touched by the sun

i hate feeling this way. i feel like i'm going crazy.

i saw my parents kissing. i ran to my room and cried. cried for all that was lost. all that i'll never have. all that i'll never be.

i will never be HIS wife. never be HIS angel. never be anything to HIM!
he's gone. he will never come back.

so damned it, get it through your fucking thick skull, meg!

he is the man that i longed for and he can't be mine. there's nothing now between us, except distance and indifference, and maybe a little bit of care. why do i still love him? why can't i just unlove a man?!

why did he fall out of love with you? you're a failure, a nag, a bitch, a weakling. you didn't take care of him. you chased him out of your love and you deserve the pain and the suffering you're going through right now. because you'll never be good enough for anyone. never.

i am starting to hate myself. everyday is a constant breakdown. everyday is a constant struggle to be well. i am doing everything in my power to stop thinking about him and this feeling rears its ugly head everytime!


why?

why am i not over you?

why are you over me so quickly?!

he will never choose you. he will never want you back, so please meg, for all that is holy and wonderful, please learn to let him go. please stop loving him. learn to feel something else. learn to fight the feeling. learn to unlearn him. you have to stop hurting. stop believing. stop fucking hoping! you don't hear him calling your name. you won't hear him fighting for you. there is nothing left there. if he loves you, he'll be back but he isn't. isn't that enough fucking proof? for cying out loud, meg, wake up. he will never want you back. he gave up on you! he gave up on this relationship. he gave up on your love. he doesn't want to fight for you anymore. so shut up and suck it up! you'll never be together. you'll end up hurting yourself if you get to be with him.

why can't it be me that you are loving? why can't you for once in your life consciously choose to love me for the love that i am giving you? throw me some love, yes, i am begging right now! and to hell with what everyone says. i am pathetic and i want to continue loving you. and i want another chance and i want you to know that i need you.

you can't even find it in your heart to fight for me. please say it's over. please say it's worth it. please say you will be with me.

he will never love you. let him go.

let him go. let him go. let him go. let him go. let him go. let him go. and you will hear me say this over and over again until you actually do.

LET HIM GO!