For some reason, I can't quite convince myself to keep still. I'm jumpy, I'm weird and I have a mood swing problem the size of a dilapidated building in 5th avenue.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm picking fights with Jeoff when there is no reason to. He insists that we keep pictures of us kissing in private. I deleted a whole album in serious disappointment. I wanted to delete every little picture of us. I seriously wanted to shoot him. Tsk tsk... I kept ranting about what the heck he's hiding and who he's hiding it from. I am in fact overreacting. I am unbelievably angry. I guess I do feel deprived... And I seriously don't want to analyze it.
If you have an answer for me, go ahead and try to explain it to me cos I sure as hell can't figure it out. I love the guy but sometimes, he makes me so angry. And yet I do wanna see him... I am so frigging weird! This hormone thing, so sucks. I hate being a girl. I hate being a girl with a PMS issue. It's borne of being away from cola and chocolates for such a long time. And keeping away from carbs! Yeah, it's that, and only that.
What sucks more is that I am always sleep-deprived. I can't get to sleep and I can't sleep well. And not to mention the fact that Nickelodeon only shows the Nick Jr. line in the wee hours of the morning. What kind of a toddler is awake at 3AM? Can someone please tell me?! I am so confused...!
There's more to this than meets the eye I know. It must be the thousands of hours of pure commercial commute.
I am angry... no I'm not, just irritated, vexed and pissed - incredibly miffed. Oh what the heck...!
I guess what I'm saying is I'm depressed. I am getting incredibly lonely. I know I should never admit to being lonely and it sucks because right now, I am admitting to it. I feel alone. My friends are mostly married, one of them isn't but has a boyfriend she'd rather spend time with. Some other friends are incredibly toxic (yes, people...some friends can be considered toxic, you know, people who suck life out of you cos they can't suck the life out of someone else or from a bottle of alcohol). Some of my other friends are hard to contact. I have always liked myself - being alone - being in the center of something special or monumental, but now, for the first time, I find myself incredibly alone.
Jeoff is a million miles away, and no matter what he says, no matter how he claims that he's with me, he's just physically not with me. The loneliness is creepy... it's so dark and morbid. I'm not withdrawn or anything... just incredibly sad. People deal with this - and I dealt with this before. I don't understand what the hell changed between now and then that this has come to be so hard.
Maybe, it was meant to test my character.
As if I haven't been tested enough...
As of this writing, I am sleep-deprived, cigarette-free for hours now and listening to something incredibly gay (Clay Aiken)... Yes, I am being tested.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm picking fights with Jeoff when there is no reason to. He insists that we keep pictures of us kissing in private. I deleted a whole album in serious disappointment. I wanted to delete every little picture of us. I seriously wanted to shoot him. Tsk tsk... I kept ranting about what the heck he's hiding and who he's hiding it from. I am in fact overreacting. I am unbelievably angry. I guess I do feel deprived... And I seriously don't want to analyze it.
If you have an answer for me, go ahead and try to explain it to me cos I sure as hell can't figure it out. I love the guy but sometimes, he makes me so angry. And yet I do wanna see him... I am so frigging weird! This hormone thing, so sucks. I hate being a girl. I hate being a girl with a PMS issue. It's borne of being away from cola and chocolates for such a long time. And keeping away from carbs! Yeah, it's that, and only that.
What sucks more is that I am always sleep-deprived. I can't get to sleep and I can't sleep well. And not to mention the fact that Nickelodeon only shows the Nick Jr. line in the wee hours of the morning. What kind of a toddler is awake at 3AM? Can someone please tell me?! I am so confused...!
There's more to this than meets the eye I know. It must be the thousands of hours of pure commercial commute.
I am angry... no I'm not, just irritated, vexed and pissed - incredibly miffed. Oh what the heck...!
I guess what I'm saying is I'm depressed. I am getting incredibly lonely. I know I should never admit to being lonely and it sucks because right now, I am admitting to it. I feel alone. My friends are mostly married, one of them isn't but has a boyfriend she'd rather spend time with. Some other friends are incredibly toxic (yes, people...some friends can be considered toxic, you know, people who suck life out of you cos they can't suck the life out of someone else or from a bottle of alcohol). Some of my other friends are hard to contact. I have always liked myself - being alone - being in the center of something special or monumental, but now, for the first time, I find myself incredibly alone.
Jeoff is a million miles away, and no matter what he says, no matter how he claims that he's with me, he's just physically not with me. The loneliness is creepy... it's so dark and morbid. I'm not withdrawn or anything... just incredibly sad. People deal with this - and I dealt with this before. I don't understand what the hell changed between now and then that this has come to be so hard.
Maybe, it was meant to test my character.
As if I haven't been tested enough...
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