Still Unhappy

I just got invited to go the Reserve, in Julio Vargas tonight. I turned it down. I decided to stay home cos my life shouldn't be a myriad of parties and endless drunken nights anymore. 

6 months without a love life - yup, he broke up with me, have you been keeping up?! 

5 months without guilt - finally, after a month, I forgave myself for supposedly ruining our relationship. Hey, he chickened out! 

4 months of being 29 years old - almost 30, damned it!!! 

3 months of being a good friend to my teammates at work - I am not the lone wolf anymore! 

2 months of being in a flirtatious thing with someone... girl or guy, I'm not gonna say, hahaha! 

35 days without alcohol - the get tipsy kind. Cos I had Jager last night and a little beer earlier. 

20 days of wondering when the heck my period is gonna come - doc placed me on another medication

10 days since my HPV shot - the price of being promiscuous (according to a good friend), in my case, just needed to cos the company will pay for half of it... 

4 days without excessive coffee 

N raised to the power of X as Y approaches zero days without sex - yeah, I really should have an animalistic bump and grind soon. 

So, am I still unhappy? 

Me last night, with one of my good friends, Cee Pua. 

Me, after work... Sans the make-up 

After chatting with a friend over coffee and cigs

Yogi buying me coffee with an artistic effect via the window... 

I am not unhappy. I'm actually relieved. This has nothing to do with the ex nor does it have anything to do with anything from the past. I'm just ready to live my life. 

On Oct 16th, I saw the worst of me. I hit rock bottom and really fell into a bad depression. No one can actually say that I didn't try, I didn't do my best to fight for the best that we can do. I actually did. I did my part and I can't be blamed anymore. I fought for us and fought for him... no matter what he or his family or his friends think. I saw Joyce, and told her about my dilemma. I cried for hours and believed that there is no one that can lift me up. I realized though that no knight in shining armor would come. I had to be my own messiah, my own savior. I am not going to wait for a man nor am I going to wait for a redemption. I had to be my own best cheerleader, my own ring leader, my own everything and I found myself to be stronger. 

This is the day I reclaimed my life from him and started living again. Jeoff is dead to me, at least the Jeoff I loved. I am dead too, but I remain alive and I try to retain that life.