Imposition

Meg's disclaimer:
I am very mad right now, so people who intend to comment, post anything that would just be all about fluffy honesty and friendship rules shit, please back off this site. And about commenting, it has been disabled, so don't even try!

im·po·si·tion /ˌɪmpəˈzɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[im-puh-zish-uhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	the laying on of something as a burden or obligation.

2.	something imposed, as a burden or duty; an unusual or extraordinarily burdensome requirement or task.

3.	the act of imposing by or as if by authority.

4.	an instance of imposing upon a person: He did the favor but considered the request an imposition.

5.	the act of imposing fraudulently or deceptively on others; imposture.

Dictionary.com

Do you have friends that drag you along every little damned thing in their life hat the only relief you have is if you shoot yourself in front of him/her with a .38 pistol? Does it often happen to you that this friend would make you wait for hours on end just to stay a bit longer with people you care very little about? Does it also happen that this person would make any event in your life (say, you're getting married or getting a promotion) a problem for her?

I am quite honestly shocked and disappointed. People tend to be very selfish... When I told a few people that I was leaving the company, they were pretty okay with it. When I told the one person who would understand, or so I thought, because she has seen how miserable I have been the past few months, she just kept repeating, over and over again that I am leaving her alone.

I let it go and waiting for her to be back from vacation, I assumed she'd be okay about it now.

Lo and behold, she still thinks it's her problem.

I mean, come on! Does it seem like I am leaving you to launch a personal attack on you?! Does it seem like I'm really abandoning you? And IF I am abandoning you, it is my choice and my personal commitment to do so and it doesn't revolve around you.

Sometimes, paranoia can be seen as extreme confidence and arrogance. Think that the whole world hates you, and know that the whole world will...eventually. You always think that I am at your beck and call and will be there for you no matter what happens, as you claim to be there for me? All you did was tell me to stay away from the one I love and to make me late for all my appointments. I missed a few opportunities just to help you out with your issues and until the very end of my stay here, you still assume this to be YOUR issue?

The world doesn't revolve around you.

Cyanide and Happiness

My first attempt to embed a flash movie to entertain my readers. LOL!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cheaters

This is a show about people who cheat on their spouses and significant others.

My brother told me to watch it with him. Slightly funny... Because I saw the episode that showed a very pretty young woman that was worried because her boyfriend seems to always ditch her for his friends. Supposedly, he can't join her for lunch cos he has to meet up with the guys, headed by his friend "Joe". That was extremely funny because OMG! Everyone who cheats probably has a friend named "Joe".

So the girl gets the Cheaters' licensed PI's to stalk Mr. Cheating Bastard, who probably should burn in hell, and to find out through video evidence that the dude is cheating. The dude was indeed cheating, giving lavish gifts to the other girl. The dude was a broker and the girl was incredibly loyal, and kept crying as she was watching the footage. I mean, my heart just broke for the poor girl. It was incredibly painful for her to be watching the man she loves making out with another woman.

So comes the confrontation scene. She gets advised to wait around a downtown street and when the cheating dude comes up with the other woman, she lunges at him and slaps his across the jaw. The following scenes makes Jerry Springer seem like PeeWee Herman's show. They fight for a few minutes, the dude blaming the girl about not having sex with him and always being out and working all the time. I mean, come on, that was unbelievably evil of him. He denied it over and over again. And he, at the end of the show, claimed that he is of a different level of distinction and he is only giving the girl a few more weeks to realize that. Ugh! The nerve of some men.

I have just one little simple rule in life. If you feel like you are not happy anymore, you quit... Quit a relationship, quit a marriage, but never ever cheat!

Jeff Dunham

It's official! I love this guy!


Achmed The Dead Terorist (Jeff Dunham) - Click here for more amazing videos

Achmed, the dead terrorist. He's so funny, you'd fall off your chair just laughing!

Questions

Today, I was subjected to a lot of questions.

Mainly from my learners. Poor innocent learners that have no idea why I am leaving the company. I was asked so many questions, offered jobs that I had no idea how to do and also some quite err... indecent proposals? Haha! There comes a time in a woman's life that she would have to choose between an aging German guy who probably walks around with a cane and a slightly naughty upbeat woman who has lesbian tendencies. I chose none. Thanks very much though.

It was nice feeling wanted and appreciated at work.

I tend to be a pragmatist in dealing with loss and/or opportunities. Emotions don't seem to catalyze anything for me. I am always the one making choices, except for when I am feeling maternal. Or broken-hearted. Or both... But talking about emotions, I feel them curdling inside me, wanting to break free.

Why is it that now that everything is set, I feel so scared to touch the ground?

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Maybe it's because all of a sudden, I feel incompetent. I feel powerless. I am suddenly scared that I'll f*ck up and I would have no one else to blame but me.

I am hired to take the driver's seat. I am hired because I can change a company, because I make things happen, because I can train 150 people all at the same time at night and manage working tools and CRM softwares during my lunch hour and make it on time for a 9:30 AM client call. Because I am a micromanaging corporate b*tch and bosses love that. What the hell am I so scared of?

I am scared of all these changes. So terrified of something real that for the first time in my life, I might not know how to handle. Did I mention I was hired to take the driver's seat? That was what the Managing Director said. He said I was supposed to drive. The direction, I probably know. How, I have no idea. I only have my brain to work for me now.

If I was to strategically design a 2-year plan of action for this people using a RACI diagram, I'd be sure to include everyone - the more the merrier? The less of an A I am (that's accountable to you...silly!). If I was to create SWOT Analyses for every project then the weaknesses would always include "lack of time" or " inability by A to provide possible solutions and/or compromises". Every facilitator's guide in that office will contain only two terminal objectives:

1. To be able to learn all concepts
2. To be able to apply said concepts

None of those would be SMART objectives if I were to sum it up in a CSS code showdown among my helpdesk analysts.

I know everything I need to do. What am I so scared about?

I need to get the scaries off my head before I even start f*cking up my newfound career.

Missing You Like Candy

Been a long time since I last wrote here. I think the last time was a few months ago.

So what has happened?

Mandy Moore craze in Eastwood.
Mandy Moore is about to rock the world later tonight. All day and night long, I've been hearing Mandy Moore songs - from her break-out song "Candy" to the latest release.
Just to make you feel my pain from having to walk several meters to get food and hearing the blaring music... Mandy Moore also caused so much traffic in Eastwood that I almost had to get out of the cab prematurely to run to the office.

All that traffic, I hate Mandy Moore! Argh!

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Incubus and Maroon 5 visiting the Philippines
Incubus and Maroon 5 was just here. Did I get to watch any of their concerts? Did I get to see any of them? That's a resounding no...
Apart from the fact that I do work for a living, the damned tickets are so expensive. P5,000.00 to see Maroon 5? Err, I'd rather keep that for something else, like a new gadget or a semi-used MAC.

Almost landing a flight to Boracay for a staggering P10,000.00.
I almost agreed to the plan my friends had. They're planning to go to Boracay, and it was for a staggering and impractical amount of P10,000.00, only for the flight. We're not including hotel accommodations and whatnot because the resort might not be available. I am a little bit shocked, because it isn't that practical to begin with. Why not just reserve the P10,000.00 for something else? Like a flight to HK or something more enjoyable than staying in the beach with 10,000 other patrons?
The bad thing is that my friends think I'm not going because of the amount Oh let them think of what they want to think. It's too late to change their minds anyhow. I just don't agree with actually spending that much for something that expensive. Oh well, some people are just suckers for the beach and I'm sadly not one of those people. I would rather spend time with someone over a very good dinner and just have coffee. Oh well, but it is just so "manang" of me to do that.

Training and Development Coordinator for an Ortigas-based company
I have just tendered my 30 day's notice to iTi. I am now, officially, the Training and Development Coordinator for an IT company. Don't ask me what my responsibilities are. The Managing Director lost me at SDM. (Sound like Sadomasochism, but trust me, it's more IT-related than that.) Seriously, a year of training myself to use CRM softwares such as Salesforce is finally paying off. I'm now getting what I'm worth (I hope)! I have said goodbye to a few people in the company. Well there are only a few that need to know anyhow. No one needs to say goodbye and get me so teary-eyed. I am going to miss a few people though. But well, friends are friends, no matter where I am. So there.

Patience badly needed!
I noticed how I have been lately. I've been flaring up more and getting more and more negative about things. I don't like this person I'm turning into. I think my job is getting to me. And handling 10-12 different people within a day with different needs. I think the whole idea of losing it is turning up. Kidding aside, I think dealing with low-level learners makes me a bit more impatient. As I told Aleena earlier, I really need them to improve. And I can't stop at them learning how to use the past and the future tense. I need these learners to learn to love the language. It's darn hard... Sometimes, I really feel my brain starting to leak out of my nostrils. It's hard being an English trainer! It's even harder doing it over the phone. What's worse is that I feel so out of my element here. None of my learners seem to be improving. I never feel like I'm a good trainer or at least a trainer that's good enough to last. I guess that's why I'm yearning so badly to be back to what I know best, despite sacrificing my precious "me time" once more.

Jeoff
Ahh... the only thing in this world that keeps me sane...my breath of fresh air.
He once said that he's never for me when I need him. Actually, I think I would completely lose it if I wasn't with him. True, I have it better than other people but truth be told, maybe I need something to remind me that this is the case, and he does that so often.

Tests

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 78% Schizotypal |||||||||| 34% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 54% Dependent |||||| 30% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (22.8%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (77.2%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word pair test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to be Left Brain Dominant

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According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

That isn't very cool. LOL!

Killing Me Sweetly

My friend Kell showed me something mighty freaky the other day.

It was an article about Aspartame, the main ingredient of diet sodas, NutraSweet and Splenda. I am a chemist for crying out loud, and I failed to see the signs. I have been a religious drinker of almost everything that doesn't contain sugar. Why, you ask? Mainly because it was a "healthier" alternative to drinking something laden with teeth-rotting sugar. Boy was I wrong!

The webpage is titled "My Aspartame Experiment". Therein lies the chronicles of bad Aspartame pharmacokinetics on lab mice.

Aspartame is chemically N-(L-α-Aspartyl)-L-phenylalanine, 1-methyl ester. This means it is a methylated ester of the dipeptide bonds of 2 amino acids - L-aspartic acid and L-phenylalanine. The bad thing about it being methylated means upon being subjected to extreme media - whether in highly acidic or alkaline environment, it hydrolyses, cleaving off Methanol in its media. This means inside your body, your stomach, with all the gastric acids in it, you can release Methanol in your system, particularly in the small intestine.

Inside the body, in greatly acidic media, Aspartame breaks down into three main products - Methanol, Aspartic Acid and Phenylalanine.

Phenylalanine is unsafe for someone who is born with Phenylketonuria. This is a genetic condition which is really rare. If you're born with this genetic diseases, that means you do not have the ability to digest or metabolize Phenylalanine to Tyrosine, which is something the body can recognize and digest. A spike of Phenylalanine in your blood stream can cause seizures. The mechanism of action of this amino acid is that it competes with naturally-occurring larger molecules of amino acid to enter the blood-brain barrier thus, resulting in seizures in humans.

Aspartic Acid is an excitotoxin, which inflicts damage on nerve and brain cells. Although still debatable, it is shown that in rodents, such as lab mice, it causes extreme neurotoxicity.

Methanol, although carried by lambanog and other fruit juices (OJ's have the highest concentration), becomes formaldehyde, in the small intestine. Formaldehyde is classified as a carcinogen by the US EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). The European Union also decided to discontinue the use of Formaldehyde as an embalming fluid due to its cancer risk on Sept 2007. While thousands of data from Aspartame-producers claim that due to very little portions of Methanol are released, it is still not enough. Your body needs naturally-occurring Ethanol, to neutralize the effect of Methanol. Sadly though, diet sodas and coffee with your usual non-sugar sweeteners does not contain that. Only fruit juices, like OJ, have both naturally-occurring Ethanol and Methanol.

There have been countless data supporting Aspartame and its effects on the body, stating the health risk it poses on your brain, nerves and other pathologies. Do not be the next victim.

At the Car Wash

It was a song by Rose Royce from the disco.
It was a fun song. I was watching "Don't Forget the Lyrics" and Wayne Brady was hosting.
It was funny and just plain amazing.

Until I realized how much I miss Jeoff.
I kind of had this inkling that I was going to think about him today... So much for "me time", LOL!

It's nearing dawn.
The leaves are rustling outside. I just poured myself a cup of coffee. The air is crisp outside. I can smell the blooms near my window - they're just potted plants but oh my God, just to feel him beside me would be heaven just right about now.

I love him to bits.

Me Time

Spending my weekend here at home kind of makes me feel slightly alone. I know I am bound to have something to do later. I am pretty sure that Sunday isn't all about Facebook and dozens of Nick cartoons, but while I am at it, let me tell you why I am enjoying my little alone time.

• I woke up at around 9PM. Had a little chat with Leo, a friend from the office. Too bad he's all alone there.
• Took a box of microwavable popcorn, butter flavored. Had a fun time just watching the poppers pop. Melted some butter in the microwave and threw in a dash of hot pepper sauce to the butter. And threw it into the popcorn. OMG! Joygasmic!
• Watched a marathon of Spongebob Squarepants and CatDog while I was munching down on the popcorn. Heaven!
• Took a shower. Used the chocolate/caramel shower gel. I came out of the shower incredibly refreshed. Felt so good after that, I even put on lotion! My skin feels a little better. Re-applied the wrinkle cream on my face and on my "crows' feet". Argh! I'm getting really old. It's around 2am.
• Got myself a good cup of coffee from the brewer. Added a dash of flavoring. Yum! It was vanilla and a little cocoa. Haaay! I drank that and puffed myself a good stick of lights. Absolute heaven!
• I tried a little HBO. Chanced upon Robert Downey Jr. and in this weird flick that looked like it was rotoscoped in CGI. Wow, I was hooked. It was "A Scanner Darkly", loved it! It was mainly a weird sci-fi kind of movie, but I loved how Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves were in that movie. They seem so great together and the twist was just surprising, y'all should see it!
• It was 4:30am when I finished the movie and I decided to bake the remaining fish from dinner. I couldn't resist! It was bangus (milkfish) with the skin crisped to its perfect form, and the flesh dipped in soy sauce and lime! OMG! I wasn't gonna resist that for the world! Yum!
• I am currently eating that wonderful dish while I'm typing. :) Don't ask me how... LOL!
• I will later pour myself another cup of brew. And smoke a stick...

I am living a good life. :)
Yup and I'm grateful I didn't go anywhere tonight!

Meg Interrupted

The plan...
It was a lifelong plan - to be successful - to go beyond everyone's expectations. The best daughter, sister, classmate, friend, employee and hopefully director anyone's ever seen. '

If I was a machine, I was in my prime.

I still am.

I am 26 years old. I am well-versed in all sorts of BPO's - small scale to large scale industries. I am experienced in negotiations for accounts that need help. I was an implementations personnel for the longest time - implementing accounts and campaigns, designing modules and facilitators' guides, doing TNA's and ROI evaluations, even reviewing eLearning modules. I reviewed employees' performance and based on Excel sheets, I can say who stays or goes. I can command trainers and operations managers and had my brushes with bigwigs of companies. I was pretty powerful.

Now, I am someone who stays on the phones to teach English. How anti-climactic.

I am tried and tested in the rules of the game. I know that to proceed to the next level, I need to show how much I want it. I need to show hunger, drive, passion - the unquenchable need to progress.

Am I really that power hungry?

Actually, now that I have been thinking about it, probably not.

I consider my life to be pretty valuable to be wasted on a position that will probably destroy my hopes of becoming my own person. I don't want to follow someone's footsteps anymore. For me, at this point in my life if I can stay as stress-free as possible and get paid well enough, then that's pretty good for me. I don't need a shiny rectangular name plate on my desk saying "VP for Training". I think I've done good enough for myself here. There isn't much hunger now. There isn't much need for power.

People assume that it's because I'm about to get married and that I am probably throwing in the white towel and not finding a job befitting someone of my stature. Although this is shameless self-promotion, I'm not sorry to say that yes, I am better than where I am now. And yes, I have done better, but now, it seems trivial. I am sorry that I can't make more money but being able to go home as I please? It's pretty priceless. To be bored at wit's end just because of lack of things to do? Also priceless. To be rewarded with an occasional thank you from a student who learned a new word today, priceless!

I'm no housewife. I will not be a housewife. I know I need to grow as a person. But I simply choose not to make work as a lifelong passion. I think all I breathed, ate and slept was work then that now, I'm pretty fed up and I'm just enjoying what I have.

When I was younger, in my junior year in the university, a guy named PiWi Aragon, and he offered the whole class a peep into their past lives. Do you believe in that? I never did because I firmly believed in Karma. Professor Aragon gave me a run for my money when he told me something...

He said that I was an Brit who was given a chance to be in Asia by the British Empire in my past life and in every life I lived, I only chose power, intelligence, authority over true happiness. And that I had a chance to change it. That this life was given for me to fight for true bliss and I wasn't going to roam this earth alone...

I didn't understand what that meant.

My childhood friend Mary always comments on how sad my eyes are. She always says there's something hidden there. Like a sadness I was born with. I didn't understand what that meant. I had no idea because I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying right?

Onwards to college... I always viewed crying as a sign of complete and utter lack of self-control. I didn't see it to be in favor of me or in favor of anything that I stood for.

Emotions were futile, unless it was anger or pain. If you're not in anguish, shut your trap and just suck it up.

Until Siege, a former colleague told me that I always get what I want. Jeoff even mentioned that I was too serious about work. And suddenly, it hit me. Sir PiWi was right. Seems like I was falling into the same thing, following the same steps. Maybe because it all came to me so naturally. I wanted to excel at something, to prove myself, to be the very best at what I did such that no one has the right to point a finger. I had to be the smartest, most loyal and most amazing at what I did. I hated it when people pointed out mistakes so I did it such that I had no mistakes. I was far from perfect, but I knew I was getting there.

I stopped.

Did I find perfect happiness? Not really. I would never be completely happy. I understand that. I don't deny that, nor do I claim that I will never be. But for the first time in my life, I think I know what it feels like to belong to something or someone.

Missed

I feel stranded in a life that isn't mine.

I have been mulling about for weeks. I feel responsible for it. And I feel slighted for feeling this way. I have been slightly irritable, uninterested and very distant from people.

It was evident when I was at work last Friday.

Usually, I am a pretty good conversationalist but it feels like I spent most of my energy giving my lessons and winning clients, instead of actually dealing and conversing with anyone. I bet that most of the people were wondering what the heck was going on in my head.

I have been missing Jeoff, more so than I ever did.

Earlier, we had a pretty long talk. And it was heaven, I feel like floating... I really miss him so much. And I'm not talking about a conversation that talks about the future or the past, I am talking about just simply having a great conversation-about anything and everything under the sun. I really love this man because he quite honestly respects that I have a brain, well enough to figure out what I love talking about, and he also appreciates that there are some ideas I can't grasp. In short, he understands that I can't do it all.

I love the fact that he is opening up more and isn't so dyahe to come to me when there's a problem. I mean, I get the slight rants and the favorites and the different things that happened during the day, a play-by-play of the recent movie he loved and an everyday heartfelt "I love you", but nonetheless, I want to hear what bothers him, what makes him tick, what upsets him.

I got that. That was the best Valentines' day gift.

Don't get me wrong, it's like I told him. I am not here only for the good times, I want to be there for the bad times.

I love him to bits.

And although it's late... happy Valentines' Day, handsome. You are my life.

The Gamer

Saw this on one of my Multiply friend's page. I guess he posted it because of his own issues with gaming.

Well, it can be found on Yahoo. That's sad though. I am probably never going to be a gamer but Jeoff is one. He already told me before we got together... He's never really stopped paying for the bills or spent more than 6 hours on a raid before, so I am not sure if the dude on this story is just plain hooked or stupid...but you never throw 6 years of marriage for gaming. What they could have done though is make sure that the husband has enough time to play and raid.

I remember having to cut some conversations short so Jeoff could raid but never to a point where he would just put the phone down cos he needed to raid so badly. He schedules it so he doesn't lose sleep nor does he lose in touch with his WoW friends. (I call them the WoW friends - people from Winnepeg to Manitoba on his Facebook.) And I think that is very responsible.

The Yearning

Have you ever felt like you'd crazy if you don't see the person you love?

There's this unbelievable sadness inside me. It's tearing at every fiber of my soul. It's an indescribable yearning to be with the one I love. And I don't understand why this much pain is borne of this much love.

I feel my soul stretching far and wide just to be with him.

I have never wanted to be with anyone more than I want and need to be with him.

I have never felt this much yearning before...

Valentines' Word Vomit

What is February 14th but another date? For sure, others would find it significant, important, relevant and very compromising. I find it irritating, with a dash of salt to my already injured existence.

I don't intend to be in anyway, emo about this. Just that lately, I've been craving for a huge load of you guessed it... affection!

I am in a very healthy relationship. I love my man to bits and I know he loves me, but sometimes, he tends to be more straightforward and less affectionate. Here I go with my sweet mushy nothings, intended to make him forget about the long hard day he had... Sadly, he takes it more as an amusement and chooses to lessen the idea of "us" time, thanks to the long hard day.

I totally get it... I totally get that he doesn't get why I crave attention, affection and all the time in the world. I just get really insecure around Valentines' Day. He's currently in New York, with very little time for himself, and I know life is quite hard for him. I have no intentions of making it doubly hard by demanding attention and affection. He deserves all the rest he can get and all the things he needs to get - like some alone time, some time with friends. It's just that sometimes, it makes me feel somewhat neglected. I know he's not neglecting me. I know he's not taking me for granted, because dear God, he's been wonderful. But sometimes, things do not go your way and your feelings tell you something when you know it's not the truth.

Maybe I just need to have a long talk with him to rid myself of the evils of feeling unappreciated. But the thing is, I kinda get it, women and men have completely different needs. To him, if he asks me how my day was, and he listens intently, and get an advice about what to do next, he's home free. I completely appreciate that. I totally do... but I want to dwell on the feelings I feel. I want to talk about the future and our dreams together.... I want him to tell me how much he misses kissing me and embracing me. I want him to say that he'll never want anyone else over and over again. I want him to be okay with me being completely mushy and lovey-dovey.

Don't get me wrong, I don't cry and wail when I don't get what I want. I do get a little irritated with everyone else, which is probably not so good when you live with your brother and his slightly irritable girlfriend and your parents. I completely negate my positive vibes. I guess better that than me fighting with him cos I'd end up caving anyhow.

I am thankful that I'm slightly being mature about it. "SLIGHTLY" being the operative word here... I know that feelings don't necessarily matter to a guy. They choose to be with someone based on love, which is a feeling, but they value the solidity of that commitment to be with you. I don't really know for sure what I value. I know I value him. I value affection. I feel rejected when he fails to mirror what I say, like I tell him that he's the most beautiful man in the world, and he tells me that "you know that I think you're hot"... I mean, he takes it as me having self-esteem issues when all I want is a little TLC. And sometimes, yes, Friendster and Facebook comments - they sweep me off my feet. It's immature, childish and very unbecoming of a woman my age, but I really wish that I'd get an eCard or a public comment with him stating to the whole world that he loves me. Add the "awwww" factor and you always, always get brownie points.

I also know that no two people are alike. Sometimes, you get to love the person that may not necessarily be as romantic as you want them to be. But sometimes, I really wish he would be more romantic. Not the unrealistic Romeo that intends to make you swoon and sigh, but just someone that shows you affection when you most need it.

Maybe it has something to do with the distance. Or the fact that I really am madly in love with him, but seriously, a little love won't go array. Seriously.

I even doubt that this will get read until after Valentines' Day. Ü

Alright, alright... It seems funny how people tend to be, like me, a complete affection nazi. I would have been better off I was craving donuts or a big old gallon of choco chip ice cream. I am probably doing a thousand things wrong in this relationship too ie: being clingy when I feel like he's not being affectionate enough. Well, let me blame my girl hormones for that... The normal things that go through my head when he's not in the mood to throw some affection my way: "Oh no, he's not feeling the love anymore, I gotta show him more love, more affection, I need to spend more time with him..." What's in his head when he's not in the mood: "I'm tired, I need to go to bed early cos I have work tomorrow. I knows she knows I love her..." '
So yeah... for someone who knows that and read thousand of books on how to psychoanalyze him cos he's from Mars and you're from a completely different planet, (damn!) I suck at application. This is why I am never going to be Six Sigma certified... I get the theories. I totally can memorize everything from cover to cover but I totally suck at seeing things from a bigger perspective. I wonder why I totally get Math and all the never ending differentials and the functions but not him completely.

So what would make me happy right about now?

• Affectionate him... someone who tells me that the moon is nowhere as beautiful as me. Cheesy as hell but this is my blog right? Go write your own if you have any issues with that.
• Him with more energy for me. More time to talk with me about anything and everything under the sun. More time to talk about the future, plan with me, dream with me...
• Him having an idea of why I act so clingy sometimes.

Now getting those things won't be in any way easy. I do not think it's even possible. Again, not pointing fingers. I am just acknowledging the fact that things are very different and things are very negotiable.

I still think he's everything. I know he is my life. And this - the whole I need affection deal, does not change what I feel. It's just that if I can get what I want, why not?

Like I said, this is just word vomit... This is me at a certain time at a certain ideal. In dire need of coffee and smokes and great company as I have my daily walk around the province of Eastwood. I probably just need some ice cream. :)

Meandering Meg Musings

If there's anything I don't love, it's being idle...

Oodles and oodles of nonsensical non-productive hours meant for creating something extraordinary...your masterpiece, your canvas of life.

If I was a musician, I'd have tons of compositions now.

I've hit a slump in my professional life. Now I view work as actual work. I don't see nor do I feel extreme fulfillment when my students experience the "A-ha Moment" Oprah is so fond of talking about. Nor do I get to feel anything special as I go through work. Funny because I am not overloaded. I am not even hitting 10 lessons a day.

I can't really say what makes me tick. I know I'm pretty self-motivated. I don't really need anyone to tell me I'm doing a good job because I'm my own worst critic. I am however, concerned with what I've been feeling. I don't even feel like hanging out with people I used to hang with. I just feel like crawling into a rock and not leaving for days...

I am only comforted by the idea of two things:

1. Routine
2. I'll snap out of it syndrome
   

My friends have been on my case for weeks now. They have been pointing out that I've become a home buddy as of late. Hold on, I've always been a homebody. I've never liked the raves, the parties and the crazy and never-ending drinking/binging sessions my friends ask me to put up with. I really just prefer cooking for my friends and just taking some time to make a good pot of coffee and talking. People don't seem to get that.

I haven't watched a good movie as of late. I should so that soon.

My iPod collection is a weird one! I have songs from the 70's, techno music - yes, rave type music that I used to love, love songs - as in the cheesy ones, like the one I'm listening to, ala Olivia Newton John pre-Xanadu, I also have rock songs like Drowning Pool's "Bodies". I've been looking for Ozzy Osbourne's "I Don't Wanna Stop", it's pretty cool. I also wish to get the latest album compilation of Jaya. See? I basically listen to everything!

I could go for a huge cheeseburger right now. I'm thinking of juicy medium-rare fat patties from TGIFriday's with their huge fries and a glass of Coke Light! OMG! Joygasmic!

I am itching to go to the beach. Don't ask why... I have no right to wear a skimpy bikini, nor do I have the ability to breaststroke my way into greatness but dear God, the smell of the ocean would be really good for my soul right now.

The one thing I wanted for my Chinese New Year was a good kikiam. Don't think of the street food. Good kikiam is prepared methodically, using pork intestines as its casing with veggies and ground pork inside. It is actually better steamed. I got that last night. My mom cooked great kikiam for everyone. You can buy one from Maxim's Tea House in Ongpin St. It's the best!

I am totally losing my hair! That new shampoo I'm trying might be making my hair weaker than it's supposed to be. It smells wonderful though...

I am really good at cutting back on my smoking now though. I am smoking less and less and craving it less and less. There was even one time that I didn't smoke for an entire day. Well, it was a weekend, but hey, that still totally counts!

I have been doing some random exercises. I just set my iPod to Beyonce, Shakira or the Pussycat Dolls and it's an instant work-out. Or I can just opt to commute to work. THAT is an instant work-out!

Jeoffrey

What Jeoffrey Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Blogthings Addiction

I'm not so blonde after all!

You Are Blonde Highlights

Men see you as flexible and versatile - you fit in to every situation You've got the inner glow of a blonde, the intensity of a redhead... And the wisdom of a brunette.

How Blonde Are You?

I'm totally orange!

You Are an Orange

You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic. You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky. You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well. You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life. Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you. Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Michelle

What Michelle Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I'm real...

You Are 78% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself. Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great... But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults. As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.

How Real Are You?

I told everyone I'm absolutely femme!

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

Affectionate Meg

Your Love is Based on Affection

Your need for love is very primal and basic. You can't imagine living without love. And for you, love is something that's best expressed through touch. You're always up for a hug or a cuddle. And you feel a bit rejected when you don't get enough affection. Whether you're sharing a blanket or sharing an order of fries, you thrive when you're close to the person you love. Why your love can last: You express your love freely and frequently Why your love can fail: You can come off as clingy, and this freaks people out

What Is Your Love Based On?

Hey!!!

You Are Low Maintenance

Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a doormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight.

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

Where are you from? I'm from Neptune!

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

Death by Sleeping

It was mentioned in Don Quixote, when a tavern wench sat upon Sancho's bed. Sancho's chest felt heavy and he thought he was laboring under the nightmare.

Filipinos call it "bangungot", an unpleasant night terror, where there is sleep paralysis and an emotional or traumatic sleep hallucination or a dream.

I had the unfortunate experience of going through that just now. Sad, but true... I woke up still thinking that everything is true. I woke up with bruises in my sides and a scratch on my leg. That's probably from all the twisting and the turning but the dream was so real, I really felt helpless. I remember crying in the dream...tears that were also real when I awoke. When I did finally come to, I bashed my arm against my nightstand, and my phone dropped to my stomach.. I quickly dialed the number of the person I dreamed about... and there was an answer. Thank God...

It was freaky and a tad bit painful. My stomach still hurts, maybe from the phone falling on me, or the twisting and the turning. It's near my appendix, I'm pretty sure. I haven't slept since I woke up... but I just realized, I've been asleep for 12 or 13 hours... Now, I'm not sure if I could sleep again.

PS: I'm sorry I will delete all future comments for this post. Please don't reply. The person involved is safe... In my dream, I traded my life for the life of the person involved. If that dream was true... then I gave it all up for the life of someone else... It would have been worth it...

Need to Be Next to You

Jeoff totally doesn't believe me that he loaded this song in the iPod he gave me for Christmas. Just thought I'd remind him what the song was all about... I swear it seems like it's speaks my mind without me saying a word. Well, the song is cheesy. LOL!

Been running from this feeling for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need it
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside

But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be next to you

Right here with you is right where I belong
I lose my mind if I can't see you
Without you there's nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't make it if you're not there
I can't fight what I feel any more

Cause I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile this morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
I need to have your arms next to mine for all the time
Holding for all my life
I need to be next to you
I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath of you
I need to feel you in my arms, baby, in my arms baby
I need to be next to you

Red Dress

I have to say, Brit Pop rocks as you're preparing breakfast early in the morning.

Red Dress
Sugababes

Cooler than the red dress
Cos I'm cooler
Cos I'm cooler
Cos I'm cooler than the red dress
Cos I'm cooler
Cos I'm cooler

A girl's entitled to flaunt
To get what she wants
Can't say that it's wrong
No baby
A man's not a boy can't you see
We're pulling the strings
We're taking the lead

And when you're sure
You'll never let her play you again
She'll put on your favourite smile
Unplug the phone to get you alone, Dirty dance
Her hips will send you into a trance

Cos I'm cooler than the red dress
I'd rather catch a guy on my own
(Give me credit)
'Cos what you see the man gets
(Don't forget it)
And if he don't I'm better off here alone
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Don't need candlelight to make you stay over
I'm giving it up now, baby
If that's what I gotta do just to own you
I'm giving it up now maybe
(To you)

I've played the desperate lady
Jumped through all of the hoops boy
Instead of constant craving
I leave the chasing to you
And if you don't respect it
I'll kick with my Jimmy Choos
Cos boy if you don't love me
Then I've got nothing to lose

Cos I've been down this roads before
I should have known that I was to blame
Won't put on your
Favourite smile
Unplug the phone to get you alone, dirty dance
That's not the way I get my romance

Cos I'm cooler than the red dress
I'd rather catch a guy on my own
Cos what you see the man gets
And if he don't I'm better off here alone

(Save your kisses)
Cos I'm cooler than the red dress
(Do you get it)
I'd rather catch a guy on my own
(Give me credit)
Cos what you see the man gets
(Don't forget it)
And if he don't I'm better off here alone
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Don't need candlelight to make you stay over
I'm giving it up now baby
If that's what I gotta do just to own you
I'm giving it up now baby
Don't need candlelight to make you stay over
(Right now)
I'm giving it up now baby
If that's what I gotta do just to own you
(Own you, own you baby)
I'm giving it up now maybe

So don't call me baby
(Cooler than the red dress)
So don't call me baby
(Cooler than the red dress)

Negativity

So some friends can be incredibly negative.

Here's what one of my friends said on YM:

obvious nga
kahit saang angulo mo tingnan mas mahal mo cya
tapos wala ka na namang tinira sa sarili mo
just don't expect him to be like that forever
nothing lasts...honest reality lang yan

~copied from an IM Chat Archive, name of the person deleted to protect his/her privacy

What does the world want from us? He's been nothing but wonderful lately and well, it just bothers me to high heavens why I'm being nagged to give a little less of my heart to someone who deserves it.

If he wanted to leave me, he would have done it sooner.
If he needed someone else, then why be with me?
And if I choose to be stupid, as is blatantly placed here, then let me learn from my own mistakes and rise from them. If I fail, it would have been my own doing, and no one else's.

I love him...enough to fight for him.
Everyone can just be negative on their own time.

A Trip Down Friendster Lane

Disclaimer: This is in no way a means to promote myself. It just feels good to take a trip down memory lane and to remember what people thought of me back then and think if that's what people still think of me now.



I have not been updating my Friendster for a VERY long time.
I may have been busy or otherwise, completely pre-occupied with a lot of things, but when Friendster was hot (I guess it still is...) they used to call the "Comments" box as "Testimonials". Here are some of the most amazing, if not funniest ones that I totally miss.

From Joy, my classmate in college... We went to Pandacaqui together, and took a long internship at one of the pharmaceutical laboratories located there.
This is what she had to say about me. Oh and I don't think I look like Angelu de Leon! Dear God! :)

11/16/2003 8:25 pm

Selfless!!! She really goes out of
her way to help anyone in need!
Kahitkakikilala lang nya!
Nung nasa Pandacaqui kame nina
Tere, we called ourselves F3(corny..)
and we were so fond of giving away
imaginary 'whitecards' to the maaangas
kapampangans..oops..kame lang pala ni
Tere, kasi si Mike, di sya naiinis sa
kahit na sino. Naka 1million whitecards
na kame, si Mike la pang nabibigyan!
Exaj no!
mmm...tsaka pala, meron syang 'sorry
syndrome.. feeling nya, kasalanan nya
lahat! hehe! Feeling nya, sya ang
dahilan kung baket patuloy na
bumabagsak ang ekonomiya ng Pilipinas!
Lastly...si Mike..she's a very
beautiful person inside and out. Di
nya lang maaamin sa sarili.. kamukha
nya nga si ANGELU DE LEON!!!!

Here's another one from Cushee. Well, back then, they had no limit on how much you write. I think Cushee was just totally taken aback and was really traumatized with what happened to her in that call. She eventually went past that and became one of the hottest models I've ever known. Hotstuff. :)

03/22/2004 8:59 am

Michelle Gan. Michelle. Mitch (I
almost called her that). Mike (to
beloved People Support Friends). One
of the biggest hearts I've seen. She
is so giving and one of the most
sincere persons I know. As a friend, I
don't think she'll EVER let you down.
The first time I met her, I had a Sup
call and she held my hand through it.
We're both control freaks...just a
little She's such a sweetheart. She
cares for her friends deeply and
supports them in their endeavors like
crazy (even if it means going home
alone during wee hours of the morning
and waking up at 4 to go to work).
She's simply like that, she's soooooo
sweet. I observed how she regard or
treat other people and it moved me coz
sometimes I'm like that, can't say no
to people, very flexible and sensitive
to other people's feeling even
sacrificing her own. But she does it
the best with ease while I try hard.
She's so compassionate and that's so
admirable. She's one of the most
beautiful faces I've seen (great smile,
great skin! flawless and clear. Like
looking at an angel's face!) You see
Mike and you feel safe. She's that
comfort place you run to, calm your
fears when you feel insecure or
unsure. My friend Eric pretty much
enjoyed your company at the Club (and I
did too!) I'm so looking forward to
more bonding moments with you. Thanks
sweetie for everything. **HUG**

*Actually, I think I enjoyed spending time with Eric then too. LOL! Too bad he was a bit younger than I was. :(

Another one from Mark, who was one of my Culture section co-writer. We were both correspondents for Kule in UPM. I love this guy to bits! Up to now, when we see each other around Eastwood, it's still the same feeling of doing leg-work together. I miss him so much!

05/6/2004 1:43 pm

Mike was one of my Atsis in Kule.
Together with Atsi Kat, we three were
the Culture Section's Chinese Mafia of
our time--or puwede na ring "The
Charmed Ones". Hehehe! Interview pa
lang ng mga Applicants, close na kami.
Love na love ko 'toh. Mahilig kaming
mag-leg-work together, mag-sama sa
article, magchikahan together, pati na
rin magpaka-toxic together. Yup, tama
nga, super caring nitong babaeng ito.
Certified philanthropist ata yan! May
pagka-Baby Arenas ata 'tong Sis ko na
toh. Sosy na may Napakalaking Puso. :-
) hehehe! Talino 'to at galing magpaka-
toxic sa pag-aaral. Left- brainer,
Right-brainer, pati na rin No-
Brainer, puwedeng-puwede ang utak ni
Mike. hahaha! Saka siya nga pala ang
Reyna ng "Suburbia" sa Malate. Want
some free tickets and free chaperon?
Just approach her! Hahaha! Luvya!
Mwah! =P

To remind me of a schedule swap, Badet actually had to post this amazing testimonial. LOL! Watch out, you might fall off your chair!

03/21/2004 1:37 am

c mike- my sweet n thoughtful batchmate
n seatmate. certified virgin kaya u
guys out there, this girl is one big
catch.dehinds pa nagka2boyfriend ever!
and she looks like angelu deleon,rayt?
i think their similarity does not end
there kc they both look like angels
pero mga naughty girls naman!cge, since
we're in the same bldg na, titirhan ko
na kyo ng tuna sandwich,he,he=)sana
ma2loy n swap natin...

Allyn is one of the most amazing and most wonderful people I ever met. She had the same birthday as me. I mostly remember her when I was smoking once in the Export Bank parking lot, and shaking in so much stress at the time, she asked for one cigarette. I remember hugging her so tightly when she was about to leave. I miss her so much! She knew I threw writing out the door as soon as I graduated. She gave me this beautiful hand crafted diary for my birthday, and wrote there that life begins with chronicling it.

03/17/2004 5:42 pm

In P.T. Anderson's "Magnolia" the
fictitious 1960s quiz show star Donnie
Smith [William H. Macy] said, "I have
so much love in me, I just don't know
where to put it." Took me 30-odd years
to figure that out but you...well
you'll know soon enough because you're
way smarter and wiser than I am. I know
sometimes you feel it's hardly worth
waking up to another day of petty
injustice, random cruelty and senseless
prejudice but...let me just borrow
Hannibal's line to Clarice: "If you're
looking for something good, true and
incorruptible...you only need to look
in the mirror to find it."

I just love how this testimonial was written. I think what I loved more was it was a countdown, something that Chloe and I are both familiar with since Stephenian Voice days. LOL! We still keep in touch, and I swear, should I ever get married, she is going to be one of my bridesmaids! By the way, from here on, I think they started calling them "Comments".

11/23/2006 2:33 pm

10 Things about Mich/Mike/Meg and what have you

10. Her kikay knowledge can really impress everyone
9. She can give _________ a mind blowing_________. (Fill in the blanks)
8. Her witty sense of humor will really make you laugh... nonstop!
7. She's actually strong on the outside but soft on the inside..
6. Her stories will make your time with her worthwhile (in my case, my time is always not enough when I spend it with her)
5. She will go out of her way to help you even if you don't ask her to. She knows your needs and that's the kind of friend she is.
4. Her advices will remind you of Dr. Phil (without the arrogance), Oprah Winfrey (with all the wit), and Margie Holmes (with the vivid description and the insightful facts) combined... of course she's prettier than Dr. Holmes
3. She will listen without judgments but will not spare you with her frank counsel
2. Her open-mindedness and liberal thinking is infectious. You will get an interesting perspective just by talking to her
1.She's just one of the rarest friend one is blessed to have... (need I say more?)

*I guess item number two proves that Badet's testimonial is not true. LOL!

Of course, if people would assume that I am no longer a "cerified virgin" as Badet puts it, then I can always be thought of as a lesbian, LOL. Here's my "girlfriend", Daisy.

02/14/2007 8:14 pm

* I miss my Beb so much!Love love my beb..miss u sooooooo much!I'm so happy for you!You got your man..keep him.Mwah!Mwah!Miss u my Beb, stay hot!Thanks for everything!"

Here's another dude that could very well be a back-up spouse. LOL. Just kidding. Jack and I have been friends for as long as I could remember. In all honesty, I think we were born to be friends because I have never met anyone who was exactly like me even in clothing color preferences. LOL. You need to have a female Jeoff, seriously!

04/17/2007 11:27 pm

Mitch is my double from an alternate reality. In short, she's me... with boobs. To prove my point, here's my testimonial to her: (Reference: See her testimonial for me.)
Meg or T.A.F.K.A.M (The Another-me Formerly Known As Mitch) has been my friend since eversince. Ito yung girl na bibigyan ako ng food every special event. Siyempre naman kasi may siomai at kikiam din siya from me. Dude, you remember the time I spent the night at your place and we were planning to dissect this icky frog? I have to agree with you that it is one of the best times of my life too. Sobrang low-maintenance friend nito, but when she says on her profile that there's nothing she can't talk about with anyone, it's an understatement. The duration I speak with her on the phone on a single session can be counted using man days! Hehehe. Good news! You're gonna become immortal because, by the looks of things, I might not get married at all! :P I dub you one of the most important friends

Of course, when it comes to writing, no one can be as amazing as my EIC, Irish. Apart from being my EIC, have I mentioned that we have been friends since elementary school? Yeah, I choose friends but I make sure I stick with them no matter what. :)

06/5/2007 9:52 am

Ang tanga na lang talaga ng lalaking di maka-realize ng kagandahan ni mitch, inside out. you will love her not just for her angelu de leon looks, diana zubiri cups (hehehe sorry gurl), you will be touched by the generosity of her heart and selflessness, amused by her wit, talent, intelligence, sarcasm and naughtiness. you'll love her just because there's really no logical reason not to do so.
i can't help loving this girl, and sometimes i'm guilty that i can't always be there (physically lang naman) for her when she needs a timeout from everything. kaya, may utang ako sayong kape one of these days, okei? ingat parati.

*This was in reference to me begging her for a date after my BF broke up with me then. :) Well, that was a long time ago, LOL!

Of course, some of the very best comments are from Jeoff. :) Too bad he's busy all the time. Oh well, someday, he'll post this really long comment for me, haha!

Loving

If you knew where to start, how would you tell the person that you love how much you love them? I don't know how. People tell me I'm mushy, well, I guess I am...

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and you changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

Always thought I was so strong. I never really thought that I was going to be ever vulnerable. I was always the strong one. I was always the tough one. Capable of standing on her own two feet. Not caring if the world crumbled. The one meant to dominate and rule. The one who managed. The one who never threw caution to the wind.

When you came to my life, you broke me down. You broke me so much that I was left with no shell, no wall... I was left with a weary heart and an empty feeling. You gave me so much happiness when you told me you loved me... and suddenly, my cold, sullen heart knew, it was home. You were my home.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

You're something beautiful in my life. You gave me a reason to feel all the things I never thought I would feel. You made me see rainbows in a world full of gray skies and rain. You made me feel warmth in hardened storms. You made me taste sweetness in the midst of pain and bitterness. You made me appreciate life in its fullest glory. You made me realize who I was and what I was meant to be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.


I know you've been hurt before. I know you're still hurting sometimes. I know that a painful memory, a face, a haunting melody will always haunt you in your sleep. I know that a name will never be just a name. But here I am, all yours. Let me hold your hand. Let me kiss your sweet lips. Let me smell the scent of your skin. Let me feel who I am with you. I want to have you in my life. And maybe, just maybe, I can fill the void that you're feeling. I can be the one that you need to be, because Lord knows I'll never trade this for anything in the world. I've never felt more alive than now, being with you... having you here in my heart.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry
Now I see, what love means


And how many times have I lost the chance, only for you to come back and give me another one. How many times have I been impatient and unkind and you still forgive. How many times have you tried to stand up for me, only to have me destroy what you want to give me. I love you. And I'm thankful. I want to be with you and I never want to let you go.

Pretty Women

What is it about pretty women that makes men's blood boil?
It's funny how much girls tend to "fix" themselves up for the attention of men.

I just came from a little meeting with some of the dudes I work with. It's funny how they're so enamored by a pretty face, a name, a few pics showing some skin, a hot face with a sullen look about her.

This is funny coming from a former make-up artist/stylist. It is just now that I see how much a pretty face can launch a thousand ships and break a man's heart. Though I can't imagine what it's like to launch a thousand ships, I think I can make a pretty launch a million ships with what I do.

I also remember walking past a colleague the other day. Oh, I can absolutely picture her in a cover shoot. She looks so hot in her preppy dresses and she stands tall and proud. She knows she is beautiful and she is darn proud of it. I made the effort to say "Hello" and got shot down with a frown.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure something's up. Maybe she's not that mean. Maybe the systems went down again earlier and she had some trouble fixing it. Maybe she had a problem with a client. Maybe she had a fight with a boyfriend. Maybe her panties are up in a bunch...Maybe she is nice and I fail to notice it just because I can't see past the dress and the heels and the frown.

I tried again earlier today, and got a weird awkward-looking smile.

OK, so I kinda figured, if she'll be mean to me, I shouldn't care at all.

I remember having pretty girls as friends in high school and being treated like a second-class citizen whenever I audition for plays and casting calls. I was the sidekick and they had to outshine me.

I remember somehow that I have always been the "smart, funny, chubby kid" in high school. I got along with the boys because I can play some sports and not complain that my hair would be messed up by the time volleyball practice is over. I was the org pres because I wasn't scared of pulling my weight quite literally and figuratively) around campus. I was the girl who wrote straight-to-the-point sports articles and got to hang out with the cutest boys in campus just because it was my job and I remember all the pretty girls hating me for it.

I even remember someone slipping me a note saying "Akin si JXXXX" (Translation: JXXXX is mine) in my locker. Now that I think about it, that was incredibly petty and unnecessary because friggin' JXXXX is hers! I hope they're still together.

So, do I like pretty girls? Do I like pretty women?

Probably not. I'll never be one and never was one.

Thank God!

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Watched this movie like twice or thrice this whole week. I almost fell off my couch laughing so hard at how Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen have these sexually-charged scenes.

The story is an original but is very simple.

Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) grew up in a hick town that loves NASCAR. He was born out of wedlock to a very strict momma (Jane Lynch) and a deadbeat pot-dealing pops (Gary Cole). Thanks to a career orientation day at school where his pops, high on drugs, showed up and said "If you're not the first, you're last", Ricky patterned his life after what he thought was his dad's ambition for him. From his humble beginnings as a race car pit crew for Wonder Bread, he became NASCAR's best driver. His best friend, Cal (John C. Reilly) coined the term "Shake and Bake" (yes, they rhyme and they're both verbs. They completely rocked the racing world til Jean Girard Sacha Baron-Cohen), a gay Frenchman race car driver, completely threw him off track, setting off some psychological fear of speed, fire and racing in Ricky.

The plot thickens as Ricky fights to regain his self-esteem and his confidence.

The movie has its amazingly weird moments. There was a moment when race track owner Larry Dennit Jr. (Greg Germann) was in the VIP box with his wife (Molly Shannon), she drunkenly sits slumped in her chair and confesses that she loves the vibrations running up her skirt in the race track. There was also a time when Girard was having coffee with Mos Def and Elvis Costello and Ricky confronted him. He acknowledged that he only wanted to tame komodo dragons and have them perform Hamlet. Ricky's sons were also pretty weird - very bad hell raisers til their grandmomma taught them a lesson about good manners.

Ricky's dad gave him life lessons about speed as well as he recovers from his self-esteem issues. Being thrown out of Applebee's for complaining about onions on his steak and having a cougar lunge at Ricky to teach him about fear and driving.

The movie has its romantic angles as well. Apart from the very well-publicized kiss between Girard and Ricky, the movie also boasts of two sassy chicks (Amy Adams of Enchanted and Leslie Bibb of TV Series Popular). Apparently, Ricky likes it when his lady nags him to the ends of the earth.

It was a heart-warming comedy about learning life lessons and learning that winning isn't everything in life wrapped in a twisted and wickedly funny movie that is not meant for a family to enjoy.

One added bonus: Watch this movie three times in a row and I guarantee that you'll be talking like a hick for the rest of the day!