I lied

For the last time, I'll say this.

I miss talking with you. Hearing you say you love me.
I can't wait to touch your hand. Feel your hand touch mine.
I can't wait to kiss your lips. To feel your lips touch mine.
There is this emptiness inside me that longs to be filled only by you.
There is nothing in this world I would not give up just so I can be with you.

I lie awake every day wondering if you even think of me.
I am scared to go out, to see people, to be seen.
I am crushed and broken, and I feel like no one can ever fix me.

Why do I want you back?
People say I am stupid.
Maybe it's because I was never happier.
Maybe it's because this is the first time I ever felt happiness.
Maybe because I matter too much to myself and for the first time, I am getting something that needed nothing in return-and that was supposedly your love.

Sometimes, when I am on my way home. I beg for God to take me.
Not kill me.
But take me.
Take me far away, where you are not even a memory.
Where you are erased from me.
Where I have never smelled your skin.
Where I have never seen your smile.
Where I have never felt your gaze.
Where I have never touched your face.
Where my heart has never been touched by your heart.

I long to forget.
I long to live my life again. The way it was before you.
But everytime something reminds me of you, I break down just a little bit.

How could the man I love not love me back?
How could you see past me and never understand..
All I want is to love you
And for you to love me back.