The Ultimate List

I was asked by Tito Doy to create a list of 5 things I can't live without. For some reason, I have put it off for some time, and until I told Jeoff, I didn't really have 5 things.

Well, here's my crack at my important list:

1. Sense of Humor

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James

Isn't it a wonder that I love William James? He's a pragmatist - and pragmatists see the world in terms of what works best. And he's absolutely right. If common sense adds some color to a boring conversation, so can wit and humor. This is one of the things I can't let go of. I need someone who can take me seriously and someone who knows when to laugh at my silliness and stupidity without insulting me, and wounding my pride. As any pragmatist knows, you lead something in the way that is most practical and convenient for the world - only when in doubt do you call upon the ideal and the almost impossible. And honestly, I don't see the world at its best without being able to laugh at myself and laugh at the world...

2. Sense of Responsibility

“Responsibilities gravitate to the man who can shoulder them..."
Elbert Hubbard

Elbert Hubbard was an American philosopher who wrote of a Titanic passenger', Ida Straus, whose last few hours on earth consists of refusing to be saved while her husband remained in the half-sunken liner. While that story has been passed on for generations, his philosophies remained in one of the hand-crafted books. One of the philosophies would be to explain why responsibilities tend to gravitate to men who seem to be in control of their own destinies. Nonetheless, it always was something that women look for. They understand that to have a good mate, it is necessary for that mate to be a good provider, if not a good partner. Responsibility for me doesn't mean being the sole provider, it just means not running away from the things you are already doing. People tend to complain and fight what they don't like but at the end of the day, because they are responsible enough, they fight for the things that keep them up at night.

3. Affection

“The fact is that people are good, if only their fundamental wishes are satisfied, their wish for affection and security. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.”
Abraham Maslow

Maslow created the idea of a hierarchy of needs. It seems ridiculous. The basic need of a human being are the physiological ones. It's actually not just that - each little thing that a human being needs is chronicled here. The idea of loving and belonging to someone actually curtails any other level of self-actualization or esteem. Love a person fully and they tend to become more confident, more accepting and more creative. Psychoanalyzing my needs and projecting it as just one of the things people need definitely decreases my uniqueness factor, yet nonetheless, it is true. It won't be here unless it was proven otherwise. Affection raises my esteem about the person I'm with and the person I am with that person I'm with (Did y'all get that?!) Mainly because if I feel assured about something, it transcends every little thing that I do. The same way men supposedly wish to hear that they make their wives happy (According to both "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom), women also need to hear that they are the only ones that light up their husband's lives. They want to be treated like princesses - not through gifts and favors but by mere words and gestures. The acts of love and affection that a man gives the woman he loves are the treasures she cherishes and not the gifts or the years.

4. Intelligence

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid"
Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein failed in an entrance examination for ETH Zurich, because he lacked one school degree. Nonetheless, he is correct when he said these words. It is but natural for people to have their own talents and their own devices and when tested against these things they possess innately, they tend to crumble and pale in comparison to others. No one can write like Shakespeare or play tennis like Serena Williams. Everyone has their own level of intelligence to show and to nurture. That's why in love and life, you need someone who can understand your level of intelligence - someone to believe in your intelligence yet respects your stupidity and appreciates the gap between them.

5. Honesty

“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time”
Dave Van Ronk

Finally, the lost art - honesty... Yes, no matter how painful and how righteous it makes you, according to Dave Van Ronk, an influential New York folk singer who later was dubbed "Mayor of MacDougal Street" because of the last song he released. In a marriage, you need someone who can tell you when it's over. You don't want to keep on pushing or pulling when all that exists between you and your loved one is a thick brick wall that's harder to demolish than the Great Wall of China. People often say that what the other one doesn't know won't hurt him (or her), but honestly, if it eats at you the way parasites do, then better 'fess up. I was trained to lie at the tender age of 21 - when I became a sales agent. To be the top seller, I'd have to twist the truth a little - you know, the kind that has a ring of truth yet has a drizzle of lie? I think that's the most dangerous kind of lie...but that's another story. Nevertheless, I just know that for a fact, the one person I want to be with for the rest of my life shouldn't be lied to. Because if I do lie to him - what separates him from other people?

Addendum...

Jeoff's 5 Things

1. Understanding
2. Sense of humor
3. Someone who isn't shallow or materialistic
4. Strong-willed
5. Someone with big boobs...

Ok, I think I'm number 5. I don't know about the others, LOL!