The Chubbs Chronicle

I slept through the whole Fairly Odd Parents, Spongebob and Lola and Virginia toon-a-thon today. It was weird cos I usually have enough energy to stay awake until around 10.00am. It was weirder because I should not be really tired. I have just been really out of it lately.

Thank God for small favors eh? When I awoke, my Chubbs was there waiting for me. I woke up and hugged it tight. I know, I know, slightly juvenile and weirdly sad for someone my age to actually love a bear. But hey, this bear holds more love for me than most of the people I know.

Going back to my Chubbs story. Well, he's just so huggable and loving. I don't know...something about his eyes. I think it's great that Jeoff gave me this bear. I love it to bits.

I can't wait to get home and give it my huggles.



Who can resist?!

Meet Chubbs

I love Chubbs! Mwah!
Chubbs is a bear that Jeoff gave me. I love this bear. He is soooo cute!
Chubbs is officially my favorite bear! Mwah!

Unwritten

I love this song! Thanks to my seatmate Cara who got the Radio Blog link for me. It seems like the theme to almost any girl's life. Well, give it a rest, I still AM a girl...


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live you life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

(Gospel)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live you life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live you life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten


And yes, the rest is still unwritten. Tomorrow is still unsure but the future is how you make it and today is when it all begins. Let's begin...

I'll Manage

I started out in this company wanting to disappear due to the incredible pressure I felt from all the other companies I have ever worked for. I remember trying to pirate someone from this company... Wanting that person to work with me, not as a subordinate, but as an associate, because I needed someone strong in my company. The universe didn't smile upon that chance of working together. The universe seemed to have another thing in mind. I quit my job and decided to go back to school and start my very own drug distribution company. That person, in turn, decided to ask me if I would be interested in doing this job while earning my masters in Toxicology. It seems like yesterday.

It seems almost unbelievable that I have been here for one year. I have met incredible people along the way. I have met good people in almost every company I have ever worked for, but this has been one good ride. I almost fell off my chair when I noticed what date it was. It is now September... A good years or so ago, I was running my fingers through tons of paperwork, deciding on which school I should go to. Also, running figures on my Excel sheet, wanting the best drug distribution company to be set-up soon.

Due to so many changes in my life, I decided not to go through the business, not to go through going back to school. Long story short, I decided to be an ordinary employee with an 8-5 job and come home at the right time, have a good meal with my family and watch TV to lull myself to sleep. Although the money wasn't as good as my previous jobs, I think I was okay... I was doing okay...

I got bored. I got tired of what I was doing, and all I could do to entertain myself was to dwell on my former love - make up, clothes, I became a stylist at the same time. I would spend my entire Friday morning conceptualizing shoots and lay-outs and my weekends dressing, undressing and making people over.



That's the first mom I ever did make-up, hair and styling for. I think her name is Lyn or Raquel, of course, I don't remember anymore... Her pictures appeared on Health Today. I spent the next few months going through pegs - magazine cover shoots that would look amazing on magazines.

I didn't quit my job as an English teacher, I still went on. Finding the best solutions for my European students. Sometimes, it got frustrating as hell... Moving from one topic to another in a span of 30 minutes. My head mentally calculating the expenses for the next night-out...my brain seriously seeping out of my nose as my head spins around, looking for anyone to save me from the disruptive sound of my typing. Sometimes, you really want you students to learn and when they don't because of some weird circumstance, like inability to hear you, lack of practice, with which, they have full control over, it gets mighty frustrating...

It's almost a year now! Wow, I got over each and every insecurity. Before, I can't even tell the difference between "make" and "do". Now it's almost a surefire way of starting a good lesson.

I started wanting to disappear, now I can say that people somewhat respect my opinions. When I leave, I can say that I did my best and that I didn't cave in to the pressure, as I did the last two times I took work seriously. Now I can say that although I am visible to people, I am able to carry my weight in this company.

There isn't a reason in the world for me not to continue. But sometimes, I am afraid that there also isn't a reason to go on... If I could continue styling, and control each and every circumstance that comes my way, I will be the happiest person on earth! Sadly, styling doesn't allow yuou to progress in the corporate world. How else will I be able to afford anything without a good corporate job?

When my student asked me earlier how I'm doing. I didn't think of lying anymore.
"Tired", I said, my voice sounding really tired...
"Oh, that's not good..." he said in his thick German accent
"I said, oh, it's okay... I'll manage." I said, reassuring him that he was not the reason I was tired.
"Oh, I didn't know you can manage how your body feels!" he said, slightly amused that "manage" can be used in a variety of ways.
I moved on with the lesson, discussing "manage" in a variety of ways.

Today, I will be facing 5 more other students. All with their own needs, own perceptions, own ideals. As always, I'll manage.

The Magazine Article

This is the magazine article in French that saved my ass...

Half Life

HALF LIFE

I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out

but I don't mind a few mysteries
they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing

It takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

'cause lately something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life,
without you I am breaking down

wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

Blogthings Mania

Muppet Meg

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick. You're always willing to lend a helping hand. In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going. "15 seconds to showtime!"

The Muppet Personality Test

I knew it, I ain't hot...

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are. Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Are You Hot?

I ain't lusty either! Haha!

Your Lust Quotient: 37%

You are a fairly lustful person, but nothing out of the norm. You usually keep your lust under control, but sometimes it gets the better of you.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

I can work for the CIA and SD6! Haha!

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you. Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

I have a dark side!

You Are 60% Good

You are a fairly good person. You strive to live a moral life whenever possible. You are usually kind, generous, and loyal. However, you do have a dark side that even you may not see. When it comes down to ethical decisions, you tend to take the path of least resistance. So you may end up lying, cheating, or engaging in other bad behavior... because it's just easier to do so. You are also probably: Conflicted and confused about the current course of your life Right now you are on track to being: A slightly crooked politician To be a better person: Break one bad habit - whether it's telling white lies or spending too much money.

How Good Are You?

If I was American...

Your Average American Name Is...

Betty Elizabeth White

What's Your Average American Name?

If Jeoff was American...

Your Average American Name Is...

Anthony Robert Johnson

What's Your Average American Name?

Wow! I am moral and loyal!

You Couldn't Cheat On Your Guy

Not that you'd want to anyway! You're incredibly loyal and honest... Definitely not the cheating kind.

Could You Cheat On Your Guy?

Woah, all from 5 questions?!

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships. You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Thalia!

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy. Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic. You make people laugh until their sides split. And you're always up for some play time!

What Muse Are You?

All about the vitamins...

Your Relationship is Still Building Strength

You're relationship is fairly strong, but you're still working on making things solid. Make sure you're both treating each other with kindness and respect, even when things aren't going well.

How Strong Is Your Relationship With Your Guy?

Wahaha! I sure hope nobody ends up being my boytoy except one dude...

You Are Not a Gold Digger

You go out of your way to take care of everything in your life. Including money - which you've got plenty of, thank you very much. And you have no intentions of being a trophy girlfriend for some bald guy. Just make sure that hottie you met isn't scheming to be your boy toy! As a successful woman like you knows, gold digging goes both ways these days.

Are You A Gold Diggin' Woman?

I swear I answered this truthfully!

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

Hehe. Above average eh?!

Your EQ is 120

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Wooohoo! Writing articles for a parenting magazine worked!

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

Shameless Advertising

Please get this magazine! I worked for MoneySense as their stylist, and my first cover shoot is now out! It took me a few months to get a really good gig and I wanna thank my editor and best friend Irish for this!



I styled Senator Pia Cayetano for the entire shoot and I would like to thank Lulu Castagnette (Glorietta) and Nike (Toby's Sports House) for the clothes. Huggles to Nicole Villaneuva of Lulu for the help!

MoneySense Magazine is out now. It's available at all National Bookstore outlets, Powerbooks and Dymocks.

Blogthings Addiction

I swear I answered this as accurately as possible! Do I scare men off? Apparently only sometimes...

You Are 32% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men. You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

Do You Scare Off Men?

What kind of ice cream am I?

You Are A Chocolate Ice Cream Girl

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

Apparently, I'm pretty secure. I think ADD Boy has something to say about that... Haha!

You Are Mostly Secure

In general, you feel confident and together. But the wrong thing can happen, and all of a sudden, you're not feeling so secure. Luckily, your insecurities don't last long... at least, not usually. So the next time you're feeling insecure, try to snap out of it - and remember the confident woman you are!

Are You An Insecure Girl?

I can sue America!

You've Been a Little Ruined by American Culture

Whether you live in the US or not, deep down you're a little American. And there's nothing wrong with loving American culture, but it may have negative effects on your life. Slow down and enjoy what you have. Reconnect with life's simple pleasures. You don't need to be in a consumerist rat race. Life's too short to overwork yourself!

Has American Culture Ruined You?

And they say that I'm passive.. Well, I'm a roller coaster...

You Are a Roller Coaster

You live for excitement, adventure, and the most intense of thrills. Nothing is better than feeling you're truly alive, and you're willing to take risks to feel this way. In relationships, people often feel a bit nervous about what they're getting into... But generally, everyone enjoys the wild ride you take them on. Unless they stay with you too long - then they're apt to feel a bit nauseous! Your life has more low points and high points than most people's lives. But that's okay - you love them. You figure that a smooth ride is boring! Besides, you know that super high highs only come from knowing super low lows. You cherish every emotion you feel and feel it fully. Why deny what life is truly about? At your best, you are loving life and sharing your wild times with everyone you know. You are able to open your friends up to a whole new world of experiences. At your worst, you feel extremely disoriented and even a bit dizzy. There's only so much intensity a human (even you!) can take.

What Carnival Ride Are You?

I could be a nurse?! Cos I'm blue, ba ba dee ba da daa...

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

Huh?

Start Hunting For That New Apartment

You two are ready to live together - and probably have been for a while You're a perfect match, even if you don't agree on everything What's important is compromise... a skill you and your guy have mastered So head out to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's time for your new life together!

Should You Live With Your Boyfriend?

I'm color blind!

You Are Not Prejudiced

Not only are you color blind, but you're also ethnicity blind, gender blind, and sexual orientation blind. You don't judge someone until you truly know them. And even then, you're probably reluctant to judge. You try to treat everyone equally. Everyone has a fair chance with you. Good job - there's not a prejudiced bone in your body.

Are You Prejudiced?

You'd still like me when I'm angry...

There's Not a Violent Bone in Your Body

You're cool and collected, even when someone really gets under your skin. And while you don't blow up when you're angry, you know how to express your anger calmly. You don't bottle emotions up or let them get out of control. For you, violence would never be an option.

Could You Be Violent?

This is kinda sad, but it's ok..

Wait Him Out...

He's not ready for marriage yet - but someday he probably will be. It's really your call to decide if he's worth the wait. If you've been dating briefly, he may just need to know you better. But if you've been seeing him for a while, he might be taking his sweet time. How to get him to commit: Play the field. If you've been dating more than six months (a year if you're under 24), then you two should be very serious. No ring on your finger? It's time to meet other guys. If he wants to keep you, he'll get more serious about you.

Is He Marriage Material?

As Told by Meg

My 200th post on this blog. How apt. I kinda wanted to make it sound philosophical and decidedly intellectual. However, I'm choosing something different for this particular post. I think I want to state what I have learned...in case I need to remind myself in the future.

I'm turning 26 in a few days, actually, in a few hours. Age is such a random number. It is an undeniable coefficient to the fact of life. OK, enough twisted talk. I mean it. Without this number, you ain't going nowhere. You can't buy alcohol from a convenience store, you can't fight terrorists in Iraq, you can't even buy acetone from a drugstore! Funny how people look at age as a signification of maturity and logical reasoning. Truth be told, I thought I was mature enough when I was twelve. Well, look at where it got me.

The age old question of life - what am I here for? I could come up with 10,000 reasons why I'm here. I could quote thousands of philosophers and come up with hundreds of dissertations as to why I belong in this earth. I could ask a thousand questions and yet come up with no answers. I get that. Ever wonder why people come up with existential angst that never exists? It's because of two little things. Questions and answer. And no pronic number can ever give you any satisfaction. You always have to come up with some brave new reason to come up and ask... People always ask what am I here for... when they basically mean, "Is this all there is to it?".

I could philosophize over how many roll-on deodorants you can use and you still sweat. It's a natural thing. No one has ever stopped homeostasis. People can suspend it, prevent it and even try to control it but life goes on. No matter how unsatisfied your ass is with the non-swivel chair in your office or the tougher than cow's hide faux leather seat cover of your couch. It never ends. The omnipresent existential angst is not "What am I here for?". It is "Is there all there is to it?".

Maybe people come to terms with their own mortality pushing forward. Age doesn't matter, it's just an age. I consult with the wisest people on earth and they say they own the wisdom. But people own youth too! People younger than I am risk life and limb for the biggest mistakes (pregnancy, car accidents, heroin addiction, career malfunctions - READ: Nicole Richie) yet they move on. They don't move on in the grandest and bravest way, yet they call the shots. Finding music in silence. Questioning fate as they move along. If I was risky enough, is there music in silence too?

Another let's get old policy is the idea of a family, of marriage, of life as a settled married person. I am going to be honest. I assume that all girls dream of a wedding they can boast of. A floating trail of jasmines and petunias as they walk down the aisle, with Prince Charming waiting patiently in the altar. Mouthing "I love you" as he raises your veil, and he prepares to kiss you as the priest says "You may kiss the bride". Well, every girl who's had a Barbie must have dreamed of this monumental event. Especially when the bridal Barbie came to the store shelves.



Fast forward 12 or so years after I stopped playing with Barbie dolls and the idea of Ken actually sweeping me off my feet, I am still dreaming of a wedding. I am not going to lie. I wish it will be with a good person, with a kind hear and a nice smile who can laugh with me and sometimes, yes, laugh at me. But now, I see it more as a marriage rather than a wedding. I see the long nights of working, trying to save up for a future... I see hours of labor in having a baby... I see occasional fights and bouts about who's to wash the dishes and do the laundry... I see two people trying to get it together not because they're the only ones left or that no one else is out there but because they chose each other and that they can make each others' lives complete.It never depends on love, because love is always a choice. A choice to love that person no matter what. You get high and hooked on a feeling but it's the holding on that counts.

Around late 1990's, which is my teen years, I gave up my incredible need to please people and thought there is just too much pain in wanting to please people, so I'll just do what I want. I went to the school I wanted, took up the course I wanted, had the friends I wanted and did everything my heart so desired. I dabbled in journalism, chemistry, arts, make-up, fashion and eventually, I learned what I wanted to do. I only wanted to be a wife and a mother. What am I doing to move towards that? Nothing.

I also learned that doing nothing does not necessitate a vegetative state. You become collected and pacified but never complacent and arrogant. One of the things that make you who you are is your ability to push things away and say that it's OK and that you are better than your worst day. And when you start to question what you have always wanted, remember that it has always been a weird sense of confusion that brought you your sense of light.


This is life as told by Meg.

And now I end another chapter. I am still learning and teaching in the story that is my life...

Top Faves

The Top Things
It ain't wrong to wish...

1. Jeoff coming home and giving me a kiss at the stroke of midnight, before the actual date of my birthday. Ok, this is just Über impossible, even for him, so scratch that! =p

2. Esprit For Life cologne... I love the way it smells! I like anything fruity and floral mixed. I also like Gucci Envy. I don't wear perfumes, so, the best bet is the Esprit For Life thingy. And it's cheapo! It costs 400 bucks a pop! (Ey, Irish, think you can get me this one?! Haha!)

3. Cafe Breton's Butter and Sugar crepes. I can eat 6 of them at a time! I don't need any other filling on my crepes. I just love the fact that everything in those teeny tiny sheets of milk and flour already tastes great! When I was with my editor, she recommended this treat, that came directly from the GM of Breton!

4. Heartstrings Bag. Ok, they are the perennially awkwardly-colored cloth bags that goes well with almost anything! (Especially if you are feeling so blah and you just really wanna wear flip flops and jeans and an oversized shirt to work.) I have a brown and orange one, and I have been looking for a brown and pink one. If one can find that for me, I would so love that! Please ring me up and I swear I'll double the price! Oh and if you can find ones made with denim or curduroy, I would just fall in love with that!

5. Lipglosses! Give me pale pink, ruby red and even gold and I'd wear them with pride. My favorite is CO Bigelow Apothecaries Mentha Lip Shine. It's clear and it's Über cool cos it freshens your breath as you put it on? Can anyone say double purpose?! Yum!

Well, that ends the list. :) Haha! Impossible. Well, I really just want number one. :)

Inner Circle

Ginger must be having a field day right now. In middle school, if you don't sit on the popular table, you're bound to be an outcast for the rest of your life. If you don't do a 180-spin on your personality, looks and/or show amazing feats of richness, you probably won't land on the Courtney Gripling table.

As Told by Ginger is one heck of a trivial, superficial cartoon from Nickelodeon. It talks of three friends.. Ginger Foutley, Dodie Bishop and Macy Lightfoot. Here, they learn lessons about make-up, being average, being above-average and finding life in Middle School. Why am I talking about Middle School? Because it is similar to real-life.

Let's just say that Middle School never leaves you. There are the Courtney Griplings and the Mirandas... rich, popular, ever-gorgeous, ever-smart. Wears the peach razzle-dazzle polishes, dons the latest fashion and boys swarm all over them! There are the Ginger Foutleys...above-average, have-their-own-thing gals who could care less if Courtneys and Mirandas have their own table. There are the Dodie Bishops that would die to be part of the Inner Circle. Coined by Dodie herself. It's the ultimate circle of friends, ala Mean Girls. Pretty, well-to-do, popular and severely exclusive girls that turn heads and hearts as they walk through Lucky High. There are also Macy Lightfoots...extremely nerdy, geeky people who couldn't care less about the Inner Circle but are mainly concerned about their own childish pursuits.

In every realm, you find people that are willing to stick with you, every drama, every action, every comic relief. You choose people who stick by you. You choose people who find the best and the worst and never run away.

You choose your own Inner Circle.

What If the Simpsons were in India?

Haha, my friend whose family name is Singh will definitely kill me. Jeoff loved watching it. Hope y'all do too...

World of Warcraft

I don't really play RPGs online but my cute boyfriend is so into it...
So just for me to get to know the game better, I thought I'd give it a try...Simpsons style. ;)

My Love for the Simpsons!

I love this show! I have been watching it for ages! And growing up in Tondo, with a Chinese-speaking family, this is how I learned English!

This is the best of the most annoying characters in the show. If you met him in real life, would you find him as cute and endearing?

Slow

There are days when you just feel that hours are endless and there's just an endless barrage of semi-intellectual shit that ravages your mind? A question about the future that loops into your subconscious that picks on your very soul.

I have thought long and hard about the future before. Begging Father Time to make life shorter so that I could enjoy the sweetness that ensues after every storm. Now that the philosophical idea of tomorrow has been introduced to The Unintellectual, who's gonna stop me from thinking of the NOW?

I have come to the conclusion that tomorrow works for tomorrow and that today is just today.

And if today is slow, then so be it!

The Fix-Up

Why do people want to fix you up when you've got a relationship?

Last Will

I have come to realize that I am pretty steady.
I have no qualms about the future and the past anymore. Maybe it's because I have seen the worst and the best that love and life can give. It feels like I can say goodbye to anything and everything just like that. My mom has been making kulit for me to sign that death insurance thing for the past few weeks and it includes writing some kind of a last will and testament.

I was just pondering on the meaning of those two words. So strong that it tears families and relationships. I mean, just look at what happened countless of families torn apart by wanting each others' share. Siblings fight. Families feud. People tear each other apart in the name of the almighty dollar.

Don't get me wrong, anything and everything I have ever saved up for is, shall we say, too meager for inheritances. And so, I was left with a blank sheet of assets of liabilities. Wondering what the frigging hell to write.

I started wondering what the heck have I done to change my life, my stature in life and what have I been doing to perpetuate my current situation. The whole idea sucks eggs and I had to sit down and find out what the heck was it that I wanted to write down.

I started copying random numbers of account numbers on this sheet of paper. Hoping that someday, when I die, I would have amassed vast amounts of power, wealth and authority such that the measly 1000+ dollars I've saved will be millions someday. I had no liabilities. I make sure I pay my bills on time, so I guess no biggie. But I still can't help but wonder, who to sign these over to.

I started writing my brother's name on the blank.

Silly eh? We are so into insurances and papers. We always think we are protected from the inevitable. Protected from sickness, imperturbable by pain, unabashed by the harshness of life, but who knows. Maybe God will strike me dead after I finish this sentence.

OK He didn't.

But life is indeed short. It is fragile. It is rare. There are moments you want to capture in time, pictures you want to frame in gold but can only keep in your mind, there are glimpses of the future that you hold near and dear to your heart. And people can tell me that this will shall last for years, until the day I die. But the only thing that will last are those snippets of ideas, thoughts and affection shared with you, everyday of your life. People stopping by to be in the now and finding you and discovering you, smiling at your faults and cheering you on as you struggle, people who keep their hearts intertwined with yours so you can fight for everyday and every hour.

In hopes of making my mom stop nagging me, I faxed the assets and liabilities form to our insurance people.

Now, why doesn't that damned form have "memories" there?

The Blog Things Series

My 80's hunk is my hunk right now!

Your 80s Hunk Is

Jason Bateman

Who's Your 80s Hunk?

IF my love life was to be defined by a movie, I would be...

Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride

"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind." For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one. You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good big of goofy fun. Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

If I was Britney Spears' kid

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

Laprincia Tallulah

What's Your Celebrity Baby Name?

Miss independent... as if!

You Are 74% Independent

You've cultivated your own indepedent interests and personal style. But you're open minded enough to also embrace anything trendy that strikes you.

Are You an Independent Woman?

I should start wearing these damned scents!

Your Fragrance Profile

The best calming fragrance: jasmine The best fragrance for everyday wear: sandalwood The best fragrance to boost your sex appeal: rose The best fragrance for energy: peppermint

What's Your Fragrance Profile?

I am carbo-loaded!

You Are Italian Food

Comforting yet overwhelming. People love you, but sometimes you're just too much.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Errrr... I'm a what girl?!

You Are A Gold Girl

You're dependable and hard working. You never miss a deadline - and you're never late. You have a clear sense of right and wrong. You're very detail oriented. You get frustrated when your friends are sloppy - or when they don't follow through. You're on top of things, and you wish that everyone else was!

What Color Girl Are You?

Haha! Ultimate Shaui!

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

Errrr? Whut?!

You Are More Like Angelina Jolie

Bad girl with a heart of gold. You are smart, sexy, and strong willed. You aren't against stealing another girl's man... If he's better off with you!

Are You More Like Jennifer or Angelina?

More like Angelina but pure, eh?

You Are 80% Pure

You're so pure ... you make a nun look like a whore! There's a lot of life's dark side left for you to experience... if you want to.

The 100 Question Purity Test

This is soo frigging true! I hate it!

Your Love is Based on Affection

Your need for love is very primal and basic. You can't imagine living without love. And for you, love is something that's best expressed through touch. You're always up for a hug or a cuddle. And you feel a bit rejected when you don't get enough affection. Whether you're sharing a blanket or sharing an order of fries, you thrive when you're close to the person you love. Why your love can last: You express your love freely and frequently Why your love can fail: You can come off as clingy, and this freaks people out

What Is Your Love Based On?

Deep

What are insights?

They are nothing but mere opinions. Free and cheap. Comes with a functional brain. Comes with a fancy package courtesy of words and deep melancholia and nostalgia that matters not to people who listen to it.

What are perspectives?
They are nothing but simple ways to look at things. It is a system adapted by a person who needs to get by and see life the way he or she deems it to be seen. A murky and shadowed idea of the past and the present and how it affects the nearby future.

What are my insights? I may not have any, to be quite honest. I am still dreaming...dreaming of a future, a series of events to make my life a bit more accomplished, a bit more satisfying.

What is my perspective? Just making sure that I get that dream. Go with the flow. Fight for the right and wrong reasons, so long as I can justify them.

Hero

I am so high. I can hear heaven.
I am so high. I can hear heaven.
No heaven, no heaven don't hear me.

In a world that closes in on you as you fight your battles...where every demon lurks behind you...where your past is your fear...where your future lies uncertainly on your present. There is no hero, no heaven, no face of salvation. All that lies ahead is ominous darkness, betrothed in gloom and pain.

And they say that a hero can save us.
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles.
Watch as they all fly away.

If I choose not to believe in fantasy and choose to save me. Will I still be able to touch the face of heaven? If I choose to fight my own battles and never wait for you, will justice be served? If I cross my chasms and aim for the face of God, will I succeed? I shudder at the thought. I am no hero and neither am I a martyr. I am someone who simply chooses to live in the now and fight my battles as I move along.

Someone told me love will all save us.
But how can that be, look what love gave us.
A world full of killing, and blood-spilling
That world never came.

And who will believe that someday, I will sit back and enjoy the heat and warmth of real salvation? Look at what hurt has caused, grief and strife and pain. I saw my friends crumble in the name of love. I have seem loved-ones darted by the fiery pulses of affection. In the name of love, people kill and die. By the power of love, people corrupt and wither. People die in vain...


And they say that a hero can save us.
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles.
Watch as they all fly away.

Now that the world isn't ending, its love that I'm sending to you.
It isn't the love of a hero, and that's why I fear it wont do.

And they say that a hero can save us.
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles.
Watch as they all fly away.

And they're watching us
(Watching Us)
As they all fly away.

And I am no messiah. I am no martyr. I am no hero. I can only save myself. But I will save you. I may not be enough... Someday, I will die in vain just as the rest have fallen, Someday, the darts of your affection will make me hapless in defeat. One day, your love will torment me with spikes of pain and suffering. In time, my love will not be enough and you will see your real hero. For now, let me fly you off... to a safer place. To a nearer haven. Because with you, I feel like a hero. I feel like I could fly. Touch heaven and face God's eternal punishment. With you, I am whole. And I will cherish us as people like us have stood tall and proud. Flying away as far as their wings can carry them. I am but someone who have wanted to save you from the infernal pain you feel now.

I Want to Go Home...

Is it possible to miss someone this much?

Sometimes, I wish I can unlove someone just a little. Because somehow, the pain of the distance is killing me.

I'll be home soon. I'll be with you again. Back in your arms. Hearing your heart beating, that when I know I'm home. That's when I know I hear you. Feel you. I want to be home... I want to go home now.

Amy Lee?!

You Are Amy Lee!

Gothy, expressive, woman-in-pain Who looks damn good in a corset "When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

Happy Slip!