It's my countdown to 2008.
Got this one from
KcajcauorekCopy and paste the first paragraph (well in my case, had to choose a couple or so) from your first entry of each month this past year. What better way to sum up your year and make a countdown to '08!
January 2007 I had a great time just vegging out. I am sooo laaazy! Oh god, I think I gained 50 pounds just by not doing anything... well, not entirely true. I was a bit busy researching for my article. And guess what? I get to do another one! I'm so happy! My article actually got published! People really pay to see my crap! And guess what? It's not any kind of nonsence that I used to do. Dear, this is a parenting article! A parenting article that is all about keeping your family close. I can't believe that I actually can write. Haha!
February 2007 i'm sad today. don't ask me why, it's just a general feeling of sadness. i am a bit depressed. i know it seems silly, feeling this way when there's nothing to feel sad about. i guess that's why journals were always there to begin with... to record and recap what happened in your life and for you to learn from it.
i forbade myself to cheer myself up today. i woke up feeling all the damned injustice done to me today, intentional or unintentional, felt or forgotten. it is just one of those days to reflect and to casually go through the motion of being me.
March 2007so my hunny is here. i am as usual, a bit scared, a bit nervous, a bit rattled but more so, very happy that he's finally here. he's not staying for good. he's just here for a few days. i know... just a few days? well, i don't mind. as long as i can make him happy for a few days, that's all that really matters to me at this point. last night, i closed my eyes to a bright night, with a silvery moon and some stars. nope, i wasn't camping out. i opened my window to see the moon shining so brightly.
all i could do right now is wish that everything will be alright. he wouldn't think i'm a fugly biatch, or that i'm some weird psycotic looney case, or that i'm some weird she-devil brought out by the devil to torture him.
April 2007it's over. no more hoping, no more wishing, no more dreaming of this man.
how did i realize it? how did i come to this conclusion?
i was walking in the grocery aisle sunday evening. i hate shopping in the afternoon, because there would be a lot of people there. so, i usually do my grocery shopping at night. thank god malls near my place are open til 10PM. i saw a couple. the guy was holding up a cantaloupe for his wife, who seems to be ready to give birth. the girl kind of looks like me. fair-skinned, a bit chubby, thanks to the pregnant belly. the guy looks a bit like him. a little tan, stocky... seems like someone you could run to for comfort. i just looked at them transfixed. i started shaking. before i realized it, i was tearing up. i looked away and went to the poultry section. it seems surreal, but i started noticing. every damned couple that was passing me by. someone was looking at me like they recognized me, someone seemed like they wanted to talk with me... a woman even looked at her boyfriend or husband and whispered. i think tears were starting to fall. and i was in the poultry section. that was extremely pathetic, even for me.
May 2007 i hurt someone badly today. and you know what hurts more? it wasn't that i hurt him. it was like i didn't feel anything. i let a man who could have been everything walk away with nothing. and i didn't feel anything.
i cried sure... but it was very menial, almost superficial. i was happy. i was excited. i was free again.
and then the man i love sends me a message. and the tears keep flowing again... every word, every single line, every apology, every nuance cuts through me like a knife. and i've never been happier.
and i've never been more alive...
June 2007choose me...
people fall out of love because they choose to...people get scared of the future because of what they choose over things that should be there...people get lost because they never choose the right way.
i can make you happy. i can make you real. i can make everything happen in a few months if i my see that you see my worth, my truth, my beauty.
choose the pleasure, choose the pain
for now...
i promise to make you happy only if you let me
July 2007 Is it possible to miss someone this much?
Sometimes, I wish I can unlove someone just a little. Because somehow, the pain of the distance is killing me.
I'll be home soon. I'll be with you again. Back in your arms. Hearing your heart beating, that when I know I'm home. That's when I know I hear you. Feel you. I want to be home... I want to go home now.
August 2007What are insights? They are nothing but mere opinions. Free and cheap. Comes with a functional brain. Comes with a fancy package courtesy of words and deep melancholia and nostalgia that matters not to people who listen to it.
September 2007 I started out in this company wanting to disappear due to the incredible pressure I felt from all the other companies I have ever worked for. I remember trying to pirate someone from this company... Wanting that person to work with me, not as a subordinate, but as an associate, because I needed someone strong in my company. The universe didn't smile upon that chance of working together. The universe seemed to have another thing in mind. I quit my job and decided to go back to school and start my very own drug distribution company. That person, in turn, decided to ask me if I would be interested in doing this job while earning my masters in Toxicology. It seems like yesterday.
October 2007 Yes... I have fallen prey to the snazzy advertising and the cheesy theme about connecting to loved-ones abroad. Aren't we all suckers for that whole crap about connecting to people you care for the most?! At one point or another, you only want to make your life easier, hence my need to have internet connection at home.
I have been a loyal consumer of this broadband company. In fact, I was one of the oldest customers of this brand. Ever since they started their campaign, I have been loyally paying my bills, lining-up to get decent customer service and yes, even commenting on their forums. I even have a friend who works for them!
November 2007 It has always been postulated that the answer to life's questions can be figured out using a mathematical equation. A highly complicated one, if you ask me. It goes beyond triangulation of quadratic equations and breaks even the
Mobius Strip. I'm guessing it has all the weird snake signs (What I call the Calculus symbol for integration, the elongated S?) and the function goes beyond negative infinity (yes, people, it exists).
People somehow define infinity as a number, actually, it's a mathematical law that numbers never cease, and that anywhere in this universe, you're bound to deal with numbers.
Mauk Escher (MC Escher) even made tons of money trying to depict the concept of infinity. And he uses the Mobius strip to somehow capture the idea that something is never broken, and that it all exists as one whole band that is 3 dimensional and unbreakable.
December 2007 Ok, my bad... my recent fascination of all the applications on Facebook rendered my blog almost useless. I haven't had the chance to actually get into my blog and do some major blogging. I blame my apparent lack of self-control when it comes to my affairs. Hehe...
So what has been happening. Hmn... I have the Christmas Party to worry about this weekend. I wonder what I should dress up as. I'm also thinking of totally just vegging out on a Saturday instead of partying. I'm just not in a very partying mood lately. It's supposed to be a hat day for everyone. I wonder what hat I should wear. Justin (the tall one) said he'd come as a mime. I'm thinking that it would be a good idea since no one seems notice a mime. I'd just sit down and smoke, or wait for a few hours to go by until it's time to come home.
