Propinquity

I spent the other day with a guy I haven't seen for two years. His name is Jerome. He used to work with me in GoFluent and is so much younger than I am. It was spontaneous, have coffee and just hang cos he's studying for a client meeting. But of course, along the lines of talking, venting and bitch brewing about working, we had to talk about love, and life and breaking up and other things... 

He taught me the meaning of this word without so much as batting an eyelash. Propinquity. An age-old social science concept that makes me cringe because I hate subjectivity but nevertheless, astounds me. How many people in the world can you actually say you have propinquity with? 

There's just much to ponder. Why is it that people fall for someone whom they have something in common with? At the beginning of the relationship, you always tend to look for something in common, something that bonds you, something that unravels the person in front of you... 

Just yesterday, I spent time with Drei and Yogi. Drei himself being a victim of a long-term relationship break-up. That was propinquity. He loves documentaries, likes the Discovery shows, watches How I Met Your Mother religiously, drinks, smokes, born in August, intellectual, close to his immediate family, loves his friends and has common friends with me - PROPINQUITY. So what makes me not want to jump him? PROPINQUITY. Common friends, common issues, common baggage = more stress. 

The thought alone makes me want to question what the science of attraction is from the get-go. What is it that makes someone so irresistible that he/she/it would be the one? 

What exactly makes you want to fall for someone? And fight for it? 

The other day, the random man that I was in a flirtation (yeah, let's call it that, cos what the hell was it, right?!) with for 2 months has called it quits. He decided to date someone. He wants something serious which I can never (not now, maybe next year?) provide. I can give him all the coffee, ciggies, support, talking and even sexy times he wants but not what he may really want.  I decided to think that it's good for him because he is a good man, a very responsible and honest and wonderful (and oh my God, very sexy - damn!!) man. But my ego can't help but be offended by what happened. I was pretty close. Propinquity was there. Same thing - same baggage (his GF left him), same things we like (coffee and talk), same concerns (we haven't had sex for a while) and well, common fears (being the rebound person, among others). But he chose someone else, I guess someone with a clean slate with no onerous and ominous past. Should I have lied and said I was not in pain? Should I have lied and said I can be his everything? Should I have told him I loved him and made love to him even when I can't and couldn't? What is the basis of my propinquity with this man? If heartaches and break-ups were the only things we had in common (yeah, I think it was...in hindsight), why and how did we get pulled to each other? Was it just for physical reasons? (Yes, yes, in my mind, I am sexy too! PROPINQUITY!!! Damn it!). I think yeah... and along the lines, I misread and chose to ignore subtle signs that could make it work. 

I'm going to admit to only one thing and one thing alone... no matter what people say. I miss him, damned it. Fuck propinquity.