I've been crazy for Kris Allen for sometime now, since watching the American Idol Season Finale. This is one of his songs - Ain't No Sunshine. It's a really beautiful song about not having sunshine til the one you love comes to you.
Lately, it's been a weird and crazy ride. I have to admit that there are times when I feel like everything is still surreal. In retrospect, nothing really prepares you in terms of love and loss and even committing. The funny part is that there is no freakin' manual for falling so deeply in love. It strikes you at the most inopportune time and grips at you so tightly, it won't matter where it drags you to.
I realized that in this life, you have a thousand choices. You can choose your own ambitions, your own inhibitions, you can even choose your own deviations. In my case, I chose my emotions. I remember being so driven by power and needing so much more and now, I can honestly say that I am finding love to be an equally potent drive for me. It becomes your day-to-day fix.
Why am I blogging about something I claim to be true a few months ago? Because I feel myself slipping. A few weeks ago, Jeoff and I would have terrible fights - leaving me depressed, angry and wanting to get back at him. I can't really say what's wrong. It was probably the fact that everything seems out of my control. I hate my job because I can't have full control over it. I hate my life cos I can't even freakin' control what time I would wake up. I was constantly late in waking up (thank goodness for having a flexible schedule!) and I would always wake up angry and depressed and wanting to kick myself for a bad night or a bad sleep or having a bad dream that I can't remember. I felt like I needed an exorcist last week. I'm sure if Jeoff was to be asked, he wanted to drag me to a psychiatric ward. My addiction to control. I forgot how to be Zen and how to be relaxed about what I wanted and what I needed.
I had a heated confrontation with my new boss, her name is Lucy. I have been losing interest in my job for over a few months now. And if you follow my tweets (Yup, I have joined the Twitterverse), it always talks about how I hate my job, how my job discourages me and demotivates me to high heavens. And so on...
The problem is that Lucy is managing our team while moonlighting as an SDM (Service Delivery Manager). That or she's an SDM moonlighting as a Service Implementation Manager. Since I head training, I was naturally the choice to work on that particular campaign (the one she works for as an SDM). Problem is it's remote, it's too far away, I can't just pop in and out of the country just because I have to work on it. Furthermore, the company doesn't intend to lose money. Also, the client for that campaign has these impossibly strict rules of confidentiality that our company seems to want to uphold without putting their foot down on the way our company operates. Anyhow, I'm actually going to let it go because my life shouldn't revolve around a freakin' job. It should be about something I really want to do. I should start doing something I like, find a cause or work on something artistic.
Work should just be work. I should be contented with what I have. :)
Lately, it's been a weird and crazy ride. I have to admit that there are times when I feel like everything is still surreal. In retrospect, nothing really prepares you in terms of love and loss and even committing. The funny part is that there is no freakin' manual for falling so deeply in love. It strikes you at the most inopportune time and grips at you so tightly, it won't matter where it drags you to.
I realized that in this life, you have a thousand choices. You can choose your own ambitions, your own inhibitions, you can even choose your own deviations. In my case, I chose my emotions. I remember being so driven by power and needing so much more and now, I can honestly say that I am finding love to be an equally potent drive for me. It becomes your day-to-day fix.
Why am I blogging about something I claim to be true a few months ago? Because I feel myself slipping. A few weeks ago, Jeoff and I would have terrible fights - leaving me depressed, angry and wanting to get back at him. I can't really say what's wrong. It was probably the fact that everything seems out of my control. I hate my job because I can't have full control over it. I hate my life cos I can't even freakin' control what time I would wake up. I was constantly late in waking up (thank goodness for having a flexible schedule!) and I would always wake up angry and depressed and wanting to kick myself for a bad night or a bad sleep or having a bad dream that I can't remember. I felt like I needed an exorcist last week. I'm sure if Jeoff was to be asked, he wanted to drag me to a psychiatric ward. My addiction to control. I forgot how to be Zen and how to be relaxed about what I wanted and what I needed.
I had a heated confrontation with my new boss, her name is Lucy. I have been losing interest in my job for over a few months now. And if you follow my tweets (Yup, I have joined the Twitterverse), it always talks about how I hate my job, how my job discourages me and demotivates me to high heavens. And so on...
The problem is that Lucy is managing our team while moonlighting as an SDM (Service Delivery Manager). That or she's an SDM moonlighting as a Service Implementation Manager. Since I head training, I was naturally the choice to work on that particular campaign (the one she works for as an SDM). Problem is it's remote, it's too far away, I can't just pop in and out of the country just because I have to work on it. Furthermore, the company doesn't intend to lose money. Also, the client for that campaign has these impossibly strict rules of confidentiality that our company seems to want to uphold without putting their foot down on the way our company operates. Anyhow, I'm actually going to let it go because my life shouldn't revolve around a freakin' job. It should be about something I really want to do. I should start doing something I like, find a cause or work on something artistic.
Work should just be work. I should be contented with what I have. :)
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