It seems almost unbelievable that I have been here for one year. I have met incredible people along the way. I have met good people in almost every company I have ever worked for, but this has been one good ride. I almost fell off my chair when I noticed what date it was. It is now September... A good years or so ago, I was running my fingers through tons of paperwork, deciding on which school I should go to. Also, running figures on my Excel sheet, wanting the best drug distribution company to be set-up soon.
Due to so many changes in my life, I decided not to go through the business, not to go through going back to school. Long story short, I decided to be an ordinary employee with an 8-5 job and come home at the right time, have a good meal with my family and watch TV to lull myself to sleep. Although the money wasn't as good as my previous jobs, I think I was okay... I was doing okay...
I got bored. I got tired of what I was doing, and all I could do to entertain myself was to dwell on my former love - make up, clothes, I became a stylist at the same time. I would spend my entire Friday morning conceptualizing shoots and lay-outs and my weekends dressing, undressing and making people over.
That's the first mom I ever did make-up, hair and styling for. I think her name is Lyn or Raquel, of course, I don't remember anymore... Her pictures appeared on Health Today. I spent the next few months going through pegs - magazine cover shoots that would look amazing on magazines.
I didn't quit my job as an English teacher, I still went on. Finding the best solutions for my European students. Sometimes, it got frustrating as hell... Moving from one topic to another in a span of 30 minutes. My head mentally calculating the expenses for the next night-out...my brain seriously seeping out of my nose as my head spins around, looking for anyone to save me from the disruptive sound of my typing. Sometimes, you really want you students to learn and when they don't because of some weird circumstance, like inability to hear you, lack of practice, with which, they have full control over, it gets mighty frustrating...
It's almost a year now! Wow, I got over each and every insecurity. Before, I can't even tell the difference between "make" and "do". Now it's almost a surefire way of starting a good lesson.
I started wanting to disappear, now I can say that people somewhat respect my opinions. When I leave, I can say that I did my best and that I didn't cave in to the pressure, as I did the last two times I took work seriously. Now I can say that although I am visible to people, I am able to carry my weight in this company.
There isn't a reason in the world for me not to continue. But sometimes, I am afraid that there also isn't a reason to go on... If I could continue styling, and control each and every circumstance that comes my way, I will be the happiest person on earth! Sadly, styling doesn't allow yuou to progress in the corporate world. How else will I be able to afford anything without a good corporate job?
When my student asked me earlier how I'm doing. I didn't think of lying anymore.
"Tired", I said, my voice sounding really tired...
"Oh, that's not good..." he said in his thick German accent
"I said, oh, it's okay... I'll manage." I said, reassuring him that he was not the reason I was tired.
"Oh, I didn't know you can manage how your body feels!" he said, slightly amused that "manage" can be used in a variety of ways.
I moved on with the lesson, discussing "manage" in a variety of ways.
Today, I will be facing 5 more other students. All with their own needs, own perceptions, own ideals. As always, I'll manage.
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