closer

i have been thinking lately.
i have never loved anyone this way before. i'm getting really scared. random thoughts would always pop into my mind, like what if he finds someone else or what if he's just toying with me?
today, i couldn't sit down, let alone relax. i haven't felt this weird since ever. i knew something was up. i just couldn't show my family that i was somewhat worried.
i have been pretty sick lately, like seriously sick. but i had to take my tita to the airport cos i'm the bum in the house. i don't start work until the 14th, so i have plenty of time to be resting, but man... i didn't know that being jobless would allow me to be this sensitive about being a girlfriend.
when he cuts me off to either rest or cos he has an early meeting, i think, man, he is probably entertaining another woman right now. when he doesn't call, i immediately think, he is so sleeping with someone right now. i know these are irrational and illogical, i mean, knowing him all this time, he doesn't seem the type to cheat. but god, i'm just naturally jealous. his cat actually has more airtime than me. i mean, of all the things to blog about, you may want to talk about your supposedly "hot" girlfriend, but yah, the cat gets more show. not that i'm jealous of the cat, i guess i'm saying, what's really official right? and his ex is just casually commenting on his blog every now and then, and his ex has of course, absolutely, more airtime than me. but that's an entirely different blog entry.
anyhow, i'm just making fun of my situation.. that's not the point of this whole entry. the point is, i don't care if i don't appear on his blog, or i haven't been introduced to his friends, i think what's important is me feeling this in love with this man. this man that makes me laugh and makes me cry and he doesn't even know it. the man who says "i love you too" everytime he wants to say that he loves me. and calls me kitten cos he's just a sucker for cats. i want to make my life right with this man. and more than anything i've ever had in my life, i only want one thing from this man-his love.