The "Salamat" List

This year has been a great succession of pain, suffering, mental anguish and on the flipside, joy, success, happiness and love, yes, love... Not just for my man, but for a lot of people who have touched my life in one way or another.

One of those people is Indie and she's the one who tagged me.

The things I am grateful for...
1. Family. They are important to me...

• My mom and dad who has given me guidance and carried me and my burdens throughout. They gave me the foundation I have now, and I am glad that while I wasn't able to choose my parents, they are fabulous ones.
• My brother who despite being such an extremely radical emo kid, can be fun to hang with. I know we have our differences but I am ultimately your sister and thus, love has to be part of that equation.
• Jeoff whom I consider family already. I feel at home with him and I think I need no elaboration when I say that things I feel are beyond logic or reason. I am just grateful to have him in my life.
• Tito Doy and Tita Baby who are just wonderful people and have raised an amazing son. I know I should never presume that they will be family but then I sincerely believe that a person's family is an extension of who they are. Because I love their son, that automatically makes me love them.

2. Friends. Pardon the listing of all the people I have in my life, but it makes sense that I do this...

• Irish and Pao, who got married just this year who showed me that love does conquer all, even the idea of strangers meeting on a commuter bus. Irish has been a sister to me - she held my hand and prayed for me even though we know that we don't know how to pray anymore through the darkest and most horrifying moments of my life.
• Cym and Rix, who decided to have a baby and are doing so wonderfully as parents and as hubby and wife.
• Chloe who shares my single yet unavailable but unmarried girl-woes and shops with me although she totally hates my stodgy corporate style.
• Jack and Winch who have somewhat astounded me with the changes they have undergone over the years. Excellent job, boys! I hope the next change would be a bunch of ladies trailing after you. Haha!
• Indie who has remained a grounding and humbling factor in my life and is my source of wisdom. It's amazing to find people who are comfortable with who you are and what you believe in without judging you.
• Glenna who despite leaving for New Zealand has influenced me as a person, a professional and as a significant other.
• Myles who somewhat reminds me that people are always going to need people, no matter what happens. She also reminds me to be prepared for anything - and everything.
  
• Aileen and Arnel - my new "couple friend" who have taught me that marriage isn't happily ever after but is something that takes work and takes patience. They inspire me to be more practical and sensible in dealing with love.
  
• My new work friends... Yong who despite being the ultimate PC geek is also one heck of a great friend. I'm learning how to be more assertive because of him. Yogi is one of my most special friends ever. I am starting to love the idea of Will and Grace because of him. Thanks for the tips, sweetie! I luuuurve them! Ela who is sort of in the same boat as I am - she has to weather all the bad and the good and the ugly of being in a long-distance relationship, and I am just here sweetie. Rye who is great to hang with... I hope you stick to Ria and all the best to the two of you. Finally, Sheila, who is the living proof that married life isn't that amazing but it doesn't mean you can't have fun with it. It's good for me to see th different facets of how life is.
  
• Shaui whom I love and respect as a woman and as a fellow lover. While I don't see you much, you know I love you and I understand how everything works now. You're right. I ought to love myself first before anything else.
  
• Vicki whom I never really talked with in ITI, and yet is someone I totally miss as a friend. I know how amazing you are and honestly, I am blessed to see the evolution you went through. You are now a mom and a wonderful one at that.
• Tin whom I miss so much. I miss the moments where we can be ourselves and completely let ourselves go. I miss being able to drink Coke and finish one whole chicken and Sky Flakes with you! Or, the ability to eat 1 kilo of baked tahong! Gawd! I miss our food trips!
  

3. My job as Training and Development Coordinator for Merlin. Alright, I had to state the entire position. I am still as giddy as a little kid in becoming their coordinator. I said it! I am proud of my accomplishments. I am happy that I am one of the two practicing SDI-certified trainers in the entire Philippines. (The other one works for a consulting company and doesn't practice much and will have to go through my approval.) I am thoroughly amazed at what I was able to finish and present in 9 months' time. I am now technically coordinating for three sites - Manila, UK and Budapest and I participate greatly in recruitment in all three sites. I am grateful that I was given an opportunity and I was given that much return. I thank Matt and Charles for that chance. I am also grateful that I had that stint with ITI. Despite what people say, I learned so much about myself in ITI. It was an amazing experience to grasp people who are millions of miles away, and the ability to interact with people - something not normally given to me because I am not a talker - has propelled me to think about what would make me happy and what satiate my needs as a professional.

Huh, such a long list! But wait, there's actually more...

4. I am grateful for good health throughout the year. Yes, I get sick every now and then, but I didn't really had to go through any health scare. I learned I had asthma this year though. Pretty tough for a smoker but it gave me more push to at least cut back on the smoking.
5. My flexible schedule which allows me to be late most of the time without getting a memo or a pay cut.
6. Sun Cellular's 50 cents per minute IDD program. It technically started two years ago, but wow, because of the recession and the dollar rate plunging, I am actually paying less!
7. BLUE Cerium that has never failed me yet
8. CD-R King's cheapo Class A PC and iPod accessories.
9. My jurassic Nokia phone not giving up on me despite being dropped, whacked and squeezed so much.
10. Nivea's Silhouette Cream. Haha, 'nuff said.
11. Starbucks' Hungarian Sausage, Egg and Cheese on Ciabatta and Iced Caffe Latte. For some reason, and Jeoff knows this, I tend to never tire of something that I eat. I can actually eat something for a whole year and never get tired of it. Yes, weird I know...
12. My new-found ability to relax by watching TV - hours and hours of it will actually put me to sleep instead of keeping me up.
13. My recent never-ending quest for Zen moments in and out of the office. Ergo, being able to enjoy my bath, my cup of coffee in the early afternoon and my ability to stay in the office pantry to relax and have a chitchat with people to unwind.
14. Being paid quite well for a job that I really want to be doing, and having such an edge in the company.
15. Not necessarily being religious but being able to pray again, thanks to Irish.
16. The ability to afford a lot of the things I have never been able to afford before. A digicam, a nice new corporate wardrobe, a lot of flat shoes which I love, a bunch of face creams which I am obsessed with.
17. The ability to read novels again. Yes I am busy at work, but I think I have finally striked gold because I am able to balance work and life.
18. A great birthday with my family and friends. Jeoff celebrating his 30th year with his family as well.
19. Being with the man I love for almost 3 years now - or 4... Haha, we stopped counting.
20. An amazing and wonderful year over all...


Things I learned about life and myself...
1. I am capable of standing up and brushing myself off after mistakes I have made, whether critical or otherwise.
2. People can be pretty brutal. Sometimes, it's ingrained in their system. Sometimes, all you can do to protect yourself from these people is to avoid them completely.
3. Romance is nothing. Reality is everything.
4. Sense of humor is necessary. I need someone who can laugh at me when I overthink things.
5. Self-mockery isn't my defense mechanism. I like self-mockery because I like to make fun of people without offending anyone. Thus I make fun of myself. I think my defense mechanism is crawling under a rock.
6. I absolutely abhor people with a sense of entitlement over everything.
7. There are always options. (First principle of Buddhism, rephrased to my style... It actually reads "Violence is not an option".)
8. Make your accomplishments seem effortless. (From "48 Laws of Power", which I totally hate, but made sense to a point.)
9. Love is supposed to be a many splendored thing, but it takes a lot of hard work. I've said it before, and I will say it again.
10. I hate traffic and evil Meg rears her ugly head when she is stuck in traffic.
11. I can't tolerate someone who is incredibly negative and pessimistic. In short, should I get stuck with Daria, the Misery Chick, in an elevator, I would probably kill her, or maim her.
12. I love watching suspense drama.
13. I will never be able to shake off the insecurities I have. I always wish I was smarter, nicer, more beautiful, sexier and even more approachable. But then, everyone has insecurities. You either take it with a grain of salt or gouge your eyes out because you can't have it all. I choose the former.
14. Act. Don't react. (From "Xena, Warrior Princess".)
15. Loving myself was the most rewarding love of all. I used to think that I gave something my all, it would be a smart investment. Sadly, it was one of the worst business ventures I have had. It's great when you have a little savings account stashed away for a rainy day. (This, I totally got from Jeoff.)
16. It's okay to be happy. (If you were raised Catholic or an Orthodox Baptist, you'd catch my drift. Supposedly it's bad to feel sublime happiness. I don't really know why.)
17. I can be pretty artsy.
18. While I am mushy, I suck at explaining what I feel.
19. A zit bothers me. A cat prowling around the tin roof of my house bothers me. A group of people who enter before I even exit the lift are simply people who need to be bothered by their lack of elevator manners.

Finally...

20. Life is one huge gamble. You can win, lose or draw but you don't get judged based on the money on the table. It's the way you played the game...

The Way He Loves Me

It's pretty baffling how one man can change the way you look at things, how one man can change the perspective you have in this lifetime. I know I probably sound like a schoolgirl gushing about her crush on this guy but dear God, I don't what I ever did in this lifetime to find someone so amazing and so wonderful. He makes me laugh and think and appreciate the things I have in this life. He sits down with me and I am calm in the midst of Makati traffic. I am humbled by this feeling and I can't imagine how and why I ever mistook this for something that won't work. I can feel his love and it radiates all over.

Again, I don't mean to sound incredibly mushy about how I feel. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. It's 2:30 in the morning, I just finished a lovely dinner with him some hours ago, and still, I can't stop thinking about how beautiful everything was and still is. And I honestly can't wait until I get to spend some time with him again.

I am not going to lie, I think a little part of me is scared as hell because he will leave for Canada again. I'm scared because I don't how to go back to not seeing him again for another year. I seriously wish I can make him stay or that I can go with him.

Still, it doesn't matter for now. I want to live with what is, not what will be or what was. I love everything and I can't thank God enough for sending me such a wonderful and amazing man. I am blessed to have him.

Unexaggerate the Hyperbole

There is an oxymoron right there.

I can't believe I'm blogging at home. And at 6 in the morning. I just can't shake the feeling that I have something to say and I'm dying to tell the world, well at least the few people who actually read my blog. LOL!

Jeoff picked me up from work today. Seeing him and touching him after a whole year, 9 months. 3 weeks and 5 days almost made me cry, except that this time around, it felt like he never really left. We were joking around and laughing and just merely talking for an hour or so over a cup of coffee. I can't believe how amazing it is to see someone you love whom you haven't seen for so long. The feeling was amazing. I'm in absolute ecstasy.

I can't believe how tall he is. I wore flats to work today and my neck hurts like crazy from craning to the side so I can lean on him. He smells so good and he felt so amazing to lean on and to embrace. It felt better when I kissed him. I felt home. Like I was ok again after almost two years of being apart... I was ok again after all the stress and trauma of everyday life. Travelling to Makati after our Metrowalk coffee was pretty amazing too. Despite being stuck in traffic, it was ust one of the most touching times ever. He would lean over and kiss me and I would be just holding his hand. Ergo the slightly aching shoulders. I am indeed getting old and yet, I am as giddy as a schoolgirl gushing about her crush.

We decided to go our separate ways for today. He will watch a movie with his cousin and I need a massage - badly. I also need to work on 10,000 slides or so for that training session in January which I will not be conducting, woohoo!

I ditched Matt's farewell party so I can be with the man I love. It's well worth it.

So here I am, sore and tired from today's work. Yet I feel like I'm glowing. I don't even know what the heck it is that I feel but it feels like I'm bubbling from something and I don't really know what it is. Happiness? Maybe. I think happiness isn't this crazy. LOL!

The Kill Point

It is something I watch all the time. In fact, I rush home every Tuesday morning just to get to watch this show. It's exciting and it's got quite a twist. And it stars my favorite sloth (Ice Age), John Leguizamo. It's showing on FoxCrime in regular hours (think 8PM on Tuesdays) but airs as well at around 4AM.

It's a story of 5 ex-marine/army soldiers who planned a bank heist. They just came back from Iraq and were never the same. They invaded the Three Rivers Bank in downtown Pittsburgh and what followed was 8 episodes of extreme and superb drama, action and a little comedy. Donnie Wahlberg who stars as Cali, the negotiator, is so obsessed with grammar. He has little quirks and quips and allows you to be glued to the TV set and yet seated on the edge of your seat. I only have raves for John Leguizamo. Not only can he be Chichi (To Wong Foo), Sid (Ice Age), Tybalt (Romeo + Juliet), but he can be a terrifying terrorist...

Indie's Post

There's a reason why people have friends.
You can count the so many times that you can bend over and be someone's intellectual slave. In a company, in a relationship and sometimes, just simply being acquainted with one person.
But your friend will always appreciate the intellectual quirks and quips that you dish out without being bored and/or being bemused and will digest it for you. In some extreme circumstances, you even find it treasured.

I love you, Indie. Thanks for being that person for me. :)

PS: December 27th, let's have dinner with the man of my dreams.
PPS: That pic reminds me of your MSN avatar back then. :)

I Have a Music Video! LOL!

I was surfing the net a few months ago. I stumbled upon this nice site called Singsnap. This is where people record songs and if you're brave enough, even your face as you sing. :)

Here's one attempt at being Vonda Shepard. You might recognize the song from Ally McBeal.

My attempt at self-mockery... and another one from The Steps. It was a song that Yogi and I were discussing the other day. Supposedly when you listen to the song, it's for mistresses, I still don't know what it is for, but now I know it's supposed to be a duet. Boy, the song was fast! Before, it was something to do while I was waiting for Jeoff to come online for our weekly Skype chat. Now, it's a regular thing. He was the first to hear me singing through this site. Yes, yes, I know I'm no Mariah Carey but hey, I like singing. Gives me something to do... LOL!

Pardon the little promotion, it's because I went out with Chloe the other night. Just some random dinner and a little drink, last Friday. We went to Pink Pepper in Rob Place Midtown and were asked to sing in front of the audience. LOL! It would have been fun except that we were both not dressed for the part and I had a very stuffy nose.

We both promised to go back and sing a few tunes with the band. It was a warm reception and they had mashed potatoes to die for! I love it! :) We actually spent almost PhP1,300.00 not because of the drinks but because of the delicious food we had. Everything was money well-spent. The band wasn't half-bad too. Everyone was pretty comfortable with the songs, and I knew every song they played. It was fairly amazing!

It's All About Chemistry

All about chemistry
Won't you show me everything you've learned
I'll memorize everything you do to me so I can
Teach it when it comes my turn

Semisonic
"Chemistry"
from the OST of "40 Days and 40 Nights"

Alright, not exactly the kind of song I wanted to place on my blog, nonetheless, it's absolutely part of the soundtrack of my life. It's been playing in my head the whole day. I've been wondering about what to do for the rest of the day. Last night, I wasn't really able to sleep. I watched some TV after my weekly webcam date with Jeoff. It's amazing how much I can think of in one day. It's been more amazing what my brain can do even without caffeine.

I was thinking of organizing everything in my head. I wanted a file folder with all the necessary information there. I started to think about how organizations are planned. It takes careful and methodical planning - with back-up plans and contingency measures. I thought about businesses. How much feasibility studies and how many people would be able to run a site. What are the areas of expertise you need to make sure that everything is done to a T and in the most accurate fashion. I thought about my usual Chemistry experiments and thought about the molecules running and reacting with each other. It's of the same principle in a much larger scale. It's all about those quarks working together to form one atom. And in a company, it's all about those people working together as a team.

It just made me realize how everything in this world can be so complicated and so simple at the same time. Simple because you know how it works. Complicated because you don't have all that energy to make it work.

And it made me think. If life was a huge enterprise, it would be a lot easier. You'd be able to compartmentalize everything. Budgeting for the bills goes to accounting. Friend issues go to HR for handling. Major decisions (marriage, breaking-up, having a very vicious vice, change of religion) go to the Board of Directors. New friends will be managed by Recruitment. Daily decisions go to the Operations Managers.

Alas, life isn't a company. And things are somewhat managed by you and only you. So you have to toughen up and face the world with what you have.

Enchanted

How does she know that you love her? It's funny cos the first time I saw this, I was with House. Me being Wilson, trying to be a good friend. It's showing on HBO as I type this entry. It's weird because I've never been a fan of either Amy Adams or McDreamy Patrick Dempsey but this film has made me realize a lot of the things I love about falling in love, about romance and reality. It's this film about a princess in an enchanted land who gets thrown into a well by an evil queen where she ends up in New York and in the home of a single dad and his daughter, Morgan.

When you think about it, romance is kind of like that. It is this enchanted and pristine princess that gets thrown in a well and ends up in the harsh reality of New York. In my case, it's the urban hub of Ortigas. Everyone has problems. Why sacrifice the good times for the bad? And so I end this entry with the one song that made me cry from this movie. Something that I feel everyday...

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye
And never knew
So close was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close
We're so close to reaching
That famous happy ending
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming
Though we know we are
So close
So close, and still
So far...

Twilighted

Alright, I am officially bored. Jeoff will not be hearing from me in a few days, I think he needs a few days to actually miss me. I think I've been suffocating him lately. He doesn't seem too happy with me right now. Oh well...

I'm still amazingly happy that my boss, Matt, aka Mr. Shia LeBeouf, was very happy with my performance. He said I did a bang-up a job. It was great! I had a great appraisal with him. It felt genuine and honestly, I was also pretty thankful that I accepted this job. No matter how horrid it got, I can proudly say that I did my best.

Anyhow, I was reading Starter Mom's entry about this vampire Edward, from Twilight. I watched the movie and failed to read the book. Now I got to go get me that book. I feel so bonded to this vamp, Edward. It seems like it's a sin to love too much nowadays. Courtesy of "House," I felt like I had to let go of some of the affection I feel for the one I love. Thanks to "my love", I also had to lessen the whole romance factor as well because he gets turned off. Okay...well,seems like the undead can be a whole lot more romantic than the live ones...

Twilight Quiz by QuizRocket.com fun quizzes!
You are Alice Cullen. Your ability to foresee danger and misfortune doesn't diminish your bubbly optimism. You are a force to be reckoned with -- anybody with enough sense knows, you never bet against Alice.
» » Christmas Trivia Quiz - Naughty or Nice? « «
Make a Quiz | Christmas Song Lyrics | Twilight Quizzes | Dumb MySpace Quizzes

Took that quiz to check which one I am. Seems like I'm the weird one - the one who can see the future with the kickass hairdo in the movie. Well, I like her. I think we're going to be friends. I can totally see it - me as a vampire, as if I'm not pale enough. It's funny how this one movie and the whole book series totally changed the way people see romance. It sucks because it shows you that even someone as cool as Edward can execute lines like "You are my life now..." that just brings tears in your eyes. It almost made me stand up and clap in the theatre.

Sometimes though, you sit by and you let the reality bring you in and draw you to your life. Again, Edward Cullen is amazingly handsome and greatly fierce but he's been 17 for such a long time and well, vampires do have that old world charm. Compared to someone you are with at this life, who is not undead (Ok, double negation...), his anguished soul and tortured feelings of isolation would beg and cry and scream for someone to love.

Ok, enough of this talk. I better just watch some Kill Point and go back to reality.

Replied

Something that Dave wrote on my Multiply Page... I posted it as a comment but thought it was better as an entire entry. I miss my NHO Peeps. :(

One time, when Joey Benin was left alone in the house for the first time because the rest of the family went to Hong-Kong, he wrote these lines:

All those years I've longed to hold you in my arms
I've been dreaming of you
Every night I've been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you will be mine now
I just can't believe that you are mine now

You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be with forevermore

Yes, romance is still alive. But in the case of Joey, he had to compose it and turn it into one of Side A's most memorable songs.

Romance have to be created. You have to write it, work on it, practice it. If you wait for romance to come one day riding in a white horse, you'll be disappointed. Besides the traffic and pollution in Manila would probably take its toll on the horse. Romance is not always in the taking, it's also alive in the giving.

The guy who cooks up a mix of his favorite love songs on a cd and gives it to his office mate. The girl who writes a note of love on a post it pad and sticks it to his screen. The husband who picks up a copy of his wife's favorite John Loyd movie for them to watch together.

John Maxwell has this 30 second rule. When you meet someone, use 30 seconds to add value to the life of that someone. He believes that at the base of leadership are relationships and relationships exists through effort.

Romance is the same. I agree with John Cage, while most of the world may not give us romance, we can give romance to the world.

That's so beautiful...

Is Romance Dead?

Let not my love be called idolatry,
Nor my beloved as an idol show,
Since all alike my songs and praises be
To one, of one, still such, and ever so.
Kind is my love to-day, to-morrow kind,
Still constant in a wondrous excellence;
Therefore my verse to constancy confined,
One thing expressing, leaves out difference.
Fair, kind, and true, is all my argument,
Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;
And in this change is my invention spent,
Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.
Fair, kind, and true, have often lived alone,
Which three till now, never kept seat in one.

William Shakespeare
Sonnet 105

We've heard a thousand songs, seen a million movies and memorized Shakespeare's sonnets. It's been a weird hundred of years! Even Vampires from the movie "Twilight" has shone their own light on the idea of romance. It's an on-going debate and a supreme mind-altering mindwar regarding the thought of romance. Speaking as a single (read: unmarried and no plans of getting married in the near future) woman in Manila's urban hub, I can honestly say that yes, romance is dead.

It's a particularly gloomy idea. I have to state that. You can say that chivalry is dead and you know that when men in buses enjoy being seated instead of letting an older, slightly chunkier lady occupy that seat they're warming up, you've driven your point across. Whereas for saying that romance is dead, you'd have to prove first that the ideals of love died a long time ago, that the idea that flowers and chocolates are only commercial assets that only take the stage during Valentines' and surf n' turf is indeed just a meal.

Don't get me wrong, I never said love is dead. I said romance is dead. I said so and I believe it to be so. Life has become a dreary, everyday routine. Everyday, you come to work tired because of lack of sleep out of thinking of some bills you haven't paid... you clock in, wishing for at least a little fantasy, yet you need to make coffee - a fresh batch for your bosses and you just wish for the 9-hour humdrum to just speed up, hence you click away on your farm on Facebook wishing for a chance to win X amount of dollars,that is not real money, so you can farm some more... you reach the 5 o'clock mark, unaware that life has indeed materialized over the last 9 hours while you sit on your comfy ergonomic chair inside your office, wasting time... you reach home at 6, and immediately call the love of your life and realize that he too, was bored and yet challenged and there would be no poetry from his lips tonight. No songs of love will be heard. No praises or lauds would be there to uplift you after a day of nonsense. It's all a matter of just saying that "I had a long day"...

The whole idea of romance stems from the ancient Greeks. When Aristophanes mentioned that humans once had connected and conjoined limbs. Each "creature" had two parts - that of a man and woman, and these limbs functioned perfectly. It almost tore up the heavens because there was no need for the gods anymore. Everyone had sufficient strength and happiness. Then the gods were furious and thus, punished the humans. They were separated. And up to this day, humans would always search for the missing part of themselves to be found in another being, another soul, so together they would have enough strength, enough happiness - sufficient to last a lifetime. Romance was all about expressing that need - that ideal - that extreme and utter yearning that shakes you to your very core as a human being needing another human being.

Yet when you look closely, the Greeks failed to state that duh, Hercules is not human. When he defeated the many monsters to be loved by his nation, he did so with superhuman strength. Neither are the Princes Charming that women have long dreamed about. No one can actually ride from the sunset on a white horse and a full-metal gear and rescue you from your frustrations with your bosses or your career (or lack thereof). Superman was all-alien when he landed in a field in Kansas, thus the ability to kill Lex Luthor with a single swoop and win his prize - a willing, able and beautiful Lois Lane. And if you argue that Jerry Maguire was human, I can wittingly argue that it is the testosterone-laden area of football management that prompted him to say all those amazing things to Renee Zellweger. It all exists in a plane that is superficial and non-existent. The films, the songs, the movies are all just horrible antics to get you to believe that romance is real and true. It's all meant to catalyze women into mushy, cheesy and die-hard romantics that they are eventhough they run Fortune 500 companies and help run nations by being presidents, queens and prime ministers.

So honestly, I want to know, before I theorize a million or so conspiracy theories in my mind, is romance really dead?

Craving

Alright, enough with the loving and the caring and the fact that love Jeoff. But I sincerely think that since this is my blog, I have every right to say what I need to...

Last Sunday, I didn't want to let him go. I'm supposed to be fuming mad because he made me wait for an hour on Skype, yet when I saw his face on my screen, my heart just melted. People tell me that I shouldn't let him get away with murder every now and then, but I don't know, I don't think it was murder. I make him wait too. It's not so bad...

I looked at him and his wonderful eyes. He sure has a boyish charm. I don't know what the heck he fed me such that I am so in love with him. But I guess, I miss him so much. I almost cried when he said he was sorry and that he misses me, just that his alarm didn't go off and thus, my waiting time grew from the normal 15 minutes to an hour and some.

I just miss him. I miss touching his face. I miss kissing him. I miss holding his hand. I miss looking into his dark eyes and seeing him smile.

I know, I know I'm being cheesy again. I can't help it. I've been burying myself in work and making sure that everyday, I'm way too tired to do anything else. But when I get home and reach my pillows, that strange sensation washes over me. I wish I was with him. I wish I can call him up and say my goodnight and hear that he loves me - truly, madly and deeply. I wish I can hold his hand and sleep next to him, hearing his heart beat and hearing him breathe.

It sucks to be away from the one you love. It sucks more if you can't be with the one that makes your days a little bit better.

Oh well...

20 more days!

Loving

It's funny how marriage changes things. It seems to do so in my posse, my click, my circle of friends, if you will.

Irish, my bestfriend, just got married.

I treat her like a sister, like an older, wiser sister though she's not older. It seems like her experience has brought me a guide. I tell her everything - the boyfriend woes, the career challenges, the daily ups and downs of being part of an interracial family - the list goes on.

I love her wedding, I simply do. I couldn't wait until she gets back from Macau to tell me all about her honeymoon, about her great time with her husband. I surely miss her.

It seems like the wedding I saw was straight out of a dream. It felt so amazing to see two people being united in front of the people they love and the people they care for. I can't believe how much I cried during the ceremony. It was so beautiful. It was just plain great. Someday, I hope that I will have the same ceremony - not the flowers or the Tiffany chairs, or the ball gowns or the arch - I just really want to see me sharing my life with the one I love.

We're grown up now. One has a kid, one has a boyfriend that is going to be a consulate, one is in Taiwan, working as a personal trainer, and one just got married. The clique that I had in high school is now all grown up... And I don't really know what I am yet. So I decided to make a list to remind me of who I was and who I have become...

• Corporate Training Coordinator
• daughter to Mom and Pop
  
• sister to my insufferable brother
  
• girlfriend to Jeoff for 3 years and running
• bestfriend to Cym, Irish, Chloe and Mary
• friend to people whom I have worked with in PeopleSupport, HTMT, iTi Consulting and now Merlin
• SDI-Certified Trainer - the only independent trainer in the entire Philippines who can handle an SDI course
• major micromanager
  
• events planner for Merlin
  
• magazine writer for "Moms and Babies" and "Health Today"
  
• erstwhile stylist and make-up artist for magazines
  
• big fan of Blue, my 1-year old "son" who now has a 73.5 GB of memory thanks to his "toys" and is amazingly white and creamy - just the wonderful color I want my laptop to be...
  
• avid reader of all books that I can get my hands on - now reading "Sophie's Choice"
  
• lover of all movies and TV series animated - The Simpsons, The Family Guy, American Dad, Sons of Butchers, Southpark, Spongebob, Fairly Odd Parents, anything by Nickelodeon...
  
• passionate about mysteries and investigator shows on TV - The Kill Point, Burn Notice, CSI, NCIS
• artsy-fartsy teenager back then and now still appreciating art
  
• hater of all things elitist

I have come a long way. I used to be a chubby kid who only wanted out of high school because no one appreciated the way I am. My friends used to be high school girls as well whom enjoy a great McDonald's sundae cone in the middle of the afternoon heat. Time does go by fast, and sets you off for an adventure.

I'm glad we're grown up...

Paralyzer

For lack of a better title. I opted for Finger Eleven's hit song, Paralyzer.
Yes...
I am perplexed.

House has a husband who has been with her for 8 years. Turns out that House' hubby was already married to someone else which totally invalidates their marriage. Funny how people who wished so hard that they were not married end up to be unmarried after all.

I want to say "Well, you asked for it..." and yet I can't.

For crying out loud, I am incredibly messianic. I was before and I still am. I still feel good about helping people out no matter what their problems are. There's no point in helping someone who doesn't want to be helped and would tear at me like a leopard at every chance.

I went offline - stealth - so no one in that office would see me.

It's so hard to be this way.

I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.
-Finger Eleven

Award from Raika

Got this from Raika. It comes with a tag too... I had no idea that you can actually tag with an award...nonetheless, it's all good. :)

Here are the rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules.
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves. You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and also to read your blog.

10 Random facts/habits about me.

1. I am a coffee addict. I need at least 3 cups to be able to function well. I love the darker type of coffee, so less cream and less sugar is all good. My favorite drink is iced latte, with less milk if possible. I can also go for espresso.
2. I am a big fan of TV shows that have something to do with spies (Chuck, Alias, Burn Notice), investigators (all CSI shows, Mastermind, Discovery Crime Series, House - it's like CSI but instead of a criminal, they're looking for a disease, Cold Blood, Interpol Investigates, Pushing Daisies), army/navy majors (NCIS, The Kill Point), and simple people - lawyers, teeners, etc - stumbling upon crime and trying to right the wrong (Buffy, The Practice, Boston Legal, Judging Amy).
3. I consider my colored contact lenses as some type of mask. I like the fact that I can hide my emotions because my eyes are very expressive. When I was still teaching in front of a large crowd (150 people or so as an NHO Trainer in PeopleSupport, thanks very much!), I liked wearing the colored contact lenses because it makes me feel that I'm someone else because see fact 4...
4. I have several phobias:

• Speaking in front of a huge crowd...
• Falling from the Ortigas MRT station into the pavement and being squished by a bus - trust me, it ain't pretty...
• 1920's jazz music...
• Water - the type that doesn't have bodies of land around it. An island is fine, or something inside a pool. However, beaches where I can't see land or sand totally freak me out. It makes me feel like I'm drowning or something...
• Inhaling Sarin, Mustard Gas or Agent Orange. I heard that it can be an excruciating death.

5. I am a pretty good cook - especially pasta recipes.
6. My bags are usually huge purses. They contain almost everything. I have sanitizers for all parts of my body, even my feet. This is because I often wear sandals which don't do much to protect my feet from dirt.
7. I prefer working at night because of the fact that the traffic isn't bad. I love the fact that I can come to the office anytime I want and not get penalized for it. :)
8. Whenever I get asked for my opinion, I usually say "it's up to you" and then proceed to say "but if you ask me...". I know it's something my friends hate me for, but for some reason, I have a lag when it comes to speaking my mind. I usually have to weigh whether I will hurt the other person's feelings.
9. The evil side of Meg comes out in dire tardiness for a meeting and in deep, convoluted traffic. She hasn't come out for some time.
10. The creepiest things that have happened to me include the following:

• Being bitten by a centipede when I was 10.
• Seeing a scorpion which was as big as my index finger in our warehouse (in the auto parts shop) when I was 12.
• Drinking a soup of snake skin and freshly-ground locust insides with a dried twig-like catterpillar when I hit puberty. When I started menstruating, I would get clammy and pale-white so my dad brought me to all types of doctors until he stopped with the gynes and went to a Chinese herbalist. The concoction didn't taste so bad. Honestly! It tasted like ginger...
• I usually grind ice with my teeth everytime I drink cola or soda. Once, I started chewing on ice and felt a different kind of crunch. When I spit it out, I learned that I had just eaten half a spider.

By the way, depsite this supposed affinity with the above-mentioned kingdom animalia species, I still choose to avoid them.

I'm tagging whoever wants to join this crazy game. :)

Content - tion

For some reason, I have been quite silent. I somewhat love the serenity I feel now. It's not so bad. It just goes to show how a little perspective can make you feel a whole lot better.

I'm pretty thankful for everything that has been happening. I know it doesn't make for a good read, nonetheless, I intend for people to know that life is such an amazing thing. Not because I'm in love or because the world revolves around me. It's more because you always have that ability to see within yourself and see the people around you - in different aspects. I am fortunate that I can feel my worth to people, and I can value people because they're worth a lot to me.

I've always believed that women should never be contented. They should never be satisfied. I remember refusing massages because I like the fact that my muscles are taut and overworked. I like the fact that my fingers have gotten calloused, because of typing away to create a manual. I remember asking for so much more from the man I love because I thought before, I should never be satisfied with just one thing. I used to think that the world revolved about asking for more and feeding my desire to be the best. I used to be so ambitious that it scared the heck out of me - the things I was capable of doing, the things I wanted to be... Now, when I look back, somehow, it doesn't make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still driven as ever, but I would never, ever destroy anyone to pursue something that I want. I think I've had my share of karmic consequences already, thanks very much.

Why is it that women just have this natural tendency to want stress?

Is it because we know that life should always be stressful? Or because we never want to be idle? Or simply because we choose to be spread too thin that we forget what it's like to relax and let the tide flow?

We always want to do something about who we are.

I was always closed to the idea that someday, I'll enjoy just having a good afternoon in front of the TV. I needed to work all the time. For some reason, I understand life now. I understand that working is just one of those faculties people have to earn money. Life is to be enjoyed. It's too short to close to the wonders of love and truth and people and places...

It was Madonna who first tried reinventing herself. She did this so many times that I've lost count. Not bad for a one-time waitress.

She says it well...

How can life be what you want it to be?
You're frozen...when your heart's not open

No Fairytales

I will never let my children read fairy tales - ever! Especially when I have a daughter...

See, one of the things that fairy tales taught me was to hope for a prince in his shining silver armor, in his white horse to come and rescue me from everything that I am in. It seems that every woman in my age group still has that notion that someday, their princes will come.

Somehow, it's not good for the female psyche. It sucks that while most women have the ability to run Fortune 500 companies, or have the ability to perform as a hyphenate, they still have the notion that marriage is the finality of the race - IE: the finish line.

I saw my Tita the other day, and she stayed over for breakfast (french toast, wieners and fruit, thank you very much...), she asked me about my "marriage plans". I said I have a boyfriend and that we're very happy to which she prodded, "What, ayaw niya matali sa yo?" (Literal translation: "What, he doesn't want to be tied to you?")

The [roblem with "well-meaning relatives" is that they have the ability to make you feel less deserving than when you first started dating. When I was 24, I was being asked for a boyfriend. Now that I am 27, I am being asked for a husband. It's like no one wants to talk about how I single-handedly organized the training department of a young company and how I made sure that the training evaluation program was set in place. No one wants to talk about how I got off a car accident alive last year. No one wants to talk about how smooth my skin is thanks to the new Clean and Clear Refreshing Wash I use which is a steal at only Php 119.00. Everyone - well-meaning relatives or not, want to talk about how important marriage is, like I'll never get my happily ever after if I don't get married soon.

I smiled halfway through my delicious french toast (made with skimmed milk - thanks to how anal I am when it comes to cooking healthier food for my folks), and sat there - perplexed. I gave her the envelope she needed and proceeded to the dirty kitchen to smoke one good stick of cigarette.

While Cinderella might have been a non-smoker, the tar and coal and everything in that fireplace might have given her enough high for the days when she had to clean the fireplace. I thought about what my aunt said. And thought about why Jeoff doesn't want to marry me. It's just not time yet. I totally get that. It sucks because I see the logic in this whole waiting game. I just don't understand why sometimes, I'm gripped with fear that he will march off and leave.

Somehow, I get the idea. I understand that I'm not Rapunzel with the long hair, I'm not Snow White with the seven dwarves. I'm no Cinderella either. I'm just not a princess, and I'm not looking for a prince. I'm just a simple woman, who wants a simple man. But indeed, life is complicated. There's no happily ever after. There's work to be done after a relatonship comes alive - and you really have to do everything to make it happen.

The Ultimate List

I was asked by Tito Doy to create a list of 5 things I can't live without. For some reason, I have put it off for some time, and until I told Jeoff, I didn't really have 5 things.

Well, here's my crack at my important list:

1. Sense of Humor

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James

Isn't it a wonder that I love William James? He's a pragmatist - and pragmatists see the world in terms of what works best. And he's absolutely right. If common sense adds some color to a boring conversation, so can wit and humor. This is one of the things I can't let go of. I need someone who can take me seriously and someone who knows when to laugh at my silliness and stupidity without insulting me, and wounding my pride. As any pragmatist knows, you lead something in the way that is most practical and convenient for the world - only when in doubt do you call upon the ideal and the almost impossible. And honestly, I don't see the world at its best without being able to laugh at myself and laugh at the world...

2. Sense of Responsibility

“Responsibilities gravitate to the man who can shoulder them..."
Elbert Hubbard

Elbert Hubbard was an American philosopher who wrote of a Titanic passenger', Ida Straus, whose last few hours on earth consists of refusing to be saved while her husband remained in the half-sunken liner. While that story has been passed on for generations, his philosophies remained in one of the hand-crafted books. One of the philosophies would be to explain why responsibilities tend to gravitate to men who seem to be in control of their own destinies. Nonetheless, it always was something that women look for. They understand that to have a good mate, it is necessary for that mate to be a good provider, if not a good partner. Responsibility for me doesn't mean being the sole provider, it just means not running away from the things you are already doing. People tend to complain and fight what they don't like but at the end of the day, because they are responsible enough, they fight for the things that keep them up at night.

3. Affection

“The fact is that people are good, if only their fundamental wishes are satisfied, their wish for affection and security. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.”
Abraham Maslow

Maslow created the idea of a hierarchy of needs. It seems ridiculous. The basic need of a human being are the physiological ones. It's actually not just that - each little thing that a human being needs is chronicled here. The idea of loving and belonging to someone actually curtails any other level of self-actualization or esteem. Love a person fully and they tend to become more confident, more accepting and more creative. Psychoanalyzing my needs and projecting it as just one of the things people need definitely decreases my uniqueness factor, yet nonetheless, it is true. It won't be here unless it was proven otherwise. Affection raises my esteem about the person I'm with and the person I am with that person I'm with (Did y'all get that?!) Mainly because if I feel assured about something, it transcends every little thing that I do. The same way men supposedly wish to hear that they make their wives happy (According to both "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom), women also need to hear that they are the only ones that light up their husband's lives. They want to be treated like princesses - not through gifts and favors but by mere words and gestures. The acts of love and affection that a man gives the woman he loves are the treasures she cherishes and not the gifts or the years.

4. Intelligence

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid"
Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein failed in an entrance examination for ETH Zurich, because he lacked one school degree. Nonetheless, he is correct when he said these words. It is but natural for people to have their own talents and their own devices and when tested against these things they possess innately, they tend to crumble and pale in comparison to others. No one can write like Shakespeare or play tennis like Serena Williams. Everyone has their own level of intelligence to show and to nurture. That's why in love and life, you need someone who can understand your level of intelligence - someone to believe in your intelligence yet respects your stupidity and appreciates the gap between them.

5. Honesty

“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time”
Dave Van Ronk

Finally, the lost art - honesty... Yes, no matter how painful and how righteous it makes you, according to Dave Van Ronk, an influential New York folk singer who later was dubbed "Mayor of MacDougal Street" because of the last song he released. In a marriage, you need someone who can tell you when it's over. You don't want to keep on pushing or pulling when all that exists between you and your loved one is a thick brick wall that's harder to demolish than the Great Wall of China. People often say that what the other one doesn't know won't hurt him (or her), but honestly, if it eats at you the way parasites do, then better 'fess up. I was trained to lie at the tender age of 21 - when I became a sales agent. To be the top seller, I'd have to twist the truth a little - you know, the kind that has a ring of truth yet has a drizzle of lie? I think that's the most dangerous kind of lie...but that's another story. Nevertheless, I just know that for a fact, the one person I want to be with for the rest of my life shouldn't be lied to. Because if I do lie to him - what separates him from other people?

Addendum...

Jeoff's 5 Things

1. Understanding
2. Sense of humor
3. Someone who isn't shallow or materialistic
4. Strong-willed
5. Someone with big boobs...

Ok, I think I'm number 5. I don't know about the others, LOL!

Tag - Christmas List

Sorry Starter Mom, didn't see the tag...
Nonetheless, here's my list... Christmas Wish List:

material stuff:
1. 3 pairs of pants from Zara - the baggy ones with the nice comfy pockets that make your backside look nice though it's just an illusion. :) Besides, Jeoff has been wanting me to look like a woman, and not a girl... I totally want them cos they make me look very "professional".
2. A really nice feminine purse - not the types of purse I carry that look like man-purses. It should be leather with tassels - I dunno, I just love the ones with tassels. I think that's the reason why the bags I carry look like murses (Read: Man Purse)
3. A Macbook. I don't care what kind of Macbook it is, I know I'm going to earn enough money to get one for myself real soon. :)

"big" stuff:
1. My very own condo unit. Be it in Ortigas or in Makati. I think I really am hating the long drive home.
2. A nice car would be wonderful... Plus a year's supply of gas and free parking! :)
3. Someone to pay for the reception of my non-existent, non-happening wedding. Well, I just want someone to take care of the stuff should it happen like I dunno, 4-5 years from now.

others:
1. A big fat paycheck :) I think I have to consult my boss for this one.
2. A cool way to lose weight without dieting or exercising... Like Xenical without the bad side effects (Read: Oily Flatulance) ... Yeah right!
3. An all-expense paid trip to Canada - plus my VISA, plus a nice job and a nice car. Ok, I am begging the immigration gods to allow me to leave ASAP.

super wishes:
1. More money for my savings - around 100K for when I decide that I shouldn't work for my company anymore - ie: pambayad sa bond...
2. More love and affection from the one I want love and affection from...'nuff said.
3. Health and love for the ones I love - family, friends, Jeoff's family, Jeoff and everyone I work with

Oh...and world peace! Amen!

Quite honestly, I'm pretty content with what I have. That's actually my lust list - as in the thing I really really want which I don't expect anyone to give me. Just in case though - I'm tagging Raika and anyone else who wants to join in the fun.

Tomorrow

Tonight, I intend to stay in the office until 5AM, eat some nice homemade BBQ from Banchetto. I totally intend to stay away from the fattening Brazo de Mercedes they sell over there. They make them Brazos like there's no tomorrow - it's meant for sharing - seriously.

Tomorrow, I intend to get some sleep. Read a good book (Sophie's World - yeah, yeah, very geeky again...Thanks very much!) and totally hang out with Indie. I want to go to Avenetto for a plate of their best Seafood Curry Pasta. I want to hear what has been going on with her... I miss that sparkling jolt of wisdom...

I seriously can't wait.

Sicko

I was watching Micheal Moore's documentary "Sicko" the other day with my dad. Yes, we're a fairly geeky family, we love documentaries... Nonetheless, it was amazing how American politics tend to favor the bigger conglomerates, ie: Kaiser Permanente and Blue Cross which are HMO's.

It was amazing even that in this amazing time of universal healthcare, the Americans tend to dismiss the old, underprivileged citizens. It was shown how most hospitals take care of the citizens that do not have enough medical coverage - they dump them in a cab to take them to skid row because that's the best bed in town. In skid row, they can find charity-driven institutions to care for them. There was a footage shown wherein an older lady was dumped by a cab near the curb of the hospice, dazed and confused, in a hospital gown. Had it not been for the hospice, the older woman would have died freezing and confused still in the middle of skid row with no idea what was already done to her in terms of medical attention. Kaiser Permanente has asked the initial hospital she went to to dump her in skid row.

Another noteworthy sequence was talking about the 9-11 rescue workers. While then mayor Guiliani has proposed that the city will take care of the firemen, and several thousand government-employed rescue workers, they failed to take into consideration the volunteer firefighters and the rescue workers - primarily EMTs which made it to Ground Zero to risk their lives only to find out that the government will not even give them a single cent for their healthcare. Of the three that were interviewed, all of them have given up their jobs, their families and their apartments in New York because of the cost and the incredibly ridiculous cost of medicines that the government "doesn't owe them".

Apparently, the terrorists from Al-Queda who are currently being held in the camp located in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba currently have been receiving excellent healthcare from the military medical team.

Moore rounded up his team of sick Americans and brought them to Guantanamo Bay, in hopes of receiving the same healthcare being given to the terrorist captives. Upon arriving at Guantanamo Bay, the officers of the said military camp sounded a siren - indicating that Moore and his party had to leave or else, be shot in the waters. It was an amazing thing - to be turned away by the same people who care for those that live with the terrorist captives.

They rounded the entire party and went to Cuba instead where everyone - including the 9-11 volunteer rescue workers - were given immediate medical attention. Asthma medications cost USD0.05 when it costs a wqhopping USD100.00 or so in the US. It was heartbreaking to see one of the rescue workers break down in the middle of the filming of the documentary - she was shaking her head and said "This is an insult... 5 cents here? And I had to pay so much for it in the US?".

Another heartbreaking scene was when the fire department of Havana, Cuba paid homage to the volunteer rescue workers that were in Havana. It was a touching scene when the Fire Marshall mentioned that "Fire fighters in the whole world are a family." (In my halting Spanish, he basically mentioned that we're all brothers, but the subtitles indicated something else.) They also mentioned that it was an honor standing in front of those who scarificed through the 9-11 tragedy. It was a touching scene. In New York, no one knew who these people were, let alone cared for them. In Cuba, they were seen as heroes...and as people who needed to be treated with respect.

Now my question is, why the hell is the Philippines so enamored with everything that came from the US? The cars, the bling, the shows, the movies, the lifestyle, the politics?

The HMOs here are being as evil as Kaiser Permanente. There's nothing wrong with making money. But OMG, the incredible things that people do to make sure that no one receives anythingt for free brinsg me back to the days when I used to work in PGH. It was cramped, dark and gloomy, with only a PHP1000.00 limit for all in-patients who needed medicines.

This is the life we live. The life that is patterned after the incredibly duplicitous laws of the United States. When will we ever learn? Socialized healthcare is not the answer.

Oh Sarah

Sarah Palin, who became Governor of Alaska in 2006, has become the darling of the press. It has been mentioned several times in "The View", topbilled by Barbara Walters, how strong a woman she is and how comfortable Barbara is in thinking that a second woman has run as a vice-presidential candidate. It's pretty admirable, I would say, except that in this case, she might be a little too raw to be the second-in-command for one of the world's superpowers.

Case in point, the prank of two French-Canadian comedians who convinced Palin that she was talking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy. They talked about hunting (something she majorly supported as a mayor in Alaska's Wasilla where the comedians said something about killing baby seals (poor creatures!) and not to brng Dick Cheney along. They also talked about a biography called "Nailin' Paylin" that turned out to be a Hustler video to which Ms. Palin said "Oh good...". Wow... It seems quite remarkable how a vice presidential candidate wouldn't firstly, know what kind of biographies are out there about herself, and not know that what was happening was a prank. The moment that the person pretending to be Sarkozy said that he was friends with the "Prime Minister" of Quebec should have already alerted the woman that this was indeed a prank.

Well, why am I brewing over this? Because for some reason, people get dazzled with an idea - first lady vice president should the people vote for her charms and supposed intelligence. For some reason, I don't understand how and why McCain was enamooured by the idea of a Sarah Palin running his office with him. It's been wonderful entertaining the idea that she is going to be an all-American Christian lady with values to boot and ideals to supply to white-collar America but for some reason, peopl should absolutely read the Branchflower report prior to making up their minds.

Usually, all that glitters is not gold.

PS: I hate myself for doing this, but below is a video from Obama Girl, a Youtube performer, showing a parody of Sarah Palin's life. It's pretty damned funny.

Spiderman

This is relatively funny. Apparently, there is a Japanese version of Spiderman. And I had to look for it on Youtube but it was so worth it. LOL!

Patience is a Virtue

It was just announced. The Evil Stepsister from the West aka The Telus Madame has just been recently promoted to General Manager. I wonder what she has been feeding Matt. If I feed the same thing to Matt, will I be the next Training and Development Manager?

Oh well... I shall be a coordinator forever... For the simple reason that I am happy working as a low-life peon in this company. If only they'll release me from the shackles of the bond that they placed upon my head...

I can't wait until my zen moment with Indie!!!

Redemption

Call me shallow but somehow, it's been a month since I last entertained the thought of anything deeper than troubleshooting John D. Edwards in AS400. The last time I must have thought of anything about politics or societal ills, I was half-asleep and wondering about why I can not treat a probationary employee the same way I do a regular employee in terms of certification. Does the labor law cover that? And what can I do if the probationary employee needs to file for a bereavement leave. Oh well...

It has been somewhat painful though. Looking at how the world has been unjust. Earlier I rode a cab - the driver was really nice and quite good. It has been a few days since I last rode with a driver that understood why I need to take a cab from Manila to Ortigas. He mentioned that he had a lot of mistakes as a kid.
I asked why...
"Nabuntis po ng maaga eh..." (I got someone pregnant pretty early)
"Ah, so ilan na po ang anak niyo?" (So how many kids do you now?)
"Anim. Natigil na nga yung panganay eh, nagttrabaho na lang sa Marikina..." (I have 6 kids now. My eldest child just stopped schooling, he's currently working in Marikina)
I stopped for a moment and thought maybe I should stop this talk. I wasn't going to reeled in this whole charade so I can give him a bigger tip. "Ah, buti na lang may trabaho..."(It's good that he is at least working.)
He looked at me funny. "Eh ma'am, hindi man lang nakatapos ng high school." (He never even finished high school.)

That was not so bad, in terms of all the stories I have heard before. Working for a public hospital and being an intern there for almost 700 hours didn't really scathe my belief in humanity, in justice in this world and the ability of the human race to bounce back. It is being human that drives someone to be resilient, to be real and to face the reality no matter how surreal it has become, to own up to one's mistakes and be humble enough to accept that life, in itself is far better than choosing death...

"Hindi na bale, matanda na ako. Mamatay na din ako..." (It doesn't matter, I'm old. I'll die soon.)

I stopped and looked at him. I made sure that I gave him a 50Php tip that wasn't really mandatory. Nonetheless, how can life drain so much of this man, whom I gauged was around 40... How can he stop to believe that death was so much better than living life and fighting every step?

Dr. Wilson is In

I could not relate more to this guy. I am Dr. Wilson, in the flesh, except that I am no doctor and I do not have an Amber. I do have a Dr. House though. And this is the dynamics of their relationship...

Dr. House, a brilliant yet slightly socially inept doctor, is a good friend of Dr. Wilson's. They spend most weekends together. They lived in Dr House's apartment for some time when he was kicked out of his own home by his then 3rd wife. Dr. Wilson is an expert in Oncology whilst Dr. House led the team of Diagnostic Medicine (no such department in local hospitals, unfortunately). Nonetheless, the two remained friends, through and through. While House berated everything in Wilson's life - marriage, family, practice, honesty, integrity, loyalty, civility - he remained steadfastly loyal as a friend. Wilson, of course, would be as nice as possible and save House' ass from being fired every time he messes up.

It's unbelievable how these two completely opposite people would end up being friends. Yet they are, through and through...

Dr. House just quit. It seems like the end of an era for the hospital. He got so fed up with the system and how people there supposedly don't care about targets and statistics. I think he chooses to care so much about other things because he doesn't want to care about the things he should care about. It's hard to be his friend, but it's harder to not be his friend. I guess there's still that little idea that I can save the world. The messianic me that tries to surface every now and then... Yet I know he's equally as brilliant and as valuable. It never felt good saving his ass every now and then, it always felt right. I must have been one helluva good lawyer a few lifetimes ago. It was always an idea - a feeling that somehow - I should do something good for him because the universe owes him for all the bad things that had happened to him. However, you do teach people and the universe, for that matter, how to treat you. You program yourself to be who and how you want to be. You decide who you should be and what should matter to you.

I was talking with Jay over IM the other day... He is just a hater, he says. Well, he doesn't hate. He just perceives that he hates.