Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.
Don Draper, "Mad Men"
It has been more than a year since I last saw the man that makes my heart twinge... I sincerely wish I can be with him. It feels empty to not have the one you love in your arms. It makes me question why I wake up every day and why I lie down to rest at night.
I was alone in the training room the whole Friday. Don't ask me why I prefer to work alone. I just do... I am the coordinator, I'd really rather be alone because I am working on sensitive reports. I popped in the Imeem playlist I had. It was wonderful. It felt like home... like I was actually working from home. It brought me back to the time when Jeoff was making me listen to his iPod - I don't remember the band nor the song, but I remember that nice sound...
It's called "One Thing" from Finger Eleven. It seemed like I was still in PeopleSupport, my arms touching his arms, his iPod near me, I can hear his heart beating... It seemed like that time. Don't ask me why. I can feel the smell of his perfume, and I remember the texture of his shirt. Maybe I miss him so much. Maybe I was just wishing he'd be right next to me as I was playing that song. Maybe I was just aching to be with him...
I don't really intend to be depressed after that. It just felt so empty coming home. I finished work at 3AM and my pals dragged me to Starbucks after. I guess a cup of coffee was in order. I think it was 4:15 when I called him. He probably has no idea how his voice sounded so wonderful to me. It was like really hearing him for the first time eventhough we just spoke the other day. Sometimes, I suck at telling him why I really want to hear his voice. I am not that good with words. Apparently, sometimes, the words do get in the way...
I was alone in the training room the whole Friday. Don't ask me why I prefer to work alone. I just do... I am the coordinator, I'd really rather be alone because I am working on sensitive reports. I popped in the Imeem playlist I had. It was wonderful. It felt like home... like I was actually working from home. It brought me back to the time when Jeoff was making me listen to his iPod - I don't remember the band nor the song, but I remember that nice sound...
It's called "One Thing" from Finger Eleven. It seemed like I was still in PeopleSupport, my arms touching his arms, his iPod near me, I can hear his heart beating... It seemed like that time. Don't ask me why. I can feel the smell of his perfume, and I remember the texture of his shirt. Maybe I miss him so much. Maybe I was just wishing he'd be right next to me as I was playing that song. Maybe I was just aching to be with him...
I don't really intend to be depressed after that. It just felt so empty coming home. I finished work at 3AM and my pals dragged me to Starbucks after. I guess a cup of coffee was in order. I think it was 4:15 when I called him. He probably has no idea how his voice sounded so wonderful to me. It was like really hearing him for the first time eventhough we just spoke the other day. Sometimes, I suck at telling him why I really want to hear his voice. I am not that good with words. Apparently, sometimes, the words do get in the way...
2 comments:
Awww...such yearning. It's beautiful and exquisite in its pain. Not that I wish you more of it. If you need an ear...
You know...it's more painful than it looks but apparently, I tend to fool people into believing that nothing hurts.
When will we ever have that coffee?
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