things i realized today

here i am again. i'm sorry, my weblog, if i haven't been really friendly to you lately. i've been busy. i've been more than busy... i've been going through things that need to be gone through by a normal human being.

here are some of the things i realized today:
1. it's freaky to ride a cab in the middle of edsa at 4 in the morning. yes, i have been going home at around 4 in the morning. and i have been crazily affected with this shift change. the earlier shift is wreaking havoc with my shot circadian rhythm. i haven't been able to sleep for days now. the funny thing is i just got some commendations from the quality assurance department. i told my manager about my situation. she has been so willing to help. i think i'll take a stab at the 4PM - 1AM shift she has been offering me for days. i think that should take care of my inability to sleep. i think it's the heat that has been driving my ass crazy. yes, the a/c doesn't work! i've been sleeping in my a/c'd room for days, well, trying to. but haven't been able to do anything about that.
2. men do grow on trees. i just realized that there are tons of men out there. men who are desperate to get in your pants, that is! girls, if you have a good man, latch on to that dude, cos the world is full of vile, notorious men who just wanna get into your pants!
3. being single is costlier than being married or being in a relationship. i remember paying for phone bills that amount to almost 70% of my salary. but now that i am single and in need of friends to go out with and things to do, god my credit card bills have skyrocketed and my cash has been on a limited supply. things i plan to do this june: enroll in a masteral program. it's great to touch base with academia again. maybe, i'll even get a teaching job, since i now have a lot of time. i am quitting the stylilng thing altogether. it's hard to be caught in a world of beauty and fashion when you feel so unfabulous. apart from that, styling and doing make up has been taking a toll on me. it's definitely unglamorous as compared to what people think. apart from that, i hate being on call every weekend. from now on, every weekend for me is my date with a good book, a nice cup of warm earl grey tea and a great HBO movie. an occasional date with friends won't be so bad either. i may want to drive again. i am thinking of taking refresher courses. i mean, if i have to go home at one in the morning, i better be able to frigging drive myself.
4. it's going to hurt like hell for the next few months, maybe even years. but it will get better eventually. but maybe, i'll never stop asking God why.
5. you are the only one who can make it better. if no one comes along to save me, then i'll learn to save myself.
6. there's only three things in life that are great with break-ups: a friend that is strong enough to have gone through every kind of break-up possible but hostile enough to tell you how stupid you have been for expecting him to come back and sweep you off your feet, a great phone line for when the need arises to talk with your friends, and a huge bottle of vitamin C. (yes, i look like i just woke up from an 8-hour sleep!)
7. watching trash TV (think noontime entertainment shows, afternoon soaps) is actually mind-numbing! no wonder people really tune-in to them! it actually freezes your thoughts and you're left with no thoughts, no recollections and no memories, at least for the hour or hour-and-a-half duration of these shows. i say, when you have a huge problem, heartache or whatnot, go ahead and just flip those channels, baby!
8. losing sleep is not going to kill you, finding ways to sleep will! haha! kidding on this one. but seriously! call center agents have been dealing with this for years on end. i am beginning to wonder how much more of non-sleep can i handle. nonetheless, do not fret. i have been meditating. so far, i haven't collapsed or anything. in fact, i feel vaguely refreshed and warm. weird. maybe the vitamin really helps!
9. never listen to sappy songs when you are alone. it makes you feel judged, unvalued and unloved. listen to songs that are great when you are alone, something you can dance to or even songs that can help you move on. my theme song for the day: the nescafe theme from bamboo... it ends with "one good day coming up..."
10. finally, when all else fails, cry. it's ok to be sad for the rest of your life, but you never have to be bitter about anything.