happiness

so my hunny is here. i am as usual, a bit scared, a bit nervous, a bit rattled but more so, very happy that he's finally here. he's not staying for good. he's just here for a few days. i know... just a few days? well, i don't mind. as long as i can make him happy for a few days, that's all that really matters to me at this point.

last night, i closed my eyes to a bright night, with a silvery moon and some stars. nope, i wasn't camping out. i opened my window to see the moon shining so brightly. all i could do right now is wish that everything will be alright. he wouldn't think i'm a fugly biatch, or that i'm some weird psycotic looney case, or that i'm some weird she-devil brought out by the devil to torture him.


the other night, he had dinner with my parents for the first time. my parents were so funny! they made him laugh the whole night. he seemed so tense and nervous the first few minutes, well... amidst the nervous laughter, i'm glad my parents liked him. there seems to be a little connection there and i want to foster that.

i'm going to sound really weird, but i don't want to submerge myself in complete bliss. why, you ask? because it's always been my experience that if i am happy in one moment, something comes crashing in the next sequence of events. i'm kind of half-expecting an ex-girlfriend that will throw a gallon of acid to my face just to disfigure my already fugly mug, a friend who's totally against me, his family warning him that they'll disown him if he continues to see me, or just a plain "i fell out of love with you when i woke up this morning". i mean, i know things like what i mentioned are only seen in the movies, but hey, it could happen to me.

what i'm praying for is just a little bit of happiness. just a little glimmer of hope with the man i love. i'm begging all the elements of this universe to just fall into place. just this once, for me? please? i want to be completely happy. i want to experience happiness without any repercussions or consequences. i want to feel as if i deserve some happiness too. and he's the only one who can do that for me.