Pollyannic

I'm in the office. As usual, I have fairly minimal tasks that seem mundane at the moment. I'm done with everything else. I just have this one-hour class to teach later. I could very well be sipping a cappuccino and enjoying a bagel except that I'd rather stay in the confines of the office. Where I spend a whole lot less than actually going out and having a Starbucks moment.

I miss talking with a bunch of people. I'm stuck in the training room, waiting for my training participants. I surely wish that time would go by faster. Not because I am in a hurry to end the day, but primarily because it is my perception that the world - as a whole - has gone slower.

It isn't normal for me to be writing about my perceptions as a person, but since half the time I'm bothered by what I see, I better write it down.

In a day, I see an X number of people crossing the streets of Metro Manila. Some of them oblivious, some of them ecstatic, some of them morose... It's a sign of the times. It's a feeling of complete rhetoric. People draw from their own didactics how they view life. People draw from their own experience. And I have no part in their lives. Everybo,dy stars in their own telenovela and being intrusive enough to draw a surmised conclusion. The world goes on in its comfortable pace and I am trapped in it. Like I'm meant to be haunted by the fact that my mind, while having its own limitations, can indeed run faster than a Ferrari. It's a brain vomit that I can't control.

German playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once mentioned that thinking in itself is easy but acting on these thoughts is the hardest thing in the world. I think one of the reasons why people don't become serial killers is because they lack the ability to execute their own evil plans.

People are unbearably lazy about their own futures. I'm one of them. It sucks because half of the human race may be having this exact same problem and yet has no ability to put an end to their mindful babble and actually draw the blueprint for their life.



Aileen was once telling me that a friend of hers had an affair and the aggravated 3rd party (aka other woman) was so miffed at the instigating party (aka man who had an affair) that she hatched a 5-year revenge plan. The weird thing is, this other woman did exactly that. She is on her third year and to put things mildly, someone's Friendster account has been hacked, someone's reputation was almost trashed and there's another two years that they might have to look behind their shoulders. How can people scheme for something as (well, I'm not saying it's trivial...) impractical as that? If you get slapped once, to quote Glenna, wouldn't you just walk away? Why bother staying and making a bigger fool of yourself? Pag ayaw, ayaw! Leave and begone for tomorrow is another day to meet a man.

So if scheming and conniving can't be a word to describe who I am then what should I be? Oh wait, I think I know - Pollyanna.

Yong and Yogi once mentioned that they would really like to go to Singapore. Yong wanted to buy a house, and Yogi wanted to earn enough to invest on a bunch of apartments. I keep wondering why my mind doesn't go deeper than that. Everyday, my mind would race as to what on earth was that chemical that explodes with sugar (Oh right, Potassium permanganate!) and I'd be able to balance chemical equations in my head but my mind never reaches as far as 20 years from now. It always overrides itself...

I always think that the world should always revolve around me. Yet I live my life a day at a time, and somehow, it's weird. I feel frozen in time... I feel that I'm racing yet I feel that I'm frozen. Sounds weird eh? I guess I'm saying that I'm not starring in my own telenovela, not that I want to. I'm learning that I am more effective as someone who observes and not someone who needs all the limelight. In a 5-minute analysis of my life, I never have been too assertive, yet I've never really backed-out of anything. I'm always in the middle. I always think that somehow, things are going to be better if I just let it balance itself out, the way nature has always worked. I just know that drama was never intended for me. I was never a battered child or an abused wife. I was always in the middle - never too protected, never too exposed. I am a tad bit naive and yet I am smarter than the average dog.

Here's another quote I got by googling the word "thought"... “At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.”

Hmn... Apparently, we shouldn't be the center of the universe after all...