What is February 14th but another date? For sure, others would find it significant, important, relevant and very compromising. I find it irritating, with a dash of salt to my already injured existence.
I don't intend to be in anyway, emo about this. Just that lately, I've been craving for a huge load of you guessed it... affection!
I am in a very healthy relationship. I love my man to bits and I know he loves me, but sometimes, he tends to be more straightforward and less affectionate. Here I go with my sweet mushy nothings, intended to make him forget about the long hard day he had... Sadly, he takes it more as an amusement and chooses to lessen the idea of "us" time, thanks to the long hard day.
I totally get it... I totally get that he doesn't get why I crave attention, affection and all the time in the world. I just get really insecure around Valentines' Day. He's currently in New York, with very little time for himself, and I know life is quite hard for him. I have no intentions of making it doubly hard by demanding attention and affection. He deserves all the rest he can get and all the things he needs to get - like some alone time, some time with friends. It's just that sometimes, it makes me feel somewhat neglected. I know he's not neglecting me. I know he's not taking me for granted, because dear God, he's been wonderful. But sometimes, things do not go your way and your feelings tell you something when you know it's not the truth.
Maybe I just need to have a long talk with him to rid myself of the evils of feeling unappreciated. But the thing is, I kinda get it, women and men have completely different needs. To him, if he asks me how my day was, and he listens intently, and get an advice about what to do next, he's home free. I completely appreciate that. I totally do... but I want to dwell on the feelings I feel. I want to talk about the future and our dreams together.... I want him to tell me how much he misses kissing me and embracing me. I want him to say that he'll never want anyone else over and over again. I want him to be okay with me being completely mushy and lovey-dovey.
Don't get me wrong, I don't cry and wail when I don't get what I want. I do get a little irritated with everyone else, which is probably not so good when you live with your brother and his slightly irritable girlfriend and your parents. I completely negate my positive vibes. I guess better that than me fighting with him cos I'd end up caving anyhow.
I am thankful that I'm slightly being mature about it. "SLIGHTLY" being the operative word here... I know that feelings don't necessarily matter to a guy. They choose to be with someone based on love, which is a feeling, but they value the solidity of that commitment to be with you. I don't really know for sure what I value. I know I value him. I value affection. I feel rejected when he fails to mirror what I say, like I tell him that he's the most beautiful man in the world, and he tells me that "you know that I think you're hot"... I mean, he takes it as me having self-esteem issues when all I want is a little TLC. And sometimes, yes, Friendster and Facebook comments - they sweep me off my feet. It's immature, childish and very unbecoming of a woman my age, but I really wish that I'd get an eCard or a public comment with him stating to the whole world that he loves me. Add the "awwww" factor and you always, always get brownie points.
I also know that no two people are alike. Sometimes, you get to love the person that may not necessarily be as romantic as you want them to be. But sometimes, I really wish he would be more romantic. Not the unrealistic Romeo that intends to make you swoon and sigh, but just someone that shows you affection when you most need it.
Maybe it has something to do with the distance. Or the fact that I really am madly in love with him, but seriously, a little love won't go array. Seriously.
I even doubt that this will get read until after Valentines' Day. Ü
Alright, alright... It seems funny how people tend to be, like me, a complete affection nazi. I would have been better off I was craving donuts or a big old gallon of choco chip ice cream. I am probably doing a thousand things wrong in this relationship too ie: being clingy when I feel like he's not being affectionate enough. Well, let me blame my girl hormones for that... The normal things that go through my head when he's not in the mood to throw some affection my way: "Oh no, he's not feeling the love anymore, I gotta show him more love, more affection, I need to spend more time with him..." What's in his head when he's not in the mood: "I'm tired, I need to go to bed early cos I have work tomorrow. I knows she knows I love her..." '
So yeah... for someone who knows that and read thousand of books on how to psychoanalyze him cos he's from Mars and you're from a completely different planet, (damn!) I suck at application. This is why I am never going to be Six Sigma certified... I get the theories. I totally can memorize everything from cover to cover but I totally suck at seeing things from a bigger perspective. I wonder why I totally get Math and all the never ending differentials and the functions but not him completely.
So what would make me happy right about now?
I still think he's everything. I know he is my life. And this - the whole I need affection deal, does not change what I feel. It's just that if I can get what I want, why not?
Like I said, this is just word vomit... This is me at a certain time at a certain ideal. In dire need of coffee and smokes and great company as I have my daily walk around the province of Eastwood. I probably just need some ice cream. :)
I don't intend to be in anyway, emo about this. Just that lately, I've been craving for a huge load of you guessed it... affection!
I am in a very healthy relationship. I love my man to bits and I know he loves me, but sometimes, he tends to be more straightforward and less affectionate. Here I go with my sweet mushy nothings, intended to make him forget about the long hard day he had... Sadly, he takes it more as an amusement and chooses to lessen the idea of "us" time, thanks to the long hard day.
I totally get it... I totally get that he doesn't get why I crave attention, affection and all the time in the world. I just get really insecure around Valentines' Day. He's currently in New York, with very little time for himself, and I know life is quite hard for him. I have no intentions of making it doubly hard by demanding attention and affection. He deserves all the rest he can get and all the things he needs to get - like some alone time, some time with friends. It's just that sometimes, it makes me feel somewhat neglected. I know he's not neglecting me. I know he's not taking me for granted, because dear God, he's been wonderful. But sometimes, things do not go your way and your feelings tell you something when you know it's not the truth.
Maybe I just need to have a long talk with him to rid myself of the evils of feeling unappreciated. But the thing is, I kinda get it, women and men have completely different needs. To him, if he asks me how my day was, and he listens intently, and get an advice about what to do next, he's home free. I completely appreciate that. I totally do... but I want to dwell on the feelings I feel. I want to talk about the future and our dreams together.... I want him to tell me how much he misses kissing me and embracing me. I want him to say that he'll never want anyone else over and over again. I want him to be okay with me being completely mushy and lovey-dovey.
Don't get me wrong, I don't cry and wail when I don't get what I want. I do get a little irritated with everyone else, which is probably not so good when you live with your brother and his slightly irritable girlfriend and your parents. I completely negate my positive vibes. I guess better that than me fighting with him cos I'd end up caving anyhow.
I am thankful that I'm slightly being mature about it. "SLIGHTLY" being the operative word here... I know that feelings don't necessarily matter to a guy. They choose to be with someone based on love, which is a feeling, but they value the solidity of that commitment to be with you. I don't really know for sure what I value. I know I value him. I value affection. I feel rejected when he fails to mirror what I say, like I tell him that he's the most beautiful man in the world, and he tells me that "you know that I think you're hot"... I mean, he takes it as me having self-esteem issues when all I want is a little TLC. And sometimes, yes, Friendster and Facebook comments - they sweep me off my feet. It's immature, childish and very unbecoming of a woman my age, but I really wish that I'd get an eCard or a public comment with him stating to the whole world that he loves me. Add the "awwww" factor and you always, always get brownie points.
I also know that no two people are alike. Sometimes, you get to love the person that may not necessarily be as romantic as you want them to be. But sometimes, I really wish he would be more romantic. Not the unrealistic Romeo that intends to make you swoon and sigh, but just someone that shows you affection when you most need it.
Maybe it has something to do with the distance. Or the fact that I really am madly in love with him, but seriously, a little love won't go array. Seriously.
I even doubt that this will get read until after Valentines' Day. Ü
Alright, alright... It seems funny how people tend to be, like me, a complete affection nazi. I would have been better off I was craving donuts or a big old gallon of choco chip ice cream. I am probably doing a thousand things wrong in this relationship too ie: being clingy when I feel like he's not being affectionate enough. Well, let me blame my girl hormones for that... The normal things that go through my head when he's not in the mood to throw some affection my way: "Oh no, he's not feeling the love anymore, I gotta show him more love, more affection, I need to spend more time with him..." What's in his head when he's not in the mood: "I'm tired, I need to go to bed early cos I have work tomorrow. I knows she knows I love her..." '
So yeah... for someone who knows that and read thousand of books on how to psychoanalyze him cos he's from Mars and you're from a completely different planet, (damn!) I suck at application. This is why I am never going to be Six Sigma certified... I get the theories. I totally can memorize everything from cover to cover but I totally suck at seeing things from a bigger perspective. I wonder why I totally get Math and all the never ending differentials and the functions but not him completely.
So what would make me happy right about now?
- Affectionate him... someone who tells me that the moon is nowhere as beautiful as me. Cheesy as hell but this is my blog right? Go write your own if you have any issues with that.
- Him with more energy for me. More time to talk with me about anything and everything under the sun. More time to talk about the future, plan with me, dream with me...
- Him having an idea of why I act so clingy sometimes.
I still think he's everything. I know he is my life. And this - the whole I need affection deal, does not change what I feel. It's just that if I can get what I want, why not?
Like I said, this is just word vomit... This is me at a certain time at a certain ideal. In dire need of coffee and smokes and great company as I have my daily walk around the province of Eastwood. I probably just need some ice cream. :)
