saving meg

perfection comes with a price as it does and it should. there is no perfect, just flat out ridiculously well made-up models and celebs. there are no perfect sunshiney days when you could just let your hair down, take your shoes off and just lie down. there are no perfect endings. there are no happily-ever-afters. there are no great sunsets. there are however, crosses you have to bear, problems to solve and hurdles to overcome. and yet you are still there... hoping and striving for that one moment in time that can be preserved forever in your memory.

i am scared. i am scared i am not enough for people who need me. i am scared that i a not strong enough to face their battles with them. i am scared that i am being spread to thinly. i am scared that one day, i will stop caring... no amount of pain or suffering threatens me, no amount of physical exhaustion deprives me. i just keep on going on for people i love... it makes me wonder. if i am the one breaking down... and if i am the one desperate enough to cry in pain... will someone be my "meg"...

i have been called "perfect" too many times. i have been called "amazing" so many times that i have started to believe that i am perfect, that i am amazing... that i always know what to say and that i am their saviour... that i saved them from a bad decision, a bad marriage, bad hair color, bad job, bad attitude...in the end, it is still me... i am just the insecure little kid that wants to play with her dolls and make-believe that someday, someone will save me...

i hope to see the truth in people that i love. sometimes, the truth is painful...the truth can be scary and could drive you to the brink of insanity. sometimes, the truth sets you free or it traps you... sometimes, though, truth is all i need. tell me something true about you and i promise never to forget it. tell me something real and i'll show you love that is real too...no questions asked.

i was about ready to give up on saving people because of this nagging voice in my head that i have no cape and i am no superhero. i wanted to drop the messiah act. i wanted to be the one running to someone... i wanted to be the one being saved.

then i realized, as i sat down and watched my friend go to sleep that i only needed to see me being me to save me. maybe it was cos she looked more peaceful in my couch than i have ever seen her since the wee hours of the morning today. that's when i knew, being meg was saving meg.