Time of Your Life

They say that 26 is supposed to be the prime of my life.
Well here I am. Pushing that little tumbleweed to the corners of my mind, wondering if there will be a way to reconcile what I'm feeling and what I know.

I have been feeling incredibly stupid lately. Thanks to the idea that I'm supposed to be the training coordinator, I'm feeling like I need so much training that it should blow my mind. I've never been one to complain about training. Usually I get what the trainer means. But for some reason, Active Directory , Oracle and other Telco systems do not mesh well with the noodles in my brain. I have not been a very good pupil. I am not getting this. I'm not getting anything. I'm trying my very best, but man, is my brain fried or what?

So I'm also trying my very best to make my long distance relationship work. I'm a little worried because he's still not opening up. When I ask him about things, he seems still distracted and worried about something. I have absolutely no doubt that he loves and he's just sick of work, but I feel shut out of his life... completely and absolutely shut out of his life. Like I don't exist, and maybe it's better if I wasn't there, breathing down his neck about spending time with me and being with me. I'm thankful that I'm busy - with all this training crap. At least it gives me time to focus on my own crap. This is the problwm with me. I have to create drama in my own life so I don't create drama for him. Something incredibly pompous of me to do, because I need some direction, and some guidance in this relationship, and sadly, sometimes, I look towards the wrong people for advice.

The worst advice I've gotten so far? Get another job so you can focus on your own shit. See what happened?

There are a thousand things that I deserve right now. I'm only asking for three.

1. Good health and safety for my family and loved-ones , yes this include friends and Jeoff .
2. A very stable source of income
3. The ability to accept things as they come and not get incredibly fumed about it.

Zen moments tend to save you from long arguments and from stupid conversations. The ability to drown out white noise from the background is an amazing ability, and when you hear something you don't want to hear, the ability to pretend that you didn't hear it is so much better. Maybe I'm not asking for Zen moments. Maybe, I'm asking for the ability to lose my hearing. Or worse, the ability to feel anything more than what I feel now. If I'm always overwhelmed, nothing would be able to cause me so much pain.

Well, I'm 26 years old. Maybe it's not the time of my life yet. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe the world isn't ready for me. I don't know. I know who I am, and I know what I want. I know I want to be good and complete before I marry the man of my dreams, who chooses to lessen his words, but not his love. I want to be ready for the world and all it has to offer. I am ready to be beaten but I am not giving up without a fight. I swear, even if this is the last thing I do.

How to Save a Life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to Save a Life - The Fray

A friend just died.
We throw that word so loosely nowadays. Here in the Philippines, it is even acceptable to say "my friend". Redundance. Probably.

I think maybe, a few conversations in a good hour or so sadly doesn't make for a friendship. It makes for an interesting and riveting mental exercise in social networking. However, you take those things for granted sometimes. It sucks because when this person is suddenly taken from you, you miss them like crazy.

They remember the very first and the very last conversation they had with this person and people, people tend to be paranoid. They're creeped out. They're scared. They become lonely. They lose touch with their own problems. They suddenly feel bad. They start asking questions. They will want answers. They realize that life is short and for a time try to be whole, not wanting to question their own mortality or fate. They start wanting to help. They choose to fight some battles that aren't theirs. They eventually forget.

This is the first time I ever had to deal with someone dying - someone I sincerely knew and never wished any ill of. Karen was one person that took a lot of life's bad things. She battled Lupus. She battled so much more than that. She battled everyday and I don't know much, I knew some things. But I know she fought so much more than she wanted to let on.

I am still in shock. I have been scared, questioning everything in my life. I keep asking myself if I was to die tomorrow, would I want people to remember me this way? I make decisions everyday. To fight for something. To care for something. To ignore something. To learn something and to unlearn. Ultimately, I ask myself if I will be missed.

I can't ask myself if I can save her life. I can't. I can't think that had I spoken with her longer, things wouldn't have happened. Tinge of guilt sometimes get to me. Maybe if I stopped her from smoking, she won't pass on. If I chose to speak with her longer during our last conversation, I would have noticed something. I remember the very last conversation we had... It was in the ITI restroom. She was slightly bloated from the steroids and she mentioned something about being bloated and ugly. I told her, look at it this way, after all this, you'll be prettier. As if you're not pretty now. I had a lesson and I needed to go. I told her that and in her classic Karen way said "sige, gurl, go lang...".

Earlier, I looked through my archives of pictures... I just realized that while we were in some parties together, I don't have a picture of her. I don't have any pictures of her in the office, or in parties, when she looked her prettiest. I don't have her number. I don't have her email address. I don't have her in my YM list. I don't have any claim that I know her. All I have were 20-30 minute conversations with her. All I have as a memory are things we shared over a glass of iced tea or coke light or coffee, and a few sticks of smokes.

But these memories, I choose to treasure, I choose to believe in. Whatever we spoke of, whatever we talked about, Karen knows I only wished her to let go of. That was a long time ago. After that, we mainly talked shop. Business if you will...learners. How we deal with lessons, bad lessons and bad learners. She's my Bitch Brew Buddy. We complain about some of our students and well, she shares her thoughts too.

I only wish that wherever she is right now... she is happy. As Noel said when he was told this unfortunate news, "Malaya na siya" (Translation: Now, she's free). It gave me goosebumps. I know that she is free. And I hope she'll be smiling on us, knowing how much she is missed and loved.

Rest in peace, Karen. Thanks for the great times.

PS: I realized that there was one picture on my Friendster where I was sitting with Jonas, Noel and Karen. It was Myles who took it. :) She looks so beautiful there. She still is. She'll always be.

Faith

What is faith?

faith
[feyth]
–noun
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.
—Idiom
9. in faith, in truth; indeed: In faith, he is a fine lad.

[Origin: 1200–50; ME feith <>fed, OF feid, feit <>fidem, acc. of fidés trust, akin to fīdere to trust. See confide]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Looking back at my own definition, I always thought that it was to see the unseen, hear the unheard, feel the unfelt...

to see the unseen
to hear the unheard
to feel the unfelt

yes, you asked me to wait.
and gladly i will...
i am relinquishing all control
so i can gain the moment i lost
i am giving up power
so i can change the future

fight for me
want me so badly that you will head onto the war without qualms or fears
look for me
in your life
in the now
in the future
resist your demons
so you can hold me close

i choose to be
now choose for me

such is my faith

i am blind
i am deaf
i am heartless

but now, i see
now i hear
now i feel
and yes, eventually, i want to live
i want to love

only you

Fallen Angel Alterni

Well, now I know... I think I understand what faith is...
It's the ability to understand without asking.

Goodbyes

I just did nothing, chose to be idle for today. I just woke up. I haven't taken a shower and this feeling comes over... Like I have to be online.

It was my last day in ITI. Being part of this company, I chose to stay invisible. It wasn't easy. I'm not gonna launch into a whole gamut of nostalgic goodbye quotes, nor am I gonna say anything about being alone. I am alone. Always. All I have is myself to deal with my feelings. All I have is myself to depend on when I'm not feeling well.

I have never been a fan of the word "opening up", yet lately, I've been doing a lot of that. To Cara, to Mylene, to Gaius, heck even to Jerome and Paolo. Justin, I have asked to take care of me when I need a drink so badly. I guess it goes without saying, I have made friends and I don't understand this feeling that I'm trying to protect myself from.

I didn't cry yesterday. Leaving my station felt like I was gonna be back. I chose not to get any of the materials I made for my students. It's theirs. It's the company's property. I felt very composed, as I always do.

There's always so much punishment in crying. Your body clams up, your face heats up and you lose so much water just letting tears flow. There's always too much emotion involved... Your heart valves constrict a bit and so does your throat. The whole process is a drag. It doesn't allow you to speak or to reason. Someone once told me that crying is a sign that you are human. That you are real... You see things for what and who they are. Then after, you can expect a feeling of relief. A real and honest-to-goodness feeling of relief.

I am still not feeling that relief. I'm gonna miss them all. I'm gonna miss them all...

7 Deadly Sins

Lust


Vanity


Greed


Pride


Envy


Wrath


Gluttony

Blogging Frenzy

I am so bored! Pero gwapo ung boyfriend ko! Mwah!

Personality Disordered

Big Five Word Test Results

Extroversion (30%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Accommodation (78%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (61%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (61%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Oh my Gosh! I am so not a martyr! I just like to help people out!

I think I agree with the Emotional Stability part. LOL!

Mirrors

I had a very long talk with A*ya earlier. It was a wonderful talk. She too, has a loved-one, waiting for her. They have been together for a year and it has been the most wonderful relationship she's ever had.

She asked me if I ever get emotional about being separated from my loved-one.

I thought for a moment and said "No...". I regretted it the moment I said it because I know it isn't true. The pain of being away from someone you love, something we can share... I just didn't know how I'll be perceived. I automatically followed it up with "Yes.. It hurts."

I can see her tearing up because she felt the same pain. Same agonizing pain that comes with every moment that you don't have the one you love beside you. It kills you but it makes you long for another day, so that you can be with the one you love. I sincerely felt her pain. While our situations may not be the same, I know she felt the hurt in my voice as I felt hers. We kept on talking about love and hurting and being away. I told her my story, about not being able to leave and she told me her situation too. I told her my ideas, my thoughts, how being apart would crush you but you have to be stronger. How you commit everyday to the person you love because love is a commitment. It's not something that fleets or flakes out at the first sign of danger.

To me, she was glowing. I can see love radiating from her eyes. She would talk about him in the brightest context. With laughter to match... Pictures to show... It was beautiful. I think it is one love story I would like to hear of... I hope they do end up being together. I hope they do have children someday. I see her smiling at every mention of his name. Or how he would be wither her child. Or how wonderfully sweet and mature he is.

I didn't have to look into a mirror to see what was going on with me. In her eyes, I saw me, and in my eyes, she saw herself. And there is no mirror more powerful than that.

Bronzed

找 不 到

Ah, three little words... All in Chinese. All in a language I haven't spoken since I had a learner that spoke only Mandarin and can't learn English without the help of the triumvirate of ESL learners - native language, foreign language and a translator.

I just realized something as I was trying to access a person's blog... Automatically, the page registered as this... 找 不 到 - it means indiscoverable, or can not be found. It seems funny because this person seems to be everywhere. Oh well, one last blog to frequent. Her blog address is now deleted from my list of frequented sites...

I just realized that as of late, that is what I have been... Indiscoverable...
Someone that used to be a shell of who I was. I have come to think of myself as undefined, unwritten, like a blank page that needs someone to write all over me, so I can learn and be better.

I have been craving for a mentor for a very long time. It seems like everywhere I go, it's a chance, a risk... knocking on people's doors and hoping that someone would let me in.

I haven't found that person. No one has touched me so much that I know it will be okay to stand on my own two feet.

But I also haven't found me.

I haven't really seen me for a very long time. Sometimes, it feels like I'm just an empty shell of what I used to be. I wanted to be a writer... a poet... a doctor... and now? All I want is a good job, a nice family and a good husband - someone who won't hurt me nor flake out on me...

I'm not saying I've lost my touch. I think if anything, I've actually matured. I have given myself enough years to live daydream by daydream and finally, now, I know what would complete me...
But I still yearn for something...

And I can't put my finger on it...

Imposition

Meg's disclaimer:
I am very mad right now, so people who intend to comment, post anything that would just be all about fluffy honesty and friendship rules shit, please back off this site. And about commenting, it has been disabled, so don't even try!

im·po·si·tion /ˌɪmpəˈzɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[im-puh-zish-uhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	the laying on of something as a burden or obligation.

2.	something imposed, as a burden or duty; an unusual or extraordinarily burdensome requirement or task.

3.	the act of imposing by or as if by authority.

4.	an instance of imposing upon a person: He did the favor but considered the request an imposition.

5.	the act of imposing fraudulently or deceptively on others; imposture.

Dictionary.com

Do you have friends that drag you along every little damned thing in their life hat the only relief you have is if you shoot yourself in front of him/her with a .38 pistol? Does it often happen to you that this friend would make you wait for hours on end just to stay a bit longer with people you care very little about? Does it also happen that this person would make any event in your life (say, you're getting married or getting a promotion) a problem for her?

I am quite honestly shocked and disappointed. People tend to be very selfish... When I told a few people that I was leaving the company, they were pretty okay with it. When I told the one person who would understand, or so I thought, because she has seen how miserable I have been the past few months, she just kept repeating, over and over again that I am leaving her alone.

I let it go and waiting for her to be back from vacation, I assumed she'd be okay about it now.

Lo and behold, she still thinks it's her problem.

I mean, come on! Does it seem like I am leaving you to launch a personal attack on you?! Does it seem like I'm really abandoning you? And IF I am abandoning you, it is my choice and my personal commitment to do so and it doesn't revolve around you.

Sometimes, paranoia can be seen as extreme confidence and arrogance. Think that the whole world hates you, and know that the whole world will...eventually. You always think that I am at your beck and call and will be there for you no matter what happens, as you claim to be there for me? All you did was tell me to stay away from the one I love and to make me late for all my appointments. I missed a few opportunities just to help you out with your issues and until the very end of my stay here, you still assume this to be YOUR issue?

The world doesn't revolve around you.

Cyanide and Happiness

My first attempt to embed a flash movie to entertain my readers. LOL!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cheaters

This is a show about people who cheat on their spouses and significant others.

My brother told me to watch it with him. Slightly funny... Because I saw the episode that showed a very pretty young woman that was worried because her boyfriend seems to always ditch her for his friends. Supposedly, he can't join her for lunch cos he has to meet up with the guys, headed by his friend "Joe". That was extremely funny because OMG! Everyone who cheats probably has a friend named "Joe".

So the girl gets the Cheaters' licensed PI's to stalk Mr. Cheating Bastard, who probably should burn in hell, and to find out through video evidence that the dude is cheating. The dude was indeed cheating, giving lavish gifts to the other girl. The dude was a broker and the girl was incredibly loyal, and kept crying as she was watching the footage. I mean, my heart just broke for the poor girl. It was incredibly painful for her to be watching the man she loves making out with another woman.

So comes the confrontation scene. She gets advised to wait around a downtown street and when the cheating dude comes up with the other woman, she lunges at him and slaps his across the jaw. The following scenes makes Jerry Springer seem like PeeWee Herman's show. They fight for a few minutes, the dude blaming the girl about not having sex with him and always being out and working all the time. I mean, come on, that was unbelievably evil of him. He denied it over and over again. And he, at the end of the show, claimed that he is of a different level of distinction and he is only giving the girl a few more weeks to realize that. Ugh! The nerve of some men.

I have just one little simple rule in life. If you feel like you are not happy anymore, you quit... Quit a relationship, quit a marriage, but never ever cheat!

Jeff Dunham

It's official! I love this guy!


Achmed The Dead Terorist (Jeff Dunham) - Click here for more amazing videos

Achmed, the dead terrorist. He's so funny, you'd fall off your chair just laughing!

Questions

Today, I was subjected to a lot of questions.

Mainly from my learners. Poor innocent learners that have no idea why I am leaving the company. I was asked so many questions, offered jobs that I had no idea how to do and also some quite err... indecent proposals? Haha! There comes a time in a woman's life that she would have to choose between an aging German guy who probably walks around with a cane and a slightly naughty upbeat woman who has lesbian tendencies. I chose none. Thanks very much though.

It was nice feeling wanted and appreciated at work.

I tend to be a pragmatist in dealing with loss and/or opportunities. Emotions don't seem to catalyze anything for me. I am always the one making choices, except for when I am feeling maternal. Or broken-hearted. Or both... But talking about emotions, I feel them curdling inside me, wanting to break free.

Why is it that now that everything is set, I feel so scared to touch the ground?

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Maybe it's because all of a sudden, I feel incompetent. I feel powerless. I am suddenly scared that I'll f*ck up and I would have no one else to blame but me.

I am hired to take the driver's seat. I am hired because I can change a company, because I make things happen, because I can train 150 people all at the same time at night and manage working tools and CRM softwares during my lunch hour and make it on time for a 9:30 AM client call. Because I am a micromanaging corporate b*tch and bosses love that. What the hell am I so scared of?

I am scared of all these changes. So terrified of something real that for the first time in my life, I might not know how to handle. Did I mention I was hired to take the driver's seat? That was what the Managing Director said. He said I was supposed to drive. The direction, I probably know. How, I have no idea. I only have my brain to work for me now.

If I was to strategically design a 2-year plan of action for this people using a RACI diagram, I'd be sure to include everyone - the more the merrier? The less of an A I am (that's accountable to you...silly!). If I was to create SWOT Analyses for every project then the weaknesses would always include "lack of time" or " inability by A to provide possible solutions and/or compromises". Every facilitator's guide in that office will contain only two terminal objectives:

1. To be able to learn all concepts
2. To be able to apply said concepts

None of those would be SMART objectives if I were to sum it up in a CSS code showdown among my helpdesk analysts.

I know everything I need to do. What am I so scared about?

I need to get the scaries off my head before I even start f*cking up my newfound career.

Missing You Like Candy

Been a long time since I last wrote here. I think the last time was a few months ago.

So what has happened?

Mandy Moore craze in Eastwood.
Mandy Moore is about to rock the world later tonight. All day and night long, I've been hearing Mandy Moore songs - from her break-out song "Candy" to the latest release.
Just to make you feel my pain from having to walk several meters to get food and hearing the blaring music... Mandy Moore also caused so much traffic in Eastwood that I almost had to get out of the cab prematurely to run to the office.

All that traffic, I hate Mandy Moore! Argh!

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Incubus and Maroon 5 visiting the Philippines
Incubus and Maroon 5 was just here. Did I get to watch any of their concerts? Did I get to see any of them? That's a resounding no...
Apart from the fact that I do work for a living, the damned tickets are so expensive. P5,000.00 to see Maroon 5? Err, I'd rather keep that for something else, like a new gadget or a semi-used MAC.

Almost landing a flight to Boracay for a staggering P10,000.00.
I almost agreed to the plan my friends had. They're planning to go to Boracay, and it was for a staggering and impractical amount of P10,000.00, only for the flight. We're not including hotel accommodations and whatnot because the resort might not be available. I am a little bit shocked, because it isn't that practical to begin with. Why not just reserve the P10,000.00 for something else? Like a flight to HK or something more enjoyable than staying in the beach with 10,000 other patrons?
The bad thing is that my friends think I'm not going because of the amount Oh let them think of what they want to think. It's too late to change their minds anyhow. I just don't agree with actually spending that much for something that expensive. Oh well, some people are just suckers for the beach and I'm sadly not one of those people. I would rather spend time with someone over a very good dinner and just have coffee. Oh well, but it is just so "manang" of me to do that.

Training and Development Coordinator for an Ortigas-based company
I have just tendered my 30 day's notice to iTi. I am now, officially, the Training and Development Coordinator for an IT company. Don't ask me what my responsibilities are. The Managing Director lost me at SDM. (Sound like Sadomasochism, but trust me, it's more IT-related than that.) Seriously, a year of training myself to use CRM softwares such as Salesforce is finally paying off. I'm now getting what I'm worth (I hope)! I have said goodbye to a few people in the company. Well there are only a few that need to know anyhow. No one needs to say goodbye and get me so teary-eyed. I am going to miss a few people though. But well, friends are friends, no matter where I am. So there.

Patience badly needed!
I noticed how I have been lately. I've been flaring up more and getting more and more negative about things. I don't like this person I'm turning into. I think my job is getting to me. And handling 10-12 different people within a day with different needs. I think the whole idea of losing it is turning up. Kidding aside, I think dealing with low-level learners makes me a bit more impatient. As I told Aleena earlier, I really need them to improve. And I can't stop at them learning how to use the past and the future tense. I need these learners to learn to love the language. It's darn hard... Sometimes, I really feel my brain starting to leak out of my nostrils. It's hard being an English trainer! It's even harder doing it over the phone. What's worse is that I feel so out of my element here. None of my learners seem to be improving. I never feel like I'm a good trainer or at least a trainer that's good enough to last. I guess that's why I'm yearning so badly to be back to what I know best, despite sacrificing my precious "me time" once more.

Jeoff
Ahh... the only thing in this world that keeps me sane...my breath of fresh air.
He once said that he's never for me when I need him. Actually, I think I would completely lose it if I wasn't with him. True, I have it better than other people but truth be told, maybe I need something to remind me that this is the case, and he does that so often.

Tests

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 78% Schizotypal |||||||||| 34% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 54% Dependent |||||| 30% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (22.8%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (77.2%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word pair test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to be Left Brain Dominant

-----------------------------------------

According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

That isn't very cool. LOL!

Killing Me Sweetly

My friend Kell showed me something mighty freaky the other day.

It was an article about Aspartame, the main ingredient of diet sodas, NutraSweet and Splenda. I am a chemist for crying out loud, and I failed to see the signs. I have been a religious drinker of almost everything that doesn't contain sugar. Why, you ask? Mainly because it was a "healthier" alternative to drinking something laden with teeth-rotting sugar. Boy was I wrong!

The webpage is titled "My Aspartame Experiment". Therein lies the chronicles of bad Aspartame pharmacokinetics on lab mice.

Aspartame is chemically N-(L-α-Aspartyl)-L-phenylalanine, 1-methyl ester. This means it is a methylated ester of the dipeptide bonds of 2 amino acids - L-aspartic acid and L-phenylalanine. The bad thing about it being methylated means upon being subjected to extreme media - whether in highly acidic or alkaline environment, it hydrolyses, cleaving off Methanol in its media. This means inside your body, your stomach, with all the gastric acids in it, you can release Methanol in your system, particularly in the small intestine.

Inside the body, in greatly acidic media, Aspartame breaks down into three main products - Methanol, Aspartic Acid and Phenylalanine.

Phenylalanine is unsafe for someone who is born with Phenylketonuria. This is a genetic condition which is really rare. If you're born with this genetic diseases, that means you do not have the ability to digest or metabolize Phenylalanine to Tyrosine, which is something the body can recognize and digest. A spike of Phenylalanine in your blood stream can cause seizures. The mechanism of action of this amino acid is that it competes with naturally-occurring larger molecules of amino acid to enter the blood-brain barrier thus, resulting in seizures in humans.

Aspartic Acid is an excitotoxin, which inflicts damage on nerve and brain cells. Although still debatable, it is shown that in rodents, such as lab mice, it causes extreme neurotoxicity.

Methanol, although carried by lambanog and other fruit juices (OJ's have the highest concentration), becomes formaldehyde, in the small intestine. Formaldehyde is classified as a carcinogen by the US EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). The European Union also decided to discontinue the use of Formaldehyde as an embalming fluid due to its cancer risk on Sept 2007. While thousands of data from Aspartame-producers claim that due to very little portions of Methanol are released, it is still not enough. Your body needs naturally-occurring Ethanol, to neutralize the effect of Methanol. Sadly though, diet sodas and coffee with your usual non-sugar sweeteners does not contain that. Only fruit juices, like OJ, have both naturally-occurring Ethanol and Methanol.

There have been countless data supporting Aspartame and its effects on the body, stating the health risk it poses on your brain, nerves and other pathologies. Do not be the next victim.

At the Car Wash

It was a song by Rose Royce from the disco.
It was a fun song. I was watching "Don't Forget the Lyrics" and Wayne Brady was hosting.
It was funny and just plain amazing.

Until I realized how much I miss Jeoff.
I kind of had this inkling that I was going to think about him today... So much for "me time", LOL!

It's nearing dawn.
The leaves are rustling outside. I just poured myself a cup of coffee. The air is crisp outside. I can smell the blooms near my window - they're just potted plants but oh my God, just to feel him beside me would be heaven just right about now.

I love him to bits.

Me Time

Spending my weekend here at home kind of makes me feel slightly alone. I know I am bound to have something to do later. I am pretty sure that Sunday isn't all about Facebook and dozens of Nick cartoons, but while I am at it, let me tell you why I am enjoying my little alone time.

• I woke up at around 9PM. Had a little chat with Leo, a friend from the office. Too bad he's all alone there.
• Took a box of microwavable popcorn, butter flavored. Had a fun time just watching the poppers pop. Melted some butter in the microwave and threw in a dash of hot pepper sauce to the butter. And threw it into the popcorn. OMG! Joygasmic!
• Watched a marathon of Spongebob Squarepants and CatDog while I was munching down on the popcorn. Heaven!
• Took a shower. Used the chocolate/caramel shower gel. I came out of the shower incredibly refreshed. Felt so good after that, I even put on lotion! My skin feels a little better. Re-applied the wrinkle cream on my face and on my "crows' feet". Argh! I'm getting really old. It's around 2am.
• Got myself a good cup of coffee from the brewer. Added a dash of flavoring. Yum! It was vanilla and a little cocoa. Haaay! I drank that and puffed myself a good stick of lights. Absolute heaven!
• I tried a little HBO. Chanced upon Robert Downey Jr. and in this weird flick that looked like it was rotoscoped in CGI. Wow, I was hooked. It was "A Scanner Darkly", loved it! It was mainly a weird sci-fi kind of movie, but I loved how Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves were in that movie. They seem so great together and the twist was just surprising, y'all should see it!
• It was 4:30am when I finished the movie and I decided to bake the remaining fish from dinner. I couldn't resist! It was bangus (milkfish) with the skin crisped to its perfect form, and the flesh dipped in soy sauce and lime! OMG! I wasn't gonna resist that for the world! Yum!
• I am currently eating that wonderful dish while I'm typing. :) Don't ask me how... LOL!
• I will later pour myself another cup of brew. And smoke a stick...

I am living a good life. :)
Yup and I'm grateful I didn't go anywhere tonight!

Meg Interrupted

The plan...
It was a lifelong plan - to be successful - to go beyond everyone's expectations. The best daughter, sister, classmate, friend, employee and hopefully director anyone's ever seen. '

If I was a machine, I was in my prime.

I still am.

I am 26 years old. I am well-versed in all sorts of BPO's - small scale to large scale industries. I am experienced in negotiations for accounts that need help. I was an implementations personnel for the longest time - implementing accounts and campaigns, designing modules and facilitators' guides, doing TNA's and ROI evaluations, even reviewing eLearning modules. I reviewed employees' performance and based on Excel sheets, I can say who stays or goes. I can command trainers and operations managers and had my brushes with bigwigs of companies. I was pretty powerful.

Now, I am someone who stays on the phones to teach English. How anti-climactic.

I am tried and tested in the rules of the game. I know that to proceed to the next level, I need to show how much I want it. I need to show hunger, drive, passion - the unquenchable need to progress.

Am I really that power hungry?

Actually, now that I have been thinking about it, probably not.

I consider my life to be pretty valuable to be wasted on a position that will probably destroy my hopes of becoming my own person. I don't want to follow someone's footsteps anymore. For me, at this point in my life if I can stay as stress-free as possible and get paid well enough, then that's pretty good for me. I don't need a shiny rectangular name plate on my desk saying "VP for Training". I think I've done good enough for myself here. There isn't much hunger now. There isn't much need for power.

People assume that it's because I'm about to get married and that I am probably throwing in the white towel and not finding a job befitting someone of my stature. Although this is shameless self-promotion, I'm not sorry to say that yes, I am better than where I am now. And yes, I have done better, but now, it seems trivial. I am sorry that I can't make more money but being able to go home as I please? It's pretty priceless. To be bored at wit's end just because of lack of things to do? Also priceless. To be rewarded with an occasional thank you from a student who learned a new word today, priceless!

I'm no housewife. I will not be a housewife. I know I need to grow as a person. But I simply choose not to make work as a lifelong passion. I think all I breathed, ate and slept was work then that now, I'm pretty fed up and I'm just enjoying what I have.

When I was younger, in my junior year in the university, a guy named PiWi Aragon, and he offered the whole class a peep into their past lives. Do you believe in that? I never did because I firmly believed in Karma. Professor Aragon gave me a run for my money when he told me something...

He said that I was an Brit who was given a chance to be in Asia by the British Empire in my past life and in every life I lived, I only chose power, intelligence, authority over true happiness. And that I had a chance to change it. That this life was given for me to fight for true bliss and I wasn't going to roam this earth alone...

I didn't understand what that meant.

My childhood friend Mary always comments on how sad my eyes are. She always says there's something hidden there. Like a sadness I was born with. I didn't understand what that meant. I had no idea because I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying right?

Onwards to college... I always viewed crying as a sign of complete and utter lack of self-control. I didn't see it to be in favor of me or in favor of anything that I stood for.

Emotions were futile, unless it was anger or pain. If you're not in anguish, shut your trap and just suck it up.

Until Siege, a former colleague told me that I always get what I want. Jeoff even mentioned that I was too serious about work. And suddenly, it hit me. Sir PiWi was right. Seems like I was falling into the same thing, following the same steps. Maybe because it all came to me so naturally. I wanted to excel at something, to prove myself, to be the very best at what I did such that no one has the right to point a finger. I had to be the smartest, most loyal and most amazing at what I did. I hated it when people pointed out mistakes so I did it such that I had no mistakes. I was far from perfect, but I knew I was getting there.

I stopped.

Did I find perfect happiness? Not really. I would never be completely happy. I understand that. I don't deny that, nor do I claim that I will never be. But for the first time in my life, I think I know what it feels like to belong to something or someone.

Missed

I feel stranded in a life that isn't mine.

I have been mulling about for weeks. I feel responsible for it. And I feel slighted for feeling this way. I have been slightly irritable, uninterested and very distant from people.

It was evident when I was at work last Friday.

Usually, I am a pretty good conversationalist but it feels like I spent most of my energy giving my lessons and winning clients, instead of actually dealing and conversing with anyone. I bet that most of the people were wondering what the heck was going on in my head.

I have been missing Jeoff, more so than I ever did.

Earlier, we had a pretty long talk. And it was heaven, I feel like floating... I really miss him so much. And I'm not talking about a conversation that talks about the future or the past, I am talking about just simply having a great conversation-about anything and everything under the sun. I really love this man because he quite honestly respects that I have a brain, well enough to figure out what I love talking about, and he also appreciates that there are some ideas I can't grasp. In short, he understands that I can't do it all.

I love the fact that he is opening up more and isn't so dyahe to come to me when there's a problem. I mean, I get the slight rants and the favorites and the different things that happened during the day, a play-by-play of the recent movie he loved and an everyday heartfelt "I love you", but nonetheless, I want to hear what bothers him, what makes him tick, what upsets him.

I got that. That was the best Valentines' day gift.

Don't get me wrong, it's like I told him. I am not here only for the good times, I want to be there for the bad times.

I love him to bits.

And although it's late... happy Valentines' Day, handsome. You are my life.

The Gamer

Saw this on one of my Multiply friend's page. I guess he posted it because of his own issues with gaming.

Well, it can be found on Yahoo. That's sad though. I am probably never going to be a gamer but Jeoff is one. He already told me before we got together... He's never really stopped paying for the bills or spent more than 6 hours on a raid before, so I am not sure if the dude on this story is just plain hooked or stupid...but you never throw 6 years of marriage for gaming. What they could have done though is make sure that the husband has enough time to play and raid.

I remember having to cut some conversations short so Jeoff could raid but never to a point where he would just put the phone down cos he needed to raid so badly. He schedules it so he doesn't lose sleep nor does he lose in touch with his WoW friends. (I call them the WoW friends - people from Winnepeg to Manitoba on his Facebook.) And I think that is very responsible.

The Yearning

Have you ever felt like you'd crazy if you don't see the person you love?

There's this unbelievable sadness inside me. It's tearing at every fiber of my soul. It's an indescribable yearning to be with the one I love. And I don't understand why this much pain is borne of this much love.

I feel my soul stretching far and wide just to be with him.

I have never wanted to be with anyone more than I want and need to be with him.

I have never felt this much yearning before...

Valentines' Word Vomit

What is February 14th but another date? For sure, others would find it significant, important, relevant and very compromising. I find it irritating, with a dash of salt to my already injured existence.

I don't intend to be in anyway, emo about this. Just that lately, I've been craving for a huge load of you guessed it... affection!

I am in a very healthy relationship. I love my man to bits and I know he loves me, but sometimes, he tends to be more straightforward and less affectionate. Here I go with my sweet mushy nothings, intended to make him forget about the long hard day he had... Sadly, he takes it more as an amusement and chooses to lessen the idea of "us" time, thanks to the long hard day.

I totally get it... I totally get that he doesn't get why I crave attention, affection and all the time in the world. I just get really insecure around Valentines' Day. He's currently in New York, with very little time for himself, and I know life is quite hard for him. I have no intentions of making it doubly hard by demanding attention and affection. He deserves all the rest he can get and all the things he needs to get - like some alone time, some time with friends. It's just that sometimes, it makes me feel somewhat neglected. I know he's not neglecting me. I know he's not taking me for granted, because dear God, he's been wonderful. But sometimes, things do not go your way and your feelings tell you something when you know it's not the truth.

Maybe I just need to have a long talk with him to rid myself of the evils of feeling unappreciated. But the thing is, I kinda get it, women and men have completely different needs. To him, if he asks me how my day was, and he listens intently, and get an advice about what to do next, he's home free. I completely appreciate that. I totally do... but I want to dwell on the feelings I feel. I want to talk about the future and our dreams together.... I want him to tell me how much he misses kissing me and embracing me. I want him to say that he'll never want anyone else over and over again. I want him to be okay with me being completely mushy and lovey-dovey.

Don't get me wrong, I don't cry and wail when I don't get what I want. I do get a little irritated with everyone else, which is probably not so good when you live with your brother and his slightly irritable girlfriend and your parents. I completely negate my positive vibes. I guess better that than me fighting with him cos I'd end up caving anyhow.

I am thankful that I'm slightly being mature about it. "SLIGHTLY" being the operative word here... I know that feelings don't necessarily matter to a guy. They choose to be with someone based on love, which is a feeling, but they value the solidity of that commitment to be with you. I don't really know for sure what I value. I know I value him. I value affection. I feel rejected when he fails to mirror what I say, like I tell him that he's the most beautiful man in the world, and he tells me that "you know that I think you're hot"... I mean, he takes it as me having self-esteem issues when all I want is a little TLC. And sometimes, yes, Friendster and Facebook comments - they sweep me off my feet. It's immature, childish and very unbecoming of a woman my age, but I really wish that I'd get an eCard or a public comment with him stating to the whole world that he loves me. Add the "awwww" factor and you always, always get brownie points.

I also know that no two people are alike. Sometimes, you get to love the person that may not necessarily be as romantic as you want them to be. But sometimes, I really wish he would be more romantic. Not the unrealistic Romeo that intends to make you swoon and sigh, but just someone that shows you affection when you most need it.

Maybe it has something to do with the distance. Or the fact that I really am madly in love with him, but seriously, a little love won't go array. Seriously.

I even doubt that this will get read until after Valentines' Day. Ü

Alright, alright... It seems funny how people tend to be, like me, a complete affection nazi. I would have been better off I was craving donuts or a big old gallon of choco chip ice cream. I am probably doing a thousand things wrong in this relationship too ie: being clingy when I feel like he's not being affectionate enough. Well, let me blame my girl hormones for that... The normal things that go through my head when he's not in the mood to throw some affection my way: "Oh no, he's not feeling the love anymore, I gotta show him more love, more affection, I need to spend more time with him..." What's in his head when he's not in the mood: "I'm tired, I need to go to bed early cos I have work tomorrow. I knows she knows I love her..." '
So yeah... for someone who knows that and read thousand of books on how to psychoanalyze him cos he's from Mars and you're from a completely different planet, (damn!) I suck at application. This is why I am never going to be Six Sigma certified... I get the theories. I totally can memorize everything from cover to cover but I totally suck at seeing things from a bigger perspective. I wonder why I totally get Math and all the never ending differentials and the functions but not him completely.

So what would make me happy right about now?

• Affectionate him... someone who tells me that the moon is nowhere as beautiful as me. Cheesy as hell but this is my blog right? Go write your own if you have any issues with that.
• Him with more energy for me. More time to talk with me about anything and everything under the sun. More time to talk about the future, plan with me, dream with me...
• Him having an idea of why I act so clingy sometimes.

Now getting those things won't be in any way easy. I do not think it's even possible. Again, not pointing fingers. I am just acknowledging the fact that things are very different and things are very negotiable.

I still think he's everything. I know he is my life. And this - the whole I need affection deal, does not change what I feel. It's just that if I can get what I want, why not?

Like I said, this is just word vomit... This is me at a certain time at a certain ideal. In dire need of coffee and smokes and great company as I have my daily walk around the province of Eastwood. I probably just need some ice cream. :)

Meandering Meg Musings

If there's anything I don't love, it's being idle...

Oodles and oodles of nonsensical non-productive hours meant for creating something extraordinary...your masterpiece, your canvas of life.

If I was a musician, I'd have tons of compositions now.

I've hit a slump in my professional life. Now I view work as actual work. I don't see nor do I feel extreme fulfillment when my students experience the "A-ha Moment" Oprah is so fond of talking about. Nor do I get to feel anything special as I go through work. Funny because I am not overloaded. I am not even hitting 10 lessons a day.

I can't really say what makes me tick. I know I'm pretty self-motivated. I don't really need anyone to tell me I'm doing a good job because I'm my own worst critic. I am however, concerned with what I've been feeling. I don't even feel like hanging out with people I used to hang with. I just feel like crawling into a rock and not leaving for days...

I am only comforted by the idea of two things:

1. Routine
2. I'll snap out of it syndrome
   

My friends have been on my case for weeks now. They have been pointing out that I've become a home buddy as of late. Hold on, I've always been a homebody. I've never liked the raves, the parties and the crazy and never-ending drinking/binging sessions my friends ask me to put up with. I really just prefer cooking for my friends and just taking some time to make a good pot of coffee and talking. People don't seem to get that.

I haven't watched a good movie as of late. I should so that soon.

My iPod collection is a weird one! I have songs from the 70's, techno music - yes, rave type music that I used to love, love songs - as in the cheesy ones, like the one I'm listening to, ala Olivia Newton John pre-Xanadu, I also have rock songs like Drowning Pool's "Bodies". I've been looking for Ozzy Osbourne's "I Don't Wanna Stop", it's pretty cool. I also wish to get the latest album compilation of Jaya. See? I basically listen to everything!

I could go for a huge cheeseburger right now. I'm thinking of juicy medium-rare fat patties from TGIFriday's with their huge fries and a glass of Coke Light! OMG! Joygasmic!

I am itching to go to the beach. Don't ask why... I have no right to wear a skimpy bikini, nor do I have the ability to breaststroke my way into greatness but dear God, the smell of the ocean would be really good for my soul right now.

The one thing I wanted for my Chinese New Year was a good kikiam. Don't think of the street food. Good kikiam is prepared methodically, using pork intestines as its casing with veggies and ground pork inside. It is actually better steamed. I got that last night. My mom cooked great kikiam for everyone. You can buy one from Maxim's Tea House in Ongpin St. It's the best!

I am totally losing my hair! That new shampoo I'm trying might be making my hair weaker than it's supposed to be. It smells wonderful though...

I am really good at cutting back on my smoking now though. I am smoking less and less and craving it less and less. There was even one time that I didn't smoke for an entire day. Well, it was a weekend, but hey, that still totally counts!

I have been doing some random exercises. I just set my iPod to Beyonce, Shakira or the Pussycat Dolls and it's an instant work-out. Or I can just opt to commute to work. THAT is an instant work-out!

Jeoffrey

What Jeoffrey Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Blogthings Addiction

I'm not so blonde after all!

You Are Blonde Highlights

Men see you as flexible and versatile - you fit in to every situation You've got the inner glow of a blonde, the intensity of a redhead... And the wisdom of a brunette.

How Blonde Are You?

I'm totally orange!

You Are an Orange

You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic. You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky. You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well. You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life. Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you. Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Michelle

What Michelle Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I'm real...

You Are 78% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself. Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great... But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults. As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.

How Real Are You?

I told everyone I'm absolutely femme!

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

Affectionate Meg

Your Love is Based on Affection

Your need for love is very primal and basic. You can't imagine living without love. And for you, love is something that's best expressed through touch. You're always up for a hug or a cuddle. And you feel a bit rejected when you don't get enough affection. Whether you're sharing a blanket or sharing an order of fries, you thrive when you're close to the person you love. Why your love can last: You express your love freely and frequently Why your love can fail: You can come off as clingy, and this freaks people out

What Is Your Love Based On?

Hey!!!

You Are Low Maintenance

Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a doormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight.

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

Where are you from? I'm from Neptune!

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

Death by Sleeping

It was mentioned in Don Quixote, when a tavern wench sat upon Sancho's bed. Sancho's chest felt heavy and he thought he was laboring under the nightmare.

Filipinos call it "bangungot", an unpleasant night terror, where there is sleep paralysis and an emotional or traumatic sleep hallucination or a dream.

I had the unfortunate experience of going through that just now. Sad, but true... I woke up still thinking that everything is true. I woke up with bruises in my sides and a scratch on my leg. That's probably from all the twisting and the turning but the dream was so real, I really felt helpless. I remember crying in the dream...tears that were also real when I awoke. When I did finally come to, I bashed my arm against my nightstand, and my phone dropped to my stomach.. I quickly dialed the number of the person I dreamed about... and there was an answer. Thank God...

It was freaky and a tad bit painful. My stomach still hurts, maybe from the phone falling on me, or the twisting and the turning. It's near my appendix, I'm pretty sure. I haven't slept since I woke up... but I just realized, I've been asleep for 12 or 13 hours... Now, I'm not sure if I could sleep again.

PS: I'm sorry I will delete all future comments for this post. Please don't reply. The person involved is safe... In my dream, I traded my life for the life of the person involved. If that dream was true... then I gave it all up for the life of someone else... It would have been worth it...