I was hoping for angels to appear out of the heavens when I made a decision earlier. I was hoping for the skies to open up and actually spew out golden stardusts and fine sprinkles of silver and blue and congratulate me for a job well done.
Turns out that the world doesn't stop when you do something good.
I was approached with a weird offer the other day. Something that has to do with me being "beddable". Haha! Funny word. Funny offer. What's even funnier was I was pretty close to doing it. I was extremely close to losing my senses in bed with another man. Why? Because I'm lonely? Because I'm desperate for something to hold. Because I'm a nympho? The answer is none of the above.
It's because I can't always get what I want.
I want words exchanged between me and Jeoff to be dripping with sweetness. I want him to feel an all-consuming need for me. I want the world to stop revolving when I call him. I want the earth to shake and for him to have to catch his breath when he sees me. I want him to feel that exhausting and mind-numbingly brilliant feeling of loving me.
I want to control him.
I told him about my indecent proposal. Sans the name of the guy, not that it matters... I asked him how much he trusts me.
The thing is when I think about it... It all happened so fast... I am still a little girl - the naive girl that never thought of herself as beautiful. All my life, someone else was pretty, someone else was hot... no one ever called me hot, or beautiful... or sexy? Or anything... I was always the smart, witty, funny and analytical girl no one ever asked to go to the prom with. I guess deep inside, I always knew only beauty queens and model-types will ever find true love. And people like me become doctors and lawyers - out to defend the damsels in distress when they finally file for divorce only to be with new knights in shining armors. The people left for us to enjoy would be those scarred by the beauty queens and model-types - slightly unscathed but eternally marked for life.
I talked with Jeoff earlier. I told him about the man. I asked him why he doesn't have that all consuming need for me. I asked him why he can't feel what I'm feeling...
I told him about my disappointment about the heavens not spewing out at least a couple of angels with a golden banner saying "Well Done". He said "The world doesn't stop just because you did something good. But the world stops when you do something bad."
And there it was...
I can't always get what I want.
But I get what I need.
Turns out that the world doesn't stop when you do something good.
I was approached with a weird offer the other day. Something that has to do with me being "beddable". Haha! Funny word. Funny offer. What's even funnier was I was pretty close to doing it. I was extremely close to losing my senses in bed with another man. Why? Because I'm lonely? Because I'm desperate for something to hold. Because I'm a nympho? The answer is none of the above.
It's because I can't always get what I want.
I want words exchanged between me and Jeoff to be dripping with sweetness. I want him to feel an all-consuming need for me. I want the world to stop revolving when I call him. I want the earth to shake and for him to have to catch his breath when he sees me. I want him to feel that exhausting and mind-numbingly brilliant feeling of loving me.
I want to control him.
I told him about my indecent proposal. Sans the name of the guy, not that it matters... I asked him how much he trusts me.
The thing is when I think about it... It all happened so fast... I am still a little girl - the naive girl that never thought of herself as beautiful. All my life, someone else was pretty, someone else was hot... no one ever called me hot, or beautiful... or sexy? Or anything... I was always the smart, witty, funny and analytical girl no one ever asked to go to the prom with. I guess deep inside, I always knew only beauty queens and model-types will ever find true love. And people like me become doctors and lawyers - out to defend the damsels in distress when they finally file for divorce only to be with new knights in shining armors. The people left for us to enjoy would be those scarred by the beauty queens and model-types - slightly unscathed but eternally marked for life.
I talked with Jeoff earlier. I told him about the man. I asked him why he doesn't have that all consuming need for me. I asked him why he can't feel what I'm feeling...
I told him about my disappointment about the heavens not spewing out at least a couple of angels with a golden banner saying "Well Done". He said "The world doesn't stop just because you did something good. But the world stops when you do something bad."
And there it was...
I can't always get what I want.
But I get what I need.
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