The Wishlist (Part 1)

So it's Christmas. I have been wanting a few things this year.



A VISA and ticket to Canada
I think that's enough crying over spilt milk. I want to get to Canada. I want to be with Jeoff. I want to find a way to get there and I am not afraid to admit it. So people who can read this, this is me begging. If you know how I can get there, please let me know!


Lipgloss collection
Okay, okay, I have way too many lipglosses to be asking for a whole set of lipglosses, but hey, I love my lips and I like color on them. I love the plumpers, the slick shiny lipglosses, the baby pinks and the shocking reds. If anyone will give me one of these, or better yet, one from the Kiss and Makeup, then they will get a big wet kiss from me.


A brown trench coat
I'm a large. This trench coat is from GAP. I think it's a great way to spend money. I know it's really warm here in the Philippines, but I'm a sucker for these jackets! I would love to get my hands on this ensemble-completer! It's gonna be fabulous with my taupe bag and my shiny leopard-print stilettos! Cool!


Knee-high boots
I love these boots! The first time I laid eyes on them, my heart just skipped a beat! I can imagine outfits to go with this! I can imagine tight white tops with loose mini skirts and a wife leather belt on me. This is again, on my weekends, and therefore will never be seen by anyone in the office!

Those are all I can think of for now. I think I need to have a few more window-shopping days to find out what else I might want.

So, just wait for part 2. :)

我的一個願望

有時我祝願您的過去去並且我是唯一你愛我和再從未考慮她。

我看她詞和它傷了我的心。您仍然怎麼可以是失眠的在晚上, 考慮她? 在所有痛苦以後她導致了您。我不是重要對您? 我永遠沒有許諾您愛嗎? 我沒有許諾您我的心臟完全地將是你的? 完全地請是我的。我要整體終身花費與您。請忘記她。

我需要您愛我。並且當現在, 我獲悉您不完全地愛我, 您將, 最終。

Another Day Goes

I work at night, and I sleep all day. Such is life for a person who has earned a living feeding off another country's resources, and with good fortune, I've done my best and my part to responsibly face each challenge with much aplomb. I have carefully thumbed through materials, researched, learned and unlearned. I've crossed chasms of unsuccessful projects and pushed boundaries when it comes to my craft. But at the end of my night, when I come home, that's when it starts.

I am an alcoholic.

Right. I'm just messing with you.

It's when I realize how I have changed over time. I am more mellow now. I lose myself in a book (most recently, prolly Facebook, harhar!). I could keep silent and just have a random idea tossed in my head for hours on end. I can stay by my window and watch people busily tend to their lawns or clean their cars (I live in a place where garages are not really used as garages.). I have come to believe that I have grown. Back then, I would kick and claw and scream for a chance at something - a styling job, an article, another job, some time with a boyfriend, coffee time with friends. Now, I've learned how to back out, bow out gracefully and even admit my mistakes automatically (Well, more often than not...).

Last week, I just received some pretty bad news. I am still in shock as to how it happened. I can't imagine what I could have done, or what could I not have done to make something happen. I am, of course, devastated. For whatever reason this happened, I was told, by a very wise man, that it's just a snag and that I'll get through it. I am... Everyday. Slowly but surely. When something beyond your comprehension happens, the first thing that comes to mind is to blame someone, get hurt and start clinging on to dear life or to cling to people that matter. Thank God people I love somehow love me too. They're still around, and not going away for a long time... I hope. The doubts creep in and the fear sets in. You're boxed in. You're trapped. You're stuck. Then you drown in self-pity and think that it's the end of the world (Okay, too dramatic, but hey, don't stay in the kitchen if you can't take the heat, eh?). It could have been. I could have annoyed the hell out of people. I could have isolated myself (which I think I did for a few days). I could have burned bridges and fought and kicked and screamed and clawed for something...

Now, I'm letting go, and I'm moving on. When things screw up, somehow, you got to see a better, bigger picture to keep you going on, to get you fighting - silently, but still fighting.

For now, I only want one thing...another day loving and living, feeling and understanding...

Party Pooper

Ok, my bad... my recent fascination of all the applications on Facebook rendered my blog almost useless. I haven't had the chance to actually get into my blog and do some major blogging. I blame my apparent lack of self-control when it comes to my affairs. Hehe...

So what has been happening. Hmn... I have the Christmas Party to worry about this weekend. I wonder what I should dress up as. I'm also thinking of totally just vegging out on a Saturday instead of partying. I'm just not in a very partying mood lately. It's supposed to be a hat day for everyone. I wonder what hat I should wear. Justin (the tall one) said he'd come as a mime. I'm thinking that it would be a good idea since no one seems notice a mime. I'd just sit down and smoke, or wait for a few hours to go by until it's time to come home.

Again, please don't ask why. I'm just not a party person.

Lately, I've noticed that I only want to stay at home and just lie down. Maybe it's the whole sedentary lifestyle getting to me. Maybe it's the lack of people who truly understand what a party is to me. Maybe I prefer to have a simple cup of java with friend and chat non-stop about our lives, our perspectives and all that shit. Oh crap, it's the weird introverted freak I've been trying to hide all these years! It's rearing its ugly head.

Hopefully by the weekend, this feeling will be over and I'll get to enjoy a party with colleagues. Oh well...

Harder, Better, Stronger...

From Daft Punk to my blog...
It's all about the bodies for this one. What made them really cute were those silver block boxes they had on their heads. Funny! Thanks to my son, Gaius for this. :)




And make it with your fingers...

Bringing Sexy Back....

My Disclaimer: Have you read a Jessica Zafra essay? Well, this is one of them. Self-mockery, to my belief, is the best form of flattery. To people who are faint-hearted, easily insulted and lack the sense of humor I need for my audience may very well just stop reading from this period on. Thanks!



I can't sleep. I've been up since 4 in the morning, trying to get some shut-eye. I can't believe that I'm still not asleep... So I'm cuddling with my laptop, wondering what the heck to write about when I chanced upon a sexy picture of Rose Byrne and Brad Pitt from the movie Troy.



I just sort of realized that the media is full of sexy images. And a girl needs to do everything to sort of catch up. I guess this is the reason why Anne Hathaway had to take her clothes off, or why we make such icons out of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton, both of which had their own homemade videos to sell online.

So, if we look up to these icons, and men worship them, how's a normal everyday 20-something clod to compare? I mean, I am definitely no Paris Hilton, nor am I near Pamela Anderson. I am most definitely not a Selma Blair, a Sienna Miller or Mandy Moore. I am an Alex Borstein in a world of Drew Barrymores and Demi Moores. Am I making any sense? I guess what I'm saying is I'm a fat bloated woman in a world of women who took the 60-day fab-abs challenge and won! Makes you want to rethink fitting into a nice dress for work tonight eh?

The thing is, I never really see myself as someone who should be worried about the way she looks. I am perfectly happy with the way I look. I am surrounded by beautiful, smart and darn right sexy women who sort of experience the same insecurity as I do. Some think that their tummy is bigger than their boobs, some think that their boobs are too small, some think that their thighs are as huge as Meralco posts. Honestly, the list goes on and on and on and on and on... and women tend to be as petty as possible. I remember a friend actually telling me that she'll sell her soul to have abs like one of the models we worked with on a photo shoot. I was an apprentice stylist then, and when I was indeed dressing Miss Patches (people who actually style other people, I think you know what I mean...), she bluntly told me "Pangit ng skin ko noh?! Buti pa yung skin mo, ang puti-puti..."

So what am I about to say... Yeah, somehow, for some oddball reason, when you look at someone else, there's always something of them you wish you had. I want to have Rose Byrne's face. I want to have Demi Moore's figure. I want to have Mandy Moore's eyes. I want to have Hayden Panettiere's skin. I want to be as cool as Avril Lavigne. And of course, when all else fails, I want to have Pamela Anderson's body. So, what am I doing to achieve any of these things? Nothing.

I think there's just an endless plethora of things to work on as a person. I can have my teeth whitened and have a tummy tuck... I can probably go for an overhaul. But you know what, no... I believe that in some weird forsaken tribes in the Amazon, women like me, bring the sexy back to the tribe and I rule... :)

Single Me Out

OK, so here I am, doing my work, when I came across this log from an American trainer I supposedly should be working with. I totally wouldn't mind if she complains about my way of handling the lesson, or if my student complained, however, she concluded that I was a bad trainer because I didn't send out a complete report.

The procedure goes like this. We call the student for 10 minutes and see if the student is available for the lesson. We try so many times that our hands get calloused on the dial pad of our phones and we have to log everything that happens in the lesson. Now, should we have a student who won't be able to make it to their lessons, we mark it as a NO SHOW. It kind of leaves everything behind... a template that you may not have edited on account of preparing for the next lesson, a series of logs that you copied and pasted into the NO SHOW page for proper identification. Apparently, American Woman was not informed of such things and she automatically assumed that I sent a report to a client that was just a template.

What bothered me is how blatantly I can be singled out by this woman. Apparently, she has no idea that people can actually read lesson logs and that people can and will see. If she has any knowledge of the software, she would have indeed seen that I will be the next teacher for this student. She did this to aggravate me? Perhaps. She did this to throw me off balance? I guess so. Did she succeed? No. Because I am a bit bothered by the lack of information she was given from the very start. The poor woman knows scrap about the software she has to use. What a pity!

Karma

Just a realization... people really tend to hurt you over and over again, so long as they're not the ones being stepped on. They have no sensitivity, no ethics and not an ounce of moral fiber in their beings. I wish that they never have to experience this pain. Because if they do, they'll cave...

The Wedding

So, get this, while I'm on the subject of marriage, let's talk a bit about weddings. After all, every girl has planned on walking down the aisle with a huge white fluffy gown adorned with all things shining and shimmering.

My Disclaimer - I ain't getting married, you fools! Just wondering what it would be like to plan a wedding. In case you didn't read the last post, I am planning to be unmarried for a very long time.

If I was to get married next year, well, I'm a bit superstitious. I want it to have something to do with the number 8. Call it my mental Escherism coming out, or perhaps, my Mobius strip obsession. Whatever it is, I want to be on August 8, 2008. Exactly 11 days before my 27th birthday. I want it to be a garden or a beach wedding. Either way is just fine, with a nondenominational ceremony. I want only family, close friends and some relatives there. I kind of figured that it's hard to filter who you can invite to these things. Invite a colleague and the whole office goes with them, so it's pretty easy to just invite close friends and zero acquaintances. It's easier and more practical that way. Besides, you don't want people to not remember you and your significant other after the wedding. I want people who will be attending my wedding to feel what I'm feeling, cry when the waterworks start, revel in the food, no matter how weird chicken tastes like if it's prepared kosher, and would literally walk with me down the aisle. I don't want acquaintances criticizing my gown, the bridesmaids' dresses, my groom's muffled whisper of "I do" as he willingly (or unwrttingly) accepts the demise of his young bachelor life. I have my "well-meaning" relatives to do that for me, thank you very much!

I tried an online wedding calendar from Elegala. It said that if I was to get hitched this year at exactly 08-08-08, I need to do this:

Upon Engagement
Talk with your fiance and all parents or family members you choose to involve regarding budget, style, size of event, location, time of year and attendees. Our Personalized Budget can help you decide how to allocate your expenses.
Determine whether or not you would like to hire an event planner to assist in all the research and planning details. (your other option is a partial, or day–of coordinator—which can be hired at a later date).
Start thinking about the overall style and theme of your reception. Browse our Reception planning guide for ideas and advice.
Begin researching and visiting reception sites. Our Local Resources section will help you determine the local facilities that meet your needs.
Set the date and locations; reserve the ceremony site, reception site, and accommodations for out–of–town guests.
Book your hotel room for your wedding night and pre wedding night.
Select your wedding party attendants.
Send your engagement notice to your local newspaper. Be sure to get multiple copies of the newspaper in order to send to grandparents and family members.

By December 15, 2007 or sooner:
Start researching and booking your wedding vendors.
Research these major planning details, determine your style and vision and start creating the perfect event —
   Catering (if not provided by your reception venue)
   Ceremony (if he/she is not already part of your ceremony site)
   Flowers
   Music
   Photography
   Cakes (if not provided by your reception venue or caterer)
   Dresses
   Stationery & Invitations
   Transportation
   Favors & Gifts
Interview and begin booking your vendors. Concentrate on booking major vendors such as the caterer, officiant, florist, musicians photographer and baker first. Visit our Local Resources section for a list of the top wedding vendors in your area.

Between December 15, 2007 and February 6, 2008:
Start shopping for your wedding gown, bridesmaids' dresses and accessories. Visit our Local Resources section for bridal boutiques in your area.
Research the honeymoon. (This is a great task for the groom!)
Create gift registries at your local department stores. Many registries are also available online for those guests purchasing gifts out of town. Visit our Registry section for helpful advice.
Discuss plans for any bridal showers, engagement or bachelorette parties with your close friends and relatives.
Schedule the ceremony rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and departure brunch.
Begin gathering names and addresses and compile your guest list.
Shop for wedding invitations and stationery. Access recommended stationers in our Local Resources section.

Between February 6, 2008 and March 8, 2008
Order your wedding dress
Decide on your bridesmaids dresses and obtain ordering instructions and deadlines from the store or boutique.
Finalize your guest list and send "Save the Date" cards with hotel information to guests. (remember that everyone who receives a save–the–date will be invited to the wedding)
Call your facility coordinator or catering director to schedule the menu tasting.
If preferred, hire an event planner to assist with final details and "day of" procedures. Review our portfolio of your area's top planners in our Local Resources section.

By April 18, 2008
Reserve the honeymoon and book flights. (remember passports if needed)
Book all wedding day transportation. Access your area's best in our Local Resources section.
Choose and book a hair and make–up artist for your wedding day. Visit our Local Resources section for recommendations.
Reserve the groom's and attendants' tuxedos at a local tuxedo shop.
Shop for favors, attendant gifts and items for welcome baskets. Find stores near you in our Local Resources section.
Order invitations.
Schedule the bridesmaids' luncheon.
Order wedding rings.
If preferred, sign up for dance lessons. Find instructors in your area in our Local Resources section.
Purchase any last accessories—stockings, lingerie, etc.
Make appointment for first dress fitting.
If preferred, hire a calligrapher and submit wording information so he/she can begin envelopes. Access calligraphers in your area in our Local Resources section.

By May 29, 2008
Finalize and confirm with your florist all flower arrangements, bouquets, and boutonnieres.
Finalize and confirm special song selections and play lists with ceremony and reception musicians.
Finalize and confirm requested shots and with your photographer.
Plan all ceremonial events with the clergy member, including any music, readings and vows.
Write your wedding vows and any speeches if you wish. Consult our Readings and Speeches section for inspiration.
Shop for honeymoon outfits.
Mail invitations, being sure to use proper postage.
Call your wedding coordinator, catering director, and reception facility manager with an estimated guest count.

By June 8, 2008
Print programs for the ceremony.
Mail rehearsal/rehearsal dinner invitations.
Pick up the wedding rings and double check the fit.
Try out hairstyle and make–up.
Log RSVP's as they come in for meal choices.
Send wedding announcement to local newspaper.
Contact the wedding coordinator about hotel room blocks, confirm reservations for appropriate guests.
Assemble visitor gift baskets to place in the hotel rooms of those traveling from out–of–town. Remember to include directions from the hotel to the ceremony and reception site.
Schedule final dress fitting. Make sure bridesmaids have done the same.
Get name change forms if you plan to change your name.

30 Days Before
Most room blocks will no longer be held after this date. Be sure that all visitors have confirmed their room reservations.
Begin preparing place cards and table cards.
Apply for marriage license. Different states have different policies. You will get a marriage license in the county in which you are married, regardless of where you and your fiance actually live.
Confirm schedule, arrival times and any other arrangements with all vendors. It may be helpful to fax directions, contact numbers and the day's itinerary to all vendors.
Confirm honeymoon reservations: including flights, hotel accommodations, and any rental cars.
Contact wedding coordinator, catering manager, and facility manager with initial meal choices.

10 Days Before
Make final facility rental payment.
Confirm tuxedo arrangements.
Begin packing for honeymoon.
Pick up your dress and break in your shoes.
Confirm rehearsal arrangements with bridal party.
Contact wedding coordinator, catering manager, and facility manager with final guest count estimate.
Schedule time to drop off favors, place cards, seating chart etc.

3 Days Before
Make a check–list of final things to remember.
Drop off favors, place cards, seating chart etc.
Contact wedding coordinator, catering manager, and facility manager with final guest count, entree choices, and clear any outstanding payments.

1 Day Before
Complete packing for honeymoon, prepare to check into your hotel.
Take some time to relax at some point during the day, and think about something besides the wedding.
Drink plenty of fluids—especially in the summer—and avoid sodium.
Attend the rehearsal ceremony and rehearsal dinner.
Get to bed early and get some rest.

Day of the Wedding
Eat a good breakfast with family and friends.
Enjoy any pre–wedding primping.
Put wedding announcements in the mail.
Relax and enjoy your day.

Holy Heck! That's a lot of work! Or as some of my students would say, that is a lot of jobs! Imagine doing all of that in less than a year? The engagement itself sounds pretty tiring as is...

Okay, well, here's how twisted I am. This is my dream wedding. Something that could and might happen 5 years from now. I'm just documenting this so li'l ol' me don't forget it.

The Possible Venues

This is from Fernwood Garden. It's a nice snapshot of their Courtyard Garden at night. Like I mentioned. It's either a garden or a beach. So in case it's a slightly chilly August, I'd like the wedding to be here.



If it was a beach, I want to try something private and wonderful. This seems like a really good place to start. It's a private haven named Tali Beach.



The Possible Floral Arrangements

This is really important, any wedding would be lost without this. I have always loved flowers. For some reason, I never really get any. Oh well. I guess you need to be practical nowadays. This is a combination of magnolias and gardenias. I wanted raindrop rosebushes too, but this is the best I can come up with. It grows throughout the whole year. I want this on my bouquet and other parts of the garden/beach as I get married.



This is also a really cool arrangement. It's magnolias and lilies and lisianthus. It seems pretty expensive though.



The Possible Wedding Cake

Well, I would like it to be chocolate all over, with Marzipan coated all over it. Tiered, so I can keep the first tier of the cake for our first year anniversary. That is the tradition, right? Quite honestly, I don't think this is "possible", I really want my wedding cake in the future to be like this.



The Possible Wedding Dress

Ah... the dress is after all, for the bride, and they say that is her day... so...



Ok, now I'm beat. Wedding is really hard work eh? Oh dear God, thank heavens I'm lazy as a rock.

Unmarried

Yesterday afternoon, I woke up to go to my second job. Yeah, didn't my Blogger profile tell you I was a hyphenate? I am tutoring a blind kid. We mainly talk. It's kind of useless to help him with his subjects unless I can read Braille. I basically prepare for his lessons brushing up on Meteorology, Computer (think of your former subject in High School) and a bit of Science (Yes, the all-powerful Physics for Dummies came to be super useful!).

Anyhow,the blind kid's name is Frank. He's 13 and getting giddy with all the crushes he has in school. It's kind of funny. The first time he told me he had a crush on someone, I, in full faux pas moment, uttered "Huh? How can you see what she looks like?!". He has supposedly fell in love with his 54-year old GMRC (Good Manners and Right Conduct) teacher, which for me spells trouble. Apparently, he falls in love with smells. His teacher must have some weird kick ass perfume to make him fall head over heels because he can't stop talking about her, much to my terror. He gave her a fruit basket the other day, and by God, the old lady's cashing in on her student's blatant admiration.

I just kind of realized that it was wrong. I told Frank. I didn't want to sound like a mother but I kind of scolded him. I was pretty straightforward, saying that it wasn't right. She is as old as your mother, and you are better off finding a girl your age. He just laughed and asked me how old I was, and how old my husband is. I said that I'm not married and I'm twice his age. If he thinks I'm old (Trust me, this kid thinks I'm ancient!), then all the more his teacher, who's like 3 years more than twice my age. I actually told him not to put too much attention to it and start concentrating on other things, like his studies. Then he started asking me questions, like what it's like to have a girlfriend and why are girls so hard to deal with. I started explaining different angles and told him that in time, he will have a relationship with the right girl and understand all these things. I tried redirecting the topic to our lesson, this time, we were talking about English Idioms and how to use them. He kept wanting to go back to the topic. I indulged the young boy and got the shock of my life when he told me "When I marry, all the girl needs to do is to take care of our children. I don't like children but I think I'll be forced to have them."

I gave him the vocabulary word "chauvinistic", and explained why he should never ever say that the only place for a girl is the house and to take care of children. He then mentioned "Is that why you're not married? You don't want to stay at home and have children?".

Quite honestly, I do see myself married, with children. In fact, it is a lifelong dream to have a family of my own. I want to have a husband I can cook for, and can make love to. I want a lover and a partner. I want someone to fight for, and someone who will fight for me.

It's kind of weird because I have to endure tons of reunions with supposedly well-meaning relatives and family friends that ask me why I'm still not married. And now, a 13-year old kid is asking me the same question. Yeesh, lay off me, will you all? I am bound to be married. Maybe it would take a whole lifetime until the time is right, but it will happen, somehow.

So yes, I still remain unmarried. I will be unmarried for a long time from now and it doesn't matter. I know that a piece of paper and a church blessing does not a good partnership make. I've seen marriages go down the drain just because the couple rushed things, and ended with some weird commitment after the feeling's gone. I want something nurtured, something that will stand the test of time and the test of individual differences. I want something that is deep and real, and I'm working on it. So quit asking and just support me.

Infinity

It has always been postulated that the answer to life's questions can be figured out using a mathematical equation. A highly complicated one, if you ask me. It goes beyond triangulation of quadratic equations and breaks even the Mobius Strip. I'm guessing it has all the weird snake signs (What I call the Calculus symbol for integration, the elongated S?) and the function goes beyond negative infinity (yes, people, it exists).

People somehow define infinity as a number, actually, it's a mathematical law that numbers never cease, and that anywhere in this universe, you're bound to deal with numbers. Mauk Escher (MC Escher) even made tons of money trying to depict the concept of infinity. And he uses the Mobius strip to somehow capture the idea that something is never broken, and that it all exists as one whole band that is 3 dimensional and unbreakable.

If life is somehow taken as one whole piece, does that mean that life continues on and on without you knowing it? If the Mobius strip is the model for time and space, then space and time is in fact, or exists in one plane and gets contorted by the planar factors that destroys or nurtures it.

Should this be the truth about time and space, then that means someone can contort it to make it go back in time and/or move forward to the future.

If time could be bent, so can space. Imagine the time it would take for you to reach Uranus from Earth if this was true. No more traveling via in light years, but in a matter of seconds.

If this was true... Anyone can live forever and jump from one time to another. Change the course of history. Alter the future. Manage the past.

Alas, the concept of Infinity is true. But the concept of time and space following it may not be.

We've heard it all before. We always say that life is a vicious cycle. We always refer to our lives as something we have experienced before. We keep holding on to the past. Looking for answers. Hoping to change it to alter the future. We always learn our mistakes at the very end and hope to fix it before it turns into one whole ugly mess.

I'm not perfect. I've done things I'm not very proud of... But I know how to move on. I know how to fix my life and the way I deal with it.

Answers can't be found in the past. It can be found in the person you've become because of the past. Life isn't cyclical anyhow. It's linear. You can't expect to be borne of the same mother after you die. Whether you believe in recycled souls or not, you choose the destiny you have and in this destiny, that's where you need to find the truth. Infinity exists only when you know that it's the same situation with the same person, with no changes and with no external factors. But life isn't a controlled environment, is it?

The future you have is the future you make.

The Triangle Theory of Love

I had a perfectly good discussion with one if my learners regarding "the perfect soulmate". I kind of gathered that something perfect doesn't really manifest itself as perfect, does it?



It kind of reminds me of a theory I once played with...



It was a theory I learned from Romi who was my former boss, three jobs ago. Wow, has it been that long?! She explained it to me briefly during one of our long and winded bitch brews.

According to The Triangle Theory of Love, love exists in different intensities, different forms and in different aspects depending on what component was satisfied.

The components were defined as the following:

1. Intimacy
2. Passion
3. Commitment

The intensities are as follows:

1. Nonlove is the absence of all three of Sternberg's components of love.

2. Liking in this case is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term commitment.

3. Infatuated love is often what is felt as "love at first sight". But without the intimacy and the commitment components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

4. Empty love: Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often begin as empty love and develop into one of the other forms with the passing of time.

5. Romantic love: Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal.

6. Companionate love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship, but a deep affection and commitment remain. Companionate love is generally a personal relation you build with somebody you share your life with, but with no sexual or physical desire. It is stronger than friendship because of the extra element of commitment. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between deep friends or those who spend a lot of time together in any asexual but friendly relationship.

7. Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.

8. Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing the ideal relationship toward which many people strive. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341). Consummate love may not be permanent. For example, if passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

-Wikipedia

Supposedly, for friends, it's mainly intimacy, for lovers, it's intimacy and passion and for someone to strike all aspects of this, it's consummate love.

There is so much to learn from this theory. Supposedly, when you develop all three aspects of a relationship, you can expect a touch of friendship, a tinge of lust and honest commitment.

Ironically, there's not much challenge to keep love alive. If you want every part of love to be real, you need to work on liking the person, commitment should always be kept alive, but is not the only thing that you focus on, as well as make sure that your desire for each other never fade away.

When you think about it, it almost seems impossible to have this kind of relationship. It doesn't box you in but should liberate you, nurture you and feed your soul. It should make you whole and never attempt to objectify you.

I want to strive for this love. I even remember, talking to the man of my dreams, that I would have switches. I would sometimes tell him, no this is Meg, your friend, not Meg, your girlfriend, if it would let up on the stress especially if he needs to say something. Of course it's not something that can easily be switched. It's not an automatic judgment off button that stops you from feeling hurt before it even begins because something was mentioned as a "friend" and not as a significant other. I just like the fact that we both really seem to like each other and have a strong affinity towards each other. Even at present, if I hadn't met him at all before, I really feel like I'd gravitate towards him and not towards anyone else.

Well, simplified triangle theory of love...a third of the love you feel for your best friend, a third of the lust that you feel for the most amazing celebrity you've ever crushed on and a third of the feeling that you want to end up with this person for the rest of your life... That's perfect love.

Power Couple

What the heck is a power couple?

A couple both of whom have high-powered careers or are politically influential
-The Free Dictionary

Ever wondered what it's like to be one half of a kick ass relationship wherein you influence decisions, materials and yes, even fads?



I have never been part of a power couple. Don't get me wrong, it's really hard to be a power couple when you're miles and miles apart. I just assume that if he stayed in the Philippines, he'd be the Training Manager of a good and reputable call center and I'd be, well, I'd accept the jobs previously offered to me. I was offered a job in Quality Assurance, but it's for an IT company that I would have accepted had it not the repercussions of being the most hated woman in the entire office.

We would have been a power couple. Well, this is me wishing and hoping that we would have been...at least in the call center industry.

That or I would have pursued my own business. I have always wanted to open a bar/restaurant. Around the Malate area...I have been scouting for a place for ages! When one finally opened up, it was then too late and too risky. Several bars had the same theme as mine already. I needed a loyal clientele if I was going to stay afloat in a sea of bars and restos. Also, I needed to play dirty (IE: bribery, letting dirty old men looking for would-be-victims hunt for their preys in my resto, serving alcohol not minding the age of the crowd and so on...). Not exactly the family resto I hasd hoped to have with appertifs for everyone should they need it. (Think Ally McBeal's nightcap hangout). He would probably want towork more on his chosen field, which is training.

Now it's me wishing for careers, for more of what we can have elsewhere. I truthfully don't believe that power comes with decisions. I think decisions come with power. Every choice you make is the most powerful weapon you can ever have. It filters your personality, drives your deepest desires and confines your demons. It makes you face the weirdest reality. It fosters your intellect. It nurtures your soul. Your decisions is your whole essence bottled up in one tiny word.

Yes. I am half of a power couple. I choose to love everyday, to cherish and to honor, in truth, in beauty, in madness and in hardship. I choose to love in every struggle. I may not influence multitudes, but I influence people like me. I fight and know that tomorrow is a better day and I'll figure this out with the man I love. I'm part of a power couple.

Haley and Nathan

I have been a loyal fan of this show since it started. I followed Nathan Scott and Haley James' story from the very beginning until they got married, until Haley's pregnancy. I followed every storyline and sang every song Haley ever sang...

[Nathan is outside Haley's house throwing rocks at a window, Haley walks up behind him]
Haley James: Trying to wake up my parents? That's their room...
Nathan Scott: [runs over to Haley] Wait, Haley, look I need to apologize, okay?
Haley James: You should buy 'em in bulk if your gonna hand apologies out that often.
Nathan Scott: Look will you just... I don't know how to do this all right...? I'm... I'm not like you
Haley James: What does that mean?
Nathan Scott: All right, I screw up a lot, all right... and being around you I just I don't wanna be that guy any more.
Haley James: Well, who do you wanna be, Nathan?
Nathan Scott: I wanna be somebody who's good enough to be seen with you.
Haley James: You should've thought of that last night... You know I keep... I keep putting myself out there and you keep blowing it and it's probably a good thing because at this point there is nothing that you can say or do that's gonna surprise me!
[Nathan cuts her off with a kiss]
Haley James: Except that... You shouldn't have done that Nathan...
Nathan Scott: But I wanted to...
Haley James: Yeah...
[jumps onto Nathan and starts kissing him]

-One Tree Hill

It took me two whole days to look for this whole script for the episode where Nathan admits his feelings for Haley. It took me one whole day to realize why I wanted to look for it.

When you fall so madly in love, sometimes, you want to be with the person you're with. All the time - everyday, every hour, every minute, every second - not missing a heartbeat, not missing a single breath...

Yet there are times that you evaluate yourself and sometimes, you kind of come short. You know you make that person happy now, but what about the future? What if you're only good for a temporary high? What if one day, the person you're with realizes that you're not the one?

People say that you are not affected by a television show unless you can relate to a certain character. I don't know who I relate to more, Haley or Nathan. I'm a little bit of both. Nathan because when he loves, he gives it his all. Haley, because she is the intellectual yet naive girl that fell in love. Both of them because they move from one emotion to another, sending each other mixed signals. Loving and losing. Scared and petrified. Moving with the flow. Falling deeply into each other's arms. Knowing that tomorrow is much better. Heightened emotions as they take each other's lives and complicate it by mushing it up as one.

So just as these two, I want to try... And to quote Mylene, the future is how you make it.

Tickle Me Pink!

The Love Personality Test

My Result: ESTJ

About 12% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.


Being an ESTJ, you can stand out from the crowd for all kinds of reasons. Among your unique qualities are strong determination and a sharp mind. Together, these traits often mean that an honest day's work isn't likely to strike fear into your heart. On the contrary, you're one who can truly appreciate commitment to a job well done. This steadfast nature usually carries over to your relationships as well; you're rarely one to run off because things have gotten tough. This is an admirable quality. Your philosophy of relationships appears much like your work ethic. You're the kind who believes that what you put into a relationship is typically what you get back. Because of this no-nonsense approach, you aren't the type to overwhelm others with your warm and fuzzy ways. However, when people want to hear truth, they should knock on your door.

Take this test >

Big Girls Don't Cry

It was a sick day for me. Missed work and even had to really sleep so I would feel much better today. I did everything I could to feel better and yet nothing was really gong to help. Mom made me warm soup which made me feel better for a few hours...enough until I can crawl back to bed with Mr. Chubbs near my pillow as I slept.

It has been so long since I got to taste mom's cooking. I have often wondered how I would be as a cook. She made me fried chicken nuggets and a fresh bowl of nido soup. Okay, okay, so they were like not homemade. And yet eating with her again made me feel like I was home, and not eating in a resto or a fastfood chain somewhere. It made me feel like I was eating something she cooked.

I have been too busy chasing a dream in the early years of my career. I wanted to have it all. I wanted to be a manager. I wanted a salary that I can boast of. I think I deliberately stayed out of my life so I can earn big bucks and to prove to my former bosses that I was "management worthy". Later on, I became known as a micromanaging bitch who couldn't smile if it would save her ass.

Now... I just want to be able to live a stress-free life and not be bothered by all the crazy things I ought to be doing. At the ripe old age of 26, I think I have seen most of it. All the egoistic, maniacal business practices of former companies I've worked for...how people can actually back stab you when all you want to do is earn a decent pay, when people control you into thinking that they can change a huge chunk of your integrity. At the end of the day, you only have yourself to answer to and you need to stick with a little bit of your integrity.

Career choices have been made. I turned down position after position after position since I got this job. It wasn't even about the money. Cos believe you me, it sometimes is more of the things I feel when I'm inside the four walls of the office that sometimes matters.

Now, just like Terri, can't wait to get back to work.

Tickle Me

Which Relationship Is Right for You?

My Result: Deep Connection

People seeking Deep Connection want a passionate relationship. Intimacy is really important for these types. As is the need for certain rules and an understanding of who wields the power in their relationship. But regardless of how this works, their deep need for this kind of closeness will ultimately drive their relationship.

Take this test >

Which Animated Show Are You?

My Result: The Simpsons

It's hard to improve when you're pretty much it, right? You're an original, a trend-setter, and, well, completely hilarious. Always a pioneer, you know what you're good at and go with it, no matter what the critics think. At times controversial, you know that you have to make waves to get a big splash. No wonder your way of doing things is always ahead of the crowd.


Just because something's popular, doesn't mean it's hot. From clothes to music to movies, you're way above following trends. Look up "timeless" in the dictionary and there's your face. Such a classic!

Take this test >

What Makes You Beautiful?

My Result: Natural Beauty

No fuss, no muss — you're a practical beauty who doesn't rely on frills and passing fads to show off your style. Down-to-earth and oh-so-cool, friends count on you for good advice and a strong shoulder to cry on.


You know what you want out of life and don't worry about impressing others with over-the-top outfits and the newest crazy styles. You've got a healthy dose of self-confidence that simply radiates beauty and grace. And nothing's more natural than that.

Take this test >

Which Emoticon Are You?

My Result: Smiling Face

What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.


Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

Take this test >

Dora, Paris and Eva Longoria's Sex Tape!

I was absolutely taken aback by this amazingly funny cartoon I saw. I like Dora's big brown eyes, and when Alec Baldwin calls her up.. you can only imagine the laughs..
Watch it, you might just laugh with me...



I am not a huge fan of Paris Hilton, but you got to love the Media babe. I mean, she might come across as dumb... but man, she cashes in on it like she's milking it. This parody was done after she had that interview with Larry King. Pretty cool.



Finally, the one that hit Hollywood like crazy! Eva Longoria's sex tape. It's scandalous, it's sexy and FUNNY! It's so similar to someone's sex tape.

Message in a Bottle

“It is at times like this that I know what my purpose is in life. I am here to love you, to hold you in my arms, to protect you. I am here to learn from you and receive your love in return. I am here because there is no other place to be."
-Message in a Bottle

Sometimes, you feel that you are born for a specific purpose in life.
Other times, you know you are.
There are some days that push you to remember the truth of what lies in your ideals. Your walls were destroyed for a reason beyond your comprehension. It lies inside of you.

Manila - Alabang - Eastwood in 5 Hours!

Yes, I did take the chance to be interviewed.
Yes, I am at fault.
Yes, I should have just stayed home and rested.
Yes, I just came from a very bad flu.

Oh but the offer was too good to pass up. I had to take a chance and see. As my dad puts it.. "At least, nakapamasyal ka".(At least you got to roam around).
The setting was in Alabang. It was so friggin' far, I left my house at 1:00 PM my time, to arrive to the destination at 3:45 PM! I was panting and tired and swollen (my feet were) when I got to the site.

The office was amazing! Sparkling glass doors. Pristine floors. I loved the restroom. They had an NYFD (New York Fries Department) inside the actual building! The Festival Mall was within a 15 minute drive's distance. Parking spaces available like there's no tomorrow. Amazing training rooms. Excellent mini-conference rooms. Friendly agents and even friendlier managers. I swear I died and landed in call center heaven.

But there was one weird bit.

It was one huge traffic jam after another to get there. Getting out of there was even worse. I can't find any cabs anywhere. I had to walk a whole kilometer to get to a post and watch jeepneys pass me by every minute and I don't even know where they're going. It said "Zapote". I don't even know where that is!

The problem is I'm a geographically challenged gal. I had no idea where I was at the time. I knoew my way home and to Eastwood but other than that... I had no friggin' idea where on earth I was.

I was freaking because my panel interview lasted for half an hour. I would have finished earlier had it not been for this weird dude who kept asking me about my management background.

All I said was "I came here for the training analyst post, not as a manager. I want to do corporate TNAs and develop materials again and to teach trainers to be good facilitators."

Oh well. When I was about to leave the mini-conference room, they asked me the question I dreaded the most. "Would you like to be a manager again?"

Quickest reply was "No."

I said "I came here for the training analyst post, right?"

And I left. Never to return again.

The Jeoff Widget

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http://www.myheritage.com/collage

Desperate Housewives and Philippine Med Schools

Online Videos by Veoh.com

I'm glad she's pregnant. I'm glad it's with Mike. Woot woot for Susan!

I've been a loyal fan of this show.

But they shouldn't be racists.

Nothing so cute and witty and even desperate about being Filipino and having a medical license from the Philippines!

Sign the petition to ask for an apology from ABC and the writers and producers of Desperate Housewives.

To: ABC
To the producers of "Desperate Housewives" and ABC:

We are writing to express concern and hurt about a racially-discriminatory comment made in an episode of Desperate Housewives on 9/30/07. In a scene in which Susan was told by her gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause, she replied, "Can I just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines."

As members and allies of the Filipino American community, we are writing to inform know that this type of derogatory remark was discriminatory and hurtful, and such a comment was not necessary to maintain any humor in the show. Additionally, a statement that devalues Filipinos in healthcare is extremely unfounded, considering the overwhelming presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the medical field. Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United States, with many entering the U.S. (and successfully passing their U.S. licensing boards!) as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world. So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino Americans in health care is extremely disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant. Many of the hospitals in major metropolitan areas of the U.S. (and the world) would not be able to operate without its Filipino and Filipino American staff members.

As Filipino Americans and allies, we band together to ensure that this type of hateful message should not be allowed to continue on our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell (against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers, the show's actors, and ABC itself.

We demand a public apology to the Filipino American community, and we demand the episode be edited to remove the ignorant and racist remark. We will not allow hateful messages against our community (or any other oppressed community) to continue.


Sincerely,

The Undersigned

I am signature 26521. Click this link to sign the petition.

Meet Joe Black

"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever.. and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you."
-Meet Joe Black

Have you ever felt so strongly for a person that it breaks you so without you knowing it? It breaks your walls. It tumbles every ounce of your protection, your defense, your self-preservation...

Sometimes, you wake up scared in the middle of the night. Letting your mind wander what the hell you're going to do when you lose this glue that holds your fiber together and presses your ideals more. You're scared because you've let your guard down. Yet you have never felt safer.

Love is a continuous and fluid paradox. It lets you down, and lifts you up. It destroys you and builds you. It crushes you then protects you. Then when it is about to engulf you, it frees you.

Love is the infinity that takes all but a second to be realized.

Love is what I feel... and all I want is to drown in this love.

Look Alikes

A Customer's Worst Nightmare

Yes... I have fallen prey to the snazzy advertising and the cheesy theme about connecting to loved-ones abroad. Aren't we all suckers for that whole crap about connecting to people you care for the most?! At one point or another, you only want to make your life easier, hence my need to have internet connection at home.

I have been a loyal consumer of this broadband company. In fact, I was one of the oldest customers of this brand. Ever since they started their campaign, I have been loyally paying my bills, lining-up to get decent customer service and yes, even commenting on their forums. I even have a friend who works for them!

Last week, I was aghast! No internet connection! Meaning, I won't have the chance to see and talk with Jeoff who's MILES away. Did I ever mention how much I was looking forward to talking with him?! Well, I was! I was looking forward to it very much! I mean, it's bad enough we're not together, let alone not seeing each other, but OMG, those people from the broadband company didn't make it easy.

On Saturday, I was tasked to troubleshoot the connection with this agent named "Jasper Atienza" over the phone. And I was very very patient. I know what it is like giving instructions over the phone since I used to work as an Internet Service Guide. Oh dear! Damned thing is I knew how to manipulate the situation too. I asked for an immediate house visit by their technician and I wanted it PRONTO! Since I was just a few blocks away and I have been with their company for a year, so and so... Poor "Jasper" had to say yes, because I bet his AHT (Average Handling Time) was increasing due to moi.

Fast forward a few hours after, I called again. Some lame ass agent answered the call and said that she is seeing a report. I called for a supervisor. Wanting a direct quote from a supervisor. After 15 minutes of being put on hold, some supervisor named "Mike Revilla". (Why I'm so lavishly adorning my blog with their names is because I'm SURE these aren't their real names!) He promised me a visit this Monday. So I assumed things were going well.

Lo and behold, Monday came and the people didn't visit me on the supposed time. I set an appointment from 9AM - 12NN. People know that this means BEFORE lunch and it means WITHIN the hours of 9 in the morning until 12 in the afternoon. I called up and some dude which I didn't bother getting the name of answered and got all panicky and crazy. I was really pissed...

It's one thing to let people know of an estimated resolution time. It's another when you don't get what you were promised or what you were told. The agent said that if I could wait one more hour.

It was 2PM. I was getting mighty pissed.

"If you don't get your tech people here within the day, I swear, I'm gonna tell all my friends and my family and everyone else I know never to sign up for your lame ass service again..." I hung up and sat down. I smoked a stick. Ugh! So infuriating!

The tech people came at around 7PM. Time when I got to work.

My dad was messaging me the whole time. They want this and that and I couldn't attend to these question because I was busy!


When I got home, I needed to reconfigure a whole set of internet connections that they didn't use and the reconfigure the one they used. (READ: How many LAN Cards can you have in one PC? Apparently we have three!) After 15 minutes, I was surfing omce more...

I feel kinda bad now that I yelled at the customer service dude last week. It wasn't his fault. But it does get really tiring and really disappointing when people tell you things and they don't deliver. Especially when they place blame on someone or something (THINK: It's raining really hard, We have a lot of customers scheduled, etc.). I'm not saying I always do a bang-up job when I'm the one promising something. It just means that I try. Sadly, those people I spoke with were not even trying. They were probably willing to agitate me so I'd hang the phone up and just redial and I'd fall into the crack of the almighty telephone router system.

So whoever reads this and you're working for a customer service company or you're a customer-please, be nicer.