Nostalgia

Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

Don Draper, "Mad Men"

It has been more than a year since I last saw the man that makes my heart twinge... I sincerely wish I can be with him. It feels empty to not have the one you love in your arms. It makes me question why I wake up every day and why I lie down to rest at night.

I was alone in the training room the whole Friday. Don't ask me why I prefer to work alone. I just do... I am the coordinator, I'd really rather be alone because I am working on sensitive reports. I popped in the Imeem playlist I had. It was wonderful. It felt like home... like I was actually working from home. It brought me back to the time when Jeoff was making me listen to his iPod - I don't remember the band nor the song, but I remember that nice sound...

It's called "One Thing" from Finger Eleven. It seemed like I was still in PeopleSupport, my arms touching his arms, his iPod near me, I can hear his heart beating... It seemed like that time. Don't ask me why. I can feel the smell of his perfume, and I remember the texture of his shirt. Maybe I miss him so much. Maybe I was just wishing he'd be right next to me as I was playing that song. Maybe I was just aching to be with him...

I don't really intend to be depressed after that. It just felt so empty coming home. I finished work at 3AM and my pals dragged me to Starbucks after. I guess a cup of coffee was in order. I think it was 4:15 when I called him. He probably has no idea how his voice sounded so wonderful to me. It was like really hearing him for the first time eventhough we just spoke the other day. Sometimes, I suck at telling him why I really want to hear his voice. I am not that good with words. Apparently, sometimes, the words do get in the way...

Blogthings Again

I'm bored.

You Are 45% Normal About Sex

When it comes to sex, you're somewhat normal. You tend to have an average sex life... which is no where as boring as it sounds! No one would probably consider your sexual experiences or preferences to be really unusual. But you probably do have a few interesting surprises up your sleeve.

Are You Normal About Sex?

You Are a Werewolf

You're unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky. You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you're a total monster. Very few people can predict if you're going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural. Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control You play well with: Vampires

What Kind of Monster Are You?

Your Superpower Should Be Invisibility

You are stealth, complex, and creative. You never face problems head on. Instead, you rely on your craftiness to get your way. A mystery to others, you thrive on being a little misunderstood. You happily work behind the scenes... because there's nothing better than a sneak attack! Why you would be a good superhero: You're so sly, no one would notice... not even your best friends Your biggest problem as a superhero: Missing out on all of the glory that visible superheroes get

What Should Your Superpower Be?

You Are 50% British

Congrats, mate. You're are probably British. (If not, definitely Australian. Or Kiwi. Or Canadian.) You enjoy most aspects of mainstream British culture, without being stereotypical about it. You also have a typical British temperament. You wouldn't dream of being impolite.

How British Are You?

Your Geek Profile:

Music Geekiness: Highest Academic Geekiness: High Fashion Geekiness: High General Geekiness: Moderate SciFi Geekiness: Moderate Internet Geekiness: Low Movie Geekiness: Low Gamer Geekiness: None Geekiness in Love: None

How Geeky Are You?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

You Are a Cinnamon Latte

Deep down, you are a sensitive soul. You just want to be loved and appreciated. You may have a spicy attitude, but you're all sweetness on the inside. You are dependable and loyal. You have you life together, and you're able to be there for other people. You like nothing more than a warm, cozy house filled with friends and loved ones.

What Flavor Latte Are You?

You Are Having a Blue Day

Today is the kind of day that challenges you to the core. You're going to have to stay cool. You have the intelligence, skills, and drive to rise to the occasion. Your mind is sharp. While things may be a bit chaotic, you are still taking the time to reflect and be calm. Today you are extra attractive and interesting to people. You are giving off a detached vibe, which is very intriguing.

What Color Day Are You Having?

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Are A Girl!

Are you ever serious? Well, you're seriously playful. And guys are attracted to your girlish spirit and all the fun that follows. Your girlish, temper, however... well, they could live without that. Not to worry though, you never stay upset for long. It's off to the next adventure.

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You Are Most Like Liv Tyler

“I don't want to spend so much time obsessing about myself.”

What Modern Bombshell Are You Most Like?

You Are Saturday

Like this day of the week, you are ruled by Saturn. More than anything, you are down to earth. You are practical and wise. You take care of yourself before all others. Sometimes you tend to be a bit suspicious. You are protective of what you have. While some people see Saturday as a day of leisure, you see it as a day to get things done. You always look forward to your productive Saturdays. You wouldn't have them any other way!

What Day of the Week Are You?

You Are a Auditory Learner

You tend to remember what you hear, and you have a knack for speaking well. You excel at debating, foreign languages, and music. You would be an excellent diplomat - or rock star!

What's Your Learning Style?

Meg Tarot

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I got this from Starter Mom. It was weird - like answering a bunch of questions that yield more questions. If I am indeed a Wheel of Fortune, when the hell do I get to buy a vowel?

Purport

Paris Hilton supposedly didn't sing this song. For some reason, she seems like she was the one who sang and composed it. Repo co-stars swear by her vocal prowess. Supposedly, she has the voice of a princess. I dunno... seems like a regular Milli Vanilli to me.

I just passed the 6-month mark. I'm now technically a regular employee, by law and by contract... I can summon the Employment Law gods and demand for a higher remuneration scheme and a nicer title. I think I've proven myself as a great trainer.

I actually took this job because of the challenge it gives me. It's harassing being a creative mind in an analytical world. It's even more stressful when your analytical world is being ruled by non-analytical, non-creative people that are very unreliable. Case in point, the female manager who can not decipher Outlook nor can figure out how her service should be run. I am normally a very serene person, I'd like to think, but somehow, it has been a tumultuous 6 months. Yet, I feel that it was a good exercise for my patience and my perseverance. I'm now somewhat more attuned to what people feel. For some reason, men make more sense (though hanging it with gay people would hardly qualify as hanging out with men). In some weird sense, I think I have given this all I can, with all my heart and my soul. I think there will be challenges to come and I will be up for it.

I still feel like such a doormat for accepting the bond, but it feels like I'm trapped and I can't really focus on working on what I'm supposed to be working on. I seem to be okay with it when asked but seriously, I feel like I am starting to hate it. I don't know, call me weird but the idea that I'm committed for two years still feels like a chain on my ankles. Well, what the hell am I complaining about? I was the one who asked for this...

Oh well...

Pollyannic

I'm in the office. As usual, I have fairly minimal tasks that seem mundane at the moment. I'm done with everything else. I just have this one-hour class to teach later. I could very well be sipping a cappuccino and enjoying a bagel except that I'd rather stay in the confines of the office. Where I spend a whole lot less than actually going out and having a Starbucks moment.

I miss talking with a bunch of people. I'm stuck in the training room, waiting for my training participants. I surely wish that time would go by faster. Not because I am in a hurry to end the day, but primarily because it is my perception that the world - as a whole - has gone slower.

It isn't normal for me to be writing about my perceptions as a person, but since half the time I'm bothered by what I see, I better write it down.

In a day, I see an X number of people crossing the streets of Metro Manila. Some of them oblivious, some of them ecstatic, some of them morose... It's a sign of the times. It's a feeling of complete rhetoric. People draw from their own didactics how they view life. People draw from their own experience. And I have no part in their lives. Everybo,dy stars in their own telenovela and being intrusive enough to draw a surmised conclusion. The world goes on in its comfortable pace and I am trapped in it. Like I'm meant to be haunted by the fact that my mind, while having its own limitations, can indeed run faster than a Ferrari. It's a brain vomit that I can't control.

German playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once mentioned that thinking in itself is easy but acting on these thoughts is the hardest thing in the world. I think one of the reasons why people don't become serial killers is because they lack the ability to execute their own evil plans.

People are unbearably lazy about their own futures. I'm one of them. It sucks because half of the human race may be having this exact same problem and yet has no ability to put an end to their mindful babble and actually draw the blueprint for their life.



Aileen was once telling me that a friend of hers had an affair and the aggravated 3rd party (aka other woman) was so miffed at the instigating party (aka man who had an affair) that she hatched a 5-year revenge plan. The weird thing is, this other woman did exactly that. She is on her third year and to put things mildly, someone's Friendster account has been hacked, someone's reputation was almost trashed and there's another two years that they might have to look behind their shoulders. How can people scheme for something as (well, I'm not saying it's trivial...) impractical as that? If you get slapped once, to quote Glenna, wouldn't you just walk away? Why bother staying and making a bigger fool of yourself? Pag ayaw, ayaw! Leave and begone for tomorrow is another day to meet a man.

So if scheming and conniving can't be a word to describe who I am then what should I be? Oh wait, I think I know - Pollyanna.

Yong and Yogi once mentioned that they would really like to go to Singapore. Yong wanted to buy a house, and Yogi wanted to earn enough to invest on a bunch of apartments. I keep wondering why my mind doesn't go deeper than that. Everyday, my mind would race as to what on earth was that chemical that explodes with sugar (Oh right, Potassium permanganate!) and I'd be able to balance chemical equations in my head but my mind never reaches as far as 20 years from now. It always overrides itself...

I always think that the world should always revolve around me. Yet I live my life a day at a time, and somehow, it's weird. I feel frozen in time... I feel that I'm racing yet I feel that I'm frozen. Sounds weird eh? I guess I'm saying that I'm not starring in my own telenovela, not that I want to. I'm learning that I am more effective as someone who observes and not someone who needs all the limelight. In a 5-minute analysis of my life, I never have been too assertive, yet I've never really backed-out of anything. I'm always in the middle. I always think that somehow, things are going to be better if I just let it balance itself out, the way nature has always worked. I just know that drama was never intended for me. I was never a battered child or an abused wife. I was always in the middle - never too protected, never too exposed. I am a tad bit naive and yet I am smarter than the average dog.

Here's another quote I got by googling the word "thought"... “At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.”

Hmn... Apparently, we shouldn't be the center of the universe after all...

Think Different

I never get tired of this....

Here’s to the crazy ones.

The misfits.

The rebels.

The troublemakers.

The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently.


They’re not fond of rules.

And they have no respect for the status quo.


You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,

disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.

Because they change things.



They invent. They imagine. They heal.

They explore. They create. They inspire.

They push the human race forward.


Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

We make tools for these kinds of people.



While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.

"Think Different", from Apple.

LED

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Just 'cause I'm bored...

A 10-Minute Mental Vacation to the Bahamas

I'm feeling incredibly lazy and tired...
I think knowing that Jeoff is on holiday makes me feel a whole lot lazier. I wish I can just veg out in front of the TV or read a good book. Instead, I'm teaching a bunch of things. Oh well...

I am craving for a nice Shrimp Salad - the kind that has whole shrimps and mayo and cream plus lettuce and a few choice-cut luscious fruits - grapes, some papaya and a lot of cherries. I always have that with a gorgeous Chinese meal, like when we go to Hap Chan... Mmmm... Hap Chan... And then I'll have some Radish Cake and a nice full meal of Soy Chinese Chicken and Ginger Rice.

I feel like having a nice massage. A great pair of hands on my back, smoothing out all the sore and tired muscles I have thanks to Jeoff last night. He kept me up talking on Skype. So I didn't get all the beauty rest I needed. My mom also knocked on my door at around 7AM to have breakfast. I was supposed to be asleep until 12NN. I sort of woke up but went back to bed.

I am actually going to Tagaytay this week. Think of it as a way to get away from it all. How I wish I was going to the Bahamas. Think warm sand, nice coast, the smell of the sea in the air, people tanning by the beach, warm and blue waters - and of course a nice inlet of land in the middle where I'll be standing, watching people pass by and families enjoying each other's company in the warm sparkling waters. I already feel my tired muscles relaxing... I wish I can go to the Bahamas with Jeoff. Oh wait, tourists take their clothes off there, right? Yeah... Maybe we'll opt for someplace less sensual. Haha!

Proverbial Fly in the Ointment

There's something beating here inside my body
And it's called a heart
You know how easy it is to tear it apart
If I lend it to you, would you keep it safe for me
I'll lend it to you, will you treat it tenderly
There's something beating here inside my body
And it's called a heart

Love can suck big time. Especially when you're on the losing end of things. I just realized that over a span of a few years, I have been blissfully unaware of things because I choose not to be aware. Holes in people's hearts can vanish with just a little love but love doesn't really cure much. I think time does. But it really depends when the person has enough time to heal.

Once, I was told that we choose the people we let into our lives. There are times we can't let go but we have to. I always thought that I was the one with an incredibly huge issue about letting go. Apparently, everyone has that exact same tick - a troublesome affair that they just can't end, a question in their heads about the future, a gray area that never really warrants an answer but has always been the proverbial fly in the ointment.

Now, I'm still haunted by certain flies in my ointment - questions that get harder to deal with because they have no answers. Or if answered, poses more questions. Or if queried might lead me to a broken heart or a jaded soul. Do I really want to proceed?

If life was a huge flowchart, you'd have the answers. You'll have time to process and analyze certain ideals that could in fact lead you to what you want. Say for instance, all you've ever wanted is a man by your side...




You always have the ideal that if it makes a good story after the love has gone. It's always good if you can write it in a memoir somewhere, someday.

Oh my dear proverbial fly in the ointment... ahh, when will you ever go away? Why can't you leave me alone? I have tried to be good and wonderful but I guess that's not enough. You always have to stick to the ointment...

Going Shakespeare

Shakespeare has always scared people. It's been passed on for so many generations and yet, has never been read as widely as Dan Brown's novels, nor Harry Potter. For this day, I thought of going Shakespeare once more.

Below is my favorite sonnet...

When thou shalt be disposed to set me light,
And place my merit in the eye of scorn,
Upon thy side, against myself I'll fight,
And prove thee virtuous, though thou art forsworn.
With mine own weakness being best acquainted,
Upon thy part I can set down a story
Of faults concealed, wherein I am attainted;
That thou in losing me shalt win much glory:
And I by this will be a gainer too;
For bending all my loving thoughts on thee,
The injuries that to myself I do,
Doing thee vantage, double-vantage me.
Such is my love, to thee I so belong,
That for thy right, myself will bear all wrong.

–William Shakespeare

It's Sonnet 88, one of the 154 sonnets written by William Shakespeare. This sonnet was addressed to Fair Youth, a young man whom literary critics have mentioned may have had an elicit affair with Shakespeare. Well either way, great art has never ceased to amaze me. Whether it be in canvas or in paper. This is just one of them...

My suggestion? Try to read the sonnet with the song playing.

Semi-Charmed Kind of Life

Ok, it's been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been writing in my journal. But I guess this blog is something I should also update every now and then. I just finished a new starter training for Merlin. Oh gawd, whoever said just having a few trainees is easy was seriously wrong. It takes so much for me to be able to facilitate a class for two people. Especially if they're incredibly lacking experience in IT-related processes. Merlin supports this complicated process that I haven't really mastered. Why am I teaching it? Cos I need to... Come on, no one masters centripetal force in theory, yet it's being taught in high school, right? Same concept. I never claimed to be a master of anything anyhow.

It's been a slightly charmed weekend. I just learned that I had psychic powers. Don't laugh. It's eerily true. I was in the office, minding my business when this overwhelming feeling of being online on YM came upon me. It was weird. Don't ask me why. I popped Jeoff's window open , eventhough I knew that there was a snowball's chance in hell that he'd be online and just typed a "mwah". And he replied. It says that Jeoff is offline. Turns out that he was appearing invisible to all his friends and just got online too. It happened again when I called him up and he just left the office, ready to call me. Coincidence? I don't know. It was weird and it boggled me for the whole week. Can people actually read you? And do I possess that power to intuitively feel that someone is about to call me? It's relatively weird. I know people connect in a psychic way but my analytical mind can not get over the fact that it shouldn't be the case. It was probably just sheer coincidence...

I'm ready to teach SDI next week. I have three external trainees from AIG and Infonxx. Oh well. Hope I do well. I just don't want to screw up. I better prepare my game face this weekend. I should appear as someone who is technical, and well-versed with ITIL principles. Ah, you know what, screw it, I'm gonna be me. Take it or leave it.

I just had a lovely dinner with Cym, one of my oldest friends from way back Kindergarten (I kid you not!). We were classmates in Kindergarten, until I was in UP Diliman. Well, we'd always have lunch together. She was taking up Interior Design and was always scheduled in the Architecture Building (aka Arki) while I was slaving away in Didactics in Palma Hall (aka AS - Arts and Sciences). Now she's married with a kid named Ela, and well... it's been a fun ride. We talked about everything under the covers - este sun pala. Haha! Nah, it's just nice to talk with someone who understands life after singlehood and isn't afraid to spare you wiser counsel.

I just bought a new anti-ageing cream from Nivea. I bought the one that promises to "erase fine lines" and "renew skin cells" as if no other product has ever promised that before. Quite honestly, I just need something that my skin can tolerate. Especially now that I am almost 30 and I'm not getting any younger. I can literally feel my whole body sagging. Take for instance my headlights, Daisy and Dolly (yes, you can give them names) which used to be perky when I was in my early twenties. Now, I absolutely NEED something that lifts and separates - or else. Well, not to mention the fact that now, I make sure that I use firming cream everyday for them. Ok, don't ask me why. I'm just weird about my skin. I know that smokers have a 75-80% chance of developing skin cancer that is why I'm extra careful. Skin cancer can attack someone who is almost 30 while lung cancer usually strikes at the age of 40 and above. I'm not being vain or anything. I just sincerely want to protect myself. Also, after the onslaught of my skin lesion episode last May (thank heavens it's over and yes it left me scarred for life), I swore never to take my skin for granted again.

I'm losing the battle of the bulges. I think eating rice after 12MN should be outlawed. :) Well, I only have myself to blame. Beginning today, I swear to minimize the intake of rice so when Jeoff gets here, I can actually be presentable to people and not be the porker that I am. Hehe.

The Black and White Affair is almost ready. I just need Matt to view Opus first. I told him I'd take him there, but he opted to go alone. Yeah, kinda weird if someone sees us together in a resto in Metrowalk. I actually wanted to ask him for a raise (I'm not asking for a hundred thousand or so, I was just going to ask for an additional 5 K or so... )And if I take him someplace public, he won't be able to react negatively. Haha!

Well, looks like this is it for me. I'm going to catch some shut eye and relax because I think my body has went into hyperdrive the past few days. I've never been so tired. Oh well, time to sleep. ;)

I Got Tagged!

Starter Mom tagged me, so I'm working on this...

1. What color is your toothbrush?
Green

2. Name one person that made you smile today?
Hmn... Tito Doy. :)

3. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Working on some IT stuff

4. What is your favorite candy bar?
I don't like candy or chocolates either! :)

5. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope, I have always wanted to go...

6. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Reset the password.

7. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Pistacchio

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Coffee

10. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans and a brown graffiti shirt.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
Colgate? I think I was able to swallow a pea-sized amount while trying to brush my teeth and floss at the same time, LOL!

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I guess I will have to, my slacks look ugly on me. :(

13. When was the last time you ran?
Earlier, to get to the escalator.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Salsa-flavored popcorn. It's tangy and salty. Yum!

15. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on friendster?
Qwisty...

16. Do you take vitamins daily?
Yeah, I need all the vitamin C I can get.

17. Do you like Chinese food better than pizza?
Yes. I like hakaw a lot. :)

18. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
Nope, straight from the can.

19. What did your last text message say?
"I'm on your side."

20. What are you doing tomorrow?
Blogging. Babysitting my two new starters.

21. Where is your dad?
Iloilo.

22. Look to your left, what do you see?
Ron.

23. What color is your watch?
Black.

24. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Kangaroo?

25. Do you use chapstick?
I use Philosophy Kiss Me.

26. What is your birthstone color?
I don't know, I think it's orange.

27. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
No car... Haha!

28. What’s your favorite number?
6

29. Do you have a dog?
Nope...

30. Last guy you talked on the phone with?
Jeoff, early this morning.

31. Last girl you talked on the phone with?
Irish, we wanted to get a cup of coffee and chat.

32. Have you met anyone famous?
Haha! Define famous.

33. Any plans today?
Just to go home and get a cup of warm mushroom soup (not the canned/packed kind!) stewing...

34. Ever go to college?
Yeah.

35. Do you dye your hair?
Necessity.

36. Last song listened to?
Desert Rose - Sting

37. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Why?

38. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
Sometimes.

39. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Sneakers from Skechers.

40. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nah...

41. Is anyone jealous of you?
I pity that person.

42. Do you love anyone?
Yes.

43. Do any of your friends have children?
Yeah.

44. What do you usually do during the day?
Work, work and work...

45. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Hate is such a strong word. I guess abhor kinda smartens "hate" a bit...

46. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Over the phone, yeah.

47. Do you like cats?
Sure.

48. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope.

49. How did you get your worst scar?
Some weird skin lesion that appeared on my leg after a chemical peel. :(

50. What is it that you wanted to have in a long time but haven't?
Marriage license. Bentley. A mansion, with all the trimmings. An FBI ID. A spread in Cosmo with all the shoots styled by moi. A whole closet-full of Zara items. A cool blue yacht. All the Acca Kappa Glycine I can get. A lifetime-supply of Whitening toothpaste. A million pesos worth of GCs for shoes.

I'm tagging people who read my blog, as if there are people who do so... :) Hehe...
Yanka, Raika, Indie (if you're into this...), Toolzy

Let Go

Pretty funny eh? It seems that for some reason, all I can think about is this weekend and how comfortable I want to be. Maybe because I have been teaching for so long. I haven't had a break since August. I think I'm starting to really lose my voice. I feel my voice getting hoarse and weird everytime I try to raise the pitch... especially when I'm mad. I should probably quit smoking, I'm starting to sound like Demi Moore. Haha!

It's funny how everything seems to be in place right now. I guess I badly need a Zen moment, ergo, I'm trying to create my Zen moment. I am starting to wake up earlier than normal, only to enjoy a cup of coffee and relax with. It's funny how abnormal that sounds, but I sincerely remember waking up with only 30 minutes to spare 'til work starts. Now, I sincerely intend to have two hours of lounging before I do anything stressful, like wait for a cab or take the train to work. I guess I'm learning that as you get older, you somehow have to be less stressed or fine lines start to appear. I guess I'm learning to let go of some things. Oh well...

Weekend Agenda | Reconnection

Well, it's been a while since I have updated this blog. I bet that somehow, I can probably enumerate the things I have done. I have been working, in and out of the office. Been updating my Facebook and embedded the video that Glenna sent me through Facebook as well. Somehow, it's been refreshing to know that she is enjoying herself there. She sounds so different on that vid! Nonetheless, I'm so proud of her.


I bought a book written by Peter Sheridan, called "Every Inch of Her". I'm not a huge fan of contemporary novels, but I am guessing that it's a fun read. I just needed to veer away from so much IT stuff, and this weekend, I am going to allow myself to indulge myself in the words of Peter Sheridan and the words of Philo, the lead heroine who chain smokes, and just left her husband named Tommo. It's fun considering that I always relate to the heroines in a book. For some reason, this was really just a fun read. I also bought a murder mystery book from someone I don't really know. It's no Pelican Brief or The Shining, nonetheless, it's fun to reconnect yourself to words and not to IT processes. It is actually a cheap steal. I got it from Buy the Book, this nice bookstore a few blocks from my house, next to Starbucks.

This weekend will be my coffee weekend with my HS buds, Cym, Chloe and Irish. I totally intend to have the weekend all to myself and yet, I intend to reconnect myself with my number one support group (Ugh, IT term again!). They've been with me through thick and thin, through highs and lows and I fully intend to reward myself with a couple of hours of strong female bonding! Yeah!


I also have to yet reconnect with my ideals as a writer and as a stylist. Hmn, I'm wondering if I should start peddling my resume as a writer again. I should totally pool all the articles I've written as well as the photo shoots I've done. My most favorite one was the one with kids for Moms and Babies. I think I will definitely have to beef up my portfolio once more. It's been a while...

My weekend is absolutely about reconnecting! Oooh! I can't wait...

New Signature

Liked the new signature I got... :)

Of Series and Movies

I passed up the chance to leave for Batangas today. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-social at all. I intended to stay at home and just work on the tasks I was supposed to do today. I am guessing that somehow, I am turning into a workaholic freak that has no life. I sincerely live for the weekends. The charming aroma of my very own coffee brewing in my kitchen, armed with my laptop for blogging, and a whole season of "CSI" or "Chuck" on the DVD player is just amazing to me. This is weekend R&R for me. I don't want to be in a cramped mall, shopping for clothes that no one cares about anyhow. And yes, gym is not an option as well. I don't really intend to spend 900PhP per session on boxing. My shoulders have been hurting since I tried lifting the water bottle to refill the dispenser at home. Last time I'll be doing some heavy lifting! Haha!

I still have Gordon Ramsay's "Hell's Kitchen" Season 1 which I haven't seen competely. I remember checking if the DVD was playing. Thankfully, it was. I still have yet to finish "Felicity" and "One Tree Hill" which I love so much. I love series more. There's coninuity. It's so sad to see the ending credits in films. I was just watching "Music and Lyrics" earlier and I found out that when I started seeing the end credits roll, I started feeling a bit melancholic.

There is something so bittersweet about ending something that worked for you for a few minutes. And I guess I am indeed in love with Drew Barrymore. It's the combination of a feel good-movie and a feel-good song. I followed it with "Open Season" which had Gray Sinise's voice as the hunter Shaw. It seriously didn't seem like him at all!

Ok, poor rabbits... but it was pretty darn good. I knew animations were not my thing, especially ones that uses CGI but nonetheless, this was actually pretty good.

The only thing with movies is that it kinda ends quickly. It sucks cos I seriously want to have more exposure to the characters. In series, you tend to see how a character reacts to everything that happens. I guess that's why TV actors find it hard to find new roles and break away from what people already perceive them to be. It's just harder to break way from the things you've been used to doing too, I'm guessing.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. And I seriously want to break free of this mundane routine I dance to every day. I am guessing that when Matt finally gets back to work, we'll be able to work on the things I need to work on sans the other manager's bickering.

Glenna

I am so proud of this woman. And I miss her so much! I miss the wisdom, the zen moments, the never-ending qoutable quotes I intend to live by. Ok, ok, enough hero-worship. It's just that at this point in my life, I was hoping to look up to someone who can have it all. And there she is. She's living her life to the fullest...

Flash. Blam, Alakazaam!

I guess it's no secret that I'm in love with Jeoff. It's not a secret that I have made this blog into a shrine for the man I want to spend my life with. I just had a weird idea all of a sudden...

Why can't I just join him?

It's been a year. I'm sad and lonely being alone. Going home to an empty bed, an empty room at the end of the day is almost painful. I sincerely wish that someday, we can be together.

Stranded

It sucks to be away from the one you love. The things you miss the most, such as holding his hand, kissing each other when the rain outside is just light and alright, it's buying the 2-piece chicken meal from the convenience store after a night of watching movies and making out in the parking lot, it's the little sighs and the rolling of the eyes everytime the other person says something funny or almost ridiculous.

I know I asked for a job that would kill me. However, it doesn't really stop me from feeling so badly that he's not with me.

It's a Saturday night and I'm all alone. I'm hearing the sound of the TV series that I never really get to follow. I know I have a ton of training materials to do, yet somehow, I am yearning - longing for something that we used to have - touch.

It is so easy to say the things you want to say... so easy to look at the things that need to be seen. Yet, feeling something from a million miles away is almost impossible. It sucks to feel like I'm trapped here and he's all the way there. I feel so helpless and alone.

And yet, I know somehow he'll be here. He will hold me again in his arms and I will feel so much better about everything...

helter-skelter

Alright, so SDM actually threw me off this entire week. It was one hell of a tumultuous week. I had a very tiring week of training and some more thanks to her idiotic ideas.

She asked me to do a two-week training for our multilingual speakers. It was pretty bad. Supposedly, it was because she wanted me to attend SDI, since it was an in-house training to begin, with Chari at the helm, shouldn't there be a way to change it? The training plan had been four weeks all along, and she wanted someone to compress training... Now she is washing her hands off the incredibly stupid thing of compressing training after she promised me that the TLs will be taking care of the hands-on training of the newbies. She claims that it wasn't her idea to begin with. Argh! Talk about being incredibly two-faced! She even asked for Yong's help to assist in the hands-on training of the new starters I'm handling now. She probably thinks I'm incompetent when she's the one who still doesn't understand what the hell is her role in the company.

She fails to inform her TLs on time. Check out the email below:

From: SDM
Sent: 10 September 2008 19:49
To: Me
Cc: HR Manager; Director
Subject: RE: IELTS Assessment

Hi Meg,

I have already informed the TLs about this, though as discussed, we can only have JD and Rachelle join your review because of their schedule. JD will be coming in at 2-11pm starting next week until the end of September. Rota has been updated. We can deal with Sheila later on.

Kind regards,

SDM

When I got the email from Rachelle, one of the TLs...

From: Rachelle the TL
Sent: 12 September 2008 14:45
To: Me
Subject: RE: IELTS Assessment

Hi Meg,

I know we are going to take the IELTS exam but wasn’t aware of the of the training.

For September 15, I have a service review meeting with (bleep) at 2pm, so maybe I’ll be join around 2:30 pm. Depends on how long the call will be, hopefully not much issue so I can join earlier.

Thanks,

Rachelle

So there you are, she claims that she has done something only for me to realize that nothing has been done from her end. Her people aren't my people and I'm thankful that I have no direct reports to worry about. Thanks goodness that the director was copied and I was able to make sure that she can't manipulate me anymore. I keep asking her to document her "directives" from here on forward. That way, I can cover my ass in the future.

She also claims that I'm not professional enough because she thinks that I don't know how to multi-task. The effect of which can be catastrophic if I train more people in more hours than I am supposed to. This seems ridiculous but yes, teaching is a very difficult job. Throw in eager-beavers in class and the dumb blond wannabes with the older but supposedly technical gramps and grams, plus the classic apathetic "rockers" and you've got a misanthrope trainer in the making. Yes, I dedicate the eight working hours to my trainees. As if it matters. Training really was designed that way. She claims that I said something like I'm gonna need clones if the amount of work stands to be the same all the time. Ok, I said that to the HR Manager, who is a friend, and that comment was not addressed towards her.

Argh! Screw her. Mr. Director should kick her out! Bonus though, cos she keeps on messing up, the entire European division of the company we're supporting has started to complain about her. Let's see if she can still save her ass if she gets confronted with all the issues starting to plague the HD.

Helter-skelter... everything's coming down fast... everything's going down fast.

I swear, it's like the director hired Charles Manson as our boss or something. The difference is, Charles Manson still had some form of charisma. She doesn't really have that much charisma... I think everyone in the office has a point against her.