet has a drizzle of lie? I think that's the most dangerous kind of lie...but that's another story. Nevertheless, I just know that for a fact, the one person I want to be with for the rest of my life shouldn't be lied to. Because if I do lie to him - what separates him from other people?

Addendum...

Jeoff's 5 Things

1. Understanding
2. Sense of humor
3. Someone who isn't shallow or materialistic
4. Strong-willed
5. Someone with big boobs...

Ok, I think I'm number 5. I don't know about the others, LOL!

Tag - Christmas List

Sorry Starter Mom, didn't see the tag...
Nonetheless, here's my list... Christmas Wish List:

material stuff:
1. 3 pairs of pants from Zara - the baggy ones with the nice comfy pockets that make your backside look nice though it's just an illusion. :) Besides, Jeoff has been wanting me to look like a woman, and not a girl... I totally want them cos they make me look very "professional".
2. A really nice feminine purse - not the types of purse I carry that look like man-purses. It should be leather with tassels - I dunno, I just love the ones with tassels. I think that's the reason why the bags I carry look like murses (Read: Man Purse)
3. A Macbook. I don't care what kind of Macbook it is, I know I'm going to earn enough money to get one for myself real soon. :)

"big" stuff:
1. My very own condo unit. Be it in Ortigas or in Makati. I think I really am hating the long drive home.
2. A nice car would be wonderful... Plus a year's supply of gas and free parking! :)
3. Someone to pay for the reception of my non-existent, non-happening wedding. Well, I just want someone to take care of the stuff should it happen like I dunno, 4-5 years from now.

others:
1. A big fat paycheck :) I think I have to consult my boss for this one.
2. A cool way to lose weight without dieting or exercising... Like Xenical without the bad side effects (Read: Oily Flatulance) ... Yeah right!
3. An all-expense paid trip to Canada - plus my VISA, plus a nice job and a nice car. Ok, I am begging the immigration gods to allow me to leave ASAP.

super wishes:
1. More money for my savings - around 100K for when I decide that I shouldn't work for my company anymore - ie: pambayad sa bond...
2. More love and affection from the one I want love and affection from...'nuff said.
3. Health and love for the ones I love - family, friends, Jeoff's family, Jeoff and everyone I work with

Oh...and world peace! Amen!

Quite honestly, I'm pretty content with what I have. That's actually my lust list - as in the thing I really really want which I don't expect anyone to give me. Just in case though - I'm tagging Raika and anyone else who wants to join in the fun.

Tomorrow

Tonight, I intend to stay in the office until 5AM, eat some nice homemade BBQ from Banchetto. I totally intend to stay away from the fattening Brazo de Mercedes they sell over there. They make them Brazos like there's no tomorrow - it's meant for sharing - seriously.

Tomorrow, I intend to get some sleep. Read a good book (Sophie's World - yeah, yeah, very geeky again...Thanks very much!) and totally hang out with Indie. I want to go to Avenetto for a plate of their best Seafood Curry Pasta. I want to hear what has been going on with her... I miss that sparkling jolt of wisdom...

I seriously can't wait.

Sicko

I was watching Micheal Moore's documentary "Sicko" the other day with my dad. Yes, we're a fairly geeky family, we love documentaries... Nonetheless, it was amazing how American politics tend to favor the bigger conglomerates, ie: Kaiser Permanente and Blue Cross which are HMO's.

It was amazing even that in this amazing time of universal healthcare, the Americans tend to dismiss the old, underprivileged citizens. It was shown how most hospitals take care of the citizens that do not have enough medical coverage - they dump them in a cab to take them to skid row because that's the best bed in town. In skid row, they can find charity-driven institutions to care for them. There was a footage shown wherein an older lady was dumped by a cab near the curb of the hospice, dazed and confused, in a hospital gown. Had it not been for the hospice, the older woman would have died freezing and confused still in the middle of skid row with no idea what was already done to her in terms of medical attention. Kaiser Permanente has asked the initial hospital she went to to dump her in skid row.

Another noteworthy sequence was talking about the 9-11 rescue workers. While then mayor Guiliani has proposed that the city will take care of the firemen, and several thousand government-employed rescue workers, they failed to take into consideration the volunteer firefighters and the rescue workers - primarily EMTs which made it to Ground Zero to risk their lives only to find out that the government will not even give them a single cent for their healthcare. Of the three that were interviewed, all of them have given up their jobs, their families and their apartments in New York because of the cost and the incredibly ridiculous cost of medicines that the government "doesn't owe them".

Apparently, the terrorists from Al-Queda who are currently being held in the camp located in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba currently have been receiving excellent healthcare from the military medical team.

Moore rounded up his team of sick Americans and brought them to Guantanamo Bay, in hopes of receiving the same healthcare being given to the terrorist captives. Upon arriving at Guantanamo Bay, the officers of the said military camp sounded a siren - indicating that Moore and his party had to leave or else, be shot in the waters. It was an amazing thing - to be turned away by the same people who care for those that live with the terrorist captives.

They rounded the entire party and went to Cuba instead where everyone - including the 9-11 volunteer rescue workers - were given immediate medical attention. Asthma medications cost USD0.05 when it costs a wqhopping USD100.00 or so in the US. It was heartbreaking to see one of the rescue workers break down in the middle of the filming of the documentary - she was shaking her head and said "This is an insult... 5 cents here? And I had to pay so much for it in the US?".

Another heartbreaking scene was when the fire department of Havana, Cuba paid homage to the volunteer rescue workers that were in Havana. It was a touching scene when the Fire Marshall mentioned that "Fire fighters in the whole world are a family." (In my halting Spanish, he basically mentioned that we're all brothers, but the subtitles indicated something else.) They also mentioned that it was an honor standing in front of those who scarificed through the 9-11 tragedy. It was a touching scene. In New York, no one knew who these people were, let alone cared for them. In Cuba, they were seen as heroes...and as people who needed to be treated with respect.

Now my question is, why the hell is the Philippines so enamored with everything that came from the US? The cars, the bling, the shows, the movies, the lifestyle, the politics?

The HMOs here are being as evil as Kaiser Permanente. There's nothing wrong with making money. But OMG, the incredible things that people do to make sure that no one receives anythingt for free brinsg me back to the days when I used to work in PGH. It was cramped, dark and gloomy, with only a PHP1000.00 limit for all in-patients who needed medicines.

This is the life we live. The life that is patterned after the incredibly duplicitous laws of the United States. When will we ever learn? Socialized healthcare is not the answer.

Oh Sarah

Sarah Palin, who became Governor of Alaska in 2006, has become the darling of the press. It has been mentioned several times in "The View", topbilled by Barbara Walters, how strong a woman she is and how comfortable Barbara is in thinking that a second woman has run as a vice-presidential candidate. It's pretty admirable, I would say, except that in this case, she might be a little too raw to be the second-in-command for one of the world's superpowers.

Case in point, the prank of two French-Canadian comedians who convinced Palin that she was talking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy. They talked about hunting (something she majorly supported as a mayor in Alaska's Wasilla where the comedians said something about killing baby seals (poor creatures!) and not to brng Dick Cheney along. They also talked about a biography called "Nailin' Paylin" that turned out to be a Hustler video to which Ms. Palin said "Oh good...". Wow... It seems quite remarkable how a vice presidential candidate wouldn't firstly, know what kind of biographies are out there about herself, and not know that what was happening was a prank. The moment that the person pretending to be Sarkozy said that he was friends with the "Prime Minister" of Quebec should have already alerted the woman that this was indeed a prank.

Well, why am I brewing over this? Because for some reason, people get dazzled with an idea - first lady vice president should the people vote for her charms and supposed intelligence. For some reason, I don't understand how and why McCain was enamooured by the idea of a Sarah Palin running his office with him. It's been wonderful entertaining the idea that she is going to be an all-American Christian lady with values to boot and ideals to supply to white-collar America but for some reason, peopl should absolutely read the Branchflower report prior to making up their minds.

Usually, all that glitters is not gold.

PS: I hate myself for doing this, but below is a video from Obama Girl, a Youtube performer, showing a parody of Sarah Palin's life. It's pretty damned funny.

Spiderman

This is relatively funny. Apparently, there is a Japanese version of Spiderman. And I had to look for it on Youtube but it was so worth it. LOL!