you don't say!

I looked at my old blog again today. Man, was i stoned or what?! I didn't know i could write this way...

This was an entry dated May 21st of 2006.
Title: The Emancipation of Meg

adults learn best by doing.

i learned what love was by loving.

and now i'm ready to let go.

i have moments where i wish that he will return.

i am wishing nothing but the best for him.

i hope that he considers that the love i felt was real.

but tonight...

when everything has weighed so heavily in my heart and my pride can't take any more beating...

i can not depend on him to please me.

i can not live through him

through the hope that one day he will be mine alone.

he will always wander

and i am not any better than the people he will meet.

there will always be a better me...

someone wiser

braver

more beautiful

more spiritual

his queen

who am i but a fallen angel?

contending with a charmer will not do...

i am emancipating myself from the hope that was brought to me by this love.

i am emancipating myself from the face of heaven

true love has brought me closer.. healed my wings a little

now that i have lost it

i am broken again.

i am lost again

engulfed in this darkness, i turn to power

i turn to the healing nature of the need to be in control

i may not be able to touch the face of heaven ever again

but i will find the face of God

should i not be able to fly again

i will learn to jump and aim for salvation

because heaven knows that i would love nothing than to be in paradise

rather than the infernal emptiness that surrounds me now.

At this point in my life, I was nursing a badly bruised ego and a shattered heart. I didn't realize that I really felt all these until I revisited my blog. I think there is so much to learn from these previous posts, so I'm going to dig through these posts time and again. I hate seeing a sadder part of me come to life through these posts but I think it's great that I get to reflect on them.