Use Somebody

I am all alone on a Sunday night. It's rainy, cool, soft and depressing... I am watching the TV downstairs with my laptop on a pillow. I got so bored of playing with my pets on FB... I want to rest but I am too wired to do that. I'm waiting for HBO to show The Fast and the Furious. Watching Vin Diesel and treating him like eye candy won't hurt so badly today. 

Jeoff is in the US, visiting some relatives. He'll probably be back Monday night. I really, really wish he is in Toronto, so I can at least call him and talk to him. Honestly, I have been daydreaming that he will be knocking on my front door, white roses and all. It's a little crazy, I know. It's my dream of becoming Meg Ryan - some guy breathlessly whispering how much he loves me, rain pouring on us, and we passionately end in a fiery kiss. It's kind of crazy to sometimes want a prince to ride his white horse and sweep my off my feet. I bet no one really thinks of that. Oh but I do, sometimes. I really sometimes wish that he would actually surprise me - be home, be with me, in my house, in my arms and breathe the same air I am breathing. Fat chance - we do't have enough money and he can't just take a vacation...Oh well... Let's be realistic... 

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend who lives here, in Manila. Someone who I can talk to over the phone without worrying about local call charges, someone who can very well ride a cab in the middle of the night when I feel like having ice cream at 4 in the morning, someone who can go to church with me on Sundays and can enjoy a good family meal with my folks and someone who I can make love to - physically, not just say it, but really do it... someone that can kiss me, hold my hands and really gaze into my eyes... Would we last? Would we enjoy each others' company? 

People don't really understand the machinations of a woman in a long distance relationship. People have always told me that LDRs fail. And people who come of LDRs tend to be bitter and fall into the same cycle. I have known so many women who have had their hearts broken cos they let their men go into war, work or another woman's arms a hundred miles away. I myself sometimes don't know how I stay sane and alright... It seems like my whole life (24 years, thank you very much!), I have waited for someone who will love me right, and love me truly. Now that I found him, he has to be snatched away from me by fate. It is immensely painful, almost unbearable especially on night like this when it's raining, dark and cold...